Life is a Mess Ever Since My Mother Won an Ero-Novel Grand Prize - Chapter 2.2

Chapter 2.2

I left the live concert— or rather the award ceremony venue— and headed for the crowded area, where the party was to be held.

On the way to the top floor of the building, somehow we two winners ended up riding the elevator.

It was just the two of us.

“Unbelievable, why did you…?”

Rinka, who was holding a paper bag containing the certificate and trophy, said in a subtle tone, talking to herself while reprimanding me. Her expressions were kind of mixed. 

“Why did you do something so embarrassing all of a sudden? You are going to get us in trouble.”

“No, I’m sorry.”

“No, sorry doesn’t fix anything! You and I are classmates at the same school, and we won the same rookie award together! We’ll always be compared! You have to understand that your selfish behavior may cause trouble for both of us!”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m truly sorry.”

I apologized to Rinka.

“I was so nervous that I didn’t know … I felt like I wasn’t myself like someone else had taken over my body… I guess I did something crazy.”

I have been under a lot of mental pressure lately. It might have broken down and overflowed all at once.

But anyway, I survived the award ceremony and started my career as an erotic romance writer, “Mating Press”, although I’m a stand-in for my mother. And the fellow awardee turned out to be Rinka Takigami, a superbly beautiful girl whom I adore.

Isn’t this a chance for me to get to know her better?

Now that both of us are writers of equal standings, it should be a lot easier to talk with her, and we might even be able to do an interview together… probably?

Right now, the two of us are alone in the elevator…!

Oh man, I’m getting a little nervous…!

In the meantime, Rinka was also squirming, her cheeks were flushed red, and she was mumbling about something. 

“I had no idea that we shared the same prize…! But anyway, isn’t this a good chance? If we could use our fellowship as an excuse, we might be able to do this and that…! Okay, okay, I’ll be brave and take action…!”

Rinka nodded as if she had made up her mind and looked at my eyes.

” … H-hey, Shimomura. Is it true?”

“What’s true?”

“T-that, you have never held hands with a girl before…”

“Yeah, but I’m telling you, there’s a lot of guys like that so don’t make fun of me!”

“I-I’m not making fun of you! It’s… so, you know? If you insist, you know what?”

Hmm? Somehow while glancing at me Rinka was shyly playing with her fingers. 

“Is something wrong…?” 

“Hand…”

“Hand?” 

“…D-don’t get me wrong. It’s just that we’re from the same generation!”

“….? What are you trying to say?”

I tilted my head staring at her blushed face.

“So! I could hold… hand…”

As if to interrupt me, a loud ringtone rang out. 

“”Mommy! Mommy! Mommy is in trouble! Haru-kun help me☆!””

“W-what’s that sound?”

Rinka was startled.

It was the voice of someone familiar to me, coming from my pocket as it vibrated. It was a phone call. I hastily took out my phone and checked the screen. The screen read, “A hotline from your beloved mother”

I hung up.

That old hag! Why did she change my settings without my permission? I mean, how the hell did she get past my security?

While hiding my inner thoughts, I tried to make it up to Rinka. 

“I’m sorry, it’s one of those calls that ring even in silent mode.”

“You’re lucky it didn’t happen during the awards ceremony…”

It’s true! It was probably just a phone call to ask me how it was going. I’ll turn it off for now!

“But still, there was something strange about that ringtone now. Normally ringtones are supposed to be music or something, but it sounded like a woman’s voice…”

No way… I won’t ever let anyone know that it was my mother’s voice as the ringtone.

“…No, no, no, no, that’s not it!”

I have to divert the subject. I must! 

“What were you going to say to me earlier? About holding hands…”

“Oh, yeah, that’s ……!”

Rinka’s cheeks flush again as she begins to squirm.

“I-I-I was saying that we probably don’t have enough experience in writing novels, it might be a problem for us in the future, so you can… you see… we can help each other…”

And to make our sweet time over the elevator arrived with a ding, and the doors opened automatically.

At once.

“Congratulations!! Surprise!!”

The senior writers pushed a bunch of bouquets to us that seemed to fill my vision. I was so overwhelmed that I had to arch my back, and Rinka was no different.

Then, with my hands full of flowers, I walked into the party venue, a Western-style pub. The interior of the pub was wood-grained and had a Western-style homelike atmosphere. 

“Karin-sensei come over here and Mating Press-sensei over here.”

“It’s customary to separate the winners.”

“Hehe, you two can continue your affair another time, for now just be patient.”

Rinka and I hurriedly said to the indulgent senior writer, “We’re not dating!”. As I tried to explain further, I got whistled at. Our seniors seemed to be in a jolly mood.

Anyway, Rinka and I were separated and the party began.

The seat to my left was occupied by my editor in charge, Hanagaki Kamome.

“I’ll make the introduction. The person sitting to your right is the first-round judge who picked up your work in the preliminary reading.”

He was a young man in his early twenties, with a soft smile on his face, appeared to be a good-natured young man with an overall gentle atmosphere. 

“He gave you the highest rating, so you attracted a lot of attention in the subsequent judging.”

