Chapter 14: The Field Trip

“Misaki Yamanaka-san. What is this?” Tahara-sensei asked.

She didn’t sound angry, nor did she sound exasperated. It wasn’t as if she truly wanted to know what this was, either. She simply looked at me with a bewildered expression, as if observing some unknowable creature.

“This is Shin-chan-senpai, Sensei.”

I gave her the one and only answer. Yet, Tahara-sensei seemed unsatisfied with this reply, her cheek twitching as she continued her questions.

“I can see that. Why is Suda-kun here of all places?”

So she asks why.

The reason is set in stone.

I once again presented Tahara-sensei with the one and only truth.

“Because Shin-chan-senpai is my ‘snack.'”

Tahara-sensei pressed a hand to her forehead and let out a heavy sigh. What a rude reaction. In the first place, she was the one who started all this. I was the one who wanted to sigh.

Today was the first-year field trip, and we’d gone to a large park in the neighboring prefecture.

With its water obstacle course and wide, open fields, it seemed like a pretty fun park for couples or families.

We had only just arrived. I’d opened my oversized, custom carrier case—complete with an oxygen capsule function—ready to let the fun begin, when Sensei called me over.

Shin-chan-senpai, perhaps because the oxygen capsule was so comfortable, was curled up inside the carrier case, sleeping peacefully. So cute. I was about to kiss his forehead when Tahara-sensei stopped me.

I tried to reassure her, saying, “It’s alright. I won’t have sex with him here,” but that only made her angrier as she shot back, “Of course you won’t!”

Seriously, what is her problem? So annoying.

To repeat myself, this is all her fault for what she said in the first place!

It happened a few days ago, during orientation for the field trip in Class 1-A.

“Alright. That’s everything you need to know about the field trip. Any questions?” Tahara-sensei said, looking out over the students.

Kyoko Tahara, 36 years old, single.

This school was her first assignment, and in the fourteen years since, she has never been transferred, reigning as one of the school’s veteran teachers. Her strong-willed personality has been a curse, preventing her from ever having a boyfriend.

—Such is the background I’ve compiled on Tahara-sensei. A typical career single. She’s beautiful, yet her life is turning out to be a real shame. I hope I don’t end up like that.

But Tahara-sensei was also cheerful and bright, a friendly teacher who would even joke around with the students from time to time.

That’s probably why one of the girls raised her hand.

“Sensei, what’s the price limit for snacks?”

It was a question about the spending limit for the snacks we could bring. There was no way high schoolers would have such a restriction. The girl who asked seemed to know that already.

My irritation grew. I rested my cheek on my hand, chanting a curse in my mind: Just end this already. This was no time for such a pointless discussion. I wanted to get to the Student Council office and see Shin-chan-senpai as soon as possible.

“It’s not like you’re little kids, so there’s no limit. Just use your own judgment and be reasonable,” Sensei dutifully answered.

Then, “Right here, right here!” and another hand shot up. Tch, a click of my tongue escaped unconsciously.

It was the class clown. She was bound to ask another stupid question. She should start by asking herself, ‘Is this really the right path for my life?’

“Do boys count as snacks?”

There it is.

Just as I’d expected, a question that wasn’t funny in the slightest popped out. An easy, crude joke. Crude jokes should be reserved for direct, harassing attacks on your crush. What a stupid girl.

Laughter rose from the girls—”Pfft, what was that?”—while the boys shot them icy glares that seemed to say, How pathetic.

It’s a common sight. A true connoisseur learns to enjoy that look of contempt from their crush as part of the package. Whoops, I’m not a total M. Don’t lump me in with Kaoru-senpai. She’s a lost cause.

Tahara-sensei replied.

“Ahh. Let’s see. Boys do count as snacks. Like when you’re a little peckish, so maybe you’ll just have their lips… Are you kidding me?! If you’re going to keep messing around, question time is over!”

The classroom filled with female laughter. The boys either scowled or stared out the window, indifferent. Almost everyone in the room fell into one of those two categories.

Normally, I’d be looking on with contempt, too. But this time was different.

I hadn’t misheard. Tahara-sensei had definitely said it. That boys count as snacks.

My eyes met Tahara-sensei’s. I gave her a smile. You said it, didn’t you? She just tilted her head, looking puzzled.

“This is going to be… a fun field trip.”

The rest was simple.

On the morning of the field trip, I had Shin-chan-senpai eat a cupcake laced with a sleeping drug, then tucked him into the oversized, oxygen-capsule-equipped carrier case I developed at lightning speed and boarded the bus with a nonchalant look on my face.

Shin-chan-senpai seemed to have some bad memories associated with cupcakes, hesitating with a, “A cupcake, huh…” but when I put on a sad act and said, “I guess you don’t want to eat something I made after all…”, he ate it.

