Chapter 3: Cosplay

“So, you see, this Point P, which is in uniform motion, is a very lonely point. It has a trauma from being betrayed by a lover in the past and carries a deep wound in its heart. However, a fateful encounter with Point A—”

“—Forget about Point P’s past, can you just tell me how to find the answer?!”

I was in the student council room, being tutored in math by Misaki-chan. Or I was supposed to be. When did this turn into the love story of Point P…?

Some might think it’s strange to be taught by a kouhai. But Misaki-chan is a certifiable genius. According to her, math up to the third year of high school is a total breeze.

So easy, in fact, that she has to invent some bizarre story to go along with it.

“What I’m looking for is the coordinates of Point P, not the Tale of Point P.”

“Hmph… But if I don’t start the story from there, you won’t get the answer, you know?”

“The Tale of Point P is the one and only solution?!”

As Misaki-chan droned on about the changes in Point P’s emotional state, Momoyama muttered from the side.

“To be wanted that much by Shin-chan… I’m jealous of Point P’s coordinates.”

That’s the first time I’ve ever seen someone get jealous of a mathematical solution. I sensed danger, so I decided to pretend I hadn’t heard Momoyama’s muttering.

“And that’s when, you see, Point P said it. ‘It’s an orgy at Tsukiji at 3’.”

Misaki-chan is unstoppable. Also, what kind of situation is an orgy at Tsukiji at 3?

Just then, Kaoru-senpai opened her mouth, as if she could bear it no longer. She began to scold Misaki-chan in a stern tone.

“Misaki. Isn’t that a little off?”

“Yeah, yeah! You tell her, Kaoru-senpai!” I egged her on.

Kaoru-senpai gave a solemn nod, then turned her knees toward Misaki-chan and looked her straight in the eye. A senior confronting her junior head-on to guide her. She’s a model upperclassman. I love that passionate side of Kaoru-senpai.

“Misaki,” Kaoru-senpai said. Misaki-chan looked up at her, her gaze slightly downcast. It might be a little rough, but getting a good scolding now and then is for Misaki-chan’s own good.

“Misaki. Did you properly establish Point P’s sexual fetishes? If you don’t obsess over the details, your story won’t have any depth! For this, let’s make Point P a super-masochist. Point M.”

“That’s not it, Kaoru-senpai. That’s not what I was trying to say at all.”

What is this senpai saying?! What the hell is Point M! She’s not a model upperclassman at all! She’s a pervert!

Misaki-chan put a finger to her chin and said, “I see,” then scribbled a memo in her notebook.

And you, don’t you go learning from that! This isn’t a “That’s very educational” moment. There’s absolutely nothing to be impressed by here.

At that moment, without any knock, the door to the student council room was thrown open with force.

The President made a slow entrance, then stopped abruptly and struck a pose.

Then she took another two or three steps and posed again. Another two or three steps, another pose.

As always, the balance of annoying and cute is so exquisite that it’s hard to know how to react.

Since no one else was going to say anything, I reluctantly spoke up.

“…………President. What’s with the outfit?”

A navy blue hat and necktie. A blue shirt with an armband. A short, tight navy blue skirt. In her hand, she held a lime-green water pistol.

For some reason, the President was cosplaying as a police officer.

Overall, it was an adorable cosplay, like something a kid at Kidzania would wear, but one part of it was a completely different story.

The two mystical mounds pushing powerfully against the third button of her blue shirt—no, there’s no need for metaphors anymore. I’ll just say it. In short—

—Her boobs are huge!

The President has a baby face and looks like an elementary schooler, but her boobs are as developed as a gravure model’s! It’s magnificent! Bravo!

As I gave the President a silent round of applause, she must have misunderstood something, because she gave me a wink and blew a kiss my way.

Ah, no. I’m good, thanks.

“We’re taking pictures for the newsletter today!” the President announced cheerfully.

“So that’s why you’re in a police cosplay. I see,” Misaki-chan said, showing immediate understanding.

Whoa, hold on. Isn’t that a little too quick on the uptake? The student council and the police have nothing to do with each other. What do you mean, ‘So that’s why’? What do you mean, ‘I see’? You’re definitely just bluffing your way through this, Misaki-chan.

