Chapter 7: The Comedian 2

“Yamanakaaa, you still playing the gag machine in high school?”

Gyahahaha! A crass laugh echoed.

Gag machine?

Misaki-chan was letting out little “ah”s and “oo”s, but couldn’t form any actual words.

“Hey, what’s the deal? Hurry up and answer, gag machine,” the gal said, nudging Misaki-chan. It was a light shove, the kind you’d give as a punchline. But there was no smile on Misaki-chan’s face. The other gal let out another “Kya-ha-ha!”

“Uh, ah… y… yeah.”

Misaki-chan looked down, her eyes still averted, and answered in a small voice.

So Misaki-chan was a gag machine? I could’ve sworn she was an eroge machine, and I’d be nodding enthusiastically to that.

“Is that guy your boyfriend?”

“…Nn-no. He’s not.”

Hearing Misaki-chan’s reply, the gal’s expression relaxed in relief.

“Right?! No way a gag-man like Yamanaka could get a boyfriend!”

Gyahaha, kya-ha-ha, the vulgar voices overlapped.

Misaki-chan just gave a weak, strained laugh. “Yeah. Haha…”

“Hey, you. We’re from Kita High. If you want, why don’t you hang out with us after this?”

“You gonna take away Yamanaka’s pal… and kidnap him?! Just kidding!”

The gals burst out laughing—gyahaha—at the incredibly lame joke.

“But for real, no joke, come hang with us,” one of the gals said, grabbing my wrist.

—Here it comes!

I’d been sensing the hostile atmosphere from the start, just waiting for things to go this way.

Seizing the opportunity, I leaned dramatically against Misaki-chan.

“Oh no, how scary. Misaki-chan, save me.”

Then, I discreetly took a little sniff of her neck.

Sniff, sniff.

Maybe it’s because she’s half-Japanese, but it was the scent of a girl—a sweet fragrance mixed with a hint of spice. To put it mildly, it was sublime!

It would be easy for me to repel these gals.

All I have to do is prostrate myself. There is no incident that cannot be solved with a dogeza.

But that wouldn’t get me a whiff of Misaki-chan’s scent.

So, I devised a plan. A way to parry the gals’ attack while getting to sniff Misaki-chan instead. Yes, the Mutual Sniff-Sniff Cancellation Phenomenon.

The gal, clearly annoyed that I was plastered to Misaki-chan, clicked her tongue once before a wicked smirk spread across her face.

“Fine. Take a look at this. It’s Yamanaka from middle school. You think you’ll still wanna be with her after seeing this?” The gal held her smartphone out to me.

“N-no… don’t! Please, stop!”

Misaki-chan lost her composure and tried to snatch the phone away—but the other gal blocked her path, stopping her cold.

I could have chosen not to look.

See nothing, know nothing, act like nothing happened. I could have turned a blind eye.

I knew that was the safe thing to do. That it was what Misaki-chan wanted.

But if I do that, nothing will change.

I want to know more about Misaki-chan. The parts I can respect. The parts I can laugh at and call dumb. Even the awful things that would make me recoil. More.

I want to know my cute kouhai, and I want to help her.

I looked at it.

It was a photo booth picture saved to her phone.

Surrounded by the gals with their familiar “gyahaha” expressions was Misaki-chan, making a face so ridiculous it defied imagination.

She was contorting her beautiful features as much as she possibly could.

I understood in an instant.

This wasn’t a goofy face she was making because she wanted to liven things up.

The mocking looks on the gals’ faces told the whole story.

This was “bullying” disguised as “teasing.”

She was probably forced to do it.

“Uuu… hic…”

Misaki-chan’s face flushed bright red with shame as she started to cry. Seeing this, the gals’ smiles only deepened.

“What’dya think? Hilarious, right?” the gal said, leaning her face close to mine, trying to close the distance between us in one go.

She seemed convinced that showing me this would make us instant friends.

The gal’s lips twisted into a smirk.

It was a dirty smile that looked down on people.

It was a cruel smile that had no qualms about hurting others.

It was a jealous smile that envied others.

I—

“Pfft—! Ahahahahahahahahaha! I can’t take it! Bwahahahahahaha!”

—burst out laughing.

I couldn’t hold it in anymore.

I’d been trying so hard to keep it together, to not ruin the serious atmosphere.

No, if anything, I think I did a damn good job holding back for this long in the face of Misaki-chan’s ultimate goofy face.

But this is my limit!

The gal is cruel? Her smile is dirty? Who cares about any of that!

More importantly, Misaki-chan! She’s too hilarious!

Just like the gal said, this is absolutely hilarious!

The gal, looking satisfied at my explosive laughter, spoke up.

“See? Hang around a gag-man like her and her goofy face will rub off on you. Ditch this loser and come hang with us.”

I clutched my stomach, wheezing, with tears of laughter welling in my eyes, and somehow managed to calm myself down.

Wiping at my lower eyelids with my index finger, I muttered, “Ah, that was hilarious,” then looked the gal dead in the eye.

“But you know, I think I’ll stick with Misaki-chan after all.”

The gal let out a dumbfounded “Huh,” either because she didn’t hear me or because it was the last response she expected.

