My Popular-as-Hell Best Friend Is Annoying, So I Want to Get Him a Girlfriend and Shut Him Up

Chapter 5: Outcome

The day after my clash with Kirita Akari, when I got to school, the seat next to mine was already occupied.

“As punctual as ever, Erectile Dysfunction Overlord.”

“And you’re the walking industrial waste, morning.”

“Who’s the trash that’s hard to dispose of, you lady-troubled scum?”

“I’m not exactly troubled by ladies, though I guess I’m troubled in a different sense.”

“What are you even saying? Speak Japanese.”

This lunatic, who’d score a negative one on the Japanese proficiency test, is none other than the perfect superhuman Aoyagi Uryu, the guy who’s got all the girls wrapped around his finger.

Ignoring my jab, he casually shifted gears with a “By the way.”

“You were weirdly hyped up yesterday. Something happen?”

“Don’t ask. It all crashed and burned spectacularly.”

“When have any of your schemes ever worked out?”

“They work out just fine, thanks. You just don’t know how much they’re working.”

“My bad, I haven’t been keeping up with your fantasy world.”

Why am I surrounded by such rude people? I deserve to be revered and praised, but sadly, in a school-sized community, no one’s capable of understanding my brilliance.

“Hirose Yukiya, I’ve got something to ask you!”

“Oh, great, you again…”

As I was lamenting the school’s low-level intellect, a girl with a tense expression approached.

Misono Izumo, Class 2-B’s class representative, a straight-A student with a stellar reputation among teachers.

Her bluish-black hair was neatly trimmed at her neck, and her sharp, upturned eyes were her defining feature.

Normally, she’d have no reason to interact with me, but she’s a pain who keeps picking fights and throwing shade my way.

“Did you do something to Akari?”

“Akari? You mean Kirita Akari? She’s got a thing for this guy, so I was just giving her some advice.”

I jerked my thumb at Uryu, and Misono Izumo suddenly panicked.

“Hey, hey, what are you saying in front of Aoyagi-kun!?”

“I’m saying it so he gets it. Here, this letter’s for you, so read it.”

“What, another one of your schemes involving me? You’re such a hassle, just let it go.”

“Shut up. I’ve got my own principles. Just watch, one day you’ll be bowing at my feet.”

“Yeah, I’ll wait—without holding my breath.”

This jerk. Does he have any idea how much trouble he’s caused me?

“Hirose Yukiya, don’t change the subject.”

“I’m not. Also, you’re still here? If you’re done, get lost.”

“I’m not done! I saw Akari at club yesterday, and she was really down. If you did something, you’d better apologize.”

“No way I’m apologizing when I acted with 100% good intentions. Besides, isn’t this great for you? One less rival.”

“What!?”

Misono Izumo’s cheeks flushed as she glanced at Uryu, but he seemed too engrossed in the letter to notice.

Her reaction made it obvious—she’s got a thing for Uryu. She hasn’t said it outright, but it’s that blatant.

Personally, I think it’s fine. She’s good-looking, excels academically, and wouldn’t look out of place next to Uryu.

But she’s weirdly timid and sneaky. Too shy to talk to Uryu directly, she keeps butting in when I’m talking to him. If that’s not annoying, what is?

If she’d just ask for my help directly, I might consider it, but since she keeps disrespecting me, I don’t care if she crashes and burns on her own.

“…Don’t you have any sense of delicacy?”

“Says the girl loudly talking about her friend Kirita Akari where Uryu can hear.”

“You always have a comeback, don’t you? No wonder girls don’t like you.”

“Don’t care. I choose who I deal with, and it’s none of your business.”

“Fine! Whatever, just apologize to Akari, got it?”

With that, Misono Izumo stormed back to her seat.

Finally, she’s gone. Dealing with her is exhausting. If she’s gonna show up, she should at least try some charm on Uryu. Weak punches like that will never knock him out.

“So, Uryu, what’s in the letter? Bet it’s lame. I tried coaching her, but she wouldn’t listen.”

“…”

I tried to lighten the mood by asking about the letter, but he didn’t respond.

“…Hey, did you even read it?”

“…Now that you mention it, I haven’t.”

She told me to read it yesterday, but I got so caught up showing off Shuri-chan that I forgot.

“I see, that explains the reaction.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? If you’ve got something to say, spit it out.”

Uryu was smirking at me, and it was pissing me off. I pressed him further.

“—Kirita-san, was it? I think I’ll go meet her.”

“…Huh?”

I couldn’t believe my ears—positive words coming from this guy?

“Hello, Uryu-kun, what did you just say?”

“I said I’m gonna go meet Kirita-san. She seems like a nice girl.”

“You’re joking, right? After all the crap she said to me?”

“Pretty normal reaction, if you ask me.”

This guy. If I weren’t such a mild-mannered gentleman, my fist would be in his face right now.

But I’m not buying it. The reigning champion of Mister ED is going to meet a girl on his own?

“Oi, let me see that letter.”

There’s gotta be something hilarious in there. She told me she’s got no hobbies, then pulls this? Unforgivable reality.

“No way. It’s mine.”

“What’s yours is mine.” (T/N: Doraemon reference.)

“What are you, Takeshi-kun? No matter what you say, you’re not seeing it.”

“…Even when I’m going as far as to beg? This very important mere classmate of yours is begging you, you know?”

“That’s not begging, and why would I show it to a mere classmate? Are you an idiot?”

“Grr…!”

“Hahaha, just stew in your frustration. Be a typical teenage boy and fidget with your lower half or something.”

“Full-on assault!!”

I lunged for the letter while Uryu was off guard.

“Whoa, close one!”

But he dodged at the last second. Damn his infuriating reflexes.

“Hand it over!”

“I said no!”

“Then tell me, what’s Kirita Akari’s talent? Can she commune with the cosmos? Does she secretly have a tail?”

“What’s wrong with your brain!?”

After a heated struggle, I couldn’t snatch the letter from Uryu.

Damn it, why did God give this guy athletic prowess on top of everything else? His face alone is enough to live the sweet life—God’s cruel.

Fine, whatever. I don’t care about Kirita Akari. As her mentor, I just wanted to see the fruits of my disciple’s labor, nothing more, nothing less.

Besides, Uryu’s saying he’ll meet her. If they end up dating, I’ll finally get some peace. I just need to wait it out. Kukuku, I’m starting to feel pretty good.

“Congrats, Uryu. Better fix that ED, though.”

“Please, start conversations in a way I can follow.”

“More importantly, about the letter’s contents—”

“Give it up. You lose.”

Damn it, who is Kirita Akari…!?

***

Letter:

Hello, my name is Kirita Akari from Class 2-D.

I love going for walks, and on weekends, I often head out to visit cafés I find along the way.

I also enjoy crafting, so I sometimes get so absorbed in it at a café that the day slips away.

Do you ever go to cafés, Aoyagi-kun?

If you don’t go often, I’d love to recommend some spots.