My Popular-as-Hell Best Friend Is Annoying, So I Want to Get Him a Girlfriend and Shut Him Up - Chapter 26 & 27 & 28

Chapter 26: The Reason

Entranced by Ururun’s magic, I somehow managed to return to the real world.

Calm down, me.

My mission right now is to explain myself to Rando-dono, not to get caught up in Ururun-ing.

With that decided, I don’t have time to deal with Kamishiro Haruka.

I need to get into the cafeteria, pronto.

“Yukki, you really not eating with us?”

“Quit nagging. I’ve got stuff to do.”

“Stuff?”

“I’m meeting Rando-dono to apologize for my past blunders. That’ll clear the path.”

“Rando? You mean Sora-chan?”

“Hey, why doesn’t Rando-dono get a nickname?

Don’t discriminate against underclassmen, that’s harsh.”

“No, no, I only know Sora-chan ‘cause she’s the boys’ basketball team manager.

We barely have any connection.”

“Don’t care.

Meet someone once, they’re a friend.

See ‘em daily, they’re family.”

“That’s some island tribe rule!

It doesn’t apply to the human world!”

What’s this “human world” nonsense?

If you walk on two legs and talk, you’re human enough.

Ugh, no, I can’t get sucked into this.

Talking to her will burn through lunch break.

Gotta find Rando-dono fast.

“For now, come up with a nickname for Rando-dono by next time.

I’ll decide if it’s good.”

“Next time!?

Why next time!?

Where you going now!?”

“Hey, don’t get so close!”

Kamishiro Haruka came at me with teary eyes, so I gave her head a full-force chop.

“Ow!

That one was kinda serious, wasn’t it!?”

“Your fault for ignoring my warning.

I keep telling you, don’t get all up in guys’ faces.

That’s the kinda stuff that makes them get the wrong idea.”

Reason number one for Kamishiro Haruka’s popularity is obviously her looks, but number two is her complete lack of personal boundaries.

If she sees a funny video on her phone, she’ll lean in to show you.

If it suits her, she’ll throw in a casual touch without a second thought.

If she’s doing it on purpose, there’d be some saving grace, but it’s all unconscious, so there’s no reining her in.

The fact that she hasn’t changed despite my lectures is proof.

“That was your fault, Yukki!

You started pulling a ‘next episode preview’ outta nowhere!”

“I told you I’ve got stuff to do.

Don’t make me repeat myself.”

“Sora-chan, right?

Oh, I saw her earlier, by the way.”

“Why didn’t you say that sooner!?

Where? Where’d you see her?”

“Whoa, Yukki, you’re close!

You’re in no position to call me out!”

“My getting close doesn’t cause problems.

So, where’d you see her?”

“You sure know how to cherry-pick, Yukki.”

Letting out a big sigh, Kamishiro Haruka started, “Well, uh…” but then went silent, like she’d thought of something.

She looked at me with a cheeky grin.

“…Not telling.”

“What?

Why you gotta be so mean?

We help each other out, don’t we?”

“Right, help each other.

So I want you to do me a favor, Yukki.”

“Nope, just do my favor.”

“But it’s mutual!”

“Mutual, sure, but Yukiya-sama reigns supreme.”

“Ugh, I don’t get it.”

“It’s designed so airheads like you don’t get it.

Can’t be helped.”

“Grr, then I’m not telling you where Sora-chan is!”

“Doesn’t matter.”

At that, Kamishiro Haruka visibly panicked.

She’s entertaining to watch, but her influence on everyone around is just too much.

“Why?

You were dying to know earlier!”

“It’s not worth trading favors for.

I know she’ll show up here.”

“Why!?”

“‘Cause you saw Rando-dono before heading into the cafeteria, right?

So if I wait, she’ll come.”

“Oh!”

“Exactly.

Go back to your friends—they’re looking worried.”

In the slightly less crowded space outside the cafeteria, three girls had been watching us the whole time.

Can’t keep them waiting any longer.

“Mmph! Mmph! Mmm!”

Unable to come up with a retort, Kamishiro Haruka started grumbling repeatedly.

“Yukki, you jerk!

I just wanted you to listen to me vent a little!”

“You’ve got tons of friends who’d listen if you asked.”

“But I want you!

You always point out all my flaws!”

“‘Cause you’re basically a walking disaster.

