Chapter 6 – Making My Stalker’s Life Easier

The school day felt different.

I walked out of the main gate with a new kind of swagger. It was the swagger of a man with a fan club. A very small, very weird fan club of one. The thought almost made me laugh out loud. My life was officially a manga plot.

The air was warm. Students chattered as they walked home. I scanned the street, my eyes peeled. I was looking for a flash of pink hair. A clumsy figure trying to hide behind a lamppost. I was not disappointed.

“She’s getting worse at this.”

《Or you’re getting dumber.》

“Hey, I resent that. I’m a master of the game.”

《You’re a master of getting zapped.》

“Details, details.”

She was trying to hide behind a ridiculously thin tree. Her bright pink hair was a dead giveaway. She looked like a flamingo trying to blend in with a flock of pigeons. It was adorable. And a little bit sad.

I decided to make her life easier.

“A true gentleman helps a lady in need.”

《You wouldn’t know a gentleman if one slapped you.》

“I’m wounded. Deeply.”

I pretended to stumble. My bag slipped from my shoulder. Its contents spilled across the sidewalk. Books, pens, and my student ID card. The ID card landed face up, my goofy picture staring at the sky. I made a big show of gathering my things. I “accidentally” kicked the ID card closer to the tree.

I picked up everything else. I made sure to leave the ID behind.

“Whoops. I must have missed one.”

《You’re an idiot.》

“I’m a romantic.”

I walked away without looking back. I could feel her eyes on me. I imagined her scurrying out from behind the tree. Her picking up the card. Her heart pounding. It was a classic move. Straight out of a romance novel.

The walk home was a minefield of potential shocks.

Every girl I saw was a trigger. The system was on high alert. I had to focus on the cracks in the sidewalk. On the clouds in the sky. Anything to keep my thoughts pure. It was exhausting.

“This is a full-time job.”

《It’s called self-control. You should try it sometime.》

“Where’s the fun in that?”

My apartment building came into view. It was a boring, beige box. But today, it felt like a castle. And I was the prince, leading the princess on a breadcrumb trail. A very weird, stalker-ish princess.

I fumbled with my keys at the door. I made sure to be extra clumsy. The key ring slipped from my grasp. It jingled as it hit the concrete. One key broke off from the ring. It was the spare key to my apartment.

“Oh, no. My spare key.”

《I can’t believe I’m stuck with you.》

“You love it.”

I picked up the key ring. I left the single key on the ground. It was right next to a potted plant. A very obvious, very convenient hiding place. I nudged it with my shoe. It was perfectly nestled in the dirt.

I unlocked my door and went inside.

My apartment was a mess. Clothes were thrown on the couch. Dishes were piled in the sink. It was a bachelor pad in every sense of the word. And it was not ready for a guest. Especially a guest who was breaking in.

“Time to clean up.”

《She’s a stalker, not a date.》

“You never know. A little ambiance can go a long way.”

I started with the living room. I folded the clothes. I stacked the magazines. I even fluffed the pillows on the couch. I wanted it to look like a cool, chill place. The kind of place a guy like me would live in.

I moved on to the kitchen. The dishes were a nightmare. I scrubbed and rinsed until my hands were sore. I wiped down the counters. I even took out the trash. The place was starting to look respectable.

“See? I can be a responsible adult.”

《Don’t get used to it.》

My bedroom was the final frontier. It was the most personal space. The place where she would learn the most about me. I had to get it right. I made my bed. I organized my desk. I even put away my collection of manga.

Well, most of it.

I left one volume on my nightstand. It was a classic romance story. A tale of star-crossed lovers. It was a subtle hint. A way of saying, “I’m a sensitive guy.”

“Perfect.”

《You’re going to get murdered.》

“It’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

I opened my window a crack. Just enough for a cool breeze to come in. And just enough for a determined stalker to slip through. It was an invitation. A challenge.

I sat on my newly fluffed couch. The apartment was quiet. The only sound was the hum of the refrigerator. I waited. The anticipation was killing me. Every creak of the building made me jump. Every car that passed by sounded like her.

“This is more exciting than any date I’ve ever been on.”

《That’s because you’re a loser.》

“A loser with a stalker. That’s a step up.”

Hours passed. The sun began to set. The sky turned a fiery orange. My hope started to fade. Maybe I had been wrong. Maybe she wasn’t a stalker. Maybe she was just a normal girl who happened to be in my apartment that one time.

Then I heard it.

A faint scratching sound at the window.

It was so quiet, I almost missed it. I held my breath. My heart pounded in my chest. The scratching stopped. A shadow fell across the floor. The window slid open. A figure climbed through.

It was her.

She was dressed in all black. A hoodie was pulled low over her face. She moved with a surprising grace. She was a ninja. A pink-haired ninja. She landed silently on the floor. She looked around the room, her eyes wide.

I stayed perfectly still. I was hidden in the shadows of the living room. She couldn’t see me. She tiptoed through the apartment. She was casing the joint. She picked up a picture frame from my desk. It was a picture of me and my family. She stared at it for a long time.

She moved to the kitchen. She opened the fridge. She looked disappointed. I guess she was expecting more than a half-empty bottle of ketchup and a carton of milk. She closed the door gently.

She was being a very polite burglar.

She made her way to the living room. She was getting closer. My heart was a drum solo in my ears. She was just a few feet away. She was going to see me. The game was over.

Then she stopped.

She looked at the couch. She looked right at me. I couldn’t see her eyes under the hood. But I could feel her gaze. It was intense. My mind raced. What do I do? What do I say?

“Nice place you got here.”

《Smooth. Real smooth.》

Her head tilted. She didn’t scream. She didn’t run. She just stood there. She was a statue in the moonlight. I could see a small smile playing on her lips.

This was going to be fun.