Chapter 2: The Problem with Shin-chan Being Way Too Nice to Every Girl Indiscriminately

“Shin-chan. Are you finished with the math worksheet yet?”

I was approached by Momoyama, the student council secretary, in the classroom.

Momoyama and I are in the same class.

For me, Momoyama, who talks to me so casually, was a soothing presence.

At this school, there was an unspoken rule that ‘girls must not confess their feelings to boys.’ If that were allowed, so many girls would flock to the boys it would disrupt their daily lives.

This rule had an offshoot, and not a few girls interpreted it as ‘you must not speak carelessly to boys.’

And what’s the result of that?

I get isolated. The overwhelmingly small number of boys are almost never grouped together in the same class. And the girls just watch us from a distance. It’s sad.

I smiled at my soothing stalker, Momoyama.

“Yeah. Thanks for collecting them.”

“This is part of my job as class president, after all.”

A dimple appeared as Momoyama smiled back.

Besides being the student council secretary, Momoyama also serves as the class president; she’s extremely good at managing things and has outstanding leadership qualities.

Her grades are excellent, and her athletic skills aren’t bad either. On top of that, she’s quite beautiful. If you exclude the fact that she’s a stalker, she’s a perfect human being. Seriously, why are you a stalker?

When I handed her the worksheet, Momoyama said a quick, “Thanks,” and went to collect the other students’ papers.

Immediately after, someone suddenly slung their arm around my shoulders.

A hard, bony arm.

Oh, it’s just a guy.

“Yo, Shin-chan! Your eyes look like a sleepy old cat’s, as always.”

“Hey, Takuya. Stop it. Let go.”

The girls around us were glancing over, whispering something to each other. Someone snapped a pic with their phone. It’s probably because Takuya is such a hottie.

Takuya, one of my few male friends, is a rare case in this world with its 1:20 male-to-female ratio; he’s a hottie who also has great social skills. The typical hottie in this world possesses an arrogance that would make an oil baron run for the hills. Takuya, however, is an affable guy you can actually talk to.

If anything, he’s much more of a protagonist than I am. I almost wish we could switch places.

By the way, he’s also one of those guys with his life together—he even has a super-hot older girlfriend.

“Stop throwing your arm around me all the time! It’s so annoying!”

“What’s the big deal, Shin-chan? Don’t be so cold. The girls around us are happy about it, see?”

Several girls were nodding in agreement. When I shot them a contemptuous look, there was even a champion among them who blushed and made an ecstatic face. A total pervert.

“I’m the one who doesn’t like it! What kind of guy is happy about being hugged by another guy?!”

“What’s that? You say it like you’d be okay with it if it were a girl.”

“Well, of course. And a cute girl would be even better.”

The words slipped out, an answer based on the norms of my old world.

From all around me came a simultaneous clattering sound. What? Is this a flash mob?

“No way…”

“So there’s a chance…?”

“Hey Siri, how to get from a hug to sex.”

…………

La la la, I can’t hear you, can’t hear you.

I’m not the one at fault. I’m not the one at fault.

If I get a lucky pervert moment out of this, it’s completely beyond my control.

Right?

I suddenly felt a dark wave and whipped my head around.

It was Momoyama.

She was watching me with a sweet smile, but she was shrouded in a dark aura.

If this were the world of a manga, that aura alone would probably be enough to make me pass out. It was that potent. The kind used by conquerors.

Is it because I’m trying to trigger a lucky pervert moment? What sharp intuition.

“Dude, you’d be happy if a girl in our grade hugged you? You’ve gotta be nuts.”

“Shut up!”

In this world, there isn’t a single guy who would be happy if a girl suddenly hugged him. It’s probably just me.

In my original world, it’d be like a girl getting suddenly hugged by a strange man. There’d be nothing but fear.

As Takuya laughed casually, I prompted him with a “So?”

Takuya tilted his head with a dumb look. “Huh?” Well, he’s an idiot, so it can’t be helped. It’s cruel to point out things people can’t fix through effort.

“You came all the way to my classroom during the 10-minute break. You must’ve needed something, right?”

