Chapter 15: The Newspaper Club

The usual members were in the usual Student Council room. Everyone was at their respective seats, watching to see what kind of idiocy the President would demonstrate today.

The President stood holding a large wooden box with both hands, balancing it by squishing her soft cheek against it. I thought the wooden box was big, but I was wrong. The President is just small. She gives off some serious elementary schooler vibes.

With a grunt, the President placed the wooden box on the desk, puffed out her flat chest, and declared.

“Today, we’re opening the suggestion box!”

The suggestion box.

It was a box where students could freely submit their opinions, requests, and complaints. It was installed in the hallway in front of the Student Council room.

The students at this school are good at studying, but a lot of them are idiots, so most of the suggestions inside are idiotic, too. Every now and then, though, you’ll find an opinion that makes you go, ‘This is it!’

It’s true we don’t open it that often, but it’s not exactly a rare task, either. We’ve opened the suggestion box and recorded the opinions inside before.

However, despite saying she’d open it herself, the President showed no sign of doing so.

“What are you doing? Hurry up and open it.”

The President has the key to the suggestion box. No one can open it but her.

My patience wearing thin, I tried to rush her, but the President just wagged her index finger with a tsk, tsk, tsk, a smug look on her face.

“If we just open it normally, we’ll be just a normal student council.”

“A normal student council is fine. A normal student council is what we want.”

But the President wasn’t listening. That’s to be expected from the arch-criminal who created this crazy student council in the first place.

“Do you have some idea in mind?” Kaoru-senpai asked. In response, the President’s grin deepened into something even more infuriatingly impish.

Then she slowly raised her right arm, and BAM! she slammed her palm down on the suggestion box and yelled.

“I call it! The King’s Game! with the Suggestion Boooox!”

Misaki-chan, who must not have expected the announcement to be made right then, frantically pulled a party horn from her bag, dropped it on the floor, and then hastily picked it up and blew it.

Honk, honk

Looking satisfied, Misaki-chan narrowed her eyes and made a gesture as if wiping sweat from her brow. Phew.

What are you, the official horn-blower? Do you carry that thing around with you all the time?

“Allow me to explain the rules! We will draw a single suggestion slip from the box, and no matter the request, the Student Council will do everything in its power to make it come true!”

The President suddenly began explaining, like she was a narrator.

I have a very bad feeling about this.

“President, are you sure it’s okay to do something that’s basically a gamble?”

What are we supposed to do if it’s an impossible request, like asking for more holidays?

“It’s fine, it’s fine! I’ll figure something out.”

The President agreed readily with a goofy grin.

Then again, if it’s her, she probably could figure something out. That’s just how incredible her abilities and influence are.

“What if the request is to let them hug Shin-chan?” Momoyama said.

First of all, that’s not a request, that’s sexual harassment.

“That one’s a no-go,” the President said.

“What about if it’s ‘let me have oral with Shin-chan-senpai’?” asked Misaki-chan. The sexual harassment she comes up with is on another level.

“That’s a no-go, too,” the President said again.

“Well then, what about kissing Shinichi—”

“—Stop with the installments! Is this a weekly subscription service?! We can just ban all the erotic stuff, can’t we?!”

I cut in and put an end to the pointless question time.

“Aww! So ‘a room where Shin-chan can’t get out until he makes a baby with the President’ is no good either?”

“Of course it isn’t?!”

How would you even prepare a room like that? No, with the President’s wealth, I’m scared she actually could.

“That’s enough. I’ll be the one to draw, so please unlock it.”

If I left it to this student council, we’d be eternally derailed in a hellscape of sexual harassment and get nowhere. So, I personally initiated a forced shutdown of the perversion. I’ve heard that force-shutting down a computer can break it, but the brains of this student council are already broken, so it’s fine.

I had the President open the suggestion box, and I drew a slip.

Whoosh!

I pulled one out in a single motion and unfolded it.

Everyone leaned in to peek at the paper in my hands.

This is what was written there.

‘The paparazzi from the Newspaper Club are annoying. As revenge, I want to expose a scandal of theirs.’

♦︎

“Hellooo. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Shinichi Suda.”

My voice echoed through the social studies room, which was larger than any of the normal classrooms.

This was also the Newspaper Club’s activity space. Even now, several club members were working on something, large sheets of paper spread out before them.

The beginning is crucial. I have to make a good first impression.

“The pleasure is all ours,” the Newspaper Club President, Shiraishi-senpai, said in a bubbly voice.

Her light blue hair swayed, and a sweet scent wafted from it.

Shiraishi-senpai continued, “It seems you’re here for a trial club experience today, but please, think of yourself as a real member and make yourself at home.”

From the healthy thighs peeking out from her short, checkered school skirt to the mole beneath the corner of her mouth, I could sense an irrepressible sex appeal from Shiraishi-senpai. I desperately tried to keep my excitement from skyrocketing.

‘This is Camera One, Momoyama. Shin-chan is looking completely gaga. Over.’

‘This is Command HQ, Saijo. Shin-chan has a weakness for anything erotic. If his ero-level exceeds 3, take the shot. Over.’

‘Sniper shot, roger that. Momoyama, over and out.’

Hey, stop with the dangerous chatter! Uh, that’s a joke, right? You’re not actually going to snipe me, are you? That’s too terrifying if it’s real. I don’t even know what the standard for ‘ero-level 3’ is. In my book, Shiraishi-senpai is already at about ero-level 36. Erotic enough to evolve into a Charizard.

“You don’t have to be so tense, it’s okay. I’ll teach you everything, step-by-step… okay? It’s nice to have you with us today.”

Mistaking my terror toward my menacing student council members for nervousness, Shiraishi-senpai gave me a gentle smile and held out her hand.

Sh-she’s so nice! And that part about ‘teaching me step-by-step’ is already super erotic! I’ve got to be at the level where a sniper shot is imminent.

Could a person this kind really be the cause of a scandal?

I took Shiraishi-senpai’s hand and shook it. Her hand was soft and warm.

I savored the feeling for about three seconds, and just as I was about to let go, I noticed something.

SQUEEZE!

The hand gripping mine showed no sign of letting go.

“Shiraishi-senpai?” I called out, but there was no response. Her hand held mine in a vice grip with a strength I couldn’t believe could come from such a white, slender hand.

“Wh-whoa, senpai?! Shiraishi-sensei?!”

Shiraishi-senpai kept a firm hold on my hand, enveloped it with her other hand, and began to gently caress it.

With a huff, huff, she became completely absorbed in the task of stroking my hand, as if she were desperately polishing a stone that granted good fortune.

This is sexual harassment in every sense of the word.

Thank you very much.

Scandal No. 1: The Club President’s Handshake is Lewd

To be continued in the next part.