My Popular-as-Hell Best Friend Is Annoying, So I Want to Get Him a Girlfriend and Shut Him Up - Chapter 23 & 24 & 25

Chapter 23: The Mystery Unraveled

Before I could grill Uryu, I laid into Girls A and B.

Why’d they say that? Did they even think about whether it was okay to say?

They said they were sorry, that they got carried away and couldn’t stop.

But then they added it was out of love, that they had things they couldn’t compromise on.

So I asked—what’s that love? What’s this thing you can’t give up?

Guess what they said, blushing?

“We can’t say it out loud.”

Say it!!

That’s the one thing I want to know!!

After stirring up all that chaos, why’re they acting shy!?

But my lecture was in vain—the morning homeroom bell rang.

Damn it, I’m all fired up with nowhere to go!

That was just a moment, though.

I quickly regained my cool and, after first period, turned to the transfer student from Handsome Planet sitting next to me.

“Hey, Ikeda Men-o-kun, you settling into Earth life?”

“You gotta brief me on that setup beforehand, man.”

If you can quip like that, roll with the improv, you superhuman pretending to be normal.

“This isn’t the time for dumb banter. About earlier.”

“You started it, though.”

“Shut up, virgin. Why’re we supposedly dating?”

“I could tell you what I know, but what’s in it for me, foreskin?”

What a low blow.

What if people thought I was uncircumcised because of his careless remark?

Is this inhumane behavior allowed? Oh, the sad flow of the times.

“By the way, I rhymed it with virgin. Pretty slick, right?”

I don’t need that info.

I’m not letting your self-satisfaction brand me as foreskin.

“Ugh, got sidetracked again. What was the topic?”

“The fact that we’re (supposedly) dating.”

“Your words alone prove it’s your own fault.”

“Huh? I just answered a question. Don’t pin it on me.”

“Alright, alright, I’ll kindly and thoroughly explain why it’s your fault.”

Then Uryu started with, “Remember last week?”

“Are you mocking me? I’ve got everything from ‘good morning’ to ‘good night’ locked down.”

“Oh? Then name the three side dishes from Wednesday’s lunch set.”

“Fresh salad, miso-glazed mackerel, and mashed potatoes.

Man, those potatoes with homemade mayo were a perfect match.”

“Kinpira gobo, nanohana ohitashi, and kabocha stew. You didn’t get a single one right.”

What a creep.

Why’s he memorizing what I ate?

Talk about a total misuse of memory.

“But even with your shoddy memory, you haven’t forgotten the date, right?”

“Forget? It was two days ago.”

“Not Kirita-san’s. Mine.”

“Oh, the Sen no Rikyu Symposium.”

“Is that all your brain’s got?

By the way, you better pay up for that matcha.”

Crap, I poked the bear.

I thought Uryu had forgotten.

I don’t have cash on me—maybe I can mooch off the tea ceremony club.

If Misono Izumo’s there, she’d probably give in with some grumbling.

I’ll try next time.

“The issue’s what you said when you invited me. Remember?”

“Of course. ‘You’re in love with Hitomi, right?’”

“I’m not in love with Hitomi. Who’s Hitomi?”

“How would I know? Who’s Hitomi?”

“Let’s shelve Hitomi for now.

You kept saying misleading stuff to me.”

With that, Uryu listed the words I’d said back then:

“‘This Saturday, go on a date with me.’”

“‘I said, go on a date with me. Don’t make me repeat myself.’”

“‘I’ll become a girl. Problem solved, right?’”

“‘I’ll explain the details on the day. For now, just shut up and treat me like a girl.’”

“…”

“Well? It’s obviously your fault, right?”

Yeah, uh, hearing it from someone else makes it hit different.

What was I even thinking last week?

But there’s one thing bugging me.

“Hey, Uryu. What’d you say to that last one?”

For a relationship to be assumed, both sides have to agree.

Last week’s me-like creature said some weird stuff, but if Uryu’s response was normal, it wouldn’t have escalated this far, right?

