Chapter 6: The Comedian

The tranquil, after-school Student Council Room.

A peaceful space had formed where the only sounds were Misaki-chan and I sipping our tea. The other members hadn’t arrived yet.

I slowly took a sip of tea, letting it fill my mouth.

Mmm. Perfect.

Indeed, tea is the very symbol of tranquility. I’ve always loved the sound of sipping it.

Do I drink tea because I’m thirsty, or because I want to conduct that sipping sound?

Now it was Misaki-chan’s turn to sip her tea. Mmm, a fine melody.

I, too, brought the teacup to my lips for another sip, to add to the sounds of tea—

“Shin-chan senpai, you sometimes sniff the president’s blazer, don’t you?”

“PFFFFT! Cough, cough!”

I magnificently sprayed my drink.

The ‘symbol of tranquility’ was scattered about like a fine mist. An act far removed from tranquility.

Misaki-chan didn’t even complain. She just took a handkerchief from her pocket and wiped my face, along with the ‘ruins of tranquility’ I had dispersed. What a capable kouhai.

“I-I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Secret Technique: Play Dumb! Most situations can be resolved with this one phrase. I widened my eyes, doing my best to look natural.

“Oh, I’ve got it on camera, so you don’t have to pretend.”

It’s no use! Of course! This girl isn’t that naive!

As I stood there silently, wondering what to do, Misaki-chan glared at me and spoke in an interrogating tone.

“It’s not fair that it’s only the president! Do you like the president, Shin-chan senpai?”

What an awkward question. For now, I just widened my eyes again.

“Don’t try to dodge the question,” she threatened, her expression deadly serious.

Misaki-chan is on another level of scary today. She’s approaching Momoyama-level scary.

If you’re asking if I like her or not, then yes, I like the president.

She’s a loli, her face is cute, and her chest is huge. She’s kind, a good caretaker, and her family’s rich. Come to think of it, the president is a high-spec loli with zero negative traits. Huh? You’re asking if being a loli is a negative trait? You idiot! There’s no way being a loli is a negative! Loli is justice! I won’t forgive anyone who speaks ill of lolis!

But I love this space where I can fool around with everyone in the student council. If I started dating just one of them, this would all, without a doubt, fall apart. Now, some might think I should just date them all.

It’s true that in the wider world, the word ‘cheating’ only applies to women, and it’s perfectly normal for a man to have multiple partners or spouses.

But the girls I’d be dealing with are the members of this student council. No matter how much this world might encourage harems, they would never accept ‘sharing nicely.’ A Student Council Battle Royale breaking out is more obvious than the sun in the sky. I didn’t want to see that kind of student council.

“I like ‘this student council.’ I don’t see myself as liking any one person.”

“That’s a lie! Otherwise, you wouldn’t always be sniffing only the president’s blazer! You do like her after all!”

I noticed tears welling in her eyes as she glared at me.

Thump.

My heart jabbed me. A palpitation, accompanied by a cold sweat, ordered me: Say something, anything! Hurry!

“N-No, no! That’s not it! About the sniffing… the president is always leaving her blazer around so carelessly, so my sexual desire just sort of swells up, ah, but the swelling is more in my crotch and—”

What am I even saying? And for that matter, why am I revealing the state of my swollen crotch? I didn’t know what I was saying anymore.

But for whatever reason, it worked. Misaki-chan let out a small laugh.

“You’re hopeless, you know,” she said with a sigh. “Alright, then let me sniff you, Shin-chan senpai. That’ll make us even.”

Misaki-chan smiled. I couldn’t help but smile back.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

And then, I said.

“Wait, how is that even remotely the same thing?!”

What’s with this ‘I’m making a concession’ vibe? What kind of nonsensical demand is this girl making?!

“It’s not different. It’s the Mutual Sniffing Cancellation Phenomenon. It’s been established by recent studies.”

“What the hell is a ‘Mutual Sniffing Cancellation Phenomenon’?! The phrasing is just weird! That ‘sniffing’ part feels incredibly out of place! And don’t think you can get me to believe anything just by saying ‘recent studies’!”

As expected, Misaki-chan didn’t offer a source for her information. Spouting nonsense with a straight face was her M.O.

