My Popular-as-Hell Best Friend Is Annoying, So I Want to Get Him a Girlfriend and Shut Him Up - Chapter 29 & 30 & 31

 Chapter 29: Strategy Time

“Your explanation makes sense, Hirose-senpai. You’re not dating Aoyagi-senpai, and in fact, you want to support my feelings for him, right?”

“Perfect score.”

Despite being under the harsh gaze of onlookers, I finished my meal and reiterated to Rando-dono that this morning’s incident was a misunderstanding. From her summary, it seems she’s finally grasped the situation.

“I appreciate the sentiment, but honestly, I can’t just trust you right away, Hirose-senpai.”

Her words were bold, but there was a hint of guilt in her expression. That alone shows she’s a good person. With such serious feelings, she’s probably hesitant to rely on a senpai she doesn’t know well.

That’s why I’ll compromise, make it easier for her to choose.

“Then small requests or questions are fine. Use them to help strategize for Uryu.”

“There’s no guarantee you’ll tell the truth, right?”

“Of course. I’ve got no intention of lying, but whether you trust me is up to you, Rando-dono.”

“…I see. In that case, I’ll rely on you a little.”

Rando-dono’s tone softened. Maybe she’s starting to think it’s okay to listen.

“Right away, can I ask something?”

“Go for it.”

“Um, about Aoyagi-senpai… is he always like that?”

“Like what?”

“How do I put it? Like, I keep getting deflected, and I’m not sure if my approaches are even working.”

“Oh, that’s a common question.”

Rando-dono’s only been here a little over a month, so it’s no surprise she’s confused. Gotta enlighten her.

“That’s like Uryu’s defense mechanism. He keeps a certain distance no matter who he’s dealing with, so it’s not that he’s uninterested in you, Rando-dono. It’s just his usual thing.”

“That’s a relief to hear. He reacts the same way whether we meet in the classroom or the gym.”

“You’re doing great if you’re making Uryu flinch at all—that’s rare. But it’s becoming routine for him, so you might need some impact.”

Uryu went as far as a date with Kirita Akari because a letter—an uncommon item—caught his attention. If I knew the letter’s contents, I could’ve advised better, but sadly, I couldn’t snatch it from him. He should just tell me already.

“Impact… Oh!”

“Got an idea?”

“Like in manga—swooping in to save him when he’s in trouble! How’s that!?”

“Hmm, not bad, but…”

It’s clichéd but classic, and in terms of impact, it’s definitely effective.

The problem is whether that perfect alien ever gets into trouble. Aside from girl issues, I haven’t seen him struggle. Honestly, building a plan around this feels tough.

“Alright, I’ve decided. Let’s go with a setup where I help Aoyagi-senpai.”

Rando-dono’s all fired up, pushing the idea forward. I’ve heard lots of girls dream of scenarios like this. Rando-dono probably thinks being saved by Uryu would be thrilling, which is why her eyes are sparkling so much…

Wait, hold on. Did she just say she helps Uryu? Not Uryu helping her?

“I’ve got the roles planned, and I’d like to ask for your help, Hirose-senpai. Is that okay?”

“If it’s something I can do, of course.”

“It’s fine, it’s simple.”

Despite a slight bad feeling, Rando-dono smiled cutely and declared without hesitation:

“First, Hirose-senpai, could you ambush Aoyagi-senpai and pin him down?”

Something I can do, huh?

Chapter 30: Strength Contest

Pinning down that Aoyagi Uryu is no small feat.

At the last health check, he was 183 cm tall and weighed 72 kg—a beast.

For someone like me, who’s smaller, even a sneak attack would likely get countered.

Plus, at the April sports test, he scored 9s and 10s across the board—a total monster.

The only event I could match him in was side-to-side jumps.

This is the sin of God.

I’d love to tell Rando-dono it’s impossible right now, but I’m curious about her strategy.

It’s probably best to hear the whole plan and see if there’s room for improvement.

“Um, but wouldn’t Aoyagi-senpai get suspicious if you suddenly pinned him down?”

“What do you mean?”

I’m pretty sure I’d be the one looking suspicious to everyone around, but what’s her take on that?

