I Came Back from the Dead, Quit Being a Holy Hero, and Just Wanna Shake My Hips in a Harem - Chapter 04: A Once-in-a-Lifetime, Super Important Piece of Equipment

Chapter 04: A Once-in-a-Lifetime, Super Important Piece of Equipment

Half a year had passed since I took out the Demon King—

And I was still a virgin.

Not because I couldn’t lose it.

No, no. This was part of the plan. A strategic decision.

A careful, deliberate move.

If I could drop my V-card, I totally would.

They say once you do, it’s like a metamorphosis.

You evolve.

Like a bug shedding its cocoon.

A complete biological rebirth.

But even so—rushing it would be a huge mistake.

Why?

Because virginity is a one-time-use, lifetime-exclusive, limited-edition piece of gear.

Once you unequip it, that’s it.

Gone. Forever.

And if you mess it up?

You might carry that regret for the rest of your life.

But—

If it turns out amazing?

It could become a memory you treasure forever.

That’s why your first time has to be perfectly orchestrated.

Every detail matters.

The setting. The mood. The emotional vibe.

Everything.

Which brings us to…

Granule—the trade city.

A massive metropolis built along a mighty river.

It’s the hub that links multiple kingdoms and regions alive with trade routes, horse-drawn caravans, cargo ships, and even magic-powered skyboats.

The climate’s mild.

Travel is easy.

And the city’s a magnet for everyone from greenhorn adventurers to living legends.

The streets are lit with glowing magic lamps.

The roads are smooth and well-kept.

Colorful shops and lively crowds give the whole place this constant festival vibe.

And here, in this bright, booming adventurer haven—

I live my life as a solo adventurer.

Nothing fancy—just your standard breastplate, a decent longsword and a beefy utility belt packed with all kinds of useful tools.

Sure, I could use high-level storage magic to stash everything in a pocket dimension…

…But nah.

I’m not a hero anymore.

I’m just a regular ol’ adventurer now.

Just me.

Fuhahaha!

Look at that!

Not a single soul’s paying attention to me!

Back in the day, I couldn’t even take a casual stroll through town.

If I so much as stepped into a shop to grab a snack, suddenly it was:

“This is the shop the Hero visited!”

“This is the chair the Hero sat on!”

“Hero’s favorite mushroom soup (he tried it once)!”

My life was a full-blown PR campaign.

Privacy? Never heard of her.

“But that Hero’s gone now.”

I smirked to myself, quietly savoring the moment.

As far as the world’s concerned, the Demon King Chronova was defeated by… someone.

No one knows who.

Some people even say he just… dropped dead of old age.

There were rumors.

Conspiracy theories.

Plenty of noise and confusion.

But in the end, people accepted the only thing that mattered:

Peace had returned.

Trade between nations picked back up.

Former danger zones were being reopened.

A new era had begun—an age of exploration and adventure.

And me?

I headed toward the Adventurers’ Guild on the city’s main street.

The place was packed—adventurers of all kinds buzzing around inside.

I slipped through the crowd and made my way to the front counter to turn in a job.

“—Understood. Frozen Egg extermination request, confirmed.”

The bespectacled beauty at the desk gave the form a quick glance, then nodded with her usual no-nonsense professionalism.

She picked up a special guild stamp, pressed it to my adventurer card and with a soft blue glow, the stamp vanished.

The numbers on my card updated instantly.

“Sir Haruya, your guild contribution score has reached the required threshold. From now on, you’re eligible for high-tier support from the Adventurers’ Guild. Also, you now qualify to take the promotion exam for Silver-Iron Rank.”

“For real!? Awesome! All that grinding finally paid off!”

I grinned like a kid who just pulled an SSR from a gacha.

The receptionist, of course, stayed stone-faced—as always.

The Adventurers’ Guild ranked its members using a tier system.

From highest to lowest, it went:

[Rainbow Steel] → [Platinum] → [Silver-Iron] → [Bronze] → [Ash]

The more you built up your fame and contribution points, the higher you rose.

