Chapter 12: Student Council Consultations Part 2

The final visitors were a strange trio: a third-year boy, a second-year boy, and a first-year girl.

I figured they were probably connected through a club or something, not giving it much thought.

The third-year boy wore glasses. With his slender frame, he looked like the smart, handsome type who would be popular with the ladies. He was the first to speak, representing the three of them.

“My name is Kaidou. This second-year is Kawada, and the first-year is Nagato.”

It was nothing special, just a simple introduction.

But still, something felt off. When Kaidou-senpai looked at me, his gaze seemed to hold a strange, hidden meaning.

And it wasn’t just him. I could feel a thorny hostility from the other two, the second-year Kawada and the first-year Nagato, as if they were glaring at me.

“This is the kind of work we do.”

Kaidou-senpai reached into the inner pocket of his uniform, took out a leather business card case, slid out a single card, and offered it to the president.

(Business cards are so cool. I wonder what club they’re in? The volunteer club? Or maybe something more business-like, like a day-trader club? Kaidou-senpai looks smart, too. That’s so impressive.)

The president took the card and read it aloud, her voice dripping with suspicion.

“The… Anti-Suda Force General Association?”

“Precisely,” Kaidou-senpai said, pushing his glasses up with a sharp movement.

Okay, I take back what I thought before.

This isn’t impressive at all. In fact, it’s idiotic.

What? You made business cards for such a stupid organization? You’re an idiot. Nothing more than an idiot. An idiot in intellectual’s clothing.

“Hey!” the second-year, Kawada, suddenly slammed his hand on the desk. He raised his voice, looking like he couldn’t stand it any longer. “Don’t you offer your guests any hospitality here?! Huh?! How about you make some tea, Suda!”

As I stared in surprise at Kawada for singling me out, muttering, “Ehh…,” Momoyama stood up before I could. For a second, I thought she was going to make tea, but that wasn’t it.

“What?! You guys aren’t guests!” Momoyama shot back.

“‘Of course we’re guests! Isn’t this sofa for visitors?’ Kawada retorted, sticking out his lower lip and bouncing up and down on the sofa. It was a blatant provocation. Every time he bounced, Kaidou-senpai’s glasses would slip down, and he’d have to push them back up. I almost felt sorry for him.”

“You! You’re the one asking for a consultation—”

“—It’s fine, Momoyama. I’ll get them some tea.”

I cut off Momoyama, who was defending me, and stood up.

I walked over to the three association members, took it out of my pocket, placed one in front of each of them with both hands, gave another polite bow, and slowly returned to my workspace.

“What’s this?” Kawada asked, picking one up.

“Hey! Isn’t this just candy! Who asked you for candy?!” the first-year, Nagato, was the first to complain.

What is this? Do I have to start from square one? Do I really have to explain it all?

Fine. I guess I’ll teach them.

A sigh escaped me naturally.

“Listen up. Look closely. It’s true, this is a piece of candy. But it’s a matcha-flavored piece of candy. The bitterness that envelops the sweet milkiness when it enters your mouth, the flavor of the tea leaves… It is at once a piece of candy and yet not a piece of candy. It’s practically tea. No, even that description is too mild. If I had to put it into words, it’s a farmer’s wife wiping sweat from her brow in a tea field.”

“‘Shin-chan-senpai, that logic is a bit of a stretch. Also, you ended up saying it tastes like a farmer’s wife,’ Misaki-chan cut in bluntly. To be shot down by an ally from behind…”

“The tea doesn’t matter. We came here to consult with the student council—or rather, to deliver our demands,” Kaidou-senpai said, unwrapping the matcha candy and popping it into his mouth.

Hey. If it doesn’t matter, don’t eat it.

Kaidou-senpai rolled the candy around in his mouth, looking like he was enjoying it.

“We have only one demand,” Kaidou-senpai said, glaring at me. “The immediate dismissal of the student council vice president, Suda Shinichi.”

The student council room fell silent.

In the heavy silence, the sound of Kaidou-senpai rolling the candy around in his mouth was surprisingly loud, ruining the serious atmosphere.

Momoyama glared at Kaidou as if she were trying to bore a hole through him with her eyes, radiating killing intent.

Kaoru-senpai and Misaki-chan had also stopped their work and were staring at Kaidou and his group.

Things are getting tense, I thought, taking out a lollipop and putting it in my mouth.

“I wonder why you want to make Shin-chan quit?” the president asked. There was a smile plastered on her face, but it was as cold as ice.

“We members of the Anti-Suda Force General Association have all been betrayed by that man, Suda. We have endured it for so long. An unbearable humiliation. But—”

Kaidou-senpai made a V-sign with his hand and, as if he were shaping sushi, brought it down on the desk with a flick. Then he spoke.

“—we have reached the limit of our patience.”

Why the V-sign? I’m sure everyone was thinking it, but no one called him out on it. So I also held back my urge to say, “When you’re furious, rock or paper is fine, but you can’t use scissors, can you?”