So he is one of the ‘Godfathers’ of Mating Press.

He’s a senior writer with whom I should make a good relationship. Sorry but I won’t share the secret that I’m just a proxy, but I’ll make sure to learn a lot from him for the real prize. 

“Oh, thank you very much. Um, what’s your name…?”

I took a glance at Hanagaki-san who was smirking.

“I’m ‘Standing-doggy Awl’ sensei…”

“I’m sorry, I can not understand you, can you please repeat it?”

“I’m saying ‘Standing-doggy Awl Sensei’. Please don’t make me say it again. Rather, let’s exchange business cards.”

I took out the business card holder that I had bought with my suit and turned to face Standing-doggy Sensei. He smiled softly and held up his card.

“Hi, I’m Standing-doggy Awl.”

“Oh, this is very kind of you, thank you… I’m Mating Press.”

It was an extremely confusing exchange of business cards.

The business card I received reads, “Romance Lover- Standing-doggy Awl” in a very cool design. Even the address and contact information, which were supposed to be plain, couldn’t hide the stylishness that exuded from them. The surface of the card was even coated with lame, reflecting the light and making it shine. How much effort did he put into a mere business card…?

“… This looks so cool, doesn’t it?”

“Though it’s quite expensive, costing ten times as much as a regular business card!”

One hundred yen per card? Does this mean I can drink a bottle of juice with this? Romance-Lover Senpai is amazing!

“Standing-doggy Awl is one of our best sellers, you know. Your style is similar to his, so you can learn from him.”

“I’m so glad to meet you.”

” Yea! Nice to meet you too! I fell in love with your “Greek Mythology” from the moment I saw it! I was convinced that it would win the prize for sure, and I even appealed to the editorial department to make sure it did! I’m so relieved that it won!”

Damn, he’s got a loud voice!

On the other side, Hanagaki while sipping a shot of whiskey straight from the top complained,

“You were really persistent, Standing-doggy Awl Sensei. Even though I was sure I’d win when I came up for the second round of Giri-Gami, he kept insisting. That explains why people with premature ejaculation are so quick to fill up on bullets.”

“Excuse me! People also call me the Gatling gun.”

The table was abuzz with laughter. I was wondering whether they were aware that I, a high school boy, was with them.

“The next person here was judging for the second round.”

It’s quite common that in the all-genre novel newcomer awards, there is only one judge for the first round. The second and third rounds are judged by an editor and a writer. In the fourth and final round, critics and anime directors would join the judges. 

“This is ‘Bondage Sailor Suit’ Sensei, who also won the Ero Light Novel Choice Award with ‘Big Ti+s and Br@ Straps’ last year.

Another creepy title and pen name. No matter how I hear it, I can only think of a dangerous guy.

However, the ‘Bondage Sailor Suit Sensei’ in question was a woman, how’s this possible? She was short, emitting a gloomy aura. My first impression of her was of a morbid menhera.

When such a Sailor-Suit Sensei greeted me with a business card, I smiled unpleasantly…

“Hi, I’m Sailor Suit Bondage. Nice to meet you-ng.”

“Nice to meet you, too, …ng?”

Why is she ending her words with something?

“Hee hee. Finally, I have a junior writer-ng. I’m going to make you my assistant, so be prepared.”

“Excuse me, why does she have to end her sentence with ‘ngo’?”

“‘Oh, she’s what’s called a ‘Nan-j-girl.”

Hanagaki-san explains, but I tilt my head.

“What kind of girl is that…?”

“Well, young people don’t know much about it, I guess. She’s an active member of a forum site called “Anything Goes Live”, and she’s also one of the few people who used to be called ‘2chan-nellers’.”

“Ahh, …(pity)”

“Hey, junior! What’s with that pitiful look in your eyes? I’m your senior! Show me some respect!”

“-Sorry, because you’re the kind of person who can only be proud of themselves by dragging others down, aren’t you…? My teacher told me to be nice to them… And being a woman and a member of such a forum, then I guess… cheer up, there will be good things in your life…? It won’t be hard…?”

“This guy’s a joke-ng! When your book comes out, I’m going to give you a really bad review, so be prepared!”

Fufu, sneering Sailor Suit Bondage Senpai (♀) made a killing gesture that of a wild cat.

“Is this kind of a person you become after a year? No way, I don’t want to be like her…”

“Hey, I can hear you-ng! I’ll kill you if you keep on trying to provoke me, junior.”

“You’re losing your temper.”

Hanagaki chop on the Sailor Suit Sensei’s head.

“Ngo!” and Sailor Suit Sensei reacts.

“It hurts… It hurts…”

As the Sailor-suit Sensei was rubbing her head, Hanagaki grabbed her by chest as if to rip them apart,

“If you dare to touch one of my writers and I’ll hang you stripped naked, you bastard.”

“Hiii…”

With a single shot, Sailor-Suit Senpai becomes quiet and starts shivering in the corner.

“Well, now for the big one. He’s the judge for the final selection, also the most successful writer of our all-genre department.”

Hanagaki resumes.

