Chapter 15 – I Punched a Giant Robot and Now Everyone Thinks I’m a Sadistic Bully?!

The glowing yellow magical flag hit the dusty arena floor. The massive twenty-foot sci-fi mecha lunged forward, its heavy titanium feet crushing the cracked marble into absolute powder.

“I will crush your arrogant slacker vibe into the dirt!”

The robotic loudspeakers blasted Elara’s distorted voice across the stadium. She forcefully pushed the heavy throttles forward inside the armored cockpit, and the giant mechanical arms raised with a terrifying metallic whine. Two heavy plasma cannons aimed directly at my completely average chest.

“Prepare to face absolute technological supremacy.”

Bright blue plasma energy gathered rapidly at the weapon tips before the cannons fired with a deafening, high-pitched screech. Twin beams of incredibly hot, concentrated light shot across the arena. I casually stepped one single pace to the left. The highly lethal plasma beams completely missed my cheap cotton shirt and slammed violently into the heavy stone wall directly behind me. The ancient magical bricks instantly melted into glowing orange slag as a wave of intense heat washed over my face. It felt exactly like opening an industrial bakery oven set to a very high broil.

“You just got totally lucky, you fake SSS loser!”

Elara adjusted her targeting sensors with frantic, jerky movements. The mecha arms tracked my totally relaxed position. The cannons fired again and again in a rapid, deadly sequence as blue light flashed blindingly across the dusty combat pit. I tilted my head slightly to the right, letting a plasma beam sizzle right past my left ear. I took a very relaxed step backward, and another beam scorched the dirt exactly where my cheap canvas shoe had just been.

This was legitimately not very difficult to avoid. The heavy robotic joints were incredibly stiff and completely predictable. Dodging these laser beams was basically just like navigating a cramped bakery kitchen. You always had to effortlessly slide past angry bakers carrying extremely hot metal pans. If you bumped into a busy baker, you got severely burned. The giant robot was basically just a very slow, very loud baker with terrible spatial awareness.

“Stop dodging my highly advanced weapons!”

Elara screamed in pure frustration through the heavy radio static. The thick titanium armor plating shifted loudly on the broad mechanical shoulders, and two hidden metal compartments popped open to reveal dozens of tiny rocket tubes.

“Try dodging a totally unavoidable heat-seeking missile swarm!”

She slammed her hand down onto a bright red launch button. A massive cloud of white smoke erupted from the giant mechanical shoulders as fifty tiny micro-missiles shot up into the bright morning sky. They arched beautifully before turning sharply directly toward my totally average body.

The elite crowd in the high stone bleachers screamed in absolute bloodthirsty excitement. They desperately wanted to see the lazy slacker turned into a completely smoking crater. I watched the incoming swarm of high-explosive projectiles with a deeply bored expression. They buzzed angrily through the air like a massive swarm of metal bees. I bent my knees slightly and relaxed my breathing.

The first missile exploded against the dirt exactly two inches from my left foot. I pivoted on my right heel and spun completely around. Three more missiles detonated harmlessly in the empty space behind my back. I wove through the deadly explosions with practiced, fluid kitchen movements. Hot shrapnel and flying dirt rained down heavily all around me, but none of it touched my highly flammable cotton uniform.

This whole explosive situation reminded me of deep-frying sweet jelly donuts. When you dropped cold, raw dough into boiling vats of peanut oil, it popped violently. Hot oil splashed wildly and unpredictably across the kitchen counters. Dodging unpredictable, boiling hot oil splashes was legit way scarier than dodging these predictable guided rockets. At least the rockets had highly visible exhaust trails.

The final missile crashed into the arena wall, sending a massive plume of dark dust into the air. The smoke cleared slowly to reveal me standing completely unharmed in the center of the cratered dirt. I casually brushed a tiny speck of dust off my left shoulder.

“This is completely impossible!”

Elara slammed her fists into her digital dashboard in pure, unfiltered panic. Her highly advanced optical sensors could not track my totally average movements at all. The heavy mecha stopped firing its ranged weapons completely. The giant metal hands reached down to the robotic waistline and pulled a massive, heavy metal hilt from a magnetic holster.

A terrifying blade of pure, condensed pink plasma ignited with a loud hum. The energy sword was easily fifteen feet long and radiated a truly insane amount of heat.

“I will cut you entirely in half!”

She charged forward with heavy, earth-shaking metallic stomps. I raised my left wrist and checked my cheap digital watch. The small black numbers flashed glaringly in the bright sunlight, and my eyes went incredibly wide in pure, unadulterated horror.

It was already ten minutes past ten in the morning. I had left a large batch of artisan sourdough resting on the stainless steel counter, and the complex fermentation process required an exact forty-minute resting period. If I waited even ten more minutes, the delicate dough would completely over-proof. Over-proofed bread dough totally loses its structural integrity and tastes legit terrible. The resulting baked loaf would be a flat, highly depressing disaster. I could not allow a perfectly good batch of premium flour to go to absolute waste.

“I really need to wrap this fight up right now.”