“I mean, you and Aoyagi-senpai are close, right?

If you suddenly pinned him, wouldn’t he think there’s an ulterior motive?”

“Oh, no worries.

Uryu and I aren’t close.

I think about making him stay down for good, like, three times a week, so there’s nothing unnatural about it.”

“Huh? Oh, uh, really…?”

Huh?

I answered with my best smile, but Rando-dono looks confused.

Saying I want Uryu down for good to someone crushing on him was probably a bad move.

My bad, my bad.

“Then the problem’s solved, right?

You pin Aoyagi-senpai, I show up, take you down, and save him!

What do you think!?”

Rando-dono clasped her hands in front of her chest, eagerly awaiting my reaction.

I glanced at Ai-chan, who’s been quietly listening, and she’s nodding repeatedly with a beaming smile.

Oh no, this duo’s a disaster.

The visual impact would be wild.

Me pinning Uryu is already absurd, and a girl swooping in to save him would shock everyone.

If it works, it might trigger something like the suspension bridge effect—if it works.

But there’s one big issue.

I decided to probe indirectly to see if she’s aware of it.

“By the way, Rando-dono, just a side note—do you think you could beat Uryu in judo?”

“No way I could win!

You know how insane Aoyagi-senpai’s athleticism is, right, Hirose-senpai?”

She answered so naturally, almost like she’s teasing me for asking something obvious.

Good, Rando-dono’s got common sense.

I was hoping she’d notice the contradiction in her plan from that.

Here’s the thing: the power balance in her casting completely ignores reality.

For her story to work, the hierarchy has to be Uryu < me < Rando-dono.

But she just admitted Rando-dono < Uryu, so the equation falls apart.

There’s no way to pull off her scenario.

But how do I tell Rando-dono, who’s so excited about this?

If she were one of the usual airheads, I’d cut her down without mercy, but I don’t want to crush her enthusiasm.

“Still, I feel like I could take you, Hirose-senpai.”

As I stayed silent, searching for a good way to phrase it, Rando-dono dropped something I couldn’t ignore.

I could take you…?

“You’re pretty small, Hirose-senpai, and you’ve got this neutral, kinda cute vibe.”

Rando-dono, you just hit every single thing you shouldn’t have said with pinpoint accuracy.

Even for the esteemed Rando-dono, I can’t let those words slide.

Guess it’s time for a teensy bit of a lesson—call it social education.

“Wanna test that?”

I extended my right hand to her.

“Test?”

“Grip strength. Squeeze as hard as you can.”

“Oh, nice! I’m pretty strong, you know?”

Rando-dono eagerly grabbed my hand and squeezed.

The force from her small hand wasn’t that impressive—Kamishiro Haruka’s grip is stronger.

“Huh, not that strong?”

Maybe frustrated by my lack of reaction, Rando-dono put in more effort, gritting her teeth.

She closed her eyes, focusing, but it’s clear she’s no match for me.

Alright, fun grip strength time is over.

Now it’s repentance grip strength time.

“Hmm, weird. I’m one of the stronger ones in my class.”

“Really? Guess I’ll put in some effort for reference.”

“Wait—ow, ow!!

Senpai, too much, I give!!”

I gave Rando-dono, now wincing in pain, a gentle smile.

“I’m not small.

Round up, and I’m 170 cm.”

“Got it, got it!

You’re not small, senpai!

You’re a giant!”

“I’m not cute.

My dad’s got rugged features.”

“That’s got nothing to do with you!”

“Hm? Did you say something?”

“Nothing, I said nothing!!

You’re not cute, senpai!!”

Good, good.

Glad we’re on the same page.

Chapter 31: Uneasy Atmosphere

“Ugh, that was harsh, senpai…”

A few seconds after letting go, Rando-dono held her right hand with teary eyes.

I’m delighted she’s reflecting so deeply it brought her to tears.

“If I offended you, just say so.

I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Some things you only understand through pain.

Good experience, right?”

“Yeah, I’ll be more careful with my words.”

Rando-dono seems to be reflecting more than I expected.

Moments like this make me see why Spartan education was once a thing.

It’s great for growth—if you can survive the harshness, that is.

“We should probably head back soon.”

Ai-chan’s cue made me realize it’s ten minutes before fifth period.

With tray returns, we’re cutting it close—we gotta hurry.

“Rando-dono, I think you got it from earlier, but the swooping-in-to-save-him plan doesn’t seem like it’ll work.

You couldn’t even match my grip strength.”

And I don’t think pinning Uryu down is feasible either.

I could brainstorm, but making it too elaborate risks Uryu catching on, which defeats the purpose.

It’d end without Rando-dono getting her moment.

“Yeah, I guess I need to think of something else.”

Rando-dono sighed as she returned her dishes.

Was she that set on the heroic entrance?

Does she prefer shonen manga over shoujo?

Maybe that’s a stereotype.

“Let’s brainstorm together, Sora-chan.

We’ll figure it out.”

“Thanks, Ai-chan.”

Ai-chan cheered up a grumbling Rando-dono.

It’s a beautiful display of friendship, but honestly, I’m uneasy about relying on this duo.

They’re the “heroic entrance” fan club, after all.

I’ll need to step in to prevent a disaster.

Still, I want Rando-dono to take the lead.

She’s so proactive—doing things her way will keep her motivated.

Her feelings are what matter most.

I won’t make the same mistake as with Kirita Akari.

“Alright, catch you later.

Feel free to hit me up if you need me.”

As we reached the staircase where first- and second-years part ways after leaving the cafeteria, I told them that.

She can keep going solo like before or involve me—whatever works.

As long as she becomes Uryu’s girlfriend, I’m good.

“…Um, actually, there’s something I’d like you to hear, Hirose-senpai.”

It wasn’t Rando-dono but Ai-chan who said that, her expression complicated.

Rando-dono seemed surprised she stopped me.

Ai-chan took a breath and looked not at me but at Rando-dono.

“Sora-chan, we should tell him.”

“I said it’s fine.

It might just be my imagination.”

“But if it’s not your imagination, it could be bad.

Let’s at least have him listen.”

Rando-dono resisted, but Ai-chan wouldn’t budge.

Her serious vibe suggested this was different from our earlier talk.

Something’s up.

“Rando-dono, I don’t know if I can help, but why not share it?”

“…Yeah, maybe you’re right.”

With my nudge, Rando-dono thought it over and finally decided to talk.

“Just between us, okay?” she prefaced, locking eyes with me.

“Do you know Natori-senpai?”

“Natori? You mean Natori Mayoi?”

“I don’t know her name, but she’s got yellow—blonde—hair.”

“Sounds like Natori Mayoi alright.”

I was caught off guard hearing that name from a kouhai, even for me.

Natori Mayoi—class unknown now, but last year she was in the same class as me and Uryu.

Not exactly a model student, with her hair dyed blonde, as Rando-dono mentioned.

She gives off a vibe like she hangs out in the city at night.

She was also the first person to consult me about Uryu.

I wasn’t enthusiastic, and she didn’t listen to me, so it was hardly a consultation.

“Did something happen with Natori Mayoi?”

She doesn’t seem like the type to buddy up with kouhai, so I’m curious about their connection.

When I prompted Rando-dono, she spoke hesitantly.

“A while back, I bumped shoulders with her in the hallway.

I tried to dodge, but I couldn’t, and she snapped, ‘Don’t get cocky.’”

What’s with her, acting like a thug to a kouhai?

With her sharp glare and blonde hair, that’d be intimidating.

“I thought maybe it was a one-off, like she was in a bad mood or it was an accident.”

“But something similar happened when Sora-chan and I were walking together.

We’re not sure if it’s just a coincidence, so we wanted to ask.”

“It’s not a coincidence.”

I stated plainly, but their expressions didn’t change much.

They’d already suspected as much.

“If it’s hard to answer, you don’t have to say anything, senpai.”

Rando-dono asked, as if confirming her suspicions.

“Does Natori-senpai like Aoyagi-senpai?”

“No comment.”

“…Yeah, figured.”

It’s clearer to say nothing than to dodge vaguely.

Rando-dono probably got the hint from my response.

Exactly.

Natori Mayoi confessed to Uryu, liked him, and got rejected.