“Here is the author of ‘Sandwiched Between My Thighs~ How to Finish in Absolute Domain’ which won the first grand prize in the romantic comedy and has been made into an anime with three seasons, behold the Kimeseku-Sensei.”

What… No way? The Kimeseku-sensei? He…?

I was frozen with astonishment.

“Kimeseku-sensei is a veteran writer who has been active for more than twenty years. It’s no wonder if you know him.”

“How could I not know that?”

I finally managed to react, and once again, I was able to grasp the dream-like reality of the situation.

The person in front of me is a very successful author who is also known as the “God of Light Novels”. 

“The legendary author who took the world by storm with his hilarious romantic comedies and continues to grow a strong fan base even now, or rather, over the past twenty years! His debut series has sold a total of 10 million copies! After that, he continued to work in various genres. All of them have been selling well. He changed his pen name and has been selling well in mainstream literature, and it is said that Kimeseku-Sensei is the one who won the Bookstore Award and the Naoki Prize in the same year! His writing speed is also terribly fast, and he continues to publish more than one book a month while supervising anime and game adaptations. They say, ‘he’s the one and the only one’. Moreover, this all-genre bunko award was created with Kimeseku-sensei at the center!”

The people around me seemed to be intimidated by my rapid succession of words. 

“It seems that you are a big fan of Kimeseku-sensei.”

Hanagaki says in a troubled tone, but my excitement doesn’t wane.

“It’s only natural for those who want to be a writer!”

The author of my dreams is right in front of me right now!

As a writer, he mainly writes funny romantic comedies. 

That Kimeseku-Sensei, dressed in a tight suit, waxed hair parted into seven threes, wearing black frame glasses, was giving off an aura of a stern businessman in charge of accounting.

“Hello, pleased to meet you! I’ve always admired you…! I want to be like you…!”

“…”

But he didn’t say a single word, and simply exchanged his business card.

I was somewhat disheartened that he wasn’t interested in me.

“Hmm, it’s the same as how I was treated last year. There are more than a hundred new writers born every year, and four out of five of them disappear within a year. He thinks it’s useless to remember every single one of them-ng.”

Said the Sailor-Suit-Senpai, who was a year ahead of me, in frustration.

I see. Kimeseku-sensei has been at the forefront of the industry for twenty years. No wonder he’s seen his fair share of newbies. And most of them did not survive… So he doesn’t have any expectations of me either.

But when I think about it, I feel frustrated. I’ve just met the man of my dreams, and he’s being so salty. I’d like to get my nose out of the way somehow. Like in the afterword of his latest release, [The First Question, ‘Whether or Not Armpits Should Be Included in Female Genitalia’]. I wonder if we can have a maniacal talk like that.

But then Standing-Doggy-Senpai intercedes.

“Oh, that’s the kind of person Kimeseku-sensei is. Don’t worry about him, or rather, just think of him as a love doll sitting there.”

“So I can push him over?”

I made my usual comment and then let out a yelp. Oh no, I thought of him as a love doll just now. What a rude thing to say to Kimeseku-Sensei…

However, the seniors seemed to be impressed.

Even Kimeseku-sensei was paying attention to me.

“Now there’s an interesting newcomer.”

Why are you so interested in me now? I thought of you like a love doll and said I was going to push you down!

“Fufu, like I told you in the finals that a newcomer with great potential had appeared.”

At Hanagaki’s words, Kimeseku-Sensei sipped the wine out from his glass in an intellectual-like motion.

“Kukuku… To be honest, I was only thinking of the award party as a change of pace, but it turns out, Mating Press is better than I thought. Intriguing. I’m starting to get interested in you.”

Both of Kimeseku-sensei’s eyes glowed with a mysterious light.

Hiiiii, I felt a chill run down my spine, and my body almost ran away.

But there’s a wall behind me. And on both sides, Kamome Hanagaki and the Standing-Doggy-Senpai are blocking the way.

From the front, the Big Boss, Kimeseku-Sensei, and a year older senpai, the “Nanj Girl”, Bondage-Sailor-Suit-Sensei.

There was no escape route whatsoever.

“Yare-yare, Well then, I guess I’ll start by showing you what the adult world is all about.”

Kimeseku-Sensei stood, snapping his fingers.

“Fuhihihi… I want to give him a light twist first-ng.” Said Sailor-Suit-Senpai with a disgusting smile on her face.

“Well, let’s see if you’re worthy of the ‘Three Stars of Ero-Novel’, Mating Press-Sensei!!”

Thus Kimeseku-sensei crossed his arms like a boss.

Sorry, but what do you mean by the “Three Stars of Ero-Novel”? If I join them, would it be called the “Four Heavenly Kings of Ero-Novel”? 

I want to die. 

“Now then, let’s start the all-night Y-talk.”

Hanagaki said with a dark, mafia-like atmosphere.

I scoured my surroundings, looking for an opening, but as I suspected, the siege was perfect. There was no way to escape…

“Let’s get started!”

And the hentai guys around me started pestering me.

“”We’ll give you a full-blown lecture that’ll make even a virgin open his ☆ legs!””

Hiii, hiii, hiii~~~~~~~ck!!

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