Chapter 19: I Want to Awaken a Possessive-Type Talent — Side Story: From Her Point of View②

But my current boyfriend is different.

Even if I act selfish, he accepts all of it, and we even talk on the phone every day.

He keeps loving me.

We’re going out again today.

“Lately, my girlfriend’s possessiveness has been intense. Like, calling every day, and telling me not to talk to other girls…”

“What’s that, she’s way too heavy, lol. If it were me, I wouldn’t make you feel like that~”

There were messages like that on my boyfriend’s phone—on his SNS.

What is this? That’s impossible. I don’t get it. I’m “heavy”? Screw that. He said he was happy we called every day, and even when I told him not to talk to other girls, he smiled and said, “Okay,” didn’t he?

While I was in the middle of my anger and confusion, my phone got snatched away, and—

“Hey, why are you looking through my phone without permission? I don’t get what your problem is.”

That’s what my boyfriend said.

Huh? The one who doesn’t get it is me! What the hell?!

I told you not to DM girls, right? And it’s not just that—you’re talking trash about me too? No way.

I threw all my feelings at him.

Huff, huff. You get it now? You get it, right? Fine—if you apologize, I’ll forgive you, just this once.

But what he said next was completely different from what I expected.

“Seriously, let’s put some distance between us. I don’t think we’re a good fit.”

Huh? I don’t get it.

Why don’t you get what I’m saying?

I was clearly acting like I still had more to say, but he just said, “I’m gonna go for now,” and left.

Why? Why does everyone always leave me behind? I don’t get it. At first, everyone says they won’t make me feel lonely, but the moment I want something, nobody accepts all of me—they just go somewhere else.

What do you mean, “I won’t make you feel lonely”? Yeah, right.

After he left and some time passed, I slowly started thinking maybe my actions were wrong.

Maybe I didn’t have to get that angry. Maybe I should’ve just said I was lonely, honestly.

I know. I really do know. Maybe I’m a little heavy.

But, like—if you talk to girls, I start worrying you’ll end up liking them, and if you’re on SNS, I start thinking you’re hiding something and cheating.

I can’t help thinking that, okay? Isn’t it normal? That’s why I look. I don’t even want to look, but you do suspicious stuff, so I end up doubting you.

I hate this version of me.

I know it myself, but I can’t change it, and I can’t become someone else. Living feels hard.

But whatever. I’ve got other options. Who should I pick next? It doesn’t have to be you.

I don’t need a boyfriend who won’t be there when I’m lonely.

Once I find someone new, I’ll be the one who says goodbye.

While talking to boys, I looked around the class more than usual, searching for someone promising.

The guy I’m talking to now doesn’t seem like he likes me, and that guy has a girlfriend…

I’m not interested in what belongs to someone else. If he belongs to someone else, he’s not mine. And if he’s not only mine, then I don’t need him. He has to be mine, and only mine…

While I was thinking that, suddenly—

“Hey, is that a Papipu New Guinea live keychain?”

someone talked to me.

Huh? Who?

I looked up, startled, but I don’t recognize him at all.

What—did he hear rumors that things aren’t going well with my boyfriend or something? There are people like that, you know.

And I hate people like that, because they never actually treat me like I matter.

But—wait… why did he say that? Were we talking about Papipu? No way! Does he like them too?!

I was so happy to meet someone who likes Papipu for the first time that I forgot I didn’t even know who he was, and I ended up talking a ton about how much I love them.

How I got into them in middle school, my favorite songs…

He listened with a big smile, and he was really good at listening.

What is this guy? Our tastes match, he’s so easy to talk to, and he seems like such a good person!

After that, I started talking to him every break. He was easy to talk to, and I couldn’t feel any “interest” from him at all—in a good way.

That made me happy, and for lonely me lately, he was exactly what I wanted.

He always listens to me, and he’s my only Papipu friend, too.

And he’ll do anything I ask, and he’s always smiling when we talk, so it’s fun.

But lately, when I’m talking to him, I realize someone’s watching us. The other day I noticed and looked over—and some girls in class were staring at me.

Who was that again?

Chapter 20: I Want to Awaken a Possessive-Type Talent — Side Story: From Her Point of View③

Today, too, I talk to him.

“Morning—so yesterday, this happened…” “Oh, right—did you see Papipu’s new music video?” That kind of thