My Popular-as-Hell Best Friend Is Annoying, So I Want to Get Him a Girlfriend and Shut Him Up - Chapter 20 & 21 & 22

Chapter 20: The Savior

Having lost all desire to talk to Uryu, I stuffed my field guide into my bag and slumped onto my desk.

Ants, huh? They’re just insects.

Getting cocky just because you know a bit more?

That kind of knowledge is useless in modern society.

“Huh? Ant talk’s over?”

“Shut up. Go talk to the wall.”

“Jeez…”

When I brushed him off, Uryu’s face visibly darkened.

For the record, that wasn’t a discussion—it was just your one-man show.

“By the way, did you talk to Kirita-san yesterday?”

“What’s that out of nowhere?”

Having buried his ant obsession deep in his heart, Uryu suddenly brought that up.

“I mean, last week you were talking to her every day, right?”

“That was because of you.

If she’s not planning to confess to you, there’s no point in talking.”

“Man, you’re so detached.”

“What’s new? I’ve always been like this.”

The girls who came to me about Uryu, except for one, barely interacted with me afterward.

It’s only natural.

Girls who got rejected by Uryu have no reason to talk to me, and I have no reason to talk to girls who gave up on him.

“What about you, then?”

“Me?”

“Kirita Akari. You thought she was worth meeting, didn’t you?”

Uryu gets a lot of approaches, so it was a shock to me that he’d willingly want to meet someone.

That’s why I had high hopes for Kirita Akari, but her “no date” declaration on Sunday sent us back to square one.

Figuring it’d be faster to nudge Uryu, I brought it up, but he just crossed his arms and started humming.

“But, like, if she’s not into dating me, doesn’t that mean her feelings aren’t that strong?”

“What’s with that weak sauce?

You can’t make moves unless the other person’s head over heels?

You think a spineless guy like that can be popular with girls!?”

“I’m pretty sure I’m popular.”

“Damn it, go apologize to every male student in the country!”

Right, my bad.

Regrettably, this guy is insanely popular.

Blessed with love from God and showered with it from girls.

The world’s so unfair.

Honestly, I don’t care.

Just don’t drag me into it.

“Boyfriend-girlfriend stuff aside, I’d like to get closer to Kirita-san.”

“Don’t brush it off! That’s the most important part!”

“Well, given the situation, I can’t really push for that right now.”

There it is—another conversation I don’t get.

Uryu, who seems to understand why Kirita Akari backed off from the date, is for some reason hesitant to get too involved with her.

I don’t know what he’s holding back for, but if he wants to get closer, just go for it.

What’s the point of overthinking?

Wait, holding back… holding back?

“Are you seriously holding back for someone?”

Bingo.

Uryu’s eyes flickered just now.

That’s it, isn’t it?

Someone’s got feelings for Kirita Akari, and he knows about it, so he can’t get too close.

Heh, I’m finally catching up.

“Someone’s one thing, but Kirita-sa—”

“I get it.

Knowing someone else’s feelings makes it hard to move forward.

It inevitably leads to conflict.”

“Nope, you’re not listening.”

“But hear me out!

It’s unavoidable!

Love is war—you can’t win happiness without fighting!

If you hold back, you’ll be dead in no time!”

“Sounds cool, but coming from someone with zero experience in love or war, it’s not convincing.”

“Grr…!”

“Whoa, you grr’d.”

“I didn’t grr!”

This jerk—who does he think I’m saying this for?

If you want something, you take it, even if there’s a rival.

That’s a man’s way, isn’t it?

Also, what’s with “grr” as a verb?

Stop making up weird words.

I didn’t grr.

“Anyway, we got off track, but that’s the deal.”

“What’s the deal?”

“I want to be friends with Kirita-san.

No rush, though.”

“Friends don’t cut it, you moron…”

“Moron, huh?”

Ugh, is this guy actually dried up?

Saying he’s fine just being buddies—doesn’t sound like a guy at all.

Damn it, what now?

With Kirita Akari out, I need to scout a new girlfriend candidate.

The current candidate’s so clueless about becoming a girlfriend, I can’t rely on her.

Please, someone show up.

