Chapter 14 – The Pre-Match Arena is Way Too Extra and Why is There a Literal Mecha?!

The deafening roar of the massive stadium crowd vibrated directly through my cheap canvas shoes. The ancient magical combat arena was gigantic, shaped exactly like a perfect stone oval. Thousands of elite students crammed tightly into the high stone bleachers under the bright morning sun.

“I will literally murder every single person who is currently looking at you.”

Sakura clung to my left arm exactly like a dangerous and unyielding red-haired barnacle.

“Please do not murder the entire student body before the first bell even rings.”

I rubbed my deeply tired eyes with my free, flour-stained hand.

“They are glaring at my precious treasure with entirely filthy and totally unworthy eyes.”

Her unnatural and intense body heat radiated straight through my basic cotton uniform shirt.

“They are legitimately just here to watch a completely ridiculous school fight.”

I tried to pull my trapped bicep away from her terrifying and iron-clad grip.

“You are absolutely not a ridiculous fight, my perfect Dylan.”

She squeezed my arm even tighter and smiled a deeply creepy, obsessed smile.

“I am legitimately just a totally average guy who likes to bake normal bread.”

A massive and overwhelming wave of loud booing rolled heavily down from the packed elite student section.

“Look at that totally spoiled and entirely privileged slacker!”

A guy wearing incredibly expensive and polished silver armor pointed a heavily gauntleted finger directly at me.

“He absolutely bought his fake SSS Rank with dirty money!”

A girl wearing a pristine and perfectly tailored silk mage robe threw an empty plastic cup aggressively at the arena dirt.

“He looks like a literal wandering peasant from the absolute lowest slums!”

I looked down sadly at my heavily wrinkled cotton shirt and my completely worn-out canvas shoes.

“My cheap clothes are extremely comfortable and highly practical for messy kitchen work.”

Sakura turned her glowing and terrifying crimson eyes directly toward the screaming S-Rank elites.

“I will cut out their totally annoying tongues and feed them directly to starving wild dogs.”

The ambient temperature in the air immediately around us plummeted instantly into a freezing, dark chill.

“You are taking this basic school rivalry way too seriously right now.”

The massive crowd chanted angry and toxic insults that echoed loudly against the high stone walls.

“He is a total fake who literally skips every single mandatory magical class!”

I sighed a very deep and extremely exhausted sigh.

“I literally never asked to be placed in the absolute top tier of this weird school.”

The angry S-Rank students completely ignored my valid and logical feelings.

“We actually grind every single agonizing day for our prestigious academic spots!”

A heavily muscular guy holding dual glowing magical daggers yelled until his face turned bright angry red.

“You just sleep all day long in your luxury golden penthouse like a total parasite!”

I actually spent most of my time completely awake and intensely worrying about my violently crazy childhood friend.

“My daily life is incredibly stressful and entirely lacking in any sort of relaxing chill vibes.”

Sakura pressed her soft curves completely flush against my side without a single shred of personal space.

“I will make absolutely sure your daily life is completely and entirely perfect.”

Her deeply possessive touch sent a massive spike of pure, unadulterated anxiety straight down my spine. The terrifying yandere princess was legitimately scarier than the entire angry mob combined. A short man wearing an official black and white striped referee robe marched quickly into the dirt. He held a glowing yellow magical flag tightly in his violently shaking right hand, stopping exactly ten feet away to nervously adjust his thick round glasses.

“Only the officially registered combatants are legally allowed on the active arena floor.”

He pointed a shaking and terrified finger directly at Sakura.

“I am his personal royal bodyguard and his eternal, totally undisputed soulmate.”

Sakura completely ignored the official academy rules with absolute royal arrogance.

“Sakura-san, you must immediately return to the designated VIP spectator stands.”

The referee took a fast and necessary step backward away from her leaking dark magical aura.

“If you try to separate me from my Dylan, I will completely shatter both of your spindly legs.”

She reached casually into her uniform pocket for one of her highly lethal, polished silver throwing knives.

“Please go sit safely in the stands right now before you cause a major diplomatic incident.”

I placed my bare hand gently over hers to physically stop the imminent bloody murder.

“I cannot leave you completely unprotected in this dirty and highly unsanitary combat pit.”

Her bright red hair floated slightly in the freezing and dense magical air.

“I will be totally fine by myself.”

The massive crowd started booing even louder at the totally unexpected and highly annoying delay.

“Kick the crazy red-haired girl entirely out of the dueling ring right now!”

An elite fire mage shouted angrily from the very front row of the crowded bleachers.

“I am going to literally rip his annoying vocal cords out through his throat.”

Sakura turned her beautiful head with terrifying athletic speed toward the loud student.

“Just go sit down so we can get this absolute nightmare entirely over with.”