The president ignored the V-sign issue and turned to me. “Well, that’s what he’s saying.”

I have no memory of betraying anyone.

He’s the type to create a dumb organization like this. It has to be a misunderstanding.

I just shook my head silently, the lollipop still in my mouth.

“After what you did to us, how can you act like that, Suda!” the second-year, Kawada, shouted as he stood up.

What’s this, a brawl? I braced myself, but apparently not. Kawada walked out into an open space, spread his arms with his palms facing up, and began to slowly walk around the student council room. Then, he started to speak.

“I… I was in love with someone. A girl named Chiba in 2-D. She was cheerful, cute, and easy to talk to. She was a great girl.”

As he spoke, he turned his face diagonally upwards to the left, looking wistful. Was he picturing Chiba’s face up there or something? It was the kind of annoying movement that signals the start of a flashback.

This guy, too. Such a drama queen. Stop wandering around, it’s annoying.

“But then one day, she suddenly changed. She started talking about nothing but Suda. Every time she opened her mouth, it was ‘Shinichi-kun.’ Every email was ‘Shinichi-kun.’ Why is she asking me how many times Suda goes to the bathroom? I don’t want to talk about Suda’s bathroom breaks!”

That’s terrifying.

My bathroom trips are being counted?

Then where am I supposed to calm my raging son from now on?

“Ah, a classic case of Shin-chan-itis,” the president commented. Please don’t talk about me like I’m a pathogen.

“And that’s why I swore revenge,” Kawada said, clenching his fist in front of his chest. He looked every bit the part of a man burning for vengeance. “From now on, I’m going to email you a report of my bathroom breaks! So there!”

“Anything but that.”

Kawada ignored my anguished cry, slowly returned, and sat down quietly. It seemed his turn was over.

What was the point of all that wandering around?

But at least now we could finally sit down and talk properly.

The moment I thought that.

“I’m Nagato Ayumi of the badminton club, my motivation for the prefectural tournament is a mighty flood.”

Suddenly, the first-year girl, Nagato, stood up. I don’t really care, but why have you guys been rhyming this whole time? Are you rappers?

Nagato began to speak while walking around slowly.

Why do you guys insist on wandering around? Are you detectives?

“With my partner Akemi, day after day we train. A special flavor, both pleasure and pain.”

She walked around with her back to us like a detective, laying down a beat.

I wish she’d decide if she’s a rapper or a detective, I thought, exasperated, when—

“But one day!”

—Nagato whipped her head around to look at us. I thought I’d seen that pose somewhere before… it was that thing. Cra◯h Bandicoot. It’s the Crash Bandi◯oot victory pose.

Nagato then began to slowly walk toward us as she spoke.

“Akemi suddenly started skipping practice. On the rare occasion she did show up, she’d just say, ‘I’m gonna go stake out Shin-chan’s bathroom,’ and wouldn’t come back for a while.”

That’s terrifying.

People are staking out my bathroom?

Is the sage’s triumphant return being photographed by the paparazzi?

“In the end, we were eliminated easily in the prelims and didn’t make it to the prefectural tournament. And despite that, Akemi was all smiles, saying, ‘I got a picture of the Sage, so I have no regrets.’ After all that practice we did! Give me back my youth!”

I was being photographed! My post-nut clarity was being photographed!

You give me back my post-nut clarity photos!

Satisfied, Nagato sat down as if nothing had happened.

At this point, I couldn’t help but look forward to what would happen next.

I turned my expectant gaze to Kaidou-senpai.

“As for me,” Kaidou-senpai began, his expression grim. “It’s strange to say it myself, but I used to be popular with the girls. I was a big shot.”

Kaidou-senpai remained seated.

He began to speak quietly, bit by bit.

“Hey, you’re not going to stand up?!”

The words just slipped out; I retorted to a senpai without thinking. I couldn’t suppress my passionate disappointment at being let down.

But isn’t this Kaidou-senpai’s fault? After all that buildup, you have to stand up! Wander around! Lay down some rhymes!

Kaidou-senpai shot me a silent, sharp glare and continued his story.

I listened, feeling a little let down.

“And yet, Suda! Ever since you came, I haven’t been popular with girls anymore! My class, other classes, underclassmen, they all only talk about Suda, and the number of people paying attention to me has plummeted! What are you going to do about it!”

So stupid!

Kaidou-senpai, your reason is the stupidest of them all. You’re number one!

No wonder you can’t pull off a theatrical monologue; there’s no substance to it!

The president sighed, looking utterly exasperated. Then she looked at me. ‘Shin-chan, you need to take responsibility and deal with this,’ her eyes pleaded.

Hey, don’t look at me.

With no other choice, I moved to the reception sofa where the president and the others were sitting and took a seat next to her.

With no plan for how to get them to leave peacefully, I just started talking.