“I said I’d go along with it.”

“It’s your fault, you idiot!”

“You’re right, I’m kinda at fault here.”

What is this farce?

T/N: Ikeda Men-o-kun’ is a playful Japanese pun on his real name, Aoyagi Uryu. It’s meant to sound humorous to Japanese readers. It’s a bit lengthy to explain and its quite common in school life stories so I won’t delve too deep into it.

Chapter 24: Misunderstanding

After Uryu and I exchanged apologies, we started planning our next steps.

Getting to those apologies involved petty bickering like, “You apologize first,” “It’s 70:30 your fault, so you start,” “I’ll apologize fully if you admit it, but then cancel the matcha debt,” and “Fine, I’m 80:20 at fault, but you still owe me matcha.”

But that’s all in the past.

“For starters, I want to clear up Rando-dono’s misunderstanding.”

In her mind, I’m Uryu’s current lover, the scheming hand that’s seducing him.

As someone cheering for her love, I want to nix this rival label as soon as possible.

“Why? Just leave it. It’s funny.”

“Ufufu, Uryu-kun, your head’s really messed up, isn’t it?”

“Ohoho, compared to Yukiya-kun’s actions and thought process, it’s nothing.”

“You picking a fight, jerk?”

“Oh my, Yukiya-kun, how violent. Scary, scary.”

Is this guy secretly into that?

His high-class lady impression is weirdly convincing—probably because he’s good-looking.

“Joking aside, you could probably catch her at the cafeteria at lunch.”

“Rando-dono’s a cafeteria type?”

“Ran into her there once, so I think so.”

“Hey, don’t talk in ‘probablys’ and ‘I thinks.’

What if I end up waiting at the cafeteria for nothing?”

“Then do what you did with Kirita-san—charge into her classroom next weekend. That’s your specialty, right?”

“Don’t mess around. That’d just bother Rando-dono.”

“Why’re you so polite with Rando-san!?

And what’s with the ‘dono’?

Are you her vassal or something!?”

“I’m not her vassal!

I’m showing respect for her splendid conduct!”

“Getting honorifics from a senpai she’s known for less than a month?

That’s gotta be terrifying for a kouhai.”

“It’s an honor, obviously.

I don’t show respect to just anyone.”

“True, I’m shocked ‘respect’ is even in your dictionary.”

“You could stand to show me a bit more respect.”

This guy’s been naturally rude to me this whole time.

His parents need to teach him better, or Uryu-kun won’t make it in society.

Then again, he’s perfect on the outside.

Treat me like that too, damn it.

“Whatever. I’m heading to the cafeteria at lunch anyway, so I’ll call out if I see her.”

“Hey, then why’d you scold me earlier?”

“Speaking in ‘probablys’ and ‘I thinks’ is bad, period.”

“Fair enough.”

“But don’t you dare tag along. It’ll complicate things.”

“You going alone sounds like it’ll complicate things more.”

“Don’t mock me.

I’m ready to grovel to clear this up.”

“That’ll probably spark a different misunderstanding.”

Anyway, the plan’s set.

Lunch break, cafeteria, clear Rando-dono’s misunderstanding.

That settled, Uryu, you’ve got your own job.

“Uryu, at least clear up the dating rumor in our class.”

“Already took care of that last week.”

“Huh? Then why’d A and B show up?”

“Who’re A and B?”

“A and B are A and B.”

“Philosophy much?

I dunno, maybe some people have different tastes and didn’t want to accept my denial?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, uh, if I had to say, it’s, y’know, actions out of love.”

What’s this guy talking about?

Chapter 25: High-Spec Girl

In the end, Uryu didn’t spill anything about A and B’s bizarre behavior.

He seemed reluctant to talk about it.

If he’s that set on keeping quiet, I won’t pry, but I hope they avoid stunts like that in the future.

I don’t want girls chasing Uryu to think I’m their rival.

What kind of love triangle is that?