“I mean, come on. Why would I leave a girl this hilarious?”

“…Huh? Wait… what?” The gal still didn’t seem to get it, her eyes darting around.

“Look, I’ll spell it out for you,” I explained further. “She’s so good at making people laugh, being with Misaki-chan is a hundred times more fun than being with you guys.”

“Hey, you. Did you get a good look at that hideous face? It’s embarrassing to be seen with her, you know?” Realizing she was being rejected, the gal started to panic.

“I saw it! Oh, I saw it! Pfft-kukuku. That was the sickest goofy face ever! Seeing that just made me like Misaki-chan even more.”

“L-l-l-like?!” Misaki-chan’s face, from her cheeks to her ears, turned beet red as she stammered out my own words.

“Wh-what?! Are you being serious—” the gal started to say.

Just then, a husky, high-volume voice suddenly boomed, drowning her out.

“—AS CAN I!”

The unexpected shout made everyone freeze. The voice came from the Bakumatsu Patriot Gal. She’d been watching silently this whole time, only to suddenly scream now. The Patriot Gal continued.

“Can I, too, create the kind of laughter that brings people happiness, just like Yamanaka-san!”

The Patriot Gal’s hands were trembling. Her face was fearful, yet her eyes, filled with some newfound resolve, were unwavering and locked straight ahead.

In that moment, I understood. The Patriot Gal was in the same boat. Now that the other gals had lost their toy named Misaki-chan, the Patriot Gal was next in line.

The two gals glared at the Patriot Gal, who flinched and shrank back under their silent pressure.

Before they could say anything, I took Misaki-chan’s arm and stepped between them and the Patriot Gal.

Then, I answered her question.

“Of course you can. You can even make men swoon for you. Like this.”

I rested my head on Misaki-chan’s shoulder and sweetly traced a small circle on her collarbone with my finger.

“A-hyaaii?! Sh-Sh-Shin-chan-senpai?!”

Misaki-chan froze solid, her face the color of a boiled octopus.

Eroticism saves people. Let her prove it firsthand.

I slowly brought my mouth to Misaki-chan’s ear—

Gulp.

I heard the sound of Misaki-chan swallowing.

—and took her earlobe in my mouth. “Hyaaaaun,” a voice cried out.

I saw a light ignite in the Patriot Gal’s eyes.

Eroticism saves people. Emboldened by it, there was no longer any fear in her eyes.

The Patriot Gal softly closed her eyes and muttered.

“Show me that filthy smile once more…”

Then, her eyes snapped open and this time, she screamed.

“I shall now commence with the LAUNDERING!”

“Wha-hey?! Stop, stop it! Don’t you dare take off my uniform!”

“You idiot, st-damn it, don’t unhook my bra!”

The Patriot Gal lunged at the other two, desperately trying to strip their clothes off. I guess she really wanted to do their laundry.

I caught a glimpse of a lime-green bra.

Nice, keep it up.

Seeing they were outmatched, the gals took off running.

The Patriot Gal chased after them, screaming, “Yeehawww! The dawn of dongs is upon us!”

…I may have just awakened something terrible.

No, forget it.

Yeah, let’s just do that.

Afterward, once she had calmed down, Misaki-chan apologized to me.

Apparently, she didn’t have any friends in middle school, and those gals let her into their group half as a joke.

And there, she was made into their punching bag, under the title of ‘comic relief.’

This is just my guess, but I think they were jealous of her beauty and wanted to drag her down.

Hearing her story, and knowing full well that this was her trauma…

…I still wanted it.

I just couldn’t give up on it.

Misaki-chan’s goofy face.

I mean, that face was a miracle! A masterpiece!

I thought it would be great to have a copy to keep in my wallet, something to look at when I’m feeling down.

It would blow away any gloomy feelings in an instant.

I scanned the area, looking for it.

And when I found what I was looking for, I pointed it out to Misaki-chan.

“Hey, hey, Misaki-chan. Over there.”

At the tip of my finger was a corner full of photo booths.

“Since we’re here, why don’t we take some together?”

I suggested, smiling brightly.

Ah, thank goodness.

Misaki-chan was smiling, too.

♦︎

(A few days later)

“Huh?! What’s this! Hey! President, you have to see this!”

I was stopped by the secretary, Momoyama Haruka.

Haruka picked up a small piece of paper from the floor and handed it to me.

It looked like a photo booth picture.

It’s not that strange to find one of these lying around, I thought as I took it.

I glanced down at it.

There were Shin-chan and Misaki. The two of them were in the photo, side-by-side, looking like they were having fun.

Normally, this would be where I’d go mad with jealousy.

And I’m sure the jealousy will come later.

But what came first was an explosion of laughter.

“Pfft! Hah, ahahahahahahahahahah! What is this! Ahahahahahah! Why are they both making goofy faces?!”

Haruka, who had been holding it in, also burst out laughing. We were both clutching our stomachs, rolling with laughter.

The Student Council room was filled with the sound.

There is never a shortage of laughter in the Student Council room.

That’s because we have two of the ultimate comedians right here.

The goofy faces in this student council are on another level!