You Girls Are Way Too Obsessed With A Lone Wolf Like Me - Volume SS: 5 and 6

Volume SS: 5 and 6

SS⑤: Solo Guy vs. College Girl ~ A Battle Without Morals ~

On a holiday night, I head to the movie theater to catch a film. Naturally, alone.

It’s a bit cliché, but isn’t this the ultimate way to spend a day off?

Watching a movie sprawled out on my bed at home has its charm, but enjoying one in a theater, a place dedicated solely to the cinematic experience, has a charm all its own.

Movie theater trope: I always end up listening to the ending music until the very last note.

Vowing to rewatch it at home as soon as it hits streaming services, I step out of the commercial building housing the theater.

It’s around 8:30 PM. The sun has long set, and the city’s storefront lights, illuminations, and scattered streetlamps keep the bustling downtown brightly alive.

Alright. The main event of the day is over, so it’s time to hop on a train and head home. Maybe I’ll take the long way, strolling while reflecting on the movie I just watched.

With the refreshing post-movie vibe in tow, I start walking toward the station.

It wasn’t long after that when it happened.

An incident occurred.

“Haruichiii! ♪”

“…Guh!”

The moment I hear a familiar voice, someone grabs me from behind in a forceful hug.

“Koino-san?”

“That’s right! It’s your Kimika-oneesan! ♪”

Since she’s saying it herself, it must be Kimika Koino-san, the poster girl from my favorite café.

But the Koino-san I know is a sensible older sister type, blending brightness with a gentle calm. The person in front of me now is a hyper, annoying, insensible older sister type.

“…Are you drunk?”

“You bet! Kimika-oneesan is totally drunk! ♪”

“…”

Breaking News: Solo guy gets harassed by a drunk college girl in the downtown nightlife.

What the hell…

Taking a closer look at Koino-san, her face is flushed compared to usual. Her usually clear, bright eyes are now 200% more glazed and droopy than normal.

So this is what Koino-san’s like when she’s drunk…

“Heyyy! You just thought I’m a pain in the ass, didn’t you?!”

“I didn’t just think it—I’m thinking it.”

“That salty attitude is the perfect dessert after a meal! ♪”

My attacks don’t seem to land on the current Koino-san at all.

Normally, I’d give a quick “See ya” nod and bolt from the scene.

But leaving Koino-san in her current state feels way too dangerous.

She’s still leaning against me, with zero intention of standing on her own. Has the alcohol also removed her shame limiter? She’s fanning the neckline of her V-neck sweater, muttering, “My body’s all warm~,” causing her cleavage to peek in and out of view.

“Koino-san, your cleavage is showing. Maybe stop fanning your shirt.”

“You’re a guy too, Haruichi-kun~ You can’t help but notice~”

“Not just me—passersby too—

‘Naughty, naughty! ♪’”

She’s spouting weird made-up words while poking my cheek with her finger or rubbing her face against mine.

This is bad. I need to sprint to the nearest police station now.

“So, Haruichi-kun, how about we hit up an after-party?”

“We haven’t discussed anything like that.”

“Whaaat? You just forgot—

‘Correction: We definitely haven’t discussed that.’”

“Haruichi-kun, you’re so funny!” Koino-san cackles, the kind of laugh that’d probably explode at the sight of a random bald guy’s head.

“So, where should we go? A bar? An izakaya?”

What even is conversational give-and-take?

“For starters, minors can’t enter places like that.”

“Ohhh, right, right!”

“Glad you understand.”

“Then let’s drink at my place! ♪”

“…Huh?”

“No worries, no worries! I’ll call your family and let them know you’ll be late.”

Is she simulating a call to my parents? Koino-san presses her phone to her ear and starts talking.

“Guhehe! I’m taking your adorable little boy! If you want him back, too bad—I’ll take full responsibility and keep him forever! ♪”

What kind of ransom call only benefits the Himemiya family?

This is getting nowhere.

First, I need to get her to drink some water. I scan the area for a convenience store.

Spotting one near a traffic light, I notice three college-aged girls walking out.

“Hey, there she is! Kimika, we got you some water!”

“Wait, isn’t she hitting on some guy…?”

“How does two glasses of umeshu make her this happy?”

Thank god… these must be the friends Koino-san was drinking with.

Koino-san waves enthusiastically at the approaching trio.

“Everyone~ Haruichi-kun says he’s joining us for the after-party! ♪”

I’m too tired to even retort.

The three girls blink in confusion, saying, “Haruichi-kun?” in unison, which is only natural.

Or so I thought.

“Wait, isn’t that the guy Kimika’s always talking about?”

They know about me?

Once one remembers, it’s a chain reaction. “Oh, yeah, yeah!” the other two chime in, eyeing me like I’m some rare specimen.

“…Hey.”

“Kyaaa! He’s actually that cold!”

“…”

I’ve never regretted my standoffish attitude more than in this moment.

Careless mistake. They’re not as drunk as Koino-san, but these girls are tipsy too.

Drunk College Girl feat. Lightly Buzzed Girls ×3.

“That’s right~ This is Haruichi-kun! My cute, cute little underclassman! ♪”

“Those sulky eyes really do look like a cat’s! I get why you’d want to keep him!”

“It’s been a while since I talked to a younger guy. Have fun chatting with us Onee-chan tonight, okay?”

“Hey, Haruichi~ I just broke up with my boyfriend, so comfort me~!”

This is exhausting…

“Let’s head back to the apartment and keep drinking in my room! ♪”

“Agreed! ♪”

The four of them latch onto me with no escape. At this point, all I can do is brace myself.

It all happens in a flash. I’m shoved into a minivan taxi and whisked straight to Koino-san’s apartment.

