Surviving in a World Teeming with Monsters with the Useless Skill 【Everyday Items Master】! I Was Just Hunting Wild Animals with a Crowbar, So Why Is Everyone Screaming It's an S-Rank Monster? - 66

Chapter 66: Luna and Alice in Wonderland

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Ever since bringing the picture book home, Luna had been completely obsessed with it.

“Luna~ come help set the table~”

I called out to Luna after finishing cooking, knowing she usually liked to help. But she didn’t come. Wondering what was up, I looked over and saw her totally engrossed in my smartphone, not even hearing me.

“Hey, Luna?”

When I walked over and peeked at the screen, an old animated movie was playing on a video site. Startled, Luna turned to me and said.

“Wah, Onii-sama! When did you get there?!”

“You really like Alice in Wonderland, huh? You’ve reread the picture book so many times, and how many times have you watched this video now?”

“Because, because! It’s super interesting, okay!? Alice is super interesting!”

“You’re even calling it Alice, but I don’t think I’ve heard you call any other story by name like that.”

It had been a week since Luna came to live with us. There was still no sign of any retrieval personnel. I was starting to wonder if the whole request had ever existed in the first place. Because of that, Luna had basically become one of our household members.

Botan and Angel had both taken a liking to her, and even I had started to think, Maybe this is what it’d feel like to have a daughter.

…That is not good. When the time comes to hand her over, I might not be able to stop myself from crying. I might end up bawling from the loneliness.

At any rate, Luna had become like family to us. It had only been a week—but what a week it was.

“Come on, pause Alice for now and help with the table.”

“Okaay!”

When I asked again, Luna obediently got up and started helping me. Such a good kid… In contrast, I looked over at the other two.

“Botan~ Are we still doing this~? My hands are getting tired~”

“Just five more minutes. Put more strength into it.”

“What are you two doing?”

On the bed, Angel was endlessly massaging Botan’s chest. It was, uh, not great for the eyes in many ways. In response to my question, Botan answered.

“Boobs enhancement massage.”

“…I’m saying this knowing it sounds like harassment, but Botan, your chest isn’t exactly small, you know?”

“But I’m way smaller than Angel…”

“That’s only because Angel’s ridiculously huge.”

“That’s harassment!”

Angel blushed and threw a stuffed animal at me. I let it hit me in the face without complaint. A moment later, the stuffed animal dropped from my face. Scowling a little, I said to the two of them.

“…Anyway, dinner’s ready, so everyone go get ready for dinner.”

“Okay, got it. Angel, let’s continue the massage after we eat.”

“We’re still going?! Haven’t we done enough already~?”

Luna cheerfully continued setting the table, so the rest of us pitched in to help. Then, the four of us sat around the table and put our hands together.

“Itadakimasu.”

“””Itadakimasu.”””

With four people, it was noisier than before. That thought crossed my mind as we reached for our chopsticks. Luna had learned to use chopsticks properly now. She really was a fast learner—good at everything she tried.

“Oh, Onii-sama! Let’s play that game again later! I won’t lose this time!”

“Sure, bring it on. I’ll crush you again.”

Not that I ever lost, but she was seriously good. I thought maybe Luna was the only one in my life who’d ever challenged me so directly.

“You two wanna play too?”

When I asked, Botan looked motivated, while Angel looked ready to decline.

“I think I’ll give it a try too. I want to get good enough to beat Luna.”

“I’m out. Don’t lump me in with you three monsters.”

Botan had sharp reflexes. If she got used to the game, she might be able to beat Luna. Angel, though, had no chance at all. While we ate, everyone kept saying how tasty the food was, which secretly made me really happy. Then I noticed Luna sneakily looking down at my phone in her lap, and I scolded her.

“Luna? No phones at the table.”

“Eeh~! But I want to watch Alice! It’s just getting to the best part!”

“You’ve seen it how many times now? There’s still a ‘best part’?”

No matter how much you like it, don’t people usually just zone out if you’ve seen it enough times?

When I glanced over at the screen, the tea party scene was playing. A bizarre song was playing in the background.

“This is my favorite part! They’re celebrating an ‘unbirthday’—the Mad Hatter, the March Hare, and the sleepy Dormouse are all toasting!”

“…An unbirthday?”

Botan tilted her head at Luna’s explanation.

Luna’s eyes sparkled as she responded.

“Yes! Do you know about it? An ‘unbirthday’!”

“Nope… I’ve never seen Alice in Wonderland. What’s it mean?”

“I understand! Then I’ll explain it to you, Botan-oneesama!”

Puffing out her flat chest with pride, Luna began her lecture.

“A birthday only comes once a year, right?”

“Right.”

“There are 365 days in a year! That means you can only celebrate your birthday once a year!”

Luna stood up with a loud scrape of her chair.

“But! If you celebrate unbirthdays, you can have a party for 364 days instead! That means you can party almost every day! Isn’t that amazing!?”

“Luna, sit down.”

“Yes.”

When I told excited Luna to sit, she immediately did so with perfect posture.

“Pffft. Hehehehe…!”

Angel suddenly burst out laughing over something.

“Hm…?”

Botan looked utterly lost.

“…Taku, did you get any of that?”

“If you can understand nonsense literature, that means you’re already mad.”

“Ah, I see. That actually made me feel better.”

Yeah, something like that.

Alice in Wonderland was some sort of nonsense literature. There was no real meaning to it, no real understanding to be had. …Though I guess it wasn’t like the story totally devoid of logic, which made it weirdly both understandable and not at the same time. That was what defined nonsense literature and what made it so fascinating. I learned that in college. I was a humanities major.

And at the same time, that was also what made this work kind of scary. Nobody really understood it and about half of it was just surreal gags.

“Geeez~! Why don’t you understand?! Let’s all celebrate our unbirthdays together!”

Still caught up in her excitement, Luna was pouting that nobody empathized with her. I gave a wry smile and patted her head.

“Yeah, I guess it’s nice to celebrate the day even if there’s no special reason for it.”

“No, you’re wrong! We’re celebrating an unbirthday! That’s different!”

“This concept is too hard to understand!”

I was about to join the banter, saying ‘I don’t get it either~’ but it seemed I had missed my opportunity. Luna suddenly shouted and opened the picture book to us. 

“Look at this! These three are celebrating the unbirthday!”

Luna pointed to a character wearing a hat.

“This is the Mad Hatter! He’s a crazy hatter! His defining trait is being as mad as a hatter!”

“He’s crazy, huh…”

What does it even mean to be crazy like a hatter?

Next, Luna pointed at the rabbit.

“This is the March Hare! His defining trait is being as mad as a March hare!”

“March hares are crazy? I’ve never heard that.”

“I’m not totally sure either, but maybe it’s because their mating season makes them restless or something?”

“Rabbits are in mating season all year, though.”

“Then maybe it’s not because of that…”

Botan and Angel conferred, but it didn’t lead to a clear answer.

“Lastly, the sleepy Dormouse! His defining trait is being sleepy all the time!”

I noticed something and commented.

“Oh, so he’s not crazy.”

“No, I think he’s probably crazy too.”

“Guh…!”

For some reason, I felt like I had lost a match. Luna then continued. 

Luna said,

“We don’t have the three of them, but we’ve got the Cheshire Cat, the White Rabbit, and the Caterpillar! That’s enough to throw an ‘Unbirthday’ party!”

“What do you mean by that?”

I questioned Luna, who was causing quite a ruckus. Luna pointed at each of us in turn and explained.

“First, Onii-sama is the Cheshire Cat! You’re all aloof, inexplicably strong, and your smile is totally Cheshire Cat-like!”

“I’m not especially strong outside of games though… My smile is like the Cheshire Cat’s?”

I looked at the other two. They tilted their heads, just as unsure. I tried baring my teeth and grinning like the Cheshire Cat. The two of them burst into laughter.

“I really do resemble the Cheshire Cat, huh…”

“Next is Botan-oneesama! Since you’re always pushing Onii-sama to run with you, you’re the White Rabbit, always chased by time!”

“That’s our morning jog. I guess I am always running after Taku.”

Botan nodded. Suddenly, I remembered that time with Inaba, and the words slipped out of my mouth.

“…White bunny outfit…”

“-!? T-Taku!?”

“Ah, sorry. That was weird of me to say.”

I hastily tried to explain myself. But Angel spoke up, her expression dead serious.

“…Just try to imagine Botan in a white bunny outfit, I bet she’d be insanely cute.”

“Angel, not you too!?”

“Taku, Luna. Next time we’re getting clothes, make sure to check for a bunny outfit.”

“Understood!”

“G-Geez! You guys!”

Luna agreed enthusiastically when Angel insisted on searching for a bunny outfit. Botan protested in embarrassment. I kept my mouth shut. Finally, Luna said.

“And Angel is the Caterpillar.”

“Why am I the only one getting dissed so nonchalantly like that?”

Angel glared at Luna, clearly on the verge of snapping. Luna scrambled to defend herself.

“T-The Caterpillar is a wise sage in Alice! I’m not making fun of you!”

“…Really?”

A sage, huh?

I thought about Angel. True, she was pretty smart. When Luna put it like that, I guess I could see her point.

“And the Caterpillar says, ‘How improper it is to get angry!’ even while angry.”

“That’s a giant boomerang right back at me!”

“Eek! E-Angel! It’s not good to get angry!”

“You’re the one who made me mad, Luna!”

“You two…”

Angel and Luna were tangled up in a scuffle. I considered stepping in with a “Hey, I’m trying to eat here,” but decided against it. Having a noisy meal together like this wasn’t so bad once in a while. No need to spoil it.

I shrugged my shoulders and quietly muttered.

“Since today is an ‘Unbirthday,’ I’ll let it slide.”

I munched on my food as I watched the chaos unfold. Just like usual, the meal I had made was really delicious. 

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