I gently peeled her slender and incredibly cold fingers off my aching bicep one by one.

“I will be watching every single microscopic movement you make from the high balcony.”

She finally let go of my tired arm and smiled her incredibly sweet but unhinged smile.

“I know you absolutely will.”

She turned around slowly and walked gracefully toward the heavily guarded VIP viewing box. The suffocating magical pressure finally lifted slightly from my tired and aching shoulders.

“Are you fully prepared for intense magical combat, student Dylan?”

The official referee wiped a thick bead of nervous sweat from his pale forehead.

“I do not have a glowing magical weapon or any fancy reinforced armor.”

I held up my totally bare and calloused hands to show my completely empty inventory.

“The formal academy rules strictly allow you to fight completely unarmed if you choose.”

He checked his glowing magical clipboard with a confused facial expression.

“That sounds like a terrible and dangerous rule for a school filled with lethal magic.”

The hostile crowd kept screaming highly toxic and deeply personal insults directly at my back.

“He is way too lazy to even bring a basic and cheap iron sword to a real duel!”

I crossed my arms tightly over my highly comfortable cotton shirt.

“Heavy metal swords are entirely impractical for basic kitchen baking.”

I just stood completely still in the dusty arena and waited patiently for the desperate blue-haired girl to finally show up. My exhausted mind drifted happily back to the peaceful and quiet industrial kitchen inside my luxury dorm.

“I really need to precisely calculate the exact yeast ratio for my next massive batch of artisan croissants.”

The perfectly flaky and delicious layers required extreme dedication and precise temperature control.

“The imported premium butter needs to be exactly chilled so it absolutely does not melt into the raw dough.”

I muttered my secret baking recipes directly into the completely empty and dusty arena air.

“Then I need to carefully bake them at exactly 180°C for optimal and perfect golden browning.”

The official referee stared directly at me like I was a totally insane person.

“Did you just say something weird about melting butter in the middle of a lethal combat arena?”

The massive heavy iron gates on the far side of the giant arena began to groan loudly. The solid ground beneath my cheap canvas shoes started shaking violently and uncontrollably. Massive rusted metal gears turned slowly inside the dark tunnel entrance, and an unnatural mechanical whining noise completely drowned out the screaming elite student crowd.

“What in the actual magical world is making that entirely ridiculous sound?”

I squinted my eyes tightly against the bright morning sunlight as a massive metal shadow emerged from the dark tunnel. It was absolutely not a desperate girl holding a standard iron claymore.

“Target definitively acquired.”

A distorted and robotic female voice blasted loudly through massive external audio loudspeakers. I stared completely blankly at the highly imposing twenty-foot-tall metal beast stepping heavily into the bright sunlight.

“Are you literally piloting a giant and totally illegal sci-fi robot?”

The massive walking machine was covered entirely in thick and polished titanium armor plating.

“Prepare to face my ultimate, totally undeniable, and highly advanced technological supremacy.”

Elara Voss spoke loudly through the heavy radio static from somewhere deep inside the armored cockpit.

“This is a medieval magical fantasy academy filled with robes and magic wands.”

I gestured wildly and confusedly around at the ancient stone walls and the kids wearing fancy silk robes.

“Advanced off-world robotic engineering completely transcends your pathetic and entirely outdated magical rules.”

The giant mecha took a heavy and intimidating step forward, crushing a massive stone boulder into total dust.

“This represents a massive and highly confusing literary genre shift that I was absolutely not prepared for.”

The elite S-Rank students sitting in the stands completely lost their arrogant minds.

“Look at that incredibly weird and totally massive metallic golem!”

The deeply ignorant magical nobles totally failed to recognize basic off-world science fiction technology.

“It has literal glowing red eyes and giant, highly dangerous metal arms!”

They pointed frantically at the advanced dual plasma blasters securely mounted on the broad robotic shoulders.

“Those are not oversized magic wands, you absolute and totally uneducated idiots.”

I rubbed my throbbing temples as a fresh and painful stress headache bloomed right behind my tired eyes.

“I spent three entire agonizing years secretly repairing this ultimate weapon in the completely dark underground.”

Elara sounded incredibly proud of her highly illegal off-world smuggling activities.

“You literally bypassed all the complex magical security wards with a giant alien robot.”

The sheer scale of this totally unfair and bizarre confrontation was deeply baffling to my exhausted brain.

“I will forcefully claim your prestigious SSS Rank and completely erase my highly humiliating past.”

The massive robotic fusion core humming deeply inside the mecha visibly vibrated my literal teeth.

“I genuinely just wanted to bake some normal and totally delicious bread today.”

The giant mechanical arms raised incredibly slowly and aimed the heavy, glowing plasma cannons directly at my completely average face.

