You Were Stolen from Me, so I Will Live for Myself

Childhood Friend’s Decision (2)

Yuki’s POV

I no longer have the right to stand by Yuto’s side. If I appear in front of Yuto, it will only trouble him. However, what if I can support him from the shadows, unnoticed by anyone—?

I will study law, gain social credibility, acquire knowledge and power. I will protect the future Yuto chooses from an unseen place. I will support him from behind the scenes so that he can move forward with peace of mind.

This is it…

I try to picture that future in my mind. Yuto won’t know anything about it. To him, I’m already part of the past, and that’s okay. There is no need for him to know. As long as he’s happy, that’s enough for me.

Then, strangely enough, I feel the weight deep inside my heart has lightened a little. It’s as if in the pitch-black darkness, a small light has been lit. At the end of the pitch-black road where nothing can be seen, a faint light is glowing.

I’m convinced. This is the path I should take.

It may be a childish and reckless idea, becoming a lawyer will take years. There is no guarantee that I will pass. Of course, it will require immense effort, and it’s not like I will be able to atone for my sins by doing this. Besides, even if I become a lawyer, the idea of secretly supporting Yuto from behind the scenes might seem nothing more than a naïve dream.

Even so—

Right now, this is all I have.

Rather than just sinking further and crushed by regret. Rather than not doing anything and being consumed by guilt. Even if it’s just a childish dream, I will choose this path.

So that Yuto will be able to be himself. So that he will be able to walk the path he believes in.

Because this is the only path I can take. This is only path for me to move forward.

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From that day on, my life completely changed.

I wake up at 4AM every morning. My day begins with opening the Six Codes of Law book and memorizing legal provisions. I solve practice problems on the train. During lectures, I read law case compilations. Even when during lunch, I study while eating in the library. I stay in the self-study room until late at night, pushing myself to the limit.

The only break I allow myself is seven hours of sleep. If I don’t get enough sleep, I won’t be able to study efficiently.

That’s why, no matter what, I make sure to get enough sleep.

Besides that, I dedicate the rest of my time to studying.

My body scream in pain. I nearly collapsed many times. I often forget to eat and there was even one time when an ambulance had to be called because of overwork and malnutrition.

However, even so, that doesn’t stop me.

This is much easier than being consumed by self-loathing and struggling in agony. As long as I’m studying, I don’t have to think about anything. I can push the regrets of the past and that sickening feeling to the far corners of my mind.

It’s as if I’m forcing myself to stop thinking. I just continue to sit at my desk.

Studying is much easier.

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One day, my classmates call out to me out of concern.

“Yuki, you’re pushing yourself too hard.”

“You will ruin your health if you keep doing this.”

However, I just ignore everyone’s warnings. I just keep studying and studying. Little by little, my efforts start to bear fruit.

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In my third year of college, I pass the preliminary bar exam.

Everyone around me is surprised.

Even in the law faculty, only a limited number of students pass the preliminary exam. Let alone those who pass while still an undergraduate, there are not many. Only a few, at most. My classmates and professors can’t hide their admiration.

However, for me, this is nothing more than a checkpoint. Without taking a moment to feel satisfied, I have already set my sight on the next goal.

This is merely one step towards my atonement.

The moment I pass the preliminary exam, the outcome has already been decided. The main exam is just something I simply have to pass. However, even so, I continue to study relentlessly.

It’s simple, if I stop studying, the self-loathing and guilt will come rushing back.

For me, stopping is never an option.

Then, the following year, the result come as expected.

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In my fourth year of college, I finally pass the bar exam.

When it’s announced that I have passed the bar exam, the university newspaper reaches out to me for a brief interview, but I politely decline.

Yuto is still around. I can’t afford to stand out.

The more I stand out, the more likely Yuto will hear about it. That is something I have to avoid.

I have to make sure that he never notices. So that I won’t get in the way of his life.

Avoiding the spotlight, I quietly graduate from university, ensuring that I don’t leave a strong impression on anyone’s memory.

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After graduating from university, I go on to legal training.

This is a mandatory training period for those who pass the bar exam before they can become lawyers, prosecutors, or judges. Over the course of about a year, trainees gain practical experience in legal work and have their suitability assessed.

Courthouses, prosecutor’s offices, law firms, I learn a lot at each of those places. The real-world application of law, the delicate art of negotiation, the weight of words that can determine a person’s fate.

It’s a stark contrast to theoretical study. The real legal world is profound and unforgiving. Yet, no matter the situation, my determination never wavers.

How can I support Yuto without anyone noticing? How can I support him from behind the scenes?

That’s all I can think about.

I move forward so that I can support Yuto one day.

To be honest, it has become an obsession.

Only when I’m moving forward towards this goal, I can escape the unbearable feeling of self-disgust.

This is my only salvation.

Then—

I, Yuki Kosaka, becomes a lawyer at the age of twenty-three.