While I was inwardly making fun of Misaki-chan, she began to explain on the President’s behalf.

“You wanted a comical and fanciful image, so you borrowed a bunch of things from the drama club, right? The idea is for all of us to cosplay for the photos.”

“Precisely.”

She understood it perfectlyyyy!

Isn’t that weird?! Being able to communicate on that level, isn’t that weird?!

Leaving me to my internal retorts, everyone grabbed an outfit of their choosing and went to change.

【10 MINUTES LATER】

“Ta-da! What do you think? Shin-chan?” Momoyama asked, spinning in a circle.

The outfit Momoyama had chosen was a pure white nurse’s uniform. As is tradition, the skirt was so short you’d think, ‘No nurse actually dresses like that.’ She held a syringe in her hand and smiled gently.

Momoyama’s drooping eyes, the very embodiment of gentleness, were a perfect match for the nursing profession. It suited her well.

I’d love for her to take care of me.

“Isn’t this a little revealing?” Kaoru-senpai asked, twisting her body to check her back.

Kaoru-senpai was in a red cheongsam with a slit that offered a dazzling view of her thigh. The dress’s hem went down to her ankles, but the deep slit highlighted her slender legs. You could call it the ultimate in peek-a-boo fashion.

It was an outfit that only Kaoru-senpai, the sole “sexy” member of the otherwise “cute” student council, could pull off.

“I have returned, Master,” said Misaki-chan, dressed in a maid uniform. She held the hem of her skirt slightly and beamed.

It was, in a word, adorable. It wasn’t one of those pervy Akiba-style maid outfits, but a classical, long-skirted one.

While it might be slightly less titillating than the others, Misaki-chan’s chiseled features gave her the air of a real maid, and it suited her perfectly. Her cheerful demeanor was also a huge plus. I want a maid like that, too.

“Shin-chan, what are you mumbling about? We’ve got one for you, too! Go get changed.”

Prompted by the President, I headed for the drama club room.

【10 MINUTES LATER】

“………………”

“Woooow! So cute! Shin-chan!”

“Yeah. It suits you well.”

“Shin-chan, look over here~!”

Click… click-click

I squinted at the flashing lights.

The student council members praised me. I was half-amazed at how they could come up with one compliment after another, just like that.

Also, Misaki-chan. Can you stop taking a million pictures without saying anything? Where did you even get that DSLR?

The praise was nice and all, but I couldn’t help but question this outfit.

The President said again, her face entranced.

“Shin-chan, it really suits you! That Desghidorah!”

Yes. It was Desghidorah.

I was the only one dressed as Desghidorah.

Desghidorah is the three-headed, dragon-like monster villain from the kaiju movie Jigora.

The outfit the President had chosen for me was a mascot suit of that Desghidorah.

“Why am I the only one in a mascot suit instead of a cosplay?!”

Saying Desghidorah suits me… what do you people usually think of me?!

How am I supposed to take that as a compliment?!

It’s so baffling, I’m starting to feel like they’re making a fool of me.

“Huh? It’s super cute, isn’t it?! Shin-chan Desghidorah!”

I don’t get the President’s sensibilities.

Gleaming eyes and gleaming scales. My face just pokes out from a hole in the chest, with three necks extending from above my head. My head feels a little heavy.

I just can’t see any cute elements in this. It’s just goofy.

However, it’s not like my protests were going to be heard, so the photoshoot for the newsletter began as planned.

For a while, we all had fun taking pictures together, but we were amateurs cosplaying for an amateur photographer. After about thirty minutes, we started to get bored.

It was right around then that the President suggested, “Hey, why don’t we try doing a little skit?”

“A skit! That’s a great idea!”

“Sounds interesting.”

“Let’s do it, let’s do it♪”

They’re way too eager for this.

I looked at the student council members one by one.

A cop. A Chinese girl. A nurse. A maid. And Desghidorah.

How are we supposed to make a story out of this?

Isn’t Desghidorah clearly the odd one out here?

Ignoring my concerns, the President shot her hand up and proposed a setting.

“Okay, let’s do this. The beautiful detective Tomomi Saijou, along with her partner Desghidorah, is hunting the criminal organization ‘Nurse Maid in China’!”

“Having Desghidorah as your partner makes for a world that’s way too weird!”