The massive mecha swung the giant pink energy sword in a wide, highly aggressive horizontal arc. The burning blade cut through the air with a terrifying, deep hum. I did not jump backward to dodge the lethal strike. Instead, I stepped incredibly quickly directly inside her wide guard. Her combat form was completely sloppy and entirely unbalanced. She was swinging the heavy weapon exactly like someone trying to slice a delicate sponge cake with a massive, dull meat cleaver. It lacked absolutely any necessary precision or fundamental culinary respect.

I slipped entirely under the burning pink plasma blade as the extreme heat singed the very top tips of my messy brown hair. I planted my cheap canvas shoes firmly into the cracked arena dirt. The giant, highly reinforced titanium knee of the sci-fi mecha towered directly over my head. The machine was incredibly heavy and built to withstand intense magical bombardment. I pulled my totally bare right fist tightly back to my side.

I did not channel a single drop of magical aura or special supernatural energy. I just used the raw, highly dense physical muscle memory built from my daily life. Kneading incredibly stiff, highly hydrated bread dough for six continuous hours builds terrifying upper body strength. You have to push, fold, and stretch the heavy gluten structure until your arms literally burn with intense exhaustion. I pushed off the dusty ground and drove my fist directly into the solid depleted uranium armor plating.

“Take this completely normal punch.”

My bare knuckles connected perfectly with the center of the massive robotic chest plate. For a single microsecond, absolutely nothing happened. Then, a massive, highly visible shockwave erupted outward from the exact point of impact. The deafening boom echoed across the stadium like a massive thunderclap, and the impossibly thick titanium armor shattered completely like cheap peanut brittle.

Huge cracks spread instantly across the entire twenty-foot-tall mechanical chassis. The advanced off-world mecha lifted entirely off the ground from the sheer, absurd kinetic force. It flew backward through the dusty air like a discarded children’s toy. Bolts, wires, and heavy metal plates exploded outward in a massive shower of expensive technological scrap.

The giant machine crashed heavily into the far arena wall, completely embedding itself in the ancient stone. The glowing pink energy blade flickered once and died completely. The main fusion engine sparked violently before shutting down with a sad, highly pathetic whining noise. The heavily reinforced pilot cockpit hissed loudly and popped completely open. Elara tumbled out of the ruined leather seat, landing safely on a soft pile of loose arena dirt. She was completely physically unharmed. Not a single scratch marred her highly terrified face.

The entire elite student body completely stopped breathing. The massive magical combat arena fell into absolute, pin-drop silence. The cheering crowd was entirely frozen in pure, unadulterated shock. Only the soft sound of sparking electrical wires broke the heavy quiet. I lowered my right fist and casually dusted off my calloused hands. I looked over at the blue-haired girl sitting in the dirt.

“Are you physically okay down there?”

Elara stared blankly at the completely smoking pile of expensive metal scrap. Her ultimate, highly illegal secret weapon was totally reduced to absolute garbage. She had spent three entire agonizing years building that beautiful machine in the dark. Tears welled up quickly in her wide, highly terrified eyes. She buried her face in her bruised hands and started sobbing incredibly loudly. It was a highly uncomfortable, totally ugly, and completely broken cry.

The crowd in the bleachers finally recovered from their total shock. Terrified whispers spread through the stands like a highly toxic magical plague.

“He completely destroyed that massive metal golem with a single bare fist.”

A rich noble student clutched his silk robes in pure terror.

“He did not even use a single basic magic spell.”

A girl with long elf ears pointed a violently shaking finger directly at me.

“He just stood there looking totally bored the entire time.”

The narrative in the stadium shifted instantly and entirely against me.

“He let her fire all her best weapons just to totally mock her.”

They looked at Elara crying helplessly in the dirty arena dust.

“She was completely desperate to prove herself.”

The scarred S-Rank guy glared at me with pure, unfiltered disgust.

“He crushed her massive dream with zero effort just to be completely cruel.”

The entire elite school immediately labeled me as a sadistic, highly arrogant bully. They actually thought I enjoyed picking on the completely weak and defenseless. They genuinely believed I drew out the fight just to entirely shatter her fragile spirit. I let out a very long and highly exhausted sigh. I was legitimately just trying to end the fight quickly to save my delicate bread dough. I completely did not care about their totally toxic and highly incorrect gossip.

A terrifying, bright red blur leaped gracefully from the high VIP viewing box. Sakura landed perfectly in the arena dirt directly beside me. Her bright crimson eyes glowed with intense, deeply unhinged pride. She wrapped her arms completely around my neck in a tight, possessive hug.

“You were incredibly magnificent, my perfect and totally ruthless treasure.”

She kissed my dusty cheek loudly right in front of the highly terrified crowd.

“You completely broke that pathetic trash bug’s entire spirit.”

I gently peeled her slender arms off my neck.

“I was not trying to break anyone’s spirit today.”

I turned my back completely on the crying girl and the heavily judging audience.

“Let us just go home right now.”

Sakura grabbed my left hand tightly and smiled a deeply creepy, sweet smile.

“Whatever you command, my terrifying dark king.”

I walked away from the silent, totally terrified crowd to finally bake my perfectly proofed bread.