And with each new rank came access to better quests, better resources, and better perks.

Make it to Platinum, and you could even get your own personal guild house.

Not that I was aiming that high.

That level was basically reserved for the ultra-elite world-class parties and legendary solo adventurers.

Most experienced folks cap out around Silver-Iron, and that’s already impressive enough.

“Shall I go ahead and schedule your exam for Silver-Iron Rank, Sir Haruya?”

“…Nah. I’ll pass for now. I’d rather keep going at my own pace.”

“Very well.”

Sure, climbing the ranks got you better benefits, but it also slapped on more responsibilities.

Higher-ranked adventurers were the first to get called in whenever a major crisis hit.

Especially Platinum solos, who could wipe out monster hordes on their own—they basically doubled as emergency response teams for the guild and local governments.

Been there. Done that. Died once already.

No thanks.

These days, all I wanted was a nice, quiet, low-pressure life.

Earn enough to live comfortably. Maybe build a harem along the way. That’s it.

No saving the world. No holy burdens.

“Understood. Sir Haruya will remain Bronze-ranked for now. However, you’ll still receive Silver-Iron-level guild support. We’ll prepare a magic storage bag for you immediately.”

A magic bag—or Magi-Pack, as the cool kids call it—is a pouch enhanced with compression magic.

Basically, it holds waaay more than it looks like it should.

Super handy for adventuring.

Also super expensive.

Only adventurers ranked Silver-Iron or above—aka “valuable assets” in the guild’s eyes—get one for free.

“Feels like I’m getting some VIP treatment here.”

“Well, Sir Haruya did reach Silver-Iron level in just six months… and all solo. You’re considered a very promising rookie.”

The bespectacled guild beauty gave me a once-over like she was trying to figure out what kind of rare creature she was looking at.

Not that I was looking for attention.

But let’s be real—

If I wanted to lose my V-card in the most fun and satisfying way possible,

I had to make some moves.

“I’ve got a dream to chase, after all.”

“…I see.”

She replied in that same cold, deadpan tone like every word from my mouth required her to actively suppress a gag reflex.

Pretty sure she found me gross on a molecular level.

And honestly?

Fair.

See, when you register as an adventurer, they ask why you joined.

Y’know—dreams, goals, motivations, hopes for the future.

Half a year ago, in the middle of a packed guild hall,

I stood up and shouted—full volume, zero filter:

“I’m gonna become the King of Harems!!”

No shame. No hesitation.

Back in my past life, I tried to sound noble:

“I’ll defeat the Demon King and bring peace to the world!”

Which only cranked up expectations, buried me under responsibility, and locked me onto the cursed “Hero Route.”

This time?

I smashed that route into tiny, irreparable shards.

And the results?

Absolutely glorious.

Even now, I could hear the whispers from nearby female adventurers:

“Ugh… Haruya’s here.”

“Great, today’s cursed.”

“Wait—he’s getting promoted to Silver-Iron? Seriously?”

“Can the guild not lower its standards, please?”

Hahaha!

My reputation is absolute trash!!

Among female adventurers?

Rock-bottom.

Worse than a cursed item in a gacha pull.

But among male adventurers?

Top-tier. Immaculate. Legendary.

They’re practically my bros now.

They share priceless knowledge like:

“Oh, that girl at the luxury brothel? Total sweetheart.”

“Here’s how you handle the etiquette—tip first, eye contact second…”

“Wanna unlock the special menu? Here’s how…”

Pure, sacred Lewd Lore.

I treasure every single piece of it.

Now, some people might say:

“If you want to lose your virginity, shouldn’t you make a better impression on women?”

Sure.

Maybe I could build bonds through shared danger, deepen our connection, and seal the deal with a romantic, candlelit night of ain.

BUT—NO THANKS!!

I want to play!

No strings. No guilt. No emotional turbulence.

Just 100% clean, carefree, consensual chaos.

Which brings me to my Virginity Exit Strategy™:

Step 1: Go to a luxury brothel.

