Surviving in a World Teeming with Monsters with the Useless Skill 【Everyday Items Master】! I Was Just Hunting Wild Animals with a Crowbar, So Why Is Everyone Screaming It's an S-Rank Monster? - 68

Chapter 68: Fashionable Goblin

ーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー

Since it was a good opportunity, Angel decided to stream on her main channel while we headed off to a random department store to buy clothes. It was too far to walk, so we took bikes. We rode side by side on two ‘mamachari’ bicycles I had prepared in advance to match our numbers.

“Kyaa! So fast, Onii-sama!”

Luna was riding on the back of my bike. It seemed this was surprisingly her first time on a bicycle, and she was having a lot of fun. Next to us, Botan was pedaling the other bike, with Angel riding behind her.

“…Hey, Botan. Just a thought, but how about we rotate who rides behind Taku? If we keep this up, it’s always gonna be Taku and Luna as a pair.”

“…Yeah, good point. Okay, let’s rotate.”

They were whispering something to each other. Probably a secret conversation. I chose not to listen. After pedaling for about an hour, we arrived at a department store on the outskirts of the city center.

“We’re heeere! Ugh, I’m beat. It’s way too hot this time of year.”

I fanned my chest with my hand to get some air into my clothes. Man, I felt like I was gonna melt.

: That bike ride livestream through the quarantine zone was insane.

: Those monsters were like trucks coming at you head-on.

: How do these guys act like it’s nothing?

: That’s master-level skill and tier 1 passive skill, bro.

The drone was reading out comments from the stream. Angel shook her head and said.

“There’s no way I could live in this area without those two. Way too scary.”

I looked up at the department store. Botan stood next to me.

“What do you think, Botan?”

“Looks like a normal department store.”

“Yeah. There might be a few inside, but it shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Mm.”

Since Botan and I were on the same page, it was probably safe.

: These two really do stuff straight out of a manga.

: How do they tell the threat level just by looking at a building?

: Judging by past streams, they’re usually right.

: At least look at the enemy first before deciding.

: You can’t judge a building by appearance alone!

Ignoring the stream drone’s chatter, I called out to everyone.

“Alright, let’s go in. Try not to make too much noise.”

“Yes! …By the way, Onii-sama, what happens if we do make noise?”

“Monsters get attracted, and it becomes a pain.”

“Wah! I-I’ll be quiet!”

Luna hurriedly covered her mouth with both hands. Every little gesture she made was way too cute. It was downright cheating at this point. We entered the department store. The glass doors at the entrance were shattered, so we moved slowly and carefully, weaving through the shards to avoid making noise.

Places like this usually had the lower floors completely ransacked. But the higher up—or deeper underground—you went, the less damage you’d see. Humans might have done some of the looting, but monster damage was probably the bigger factor. And sure enough, the lower floors were crawling with monsters.

“GRRRRAAAAHHHH! GYEE!”

A two-headed lion let out a roar. I took advantage of the moment, rushed in, and landed a precise blow with my crowbar【Hook Set】 and then I finished it with my knife. 【Deadly Kitchen Knife】The two-headed lion dropped dead.

: Beautiful…

: Wait. We just witnessed an AA-rank monster killed in a flash.

: Oh, first time watching Crowbar Bro’s stream? Relax, man.

“This way to the stairs. The clothing store is… It’s on the fifth floor, huh. Ugh, what a drag.”

: He’s not even phased.

: You’re telling me climbing five floors is more of a pain than fighting an AA monster?

: Don’t forget that for normal adventurers, an AA-rank monster basically means death.

I checked the location on an old directory sign and started dragging myself up the stairs. By the third floor, I was already out of breath. I really hated going out. But at last, we reached the clothing store.

“Waaah~! ♡ This store is totally untouched! It’s a miracle~! ♡♡♡”

Angel ran off, completely ecstatic. 

I didn’t sense anything ahead, so I called out to her while wheezing after her.

“Watch your step or you’ll trip!” 

“Taku.”

“Yeah. There’s something on this floor. Stay alert.”

Botan and I exchanged a brief signal, and I nodded. Then I followed Angel and started browsing the clothes, but something felt off. I could feel it—there were definitely presences on this floor. And quite a few of them, too.

Normally, when there are this many presences, the place would be trashed. But here… Rather than being ransacked, it almost felt maintained somehow. Why? That was when Angel called out.

“Luna, come here! You too, Botan! Taku, um… Do you want new clothes?”

“Not really?”

“Then stay over there. You should save the fun part for later, right?”

Angel grinned. I had no idea what the “fun part” was supposed to be, but she was clearly planning some kind of surprise. I did as I was told and stepped away. Then, taking the opportunity, I headed alone toward the source of the presences.

They were concentrated in the men’s clothing area. The moment I stepped inside, all the presences moved at once. Shadows leapt out with incredible speed. I immediately drew my weapon—but then froze in confusion.

“The hell do you want, loser? What’s a tacky brat like you doing in my sanctuary?”

“Gyah! Gyagyagya!”

“Gii! Gyagya!”

“Yeah, that’s right! My wives are all saying it too, see? Losers like you don’t belong in our sanctuary!”

They were talking to me. I blinked several times, thinking I must be dreaming. I pinched my cheek with my free hand. Ouch. It hurt. That meant… This wasn’t a dream.

I observed them carefully.

“Huh…?”

They were goblins. Almost all of them were wearing heavy makeup and dressed in old-fashioned outfits. Maybe “old-fashioned” wasn’t quite right. More like—goblins in women’s fashion from the Taisho or Meiji era.

And one goblin stood out from the rest, standing proudly at the front. This goblin wore a tailcoat, puffed on a pipe, and spoke with a cane in one hand.

“You realize you don’t belong here, right? If you get it, then scram. You don’t want to get hurt, right? Hm?”

To that goblin gentleman, I…

“Someone! Anyone! I need an expert here, right now!!”

I screamed. After all, this was my first time meeting a goblin that I could actually have a conversation with. 

ーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー