My Memories Came Back, But I'm Not Telling My Childhood Friends

Chapter 6

During break time, I slumped over my desk, totally drained, staring at my phone.

My long chestnut-brown hair spilled over the edge like a smooth waterfall.

On the screen was a side profile of one guy.

Sharp, almond-shaped eyes, a straight nose, and a face that looked somehow fragile, like he was gazing off into the distance. That guy was my childhood friend, Reita Kawakami.

“Haa… Reita…”

I let out a big sigh while staring at him on the screen.

That day…

Ever since then, time inside me has stayed completely frozen.

I haven’t moved forward even one step since those first-year middle school days.

It’s been four years since he lost his memories.

I haven’t forgotten about him for even a moment. I’ve just kept waiting and waiting for his memories to come back.

But… this isn’t what I really want. That’s exactly why the sigh slips out.

My “love” is already over.

It should have ended the instant he told me he “hated” me back then…

And yet I’m still dragging it out with this stubborn attachment.

Even though there was a clear cutoff when we graduated middle school, I’ve kept carrying this empty feeling and holding onto my feelings for four whole years.

I know I should just give up. My head understands that hoping any longer is just a waste of time.

That’s why I try not to take any real action. I just stay on the sidelines and wish.

Every single day, I check on him like I’m doing some kind of star observation, hoping maybe his memories will suddenly come back. I follow him with my eyes while sighing.

As long as there’s even the slightest chance, I just can’t throw these feelings away.

I wonder how much longer I’m going to keep dragging this attachment around…

At this point, it’s honestly starting to scare me.

What terrifies me most is that the symptoms are gradually getting worse.

Lately I’ve stepped halfway into full-on stalker territory.

Sure, I followed him and enrolled in the same high school, but sometimes I even trail behind him…

At some point I started keeping an observation diary on Reita Kawakami.

I write down his daily words and actions so I won’t miss the moment his memories return, looking for any changes.

Well, it’s almost completely pointless though…

I can’t watch him twenty-four seven, and there usually isn’t much worth writing down anyway.

I just grab a pen and scribble because I need somewhere to dump all these overflowing feelings or I’ll go crazy.

That’s the kind of meaningless, empty daily life I’m living. My name is—

Okabe Asaya.

“Hey, Maya. What’s with the total slump?”

A bright voice suddenly rings out above my head.

That voice… it’s Hoshikage Rin.

I don’t even need to look up to know. She’s my childhood friend and best friend, after all.

I wearily lifted my body and looked up at her.

“Rin… I was just thinking about stuff.”

“Got something on your mind?”

“Mmm… yeah, something like that.”

“Then let me give you some advice—wait, Maya, that…”

“Hm? What—ah.”

Crap… I’d left the photo of Reita on my screen.

Rin had gotten a really good look.

“Maya, did you seriously take a sneaky shot…?”

“N-no, that’s not… um… right! I took it yesterday when we went to karaoke together.”

In truth I’d snapped it without permission…

But if I don’t say that, my life is basically over, so I keep quiet.

“Huh? Wait a second. You actually went to karaoke with that guy… for real?”

“Y-yeah. Well, I got invited by Yamanobe and Reita just happened to be there too.”

Actually I only went because Reita was going, but…

If Rin finds out, she’ll probably get mad, so I keep that to myself.

“Maya… you really shouldn’t get involved with those guys.”

“…Why?”

“Hanging around with delinquents like them never leads to anything good.”

Rin still hates delinquents as much as ever.

Well, I’m not exactly comfortable with them either, but…

Still…

“At least Reita isn’t that bad of a person, right?”

“…Come on, Maya. You haven’t forgotten what happened back then, have you?”

Seeing me try to defend him, Rin lets out an exasperated breath.

I know she’s worried about me. I haven’t forgotten what happened. If anything, I remember it more clearly than anyone.

Even so…

“I’m not mad about what happened back then.”

“But he hurt you, didn’t he?”

“I wasn’t hurt. I was just sad.”

“Both are the same thing. The moment he made you cry, he was in the wrong.”

It’s true that when he said he hated me I burst into tears…

But that wasn’t because I was hurt. It was sadness from realizing the Reita I knew had disappeared.

Besides, considering what he was going through, it was understandable.

If anything, you could say it was my fault.

Back then I had put my own feelings first.

I was so full of wanting to stay with him that I kept pushing and meddling…

I was probably super annoying.

I couldn’t read his feelings or the mood around us at all, so it was only natural he’d say he hated me.

That’s why I’m not angry. I think I just got what I deserved.

“Seriously… you really don’t have any sense of danger, Maya.”

“Ahaha… sorry.”

“At the very least, the guy he is now is a straight-up bad person, so you should stay away.”

“Hmm… is he really?”

I tilt my head at Rin’s firm words.

It’s true his usual behavior isn’t anything to brag about.

But yesterday at karaoke, when I watched him up close, he didn’t give off such a bad vibe at all.

If anything, he seemed pretty considerate of the people around him.

When I was being pestered, he casually stepped in to help, and when other girls looked uncomfortable, he acted right away too.

He was so smooth about it that probably only I, with my observation diary, even noticed.

If I’m being honest, I even wondered for a second if his memories had already come back.

Yesterday’s Reita had a hint of the old him somehow. I can’t really put it into words… but I felt that atmosphere.

Though maybe it was just my own wishful thinking.

“At least… you should wait until his memories come back. Though honestly, after four years, the chance they’ll return is pretty low, so I wouldn’t get my hopes up too much…”

Rin muttered, sounding a little sad.

Wait until his memories come back… huh.

I wonder if a day like that will really ever arrive.

“…Hey, Rin. Just hypothetically, if Reita’s memories suddenly came back, what would you do?”

“What would I do… there’s no going back to how things were now.”

“You think? Isn’t it up to us?”

“Even if his memories returned, it doesn’t mean the old him would come back. Four years have already passed.”

She might be right about that.

For example, if I suddenly remembered my past life, it probably wouldn’t completely change my current personality.

I won’t know until it actually happens, but I can kind of imagine the old Reita won’t just return completely.

“Plus, the fact that he made you cry won’t disappear.”

“I told you, I’m already over that…”