I, the mighty Desghidorah, couldn’t stop myself from retorting, smacking the back of my hand against the tiny detective.

The squishy elasticity of a boob bounced back against my hand, and Desghidorah was enveloped in happiness.

“Wait a minute! President!” Misaki-chan objected.

Yeah, you’re right. This setting is just too weird.

That’s Misaki-chan for you. She’s a girl who speaks her mind when she has to.

Misaki-chan shot back, her voice sharp enough to spray spit.

“That ‘maid’ sounds like ‘made,’ as in the past tense of ‘make’! It sounds like it means ‘a nurse who was made in China’! I’m a ‘maid’ as in the servant!”

Misaki-chan protested, her English pronunciation pointlessly perfect.

Wait, that’s what you’re protesting? Why are you getting slightly angry about something like that?

This time, Momoyama started to continue the story on her own, without asking anyone for permission.

“However, while Desghidorah is a detective, he falls in love with one of the enemy executives, Nurse Haruka Momoyama. And after this and that, it’s the climax! The two share a sweet kiss.”

Momoyama pulled one of Desghidorah’s three heads toward her and actually kissed it. The Desghidorah head bent in a direction it wasn’t supposed to. Right in front of me, a sloppy make-out session was carried out between Momoyama and the right Desghidorah with the broken neck.

What on earth am I being forced to watch? As I recoiled in disgust, Kaoru-senpai raised a voice of admiration.

“I see! You chose this costume so you could easily kiss Shinichi! Clever thinking, Tomomi!”

Kaoru-senpai praised the President as she explained.

If she really chose it for that reason, she’s a monumental idiot. But the scary thing about this student council president is that I can’t definitively say that’s not the case. Fundamentally, she’s an unfathomable idiot.

Kaoru-senpai and Misaki-chan also grabbed the left and middle Desghidorah heads, one each, and started smooching them.

I had a high-impact, close-up view of beautiful girls’ kissing faces.

The Desghidorah, standing there with a strained look on its face, being devoured by a Chinese girl, a nurse, and a maid.

What is this situation?

As I stood there at a loss, Detective President dragged a chair over with a clatter and placed it right in front of me.

Then, without taking off her school slippers, she climbed onto it and said,

“Okay, then I’ll take this one~”

Wait. No. No no no no?! Seriously?!

I squeezed my eyes shut tight and prepared for a kiss on my actual body.

—But the kiss never came.

Instead, I got boobs.

My face was sandwiched between the President’s boobs, and she hugged my head tightly.

It smells so good~

So soft~

I took the opportunity to take deep, sharp breaths, again and again.

Perhaps because my breath hit the valley of her chest, the President let out a small “Nn.”

Even through the blue shirt of her police officer cosplay, I could clearly feel this elasticity, this warmth. And the faint, sweet citrus scent.

The little Ghidorah inside the Desghidorah stood up.

“Huh?! Hey! What do you think you’re doing?! Get away from Shinichi-senpai!” Misaki-chan yelled, tossing the Desghidorah head at the President. Hey, treat it with more care. That’s your make-out partner.

“Tomomi! You! No fair getting a head start!” Kaoru-senpai shouted, slamming her fist into a Desghidorah head. Please, no violence. That’s your make-out partner.

“President! Red card! You’re ejected! A straight red! You’re suspended for the next match, too!” Momoyama screamed, strangling a Desghidorah neck. Stop, its neck is turning into a twisted doughnut. That’s your make-o— you know the rest.

It was fast after that. As if they’d had some kind of special training, the make-out crew skillfully hoisted the President up and, as usual, carried her off like a calf to the market.

“Noooooo! Help me, Desghidoraaaaaah!”

The President’s dying scream echoed.

Being asked for help by Desghidorah doesn’t help me.

And so, silence fell upon the student council room.

I guess I’m all alone again.

“…………Time to go home.”

As was custom, I set off on my way home.

My biggest mistake that day was probably forgetting to change my clothes before I left. I thought my head felt a little heavy, but I didn’t notice until I got home.

At home, my mother and sister took a million pictures of me, calling me cute, and to top it all off, the next day’s school newspaper featured me on the front page with the headline, “An Overly Cute Desghidorah Appears.”

Desghidorah’s popularity is insane.