So kind. I love him.

And that brings us back to the beginning.

Tahara-sensei held her head in her hands. “I mean, I said it, but… I never thought someone would actually take me seriously.”

“Ngh… mmm… huh?”

Shin-chan-senpai was waking up.

He had a bit of drool on his chin and a dopey look on his face. Magnificent! A magnificent dopey face! Wonderful! Adorably dumb!

“Good morning, Shin-chan-senpai.”

“…Huh? Where… am I? I think I was… eating a cupcake…?! A cupcake?!”

For some reason, Shin-chan-senpai reacted to the word cupcake.

Come to think of it, he had been reluctant to eat it, too.

Does he have some kind of cupcake-related trauma?

“Suda-kun. I know this is confusing, but calm down. You were put to sleep with a drugged cupcake and brought on the first-year field trip by Yamanaka-san.”

Sensei succinctly explained the situation to Shin-chan-senpai, but the scenario was too chaotic for him to grasp in one go. He twisted his neck with a grimace.

Eventually, however, comprehension dawned, and Shin-chan-senpai let out a wail of despair.

“Not cupcakes again!”

Shin-chan-senpai broke down crying. So cute. I thought I was neutral, but I think I might be awakening to my inner sadist. That’s just how pathetically cute the Shin-chan-senpai before me was.

“It’s fine! It’s a powerful drug, but it’s not harmful to the human body!”

“I’m never eating another cupcake again. Never.”

Shin-chan-senpai seemed firm in his decision, but he’s kind and a total pushover. I can probably get him to eat one again if I just cry a little.

“Anyway!” Sensei cut in. “I’m confiscating Suda-kun!”

“Whaaat?! No wayyy!”

“Hey, Sensei, please don’t talk about me like I’m an object.”

Shin-chan-senpai was led away by Sensei. The End. My field trip was over.

Or so it seemed. But that wasn’t the reality of it.

I still had a chance.

The open field in this park is massive.

However, it’s just a big, empty space. Nothing but wide-open land.

The school seemed to have anticipated this and had prepared a variety of equipment.

Play equipment, all lined up on the field.

A unicycle.

A long jump rope.

Soccer balls, volleyballs.

A baseball, bat, and gloves.

Badminton rackets and a shuttlecock.

And, Shin-chan-senpai.

—Shin-chan-senpai?!

Shin-chan-senpai has joined the line of play equipment with a vacant, play-equipment-like expression on his face. A blank, empty look. He’s embodying the very soul of play equipment.

The people around me start to notice him, and a murmur spreads.

“Huh?! Isn’t that… Shin-chan?”

“Wait, for real?”

“But he’s lined up with the equipment. Maybe it’s a love doll or something?”

“Does ‘play equipment’ include adult toys now?”

It seems no one is convinced he’s the real deal yet.

I kicked off the grass and was the first one out of the gate. I ran with everything I had. As a girl who usually stays indoors, I pumped my arms and lifted my thighs with an intensity that felt like it was consuming my very life force. I think it was probably the fastest 50-meter dash of my entire life.

But my starting position was bad.

Others who were closer to Shin-chan-senpai than I was finally realized it was him in the flesh and started running, too. My head-start advantage was completely erased.

By the time I managed to grab Shin-chan-senpai’s right leg, a gal was simultaneously grabbing his left.

Shiori Sakurai. The fair-skinned gal who’s a central figure in our class.

“Hey! I was here first! Let go, Yamanaka!” Sakurai-san shouted, her long black hair flying.

“Never! I was first! I will never hand over Shin-chan-senpai!”

We glared at each other, pulling on Shin-chan-senpai with all our strength. In the end, this world is about the survival of the fittest. The strong live, and the weak… die!

“It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts! I’m gonna die! I’m seriously gonna die! My groin! You’re gonna rip me in half! And why my legs?! Pull my arms!”

Shin-chan-senpai was being pulled so forcefully that his legs were in a near 180-degree split. Like a piece of string cheese.

Sorry, Shin-chan-senpai! But sometimes, a girl has a battle she just can’t afford to lose!

“Hey, hey! Calm down, you two. Shinichi-senpai is in pain!”

The person who appeared beside us was the class president, Izumi-san.

She wears glasses and is a gentle girl who dislikes conflict. And she has huge boobs.

I get along pretty well with Izumi-san. She’s smart and considerate of everyone, which makes her very easy to talk to.

But right now, she’s in the way. In the end, this world is about the survival of the fittest. The strong live, and the weak… die!

“Owowowowowow it hurts, it hurts, it hurts!” Shin-chan-senpai shrieked. The poor thing.

“Calm down, Yamanaka-san! You’re going to rip Shinichi-senpai in two!”

“I don’t care! I came here with that resolve! Those without resolve should leave!”