And so, it’s lunchtime, and I’m standing in front of the bustling cafeteria.

At our school, Yourei High School, you pick your meal at the ticket machine outside the cafeteria, then take the ticket to the counter to wait for your food.

With only two machines, there’s always a long line, and if you hesitate even slightly, you’re met with a storm of tongue-clicks.

It’s pretty harsh for a place with such a diverse menu, including two daily lunch specials.

Of course, if anyone makes me wait, I’ll chew them out full force.

Now, what to do?

With this crowd, Rando-dono might already be eating inside.

It’d be best to head in quickly, but there’s one concern.

Outside the cafeteria, apart from the ticket machines, there’s another packed area: the school store.

It’s got everything—popular katsu sandwiches, onigiri, desserts, drinks—like a convenience store.

This chaotic, bargain-sale vibe is a hallmark of Yourei High.

The problem is, while I’m searching the cafeteria, Rando-dono might finish shopping at the store.

If she buys lunch there, she can eat anywhere, and if she heads back to her classroom, I’m screwed.

But right now, even if she’s shopping, the checkout line’s long.

If I check the cafeteria and come back quick, it should be fine.

“Hey, Yukki! Yo, Yukki!”

“Ugh…”

Just as I was about to open the cafeteria door, a cheerful, ditzy voice called from behind.

Yukki-san, they’re calling you. Answer them quick—I’m not involved, so I’m heading in.

“Hey, hey! Why’re you walking away, Yukki!?”

But the moment I opened the door to step inside, my left hand was firmly grabbed.

Damn, one step too slow.

“Jeez, you’re always so cold.

But that’s just Yukki, I guess.”

“Got it, got it. Guess I’ll keep being cold then. See ya.”

“No way, ‘see ya’ is too soon!”

“Ow, ow! Don’t yank so hard, idiot!”

Shaking off her grip, the girl in front of me rubbed the back of her head, saying, “Sorry, sorry.”

Zero sincerity, but I bet the hormone-driven idiots would forgive her for just that gesture.

Kamishiro Haruka, a 2nd-year from Class C.

A chestnut-haired ponytail girl hailed as the grade’s top beauty.

Athletic, friendly, popular with both guys and girls—a high-spec girl.

Plus, her killer proportions probably keep the boys’ eyes glued.

That cardigan’s curves are downright lethal.

That’s exactly why I don’t want to deal with her.

One wrong move, and people might think I’m into her, which is a hassle.

I don’t need extra work beyond finding Uryu a girlfriend.

“Yukki, you getting lunch? Let’s eat together!”

“Nope. You’re too loud—I can’t focus on my food.”

“Whaaat? Meals are supposed to be loud and fun! So come on, Yukki!”

“So?”

“Yup! Three girls from my class are already there!”

Is she stupid?

Tossing me into that group—what kind of conversation does she expect?

It’s obvious I’m not needed.

This airhead talks on pure instinct, but there’s one thing I respect about her.

“Oh, by the way, where’s Ururun? Not with you?”

“Ururun… pfft…!”

Right, Kamishiro Haruka calls everyone by nicknames.

Mine’s Yukki—kinda reminds me of a theme park mouse, but it’s tolerable.

Ururun, though? Not so much.

The gap between the nickname and the person is so huge, I crack up every time.

The person in question has repeatedly asked her to stop, but as you can see, she doesn’t listen.

Thus, Ururun. The Ururun of the Aoyagi household.

Nope, no matter how many times I hear it, it sounds like a pet’s name.

What even is Ururun?

Alright, it’s decided.

Today, I’ll call him Ururun all day with utmost respect.

Can’t help it—I’m suddenly filled with respect.

Gotta call him Ururun.

“What’s up, Yukki? You’re grinning like crazy.”

“Thanks to you. Appreciate it, Ururun.”

“Uh, I’m Haruka, though?”

“Ururun’s fine. You’re Ururun, I’m Ururun.”

“Yukki, you okay? Got a fever or something?”

Nah, I just wanna say Ururun.