Gotta call it out, or it’s unfair to everyone else.”

“That’s what I like about you!

It’s not fair that Miha-chan gets all your attention!”

“That’s just ‘cause she’s tied to Ururun.

She’s as much of a mess as you.”

“Oh, right, you only step in for Ururun stuff…”

“If you want my help, start by liking Ururun.

You went and got a boyfriend behind my back.”

“I couldn’t help it!

I couldn’t say no to a senpai!”

“That’s what makes you a disaster.

Got it? Now scram. Shoo, shoo.”

“Grr!

I’m backing off for today, but you’re definitely hearing me out next time!”

Sticking out her tongue, Kamishiro Haruka joined her waiting friends and headed into the cafeteria.

I kinda wanted to tug that swaying ponytail, but I’ll save it for next time.

Seriously, though, venting?

I’m the one with a mountain of stuff to complain about.

She was my top pick for Ururun’s girlfriend, and she went and got a boyfriend on her own.

Chapter 27: Nickname

Back in her first year, Kamishiro Haruka was in the same class as Ururun.

Both being in the basketball club, they hit it off pretty early, from what I recall.

I started getting tangled up with Ururun around the start of the second semester, but I’d seen the two of them chatting often, and I figured it was only a matter of time before they got together.

Then, in January this year, boom—problem exploded.

Kamishiro Haruka started dating the former third-year basketball club captain.

From that point on, Ururun got a fair share of confessions, but the number of people openly making moves on him shot up.

Get it, Kamishiro Haruka?

Because of you, I’ve been put through massive trouble.

Before I listen to your whining, I deserve to vent first.

As I was mulling over those old memories, my target finally appeared in the space outside the cafeteria.

Rando-dono.

“…”

The moment our eyes met, she gave me an unmistakably disgusted look.

I’d braced for it, but being this openly scorned stings.

“Sora-chan, what’s wrong?”

A short-haired girl next to her glanced between me and Rando-dono.

Probably Rando-dono’s friend.

She seems a bit wary of me.

She looks vaguely familiar, but I can’t place her.

Maybe it’s just me.

“Stay back, Ai-chan.

This guy’s the enemy.

Of humanity.”

“Of humanity!?”

Okay, this went from “a bit” to “way too” big.

When did I become the enemy of humanity?

Maybe she’s lamenting the birth rate drop from same-sex relationships.

If that’s the case, yeah, I guess I’m humanity’s enemy.

“What’s this, Hirose-senpai?

Here to return my declaration of war?”

“No, no, Rando-dono.

I’ve come to make peace.”

“Peace…”

“Exactly.

That incident in the classroom earlier—there’s been a huge misunderstanding.”

“Misunderstanding?

You’re dating Aoyagi-senpai, right?”

“What!?”

It must’ve been a shocking revelation, because Ai-chan’s face turned red in an instant.

Please, don’t spread that so easily.

Putting out that fire would be a nightmare.

“That’s the misunderstanding.

Ururun and I aren’t dating.”

“Ururun?

What’s that?”

Kamishiro Haruka, she didn’t ask who—she asked what.

Your nickname’s not even getting human treatment.

You good with that?

“Oh, Ururun’s just Uryu.”

“Aoyagi-senpai…”

Rando-dono put a finger to her lips, lost in thought.

I get it.

It’s confusing, right?

Makes you wanna laugh, doesn’t it?

If you point out the issue, I’ll make sure to chew out the nickname’s creator, so leave it to me!

“Huh.

Calling him such a quirky nickname.

Is this your way of flaunting how close you are to him?”

Oh noooo!?

She’s even more pissed now!?

Chapter 28: Beggar

“I see, so it’s a nickname from Kamishiro-senpai.”

After some desperate explaining, I somehow managed to smooth things over.

Damn it, I never thought Ururun would cause me this much grief.

You’re benched for a while—another round of this and I’m done for.

Also, I’m kinda pissed, so Kamishiro Haruka’s getting a lecture.

“Well, I’m not doubting that, but the fact that you’re the enemy hasn’t changed, Hirose-senpai.”

Good, I’ve finally steered the conversation back to square one.

Now it’s just about clearing up what I couldn’t earlier—the path’s crystal clear.

“I want to firmly deny that, but standing around’s awkward.

Wanna head into the cafeteria?”

If we keep this up, Rando-dono and Ai-chan-dono won’t get to eat lunch.