Until the last train, they keep poking at me like I’m a drinking snack. “Is there a girl you like at school?” “If you had to date one of us, who’d it be?” “I’m sleepy, let’s sleep together!”

The refreshing post-movie feeling gets dirtier by the second, like I’m being forced to climb the stairs to adulthood.

Farewell, my innocence.

I didn’t drink or do anything shady, though.

The next day, a sobered-up Koino-san apologized profusely.

SS⑥: The Ojou-sama Wants to Be Dyed in Haruichi’s Colors

The incident takes place at my usual café, WELL.

I lift my eyes from a book at a good stopping point and stretch, glancing around the shop.

It’s a weekday evening. The place feels busier than usual for this time. I spot a few groups of housewives and some sort of club, chattering cheerfully here and there.

“Sorry for the wait, here’s your blend coffee! ♪”

“Thanks.”

After the summer break, Shirahoshi Arisu, who started working at WELL in my place, brings me a refill of coffee.

I can’t help but ask her:

“Is it busy today?”

That one sentence was the start of it all.

“Hm? …Shirahoshi?”

What’s going on? Shirahoshi isn’t saying a word.

I don’t know why. I don’t know, but her round eyes are widening even further.

Her eyes are teary, she’s pressing the tray against her mouth, and she looks utterly shocked by what I said.

What’s with this reaction, like I just proposed to her?

“What’s got you so—!? Whoa…!”

Out of nowhere, Shirahoshi starts moving, closing in on me fast.

She doesn’t care about my wariness. At point-blank range, her clear blue eyes sparkling, she beams with a smile that’s practically bursting.

“I’m free! Please, let’s hang out after my shift! ♪”

“Ha?”

“~~~♪ Being invited by Haruichi-san feels like a dream! ♪”

??? When did I invite her?

When did she start hallucinating that I invited her?

“…Ah…”

After tilting my head for a few seconds, it all clicks, and I let out a pathetic sound.

I see… So that’s what happened…

“Is it busy today?”

↓↓↓↓↓↓↓

“Shirahoshi, do you have any plans after your shift today? If you’re free, would you like to hang out with me?”

That’s how Shirahoshi interpreted it.

OK, OK.

Shirahoshi, anyone can misunderstand. If anything, I’m partly to blame for asking in such a vague way.

“Sorry, Shirahoshi, what I meant was—”

“Oh no! If I’d known, I would’ve worn my freshly cleaned uniform! Ahh! And of all days, I didn’t even put on the new hair clip I just bought!”

“Listen, when I said busy—”

“It’s getting late, so dinner, right? Eating together since the camp feels so nostalgic! ♪ My cheeks won’t stop smiling!”

“Shirahoshi, just hear me out—”

“I’ll work super hard to finish my shift, so please wait just a bit longer, mmkay♪?”

“…Yeah.”

I don’t have the mental fortitude to tell the overjoyed, humming Shirahoshi, “You misunderstood.”

※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※

After Shirahoshi’s shift ends, we head to a restaurant for dinner. Naturally, just the two of us.

Sitting across from me, Shirahoshi grins ear to ear just from making eye contact.

“A date in casual clothes is nice, but a date in uniforms is also wonderful, right! ♪”

Should I change into my tracksuit?

More importantly…

“Is this place really okay with you?”

“Yes! If anything, this is perfect! ♪”

Her smile alone is proof enough that she’s not lying.

When she said she had something she wanted to eat, I braced myself for what kind of capture-level ingredient I’d be sent to fetch. I was ready to master a nail punch just to survive.

An ojou-sama’s dinner = a hotel with a night view or a cruise, dining on French or Italian cuisine.

That’s the image us commoners have, but it’s completely blown away.

And no wonder. We’re currently at a certain hamburger chain.

A place beloved by the masses, offering a “smile for 0 yen” service that no sane employee would dream of providing. The “I’m lovin’ it” chain, a haven for regular folks.

She genuinely seems to think it’s delicious, as Shirahoshi taps her tongue in delight. She takes tiny bites of her hamburger with her small mouth or diligently nibbles on a long fry.

What is this feeling? It’s like watching a hamster in its cage.

Then, Shirahoshi’s expression shifts to a sudden “Ha!”

“…Could it be, was there another place you wanted to go?”

“Nah, not really. I was just thinking you eat at places like this too, that’s all.”

At my response, Shirahoshi gives a wry smile.

“My dad and mom never took me to places like this growing up.”

I’m not that surprised. She’s the kind of bourgeois who’d summon Kobe beef for a high school BBQ, after all.

“I want to try cup ramen too, but our housekeeper won’t allow it. She’s like, ‘If that’s the case, I’ll make the noodles from scratch.’”

“You’ve got a housekeeper…?”

“Yes! ♪ Chiyo-san, who’s been with us for 12 years.”

That’s beyond surprising—it’s almost intimidating.

Anyone would be jealous of an ojou-sama with a housekeeper, myself included.

But it seems Shirahoshi has her own struggles as an ojou-sama.

“I’m a high school girl too, you know! I want to go to a family restaurant with everyone and experiment with fun drink bar combinations. I want to buy cup ramen at a convenience store, pour in hot water right there, and eat it outside!”

“What’s with your obsession with cup ramen?”

“It’s one of the dishes I want to eat before I die!”

Go to a konbini right now, then.

I want to retort so bad, but I hold back.

A fast-food hamburger must also be one of those dishes Shirahoshi wanted to eat before she dies.

Knowing how curious Shirahoshi is, she’ll probably tackle all the things she wants to experience or try on her own, one by one, without me saying a word.

“Haruichi-san, next let’s have a convenience store  date, mmkay! ♪ I also want to sunbathe on a park bench or by the riverbank!”

Am I the only one who thinks if we leave her unchecked, she’ll turn into a total commoner?