Step 2: Simultaneously book several top-tier girls.

Step 3: Say goodbye to my V-card in glorious, multi-angle fashion.

Step 4: Brothel-hop like it’s a summer festival.

Step 5: Ascend the true path—the path of the Harem King!!

Naturally, when I shared this very real, very heartfelt dream with the guys at the guild, they responded like:

“You’re a damn hero.”

“You’ve got zero filter and I respect that.”

“Hero! Hero! Hero!”

I hadn’t even told them I used to be the Hero, but somehow, that title still found its way back to me.

And honestly?

It felt kind of… refreshing.

Back in my old life, most dudes thought I was stiff. Uptight.

Always giving off that “I must uphold justice” energy.

“Sir Haruya?”

Snapped out of my brothel-themed daydreams, I turned toward the voice—the ever-stoic, bespectacled guild receptionist.

“Oh—yeah, sorry. I was just lost in thought. Got any new quests?”

“A few were posted this morning. You’ll find them on the quest board.”

“Sweet! Gotta check ’em out. A guy’s gotta earn coin if he wants to fund his dreams!”

“…Understood.”

The beautiful guild receptionist narrowed her eyes behind those glasses of hers, then casually pointed toward the quest board like she was silently saying, “Just go already.”

Hahaha!

That kind of reaction?

Also refreshing!

I like it!

Love it, even!

With a spring in my step and a little lun-tatta skip, I strutted my way over to the board.

Ahhh…

Coming to the trade city of Granule was the best decision ever!

Great transportation.

Delicious food.

And an entire red-light district!!

Perfection!!

A city where your stomach and your lower half are spiritually aligned—that’s what makes a real town for real people!

Back when I was still the Holy Hero™, this place was just a quick stopover.

Never had time to enjoy it properly.

Always rushing through—one divine mission after another.

Even when I started out as a fresh adventurer, I barely got to breathe.

And a lot of that?

Lily Alshiana.

She was a priestess from the Grand Goddess Church.

Assigned to me personally, after they saw “potential” and decided I needed to be whipped into holy shape.

As my official mentor, she was always preaching.

Constantly with the,

“Be a proper hero, Lord Hero.”

“Uphold your sacred duty, Lord Hero.”

The church funded my gear and travel, so I couldn’t really talk back.

I had zero leverage.

And Lily?

She had presence.

Like, full-on divine aura pressure.

You could feel the righteousness leaking off her in waves.

Even at mealtime.

I remember one day, after suffering through a brutal no-fat diet, I finally snapped and complained.

And her response?

“I am here to share in Lord Hero’s suffering. If we endure the same pain together, surely it will ease your burden as well.”

And then she actually did it—

Lived for a whole month on nothing but cabbage and water.

Her health clearly took a nosedive, but even when I begged her to eat something proper, she’d just throw it back up like her body rejected anything with flavor.

In the end, I was the one who broke.

I caved.

And yes—she made me solemnly swear to never complain about food again.

If I had to describe her?

An iron maiden in priestess form.

I never stood a chance.

Honestly, I might still be dealing with lingering spiritual trauma.

BUT!!

She’s gone now!

We’ll never cross paths in this lifetime!

She hated red-light districts with a fiery holy passion—probably marked every single brothel in this city with a divine “ABSOLUTELY NOT” seal in her personal scripture.

She’s probably back at the temple right now, living her peaceful little church life, surrounded by saints and scripture— a world free of sinful men and mushroom soup.

Anyway.

I made my way to the quest board and reached for a request that looked kinda fun.

And that’s when it happened.

“Whoops.”

Another hand reached for the exact same paper—

And our fingers brushed.

Maybe it was because I’d just been thinking about my old party…

Maybe I felt a little guilty.

Maybe I just had leftover cabbage-induced PTSD.

Either way—

The words slipped out before I could stop them.

“Ah—sorry, Lily.”

“?”

Standing there, blinking up at me in perfect, holy confusion—

Was none other than Priestess Lily Alshiana herself.