The plan is to naturally invite them to eat and bond—call it “Operation: Everyone’s Pals Over Food.”

“Sure, I don’t mind.”

“Um, totally unrelated, but can I ask something?”

While Rando-dono agreed easily, Ai-chan-dono raised her hand timidly.

What’s up?

As long as it’s not digging into the Uryu thing, I’m fine with anything.

“Why does Hirose-senpai use honorifics?”

Ai-chan-dono’s question was so trivial it blew past my expectations.

“Ai-chan, that’s rude.

Some people just talk formally all the time.”

“But Hirose-senpai doesn’t seem like that kind of person.”

That phrasing—Ai-chan-dono knows me.

So it wasn’t just my imagination, but I really can’t recall where we met.

“Where did we meet before, Ai-chan-dono?”

“Ai-chan-dono!?

That’s super awkward!

Just Ai or Ai-chan, anything but dono!

And drop the honorifics!”

“Whoa, Ai-chan, you’re throwing out too much at once.”

“But it’s weird!

We’re the kouhai here.”

What, is “dono” unpopular?

She’s Rando-dono’s friend, so I thought showing respect was a given.

“Okay, Ai-chan, about my question.”

“Oh, right, where we met.

At the tea ceremony room.

I saw you talking with Akari-senpai and Izumo-senpai.”

“Oh!”

That must’ve been when I was lecturing Kirita Akari.

Misono Izumo was griping about underclassmen not coming in—Ai-chan was one of them.

No wonder she looked familiar.

“Got it, got it.

That makes things easy.

I was planning to swing by the tea ceremony room again, so good to know.”

Of course, I’m keeping the matcha thing under wraps.

If they knew I owe Uryu a week of matcha, I’d be banned for sure.

“Wait, but isn’t Hirose-senpai already banned?”

“Already!?”

“Yeah, after you left, Izumo-senpai said so.”

That woman—chasing me out of the tea ceremony room wasn’t enough, she’s spreading the ban to underclassmen?

Unforgivable.

I’m definitely drinking matcha there, even if I have to use Uryu as a shield.

“Oh, but Akari-senpai said that was too harsh, so you might not be banned.”

Oh, Kirita Akari, you’re a real one.

“Too harsh” stings a bit, but opposing the ban?

Nice.

If I make it to the tea ceremony room, I’ll brew her some matcha as thanks.

“Sorry, we got off track!”

Ai-chan bowed hastily.

True, the conversation veered, and while tea ceremony club talk is fine, Rando-dono’s issue comes first.

I bought meal tickets for the two of them, handed them over, and went to secure seats.

This timing’s perfect—early arrivals should be finishing, so we can slide in.

“Thanks for grabbing a spot.”

“Go get your food, senpai.”

As the two returned with their trays, I headed to the counter.

I grabbed my food quick and rejoined them.

“Was it okay to treat us?”

“Don’t worry about it.

I’ve got money.”

“Well, you don’t exactly look like it…”

Rando-dono glanced at my tray, exchanging an awkward look with Ai-chan.

“Hirose-senpai, that’s it?”

“…”

Ai-chan stared at the plain rice on my tray.

Crap, I can’t admit I only had 120 yen left because I wanted to look cool.

“I’m on a diet.”

“With carbs?

And doesn’t senpai not need a diet?”

“Boxers fight meal restrictions.

You can’t step in the ring without overcoming that.”

“But you’re not a boxer, right?”

“Nope, I’m not.”

“…”

“…”

Despite the noisy cafeteria, silence settled around us.

What do I do with this vibe?

Maybe grab some furikake?

Then Rando-dono and Ai-chan chuckled.

They put a bit of their side dishes on a small plate and placed it on my tray.

“Whoa, you sure?”

“Sure?

It’s your money.

Plus, it’d feel too awkward watching you eat just rice.”

“Thank you…!”

Man, what great kouhai.

I’d have eaten it gleefully without a care, but still.

Respect isn’t about senpai-kouhai—it’s about heart.

This moment proves it.

Alright, with this, I can get through lunch.

Lesson learned: don’t overdo the bravado.

“…Hey, that guy’s mooching sides off underclassmen girls.”

“Poor kouhai…”

“For real, just rice?

Is that a gag?”

Crap, they totally think I’m a beggar.

Well, yeah, I get it.