My Childhood Friend who is My Girlfriend is not Looking at Me - Chapter 23
Scars
Then, when the school announced the expulsion of Setsuna and Yasui, the incident in the student council room also became a rumor, but they didn’t have any proof of it. Me, Hana, and Kurusu-senpai just kept our mouths shut.
Hana and I were together as often as before the incident.
I even think we were even closer then.
We often meet after school and on holidays.
We were both in a lot of pain, but we couldn’t talk about our weakness or scar to anyone, so we couldn’t help but stay together. I think we were mentally dependent on each other.
With Kurusu-senpai, the three of us would get together after school once a month or so and have a complaining contest about the incident.
One of Kurusu-senpai’s most impressive complaints was,
‘Even though I quit the student council and I know it’s already quite some time since that incident, I’m still too scared to be in a relationship.’
As for me, to be honest, the pain I got from the incident is even more painful than the pain I got from Kana.
With Kana, I was aware that we had a dry relationship, and there were many people around me who supported me, so I was able get over it. But with Setsuna, I had complete trust in her, and since I had expressed so much anger about Kana, I had never even imagined that Setsuna would cheat on me, and it devastated me beyond imagination.
On top of that, it was too painful to see what the two of did with my own eyes in the student council room.
There were so many days when I would try to sleep at night, that scene suddenly pop into my mind, I felt nauseous and unable to sleep for some time.
I heard a lot of rumors about them after that, but I’m not interested.
Kurusu-senpai and Hana also were discussing about various reasons why Setsuna cheated on me, but I’m not interested in that either.
I just mocked myself saying,
‘Maybe I’m just a kind of person who gives of the atmosphere that it’s okay to cheat on me.’
Kana once suddenly met me in front of my house when I came home from school.
Not wanting to take her to my home, I went straight to the park under the winter sky and listened to what she had to say.
‘I forced myself to be cheerful in front of everyone at school, but I found that I felt most comfortable at home around Mu-kun. I really didn’t like Sugimura or anything. I was just interested in having sex with other people.’
Kana said a lot of other things, but whatever I heard then made me sick to my stomach.
‘I don’t want to see your face anymore, don’t talk to me anymore.’
I told Kana so and left her there.
Then the time passed, and I was still torn in pieces.
On the Valentine’s Day in February, no one was talking about the incident at the student council room anymore, I received chocolates from Hana and Kana.
‘This is a honmei choco, but you don’t have to go out with me. I just want you to know how I feel.’
(TN: Honmei choco is a chocolate given to romantic partners, as opposed to giri choco is a chocolate given to friends to show appreciation or respect.)
‘I’m afraid that if I go out with Hana-chan and we become lovers, I won’t be able to trust you, so please let us remain friends. I’m really sorry.’
I told her honestly.
Kana knew that if she gave her chocolate directly to me, I would not receive it, so she gave it to my mother.
When my mom gave it to me, I said,
‘I don’t want to receive it, so please eat it mom.’
Even after one hellish year, my wound had not healed yet.
Now it’s already two years since that incident.
Kurusu-senpai became busy studying for exams and we hardly see each other anymore.
Hana and I are always together as usual.
We are together all the time, but it never developed into a romantic relationship.
However, when we are alone, Hana would often lean on me in silence.
I also feel reassured when I feel Hana’s warmth, and I’m secretly glad that she leaned on me.