But I wasn’t just going to be talked into a corner.

“If you’re calling it ‘Mutual Sniffing Cancellation,’ then I should be the one sniffing you, Misaki-chan! That’s what a true Mutual Sniffing Cancellation Phenomenon would be!”

With this, I won’t get sniffed. In fact, I get to sniff Misaki-chan directly! Hooray for the Mutual Sniffing Cancellation Phenomenon!

“What’s a ‘Mutual Sniffing Cancellation Phenomenon’? It sounds so dumb written out,” Misaki-chan scoffed.

“You’re the one who came up with it!”

Is she messing with me? This girl’s head is screwed on wrong in a completely different way than Momoyama’s. This is bad.

“I don’t mind doing the sniffing, but I don’t want to be sniffed. It’s embarrassing, and I’m probably all sweaty,” Misaki-chan said, fidgeting.

The fact that I managed to stop myself from saying, “Isn’t that the best part?” was a testament to my incredible self-control.

“I don’t want to either. I had gym today, and I got super sweaty.”

“Really?!”

Misaki-chan’s eyes lit up at the word “sweat.”

Getting excited over ‘I got sweaty’… She’s such a deviant. My kind of people.

“No, seriously, no way. Guy sweat smells awful!”

“Isn’t that the best part?!”

Misaki-chan blurted out the very words I had hesitated to say, without a moment’s pause.

Her deviancy surpasses her sense of shame… Is that even possible?! Basically, none of the members of this student council hesitate when it comes to lewd comments. They’re quick on the draw. In a bad way.

“Shin-chan senpai, don’t you know that perversion saves people?”

“For every bit of you that gets saved, a piece of me dies!”

“In that case, I’ll just have to save you by giving you some of my perversion, Shin-chan senpai.”

Hmm, that’s actually… kind of appealing…?

No, bad! Don’t be swayed. Absolutely not!

“Seriously! Seriously, please give me a break! I’m begging you!”

Without a moment’s pause, I dropped into a full-on formal bow, my forehead to the floor.

From directly above me, in my world that had been reduced to nothing but flooring, I heard a loud sigh.

Wait a second. When did our positions become fixed, with me begging and Misaki-chan granting forgiveness? Why am I the one bowing on the ground? I’m her senpai.

“Oh, honestly. You’re hopeless. Fine, take me on a date instead. A date on the way home from school.”

When I lifted my head, Misaki-chan was smiling down at me.

The word “angel” popped into my head.

“Alright. Then let’s head out right now,” I said, and Misaki-chan looked surprised.

“Huh? What about the student council meeting?”

“Let’s just the two of us ditch.”

That way, the chances of the other three spotting us are lower. By making the other student council members wait for us in the clubroom, we can keep them tied down there.

I feel a little bad about it, but it’s a necessary sacrifice. Sorry, guys.

“Our own little escape. Hehe.”

I took the hand Misaki-chan offered me.

And so, our great escape began.

♦︎

The blare of electronic sounds and the clattering clamor pouring out from every direction.

Inside the noisy store, you couldn’t have a conversation without leaning in close, so the physical distance between us inevitably shrank. When I wanted to tell Misaki-chan something, I had to bring my mouth close to her small, cute, smooth little ear, and in turn, every time Misaki-chan said something, her breath would brush against my own ear.

Arcades are so lewd. They’re a place for ear-play.

I decided that if anyone ever invited me to an arcade again, I would curse them out, screaming, “You pervert!”

That said, since I was the one who picked the destination this time, I had no right to complain. I figured if I let Misaki-chan choose, she’d probably pick a love hotel or something, so I just decided for us.

I thought I was being considerate since she likes games, but I never knew coming to an arcade with a girl could be this erotic.

“What should we play?♪” Misaki-chan chirped excitedly. So cute.

I always tend to focus on Misaki-chan’s deviant side, but without any exaggeration, her looks are worthy of the title ‘a beauty of the ages.’

Her translucent, platinum-blonde hair and mature, well-defined features are balanced in perfect harmony with her friendly and adorable personality. I’ve lost count of how many times that gap has made my heart race. If it weren’t for the bizarre acts she pulls on a regular basis, she’d be perfect.