“Oh! Right, right! My class has geography next, and I forgot my textbook. Kitamura from geography is merciless even with the guys, you know? So, Shin-chan! Please! I’m begging you! Let me borrow your textbook!”

Kitamura-sensei really is scary, that’s for sure.

He’s a good teacher who doesn’t discriminate based on gender, but because he scolds the boys without mercy, he’s wildly unpopular with the girls who want to protect them.

“Yeah, whatever. Just don’t draw on it.”

“What am I, an elementary schooler?!”

“I’m saying it because you’re exactly the type who would.”

This is the guy who draws dicks on photos of great women in history.

I took the textbook out of my desk and handed it to Takuya.

Just then, someone suddenly jumped into our conversation from the side.

“I-I know, right? Kitamura is the worst! I can’t be-believe he’d scold you, Takuya-kun!”

It was Chiba-san, who sits next to me.

Her dyed-blonde hair is a little damaged, and her makeup is a bit thick. To put it plainly, she’s a gal. But she’s conventionally cute. The baseline for looks in this world is absurdly high. Maybe it’s an evolution to survive the competition with so few men around.

Chiba-san, who seemed to have been looking for the right moment to jump in, raised her voice with a slightly unnatural enthusiasm, her words stuttering a bit. It looked like she was trying to hide her nervousness by forcing a cheerful front.

Takuya is popular with gals like her. Well, he’s popular with everyone; it’s just that the outgoing, popular gals are usually the ones to make a move.

However, Takuya’s guard was surprisingly solid.

His expression instantly turned to ice. A stone-cold reaction, as if to show Chiba-san, ‘I have no interest in you.’

“Oh, really. Well, see ya, Shin-chan. Thanks for the textbook!”

Takuya gave the textbook a little wave and left.

Whoa, hey, that’s way too harsh…

I’ve spent three years in this world, so I know this is normal here, but even so, this is just too cruel to Chiba-san.

With tears welling in her eyes, Chiba-san was trembling, desperately trying to hold them back.

It was pitiful, but it was a common sight in this world.

Unable to hold it back, Chiba-san quickly wiped away a single tear with her sleeve and turned to me.

“S-Shinichi-kun. I’m sorry. You were having a nice chat with Takuya-kun… I didn’t mean to…”

Chiba-san’s explanation trailed off, her voice getting smaller.

I wasn’t mad at all, yet Chiba-san was bowing her head deeply in apology. She was bowing so low you’d think she was a politician at a press conference for some scandal.

None of the other girls came to her aid.

No mercy is shown to those who recklessly approach a boy and fail. That was the common sense of this world with its 1:20 gender ratio.

I guess I have no choice, so I spoke up.

“Takuya’s like that with every girl. Don’t worry about it too much.”

I felt so bad for Chiba-san that I took a piece of candy out of my pocket and placed it on her desk.

Chiba-san stared at me, then gasped and covered her mouth with both hands.

What’s with that theatrical move?

“Shinichi-kyun…”

Chiba-san said, a second tear rolling down her cheek.

Wait, what? What the heck is “kyun”?

She’s being so dramatic over a single piece of candy.

As I was reeling a bit, one of the girls around us suddenly shot to her feet with a clatter.

My shoulders jumped at her sudden, random action.

What?! This is creepy, creepy, creepy, creepy, creepy!

I timidly turned my head and my eyes met hers. She gave a single, firm nod, then slowly began to clap.

clap… clap… clap… clap

The only sound in the quiet classroom was the clapping. It’s a minor detail, but the slow tempo was kind of irritating.

Then, as if following that one idiot, everyone else got up with a great clatter of chairs.

An unending round of applause erupted.

Some girls were nodding with huge smiles, while others were wiping away tears with their index fingers.

Huh?! What?! What is this?! What’s with the standing ovation?!

As I stood there, stranded in the mysterious applause, Chiba-san spoke to me.

“Shinichi-kun. Thanks for the candy. I’ll treasure it for the rest of my life!”

“No. Eat it.”

Chiba-san was smiling, looking as satisfied as if she’d just gained a memory to last a lifetime.

—It was at that moment!

I felt a malevolent presence from behind me, like a vengeful spirit. A single bead of cold sweat trickled down my back.

No, no, no, no. My instincts were refusing to look at it.