“Your completely raw physical strength means absolutely nothing against solid and highly impenetrable depleted uranium armor.”

She actually had a highly valid and entirely logical point regarding the extreme differences in our physical durability.

“I am literally wearing a highly flammable thin cotton shirt from a cheap local discount store.”

The giant mecha’s glowing optical targeting sensors locked firmly onto my completely unarmored chest.

“You are going to deeply regret treating the strict S-Rank hierarchy like a massive joke.”

I never treated the stupid ranking system like a joke because I literally just did not care about it at all.

“I am entirely and completely indifferent to the stupid school ranking system.”

The massive crowd started cheering wildly and bloodthirstily for the giant mechanical death machine.

“Crush the completely spoiled and totally arrogant slacker into a bloody pulp, Elara!”

The highly elite students were totally fine with a giant illegal robot as long as it brutally killed me.

“You guys are entirely toxic and deeply problematic for a supposedly prestigious educational institution.”

I looked quickly up at the VIP viewing box and saw Sakura standing right at the very edge of the heavily reinforced glass.

“I am going to completely dismantle that incredibly ugly metal toy and feed it directly to her!”

Her terrifying and entirely unhinged yandere scream echoed over the deafening roar of the massive stadium crowd.

“Please just stay safely in your assigned plush velvet seat!”

I really did not want my completely crazy childhood friend to violently interfere with the highly official duel.

“I will totally protect my perfect treasure from the giant and incredibly stupid metal bug!”

Her bright red hair was practically completely on fire with pure, unadulterated, and lethal killing intent.

“I can easily handle the weird and entirely out-of-place sci-fi robot entirely by myself.”

The official academy referee stumbled awkwardly backward away from the twenty-foot-tall mechanical titan. He raised the glowing yellow magical flag extremely high into the warm morning air. His pale hands shook so violently that he almost dropped the basic wooden stick as the massive sci-fi mecha powered up its advanced weapon systems with a terrifying, high-pitched whine.

“Official combatants, prepare yourselves immediately for the entirely lethal engagement.”

The referee’s weak voice cracked completely in half in pure and justified terror.

“Activating heavy non-lethal stun plasma output for maximum highly painful humiliation.”

Elara’s distorted robotic voice echoed loudly through the totally excessive arena speakers.

“You actually dialed down the entirely lethal weapon damage?”

I was genuinely surprised that she possessed a functional human conscience.

“I just intensely need to completely humiliate you in front of the entire elite viewing public.”

Her deeply rooted resentment for my completely fake and imaginary slacker lifestyle was totally misplaced.

“I am legitimately just a totally normal guy who heavily kneads sticky bread dough for six hours straight.”

The incredibly bright blue plasma energy gathered rapidly at the very tips of the heavy robotic cannons.

“Your completely pathetic and entirely useless baking skills cannot possibly save you from advanced alien weaponry.”

She was clearly projecting her ten years of agonizing magical inferiority complex entirely onto my average shoulders.

“You actually need to precisely weigh the completely dry ingredients on a highly accurate digital kitchen scale.”

I ignored her massive plasma cannons completely and focused my tired mind entirely on baking.

“What in the actual magical world are you even talking about right now?”

The giant mecha paused its highly aggressive combat advance for a single second of total confusion.

“If you actually add exactly 10% more warm water to the fine wheat flour, the dough becomes incredibly soft and highly elastic.”

I mentally and calmly calculated the highly precise hydration levels required for a totally perfect artisan sourdough loaf.

“Are you literally giving me a random cooking recipe during a highly lethal combat duel?”

The heavy radio static crackled incredibly loudly with her absolute, total, and complete utter disbelief.

“Professional baking is a deeply peaceful and highly rewarding scientific process that requires total mental clarity.”

The entire massive crowd stopped cheering entirely and stared directly at me in completely baffled silence.

“The completely terrified slacker has totally lost his pathetic mind in pure terror!”

A highly rich noble student laughed incredibly loudly from the very top row of the packed stone bleachers.

“I am completely and entirely unfazed by your incredibly weird and entirely out-of-place metal suit.”

I kept my totally bare and highly calloused hands entirely relaxed down by my cheap cotton pants pockets.

“I will completely and utterly obliterate your highly arrogant and entirely annoying chill vibe right now!”

Elara forcefully pushed the heavy robotic throttles entirely forward with maximum aggressive mechanical force.

“You really and truly need to try adding imported premium sweet butter to your highly stressful daily life.”

The highly terrified referee finally gathered enough tiny personal courage to swing his shaking arm entirely downward.

“Let the highly official and totally sanctioned academy duel completely begin!”

He dropped the glowing yellow magical flag directly into the dusty and cracked arena dirt. The massive sci-fi mecha lunged forward with terrifying, highly advanced, and completely undeniable mechanical speed.