“I understand what all of you are trying to say. Whether I can agree with it is another matter, but I do understand,” I said, looking at each of the three drama club rejects. Kawada was glaring at me, Nagato’s brow was furrowed, and Kaidou-senpai was just rolling his candy around. Hey, Kaidou, listen up.

Ignoring the pseudo-intellectual, I continued.

“Having said that, I’m sorry, but I won’t be quitting the student council. I like the student council, and I like everyone in it, so I will absolutely not quit.”

I will never quit this student council.

I was forced into it, but somewhere along the way, this became an important place for me, too.

It’s full of idiots, it’s completely broken, and the sexual harassment is nonstop, but I love this student council—I love everyone in it.

“Shin-chan!❤”

The president threw her arms around me, pressing her silky hair against my cheek.

I could smell her personal scent mixed in with her shampoo, and my heart skipped a beat.

—but Momoyama and the others immediately pulled the president off and restrained her. It was like watching American cops. Not a single wasted movement.

Once the president was off me and things had settled down, I turned back to the three of them.

“However, I’m always willing to listen. Insults, complaints, rants, I’ll hear them all. It won’t be the president listening, it’ll be me, but I’ll listen anytime.”

Nagato’s eyes widened. “Why… why would you go that far…?” she whispered.

I smiled, as if to say, ‘What’s so surprising about it?’

“Because being there for the students… is what the student council does.”

The three association members listened in silence with solemn faces. When my eyes met Kawada’s, he looked away. He pressed his lips together, looking embarrassed.

For some reason, I hesitated to continue with, ‘So, for today, just go home, okay?’ and stayed quiet. I think not saying it was the right call.

I’m not sure how he interpreted my silence, but the second-year, Kawada, pouted and spoke shyly.

“Does that include… relationship advice?”

“Of course. I sit near Chiba, so I think there are things I can do to help.”

I had no problem going to bat for Chiba and Kawada.

I’d rather everyone be happy if they can be.

I just also wanted them to go home because I was tired.

However, Kawada squeezed his eyes shut with a look of agony, then, as if he’d made a decision, slapped his hands on his knees and stood up.

Then he took my hands.

“Suda! No, Shinichi!” Kawada’s face was clear, as if a weight had been lifted. “I’m sorry for everything! I was wrong! You’re a good guy!”

This guy has no shame.

What a complete flip-flop.

I smiled this time at a bewildered-looking Nagato.

“I’ll have the student council call Akemi-san from the badminton club, and I’ll talk to her about not skipping practice.”

“Really?! Suda-san, no, Shinichi-senpai!”

Nagato pushed the upperclassman, Kawada, aside and took my hand.

Her eyes were sparkling like a fan at a meet-and-greet with her favorite celebrity.

You too, Nagato?

You’re too easy.

I’m a little worried about Nagato’s future. I hope she doesn’t get scammed into buying any weird decorative pots.

“Suda! What about me! Is there any special perk for me!”

Now Kaidou-senpai pushed Nagato aside and got in my face.

‘Is there any special perk for me!’ Give me a break!

You totally liked me from the start, didn’t you?!

“Kaidou-senpai, you should work on polishing yourself as a man.”

“Guh. You damn Suda!”

Kaidou-senpai tried to grab me.

—but he was grabbed by the arms by Kawada and Nagato and dragged toward the exit.

“Shinichi, sorry for saying all that horrible stuff because of a misunderstanding.”

“Shinichi-senpai, I’m truly sorry. I’ll spend my whole life making it up to you.”

With that, Kawada and Nagato left, dragging away the struggling Kaidou-senpai, who was screaming, “Let me go! Suda!”

The Anti-Suda Force General Association. Truly, a pathetic organization.

And so, the student council finally returned to its peaceful, normal duties.

　♦︎

(A few days later)

“Kaidou, the Anti-Suda Force General Association has lost a lot of members since that day,” the vice-chairman, Sideburns Tamura, said to me. His sideburns were just as long today as they always are.

“Yeah. Damn it! Damn you, Suda!”

Not only did Kawada and Nagato quit, but a bunch of other members who were swayed by them also left, one after another. Now we’re at less than half our original number.

And after I went to the trouble of making so many business cards!

The leftover cards are now being used as memo paper.

They were so cool, too! They made me look like a real professional!

“Kaidou, I’m not giving up. I’ll push forward, even if I’m alone, until I teach Suda a lesson!”

Sideburns Tamura was fired up, his sideburns trembling with his passion.

His sideburns are so distracting I can’t focus on what he’s saying. I wish he’d cut them.

“Yeah. I feel the same way. Sidebu—… Tamura. Let’s show Suda what’s what! Sidebu—… Tamura.”

“You just said ‘Sidebu,’ didn’t you? You totally call me ‘Sideburns’ behind my back, don’t you?”

But we really do need to be careful with Suda.

We went into that meeting to get him dismissed, and instead he won over our members.

That guy’s a natural-born charmer!

If we let our guard down, he’ll pick off our members one by one.

We may need to raise our alert level for the student council to maximum.

This student council vice president’s charisma is insane!