I had already decided on the first game we would play.

“Let’s do Merio Kart,” I said, sitting in the driver’s seat. Misaki-chan sat down in the one next to me, saying, “Okayyy.”

Merio Kart—a racing game where you control carts driven by a brass-knuckle-wielding delinquent and his merry friends, all competing for first place.

The first time I touched this game was a week after I was transported to this world. Maybe I was starved for some hot-blooded manliness in a world full of women. I was drawn to Merio Kart and got completely hooked. The passionate story woven by the brass-knuckle-wielding delinquent moved my heart, and wanting to know everything about Merio, I crammed my head with every secret technique and hidden stage.

“I’ll be Pineapple Princess〜♪” Misaki-chan said cheerfully as she selected her character.

Pineapple Princess, huh. Sure, in terms of ease of use, she’s an excellent character for beginners. But Pineapple Princess is a trash-tier character whose light weight gets her sent flying, crashing from the slightest bump.

To choose a character with no right to exist… Heh, she’s still so green.

My character, of course, is Merio. There’s no way my three years of accumulated Merio Spirit is going to lose to some little girl.

Time to show Misaki-chan my manliness and my competitive strength, and teach her the difference in our class!

Now, it’s showtime!

“Shin-chan senpai, why are your arms spread out? You’re in the way.”

(5 minutes later)

WINNER: PINEAPPLE!

“Yay! I wiiin!♪” Misaki-chan hopped up and down.

No.

No, no, no, no. This is beginner’s luck. It has to be.

I’ve been playing this game since my second year of middle school, you know? There’s no way I can lose.

There’s no way my Merio Spirit can lose!

“O-One more time!”

“Okayyy.”

I inserted the coins with a clink.

Alright, this time for sure…

It’s the start of showtime!

“Seriously, what’s with the spread arms? Is that an out-of-game attack?”

(5 minutes later)

WINNER: PINEAPPLE!

This time, Misaki-chan didn’t celebrate.

She looked at me awkwardly.

“WHYYYYYYYYYY!”

“I-It’s okay, Shin-chan senpai! You’re cute! You have a supreme ‘cuteness’ that no one else can ever reach! You’re so bad you’re cute! Awfully cute!”

“Don’t call me awful!”

I was getting desperate now. “Next, we settle this with that!” I shouted, pointing at an air hockey table.

There’s no way I can lose to a girl at this, right?!

(5 minutes later)

“Yaaay! My win.”

…I lost, plain and simple.

“There’s no way a boy could beat a girl, you know,” Misaki-chan said with a laugh, patting my head. Dammit, and she’s my kouhai!

I’d forgotten that the power balance between men and women is reversed in this world. It’s still a mystery to me how those slender arms are more powerful than mine.

“Oh, Shin-chan senpai! That! Let’s get that!”

Misaki-chan pointed at a UFO catcher with a giant stuffed animal as a prize and took off running. I chased after her with a wry smile, thinking, There’s no way we can win that.

After that, we messed around with a punching machine and a quiz game, having a blast together.

It happened while we were taking a break on a bench, exhausted from playing.

Suddenly, Misaki-chan let out a small “Ah,” and lowered her head.

A moment later, a trio of flashy-looking gals approached us, talking loudly. “LOL, for reeeal,” “That’s, like, crazy,” “Forsooth, thy humble servant doth completely concur. Toppling the bakufu is, like, totally wild.” One of them was talking like a samurai from the end of the Edo period, but she looked just like a regular gal.

What a weird gal, I thought, avoiding eye contact and sipping on my apple juice. But one of them came closer.

“Whoa! No way! It’s Yamanakaaa!”

She pointed at Misaki-chan and shouted.

Misaki-chan’s face went pale, her eyes darting toward the gal.

“Long time no see, Yamanakaaa!” another gal said.

Misaki-chan only managed a small, “Yeah… long time.” Her gaze wandered, never settling.

What’s this? Are they friends of Misaki-chan’s?

But the way Misaki-chan was acting bothered me.

The gal spoke, her tone mocking Misaki-chan.

“Hey, Yamanakaaa, you still playing the gag machine in high school?”

A wave of vulgar laughter echoed around them.

To be continued in the second half…