But I suppose this is what they call morbid curiosity. My body moved against my will. I slowly turned around.

And the moment my eyes met with it—

“Hieeeeeee!”

A terrified sound escaped my lips.

There, horror itself had taken form.

It was Momoyama.

♦︎

The student council room after school.

Once all the student council members were seated, it was Momoyama, not the president, who stood before the whiteboard and began the proceedings.

“I will be presenting the topic for today.”

The president must have been told beforehand, as she said nothing.

Everyone wore a uniformly serious expression.

What? Was there some kind of urgent issue I missed?

Momoyama began writing on the whiteboard in a smooth, girlishly rounded script.

I looked at the words she wrote and still couldn’t comprehend it.

“This is today’s topic.”

Thwack! Momoyama slapped the whiteboard and read the agenda item aloud.

“The Problem with Shin-chan Being Way Too Nice to Every Girl Indiscriminatelyyyyyy!”

Honk honk♪

Misaki-chan, who must have brought it from somewhere, blew a small horn with a rubber bulb.

She seemed to be fooling around, but her face was as serious as if she were at a shareholders’ meeting.

Could you pick one? Kidding around or being serious?

“It’s true that Shin-chan is nice. To other girls,” the president said.

“Yes. Shin-chan-senpai is very nice. To other girls,” said Misaki-chan.

Hey. Isn’t there some kind of hidden meaning in the way you’re all phrasing that?

“But isn’t being nice a good thing?” Kaoru-senpai said, the only one taking my side.

Leave it to Kaoru-senpai. She makes a good point. Being nice is a good thing!

“In that case, I’d like you all to take a look at this.”

Momoyama casually took out a DVD and inserted it into a laptop.

Everyone stood up, gathered around Momoyama, and peered at the computer screen.

Displayed on it was the entire sequence of events from the classroom earlier.

The standing ovation scene is so bizarre it’s scary. It’s like some kind of cult.

The video ended.

“……Hey, Momoyama.”

Momoyama didn’t answer. She wouldn’t even meet my eyes. She just calmly ejected the DVD and put it in her bag. She knows exactly what she’s doing.

I pressed on.

“This is illega—”

“—I condemn this in the strongest possible terms!”

Momoyama cut off my accusation and started talking like a politician.

Don’t give me that “I condemn this!” crap! You’re the one who should be condemned!

This isn’t on the level of “Oops, I secretly filmed a little something ❤︎”! This was a stationary camera!

This is, by all accounts, illicit filming.

Thank you so very much.

The other members also voiced their disapproval. “Yeah, this isn’t good.”

However, their criticism wasn’t directed at Momoyama.

“This is terrible.”

“Yeah. That poor girl.”

“Indeed. Shin-chan-senpai is a monster.”

For some reason, the president and the others completely ignored the secret filming, and I was the one getting totally trashed. Why?

“That Takuya guy at the beginning was still acceptable, right? Being rejected that coldly makes it perfectly clear you don’t have a chance.”

Everyone nodded as the president spoke. Their hearts were one. And I wasn’t included.

I don’t get it. What the heck is going on?

“Yes. And despite that, Shin-chan-senpai gives her that god-tier treatment even though he’s not interested… Ahhh. That girl’s body has been made so she can’t love any man other than Shin-chan-senpai now.”

Misaki-chan glared at me with half-lidded eyes, as if to say, I’m thoroughly disgusted.

“Wh-There’s no way! Not from a piece of candy!”

Haaaah… The four girls sighed in exasperation. Did I say something that strange? No, I didn’t. The weird ones are, as always, this student council.

“But Shinichi doesn’t give us that god-tier treatment, does he?” Kaoru-senpai suggested, presenting a new topic. The group leaned forward over their desks and agreed. “That’s so true!”

What’s with this sudden excitement? Can you guys just have your girls’ talk without me already?

The president suddenly turned her face toward me and opened her mouth.

“Hey, Shin-chan! Just as a test, try being nice to me!”

What do you mean, “try being nice as a test”?! I’ve never gotten such a half-assed request in my life.

What even is “being nice” in the first place? I have no idea.

After thinking for a moment, it hit me.

I moved behind the president and firmly gripped her shoulders.