A savior who can win over this 60-year-old-minded guy staring wistfully out the window!

“Good morniiing! Is Aoyagi-senpai here?”

She’s hereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Chapter 21: The Stormy Underclassman

“There you are, Aoyagi-senpai!”

A girl with semi-long hair tied back at the nape of her neck entered through the classroom’s rear door.

Her petite frame and cute features gave her a small-animal-like charm, and upon spotting Uryu, she made a beeline for him.

How could I have forgotten about her?

I was so caught up with Kirita Akari that I overlooked our ace.

“Morning, Rando-san.”

“I told you, just Sora’s fine, senpai. You’re so formal.”

“It’s not like that, though.”

Rando Sora.

She got lost looking for a classroom and was helped by Uryu, and since then, she’s apparently developed a crush on him.

About once a week, she swings by before morning homeroom under the guise of a greeting to make her move.

What an admirable attitude.

“Here, Rando-dono, please use this. I warmed it up for you.”

I immediately stood and offered my chair to Rando-dono.

“Sorry, and thanks as always.”

“No, no, it’s the least I can do.”

Saying that, I stepped back to observe the two from a distance.

Uryu shot me a glare for a moment, but I ignored it.

The sin of one-upping me with ants is heavy—reflect on it.

“It feels like it’s been a while. I was out with a cold last week.”

“Oh, that’s why you weren’t at club. You feeling okay now?”

“Yup! Perfectly fine!

Since I couldn’t come last week, you’ve gotta hang out with me this week, okay?”

“G-Go easy on me.”

Yes, yes. What a splendid scene.

Even the cool-headed Uryu is flustered.

Just watching this soothes all my grudges against him.

The girls I’ve dealt with before avoided interacting in public spaces like the classroom.

Some didn’t want others to know they were after Uryu, others were just shy—various reasons.

But Rando-dono is completely open.

She doesn’t hide her feelings and approaches anywhere, anytime, heedless of others’ eyes.

That boldness is what I admire most.

It puts Uryu in a spot where he can’t say anything careless with people watching, naturally cornering him.

Heh heh, Uryu-kun, just give in already.

Become Rando-dono’s boyfriend and live happily.

Once that spreads through school and girls give up on you, I can live peacefully.

Perfect plan.

If there’s anything you need, Rando-dono, just say it—I’ll do whatever I can.

“Hirose-kun, Hirose-kun!”

As I stood with arms crossed, grinning at their exchange, I felt a tap on my shoulder.

Turning, I saw two girls from my class with urgent expressions.

I forgot their names. Or maybe I never knew them.

“What?”

“‘What’!? Is that okay? You’re just letting that happen!?”

Girl A’s right hand trembled slightly as she pointed at Uryu and Rando-dono.

Girl B nodded vigorously in agreement.

I don’t quite get what they mean.

There’s no rule against underclassmen entering upperclassmen’s classrooms, and they’re not being loud or disruptive.

Oh, are they talking about me lending my chair?

That’s no issue at all—I’d carry it for her until she’s dating Uryu if needed.

“It’s fine.

That scene is exactly my ideal world, my utopia.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but you’re that confident?

No obstacles left to tear those two apart?”

“That’s reassuring, but you can’t let your guard down.

Someone could swoop in while you’re slacking.”

“Right. Hirose-kun, no slacking.

You’ve gotta jump in between them now!”

“??”

We’re speaking the same Japanese, but our conversation isn’t meshing at all.

What are they talking about?

Jump between two people bonding? Are they idiots?

“No way.

If Hirose-kun jumps in himself, Aoyagi-kun will think he’s petty.

That’s not the outcome we want either.”

“True. In that case, the ones to take the fall are obviously—”

“—us, right?”

Saying that, they clasped hands, sharing some kind of bond, and gave me bright smiles with thumbs-up.

“Leave it to us, Hirose-kun. We’ll handle it.”

“Sorry, seriously, what are we talking about?”

“You don’t need to say it.

This is for our own satisfaction.

So absolutely don’t regret this!”

Leaving me with incomprehensible words, A and B headed toward Uryu and Rando-dono.

…Wait, hold on, what are they planning?

“Sorry to interrupt your fun chat, Rando-san, but could you hold off for a sec?”