“But I care! Can you not make weird resolutions on my behalf?!”

Even as his face twisted in pain, Shin-chan-senpai never missed a chance to retort. He’s a true professional.

Just hold on a little longer. I’ll pat your head better later. I’ll pat all the places that hurt. Heh, hehehehehehe❤︎

“Play equipment is for everyone to share! Let’s all use Shinichi-senpai together nicely!” Izumi-san reasoned, looking back and forth between me and Sakurai-san.

“I’m not play equipment!” Shin-chan-senpai never forgot to retort, no matter the circumstances.

Seeing that Sakurai-san and I refused to give up, Izumi-san made a suggestion. “Well then,” she started. “How about we let Shinichi-senpai choose who he wants to be used by?”

Izumi-san smiled sweetly.

“Can we please do something about that ‘used by’ phrasing?!”

Shin-chan-senpai retorted with sheer guts, even through the pain.

“Well… if that’s the case,” Sakurai-san agreed first.

“Yes. If Shin-chan-senpai is the one choosing,” I added, getting on board.

Even as we agreed, neither of us stopped pulling on his legs.

A moment’s carelessness could be fatal.

“Okay then… Shinichi-senpai. Would you rather play with Yamanaka-san or Sakurai-san?”

Izumi-san posed the question to Shin-chan-senpai.

I was confident I would win.

After all, I’m a member of the Student Council. The memories Shin-chan-senpai and I have made have forged a definite bond between us!

Our relationship isn’t so fragile that it would crumble this easily.

Shin-chan-senpai slowly raised an arm,

and pointed.

At the person standing there was,

“”Izumi-san?!””

My voice overlapped with Sakurai-san’s.

Why?!

Why why why why why why why?!

My thoughts turned into words.

“Why, Shin-chan-senpai?!”

“Try asking your own heart. No, try asking those arms that are currently trying to rip my groin apart.”

Huh?! I don’t get it! I don’t get what Shin-chan-senpai is saying at all!

But—it’s fine. No need to worry.

Because Izumi-san said it herself just a moment ago.

‘Let’s all use Shinichi-senpai together nicely.’

My dream of having Shin-chan-senpai all to myself may be gone, but at least no one else gets to have him all to herself, either. We just have to split him three ways. I guess I’ll have to let Sakurai-san have the lower body region with the crotch. Izumi-san can have the torso. And I’ll take the face. I’ll confirm our love with a deep kiss to my absolute satisfaction—

“—Get your damn hands off my Shinichi-senpai!”

The sudden roar. It was a bellow loud enough to shatter my delusions.

It was Izumi-san.

She’d transformed. Izumi-san had completely transformed.

I’d never seen her look like such a delinquent before.

“Wait, Izumi-san. A minute ago you said we should all share Shin-chan-senpai—”

“—Shinichi-senpai is mine, ya hear me?! Hey!”

She was rolling her r’s.

The honor student, Izumi-san, was rolling her r’s.

She’s referring to herself with a gruff pronoun. This is terrifying.

Shin-chan-senpai was also terrified by Izumi-san’s transformation and began to tremble. With teary eyes, he was shaking like a chihuahua. So cute.

It was right at that moment that a male teacher, Kadono-sensei, arrived.

“Suda. Your taxi back is here. Are you ready to go?”

“Huh…? A taxi?” Shin-chan-senpai asked, his face dumbfounded.

“Yeah. You’re going back, right? You have afternoon classes,” Kadono-senpai said, narrowing his eyes in exasperation.

Shin-chan-senpai looked at the teacher as if he were a divine messenger and began to pray with his hands clasped together.

“Thank you… Oh, thank you! I can go! I can go right now, Sensei! No, God!”

Kadono-sensei looked startled, muttering, “God…?” while taking a noticeable step back, but he led Shin-chan-senpai away.

“Shinichi-senpai?! Shinichi-senpaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaai!”

The class president’s roar, louder than any sound ever uttered, echoed throughout the vast park.

In the wake of the field trip incident, two new rules were added to the Suda Shinichi Fan Club charter: ‘Thou shalt not treat Shinichi-kun as a snack,’ and ‘Thou shalt not treat Shinichi-kun as play equipment.’

My dream of bringing Shin-chan-senpai along as a ‘snack’ was now impossible.

But there’s no need to worry.

Shin-chan-senpai is everything, and everything is Shin-chan-senpai.

Therefore, Shin-chan-senpai can become anything.

And no matter what he becomes, his charm will never fade.

For the second-year ski trip, I am already plotting to bring Shin-chan-senpai along as a ‘hair dryer.’

He can do it. If it’s Shin-chan-senpai, he can become a hair dryer.

I believe in it. In human… potential.

Shin-chan-senpai’s potential is insane!