“I’ve been giving my mom shoulder rubs recently, and I’ve gotten pretty good at it! You must be tired from all your work, President. Let me loosen you up.”

I began kneading her shoulders.

What is this? They’re sooooooft! Is this baby skin?!

They don’t feel stiff at all, but I feel like the president’s body temperature is rising rapidly. When I put my fingers on the nape of her neck, it was slightly damp. Maybe the massage is improving her circulation? Her neck and ears are bright red.

“Ngh… ah, aaahhh❤︎ Nnhaaaah❤︎”

Could you please stop making lewd noises? I’m just giving you a shoulder rub.

Finally, the president collapsed onto the desk, completely taken out.

“N-Next, me! Me, senpai! Please be nice to me!”

“O-Okay.”

Misaki-chan raised her hand, leaning forward and breathing heavily through her nose.

This is irrelevant, but when a kouhai says “please be nice to me,” it sounds kinda dirty.

I thought again. A shoulder rub would be unoriginal.

Be nice… be nice… be nice…

Nothing came to mind, so for now, I just patted her on the head.

“Ah…❤︎”

Misaki-chan’s face turned bright red as she got all shy and flustered.

Cute.

With a goofy grin on her face, Misaki-chan departed for the world of her delusions.

Farewell.

“Wh-What about me?! Be nice to me, too!”

Even Kaoru-senpai started saying stupid things.

Her character was completely collapsing. That’s not a line for a cool beauty.

Alright, for the masochistic Kaoru-senpai, it’s gotta be a pressure-point foot massage! I decided instantly. I’m actually more skilled at this than shoulder rubs, so it should be super effective.

I took off Kaoru-senpai’s indoor shoes. “W-Wait, stop, Shinichi, don’t! My feet are sweaty!” she protested verbally, but there was no resistance at all. She was probably overjoyed on the inside. A total pervert.

As I placed her navy-blue-sock-clad foot in my hands, I felt a damp warmth. It didn’t smell much. Just the faintest hint of something vaguely sour, maybe.

I traced the sole of her foot with my finger, searching for the pressure point. Kaoru-senpai’s body flinched backward, maybe because it tickled.

And then, I finally found it.

No need to hold back. Because she’s a masochist.

“There it is!”

I applied maximum force with my thumb, pressing deep into the point.

“Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh! I-It hur, it huuurts! It huuuuuurts! But that’s what feels gooooood❤︎”

Her face twisted in pain, yet at the same time, it was flushed, and every so often a blissful expression would flash across it for an instant.

Let me say this for the sake of Kaoru-senpai’s honor. She is a wonderful and respectable senpai. She’s smart, handles everything with skill, and is always considerate of others. She is a truly cool, beautiful person, inside and out.

But.

But, however.

Just let me say this one thing.

Total masochist.

“I have… not a single regret…”

Kaoru-senpai went limp, leaning back against her chair as she lost consciousness. Oops, I overdid it.

When I returned to my seat, I felt a gaze from the seat next to mine.

It was a gaze filled with expectation.

“Wh-What about me?!”

Momoyama was staring at me with sparkling eyes.

How can you look at me like that right after seeing that foot massage?

I still couldn’t think of anything, so I decided to just express my usual gratitude.

I looked into Momoyama’s eyes.

Man, Momoyama’s eyelashes are long, I thought, completely off-topic, as I jumped the gun and started talking.

“Momoyama, thank you for everything. Your hard work always helps me out so much. When I think about it, I realize you’re the most important person here.”

I said exactly what I was thinking.

There was no script, I just spoke my mind, so my words might have been a little insufficient, but I said it clearly.

Momoyama is the most important person. So much so that things wouldn’t function without her.

So, from now on, please continue to be the cornerstone… for us, for Class 2-D.

As the class representative, I clearly stated my thanks.

I hope she gets it.

“Ah… uh… ah…”

For some reason, Momoyama looked confused, her eyes darting all over the place as her face turned beet red.

What, is she unexpectedly shy? That’s kinda cute.

When I smiled, Momoyama’s eyes lost focus, and she collapsed onto the desk.

Huh. Is it possible to faint from embarrassment?

Isn’t her mental state basically tofu?