Right off the bat, A said something ridiculous.

Uryu and Rando-dono looked taken aback, but she retorted with a scowl.

“Why? This has nothing to do with you, senpai.”

Exactly, exactly! It’s none of your business! Back off!

“Maybe you don’t know, but Aoyagi-kun has a lover.”

Whaaaaaaaaaat!?

For real!?

When did that guy get a girlfriend!?

And if he did, why didn’t he tell me!?

I’d have spread it through the school instantly!

“Is that true? First I’m hearing of it.”

“First I’m hearing of it too.”

The guy himself is hearing it for the first time.

What’s going on?

What are A-san and B-san trying to do?

Everyone involved is confused!

“It’s no surprise Aoyagi-kun kept it quiet.

It’s not something easily accepted.

But last week, we saw it—the moment they got together.”

“…Oh, I get it.”

While B kept talking eloquently, Uryu seemed to realize something.

And for some reason, he looked at me.

His eyes screamed, “Stop them now.”

I don’t know what’s happening, but it seems I need to act, or things will get bad.

I’d rather not wade into that mess, but I’ve got a seriously bad feeling.

I’ll chop A and B and shut this down.

But before I could speak, A pointed at me boldly and declared:

“None other than Hirose Yukiya-kun is Aoyagi-kun’s lover!!”

At that moment, time stopped for me, Uryu, and Rando-dono.

Chapter 22: Declaration of War

Excuse me? What did you just say?

Uryu’s lover is me? That’s not even funny—it’s a chilling joke. Look, I’ve got goosebumps.

I stared at Girls A and B in shock, and they gave me a smug thumbs-up, as if saying, “We nailed it, partner.”

Stop that—it makes it look like I ordered this!

“Haa…”

And Uryu, cut it out with the obvious sigh.

I get how you feel, but reacting like that now makes it seem like, “Oh, we got caught.”

Be calmer. Assess the situation.

“I see, so that’s how it is…”

Oh no, Rando-dono, who always flashes that lovely smile, is shooting me a piercing glare.

Please don’t buy it.

At least have a tiny bit of doubt about two guys dating.

“I thought it was strange.

Aoyagi-senpai, you’re so wonderful and cool, yet you’re not dating anyone now, and you didn’t have a relationship last year either.”

No, that’s not it.

It’s because this guy’s mentally an old man.

He only feels grandfatherly affection when talking to girls.

If Japan’s birth rate drops, it’s all his fault.

“But now the mystery’s solved.

It was you, Hirose-senpai, who seduced Aoyagi-senpai!”

No, no, no! I didn’t seduce him!

And if anything, the one getting seduced would be at fault here too!

Also, Uryu, why’re you smirking?

If you’ve got time to laugh, defend me!

This is a gross miscarriage of justice!

“Lending me your chair, stepping aside—you acted all nice, but deep down, you were laughing at me, weren’t you?”

Rando-dono poured out her feelings with a sad expression, not giving me a chance to argue.

That look stings my heart, but I’m completely innocent.

“I considered stepping back if it was someone Aoyagi-senpai chose, but it seems that won’t do.”

Saying that, Rando-dono stood, faced me, and pointed her index finger at me.

“I can’t entrust Aoyagi-senpai to someone with such a filthy heart!”

Wiping away all traces of sadness, Rando-dono fixed me with eyes full of resolve.

“This is a declaration of war.

I’ll absolutely defeat you, Hirose-senpai, and save Aoyagi-senpai from your clutches!”

Delivering her line like the hero of a story, Rando-dono bowed to Uryu with a “Pardon me” and stormed out of the classroom.

The classroom fell silent.

But only for a moment, as everyone returned to their studies or conversations.

Meanwhile, I clutched my head in despair.

Why, why does it always turn out like this?

I genuinely wanted to cheer for Rando-dono.

Okay, maybe “genuinely” is a stretch, but I really did want her to date Uryu.

So how did I end up branded a rival and declared war upon?

I’m gonna get taken down for no reason at this rate!

“Pfft…! ‘Filthy heart’… ‘clutches’…!”

And you! How long are you gonna laugh!?

Explain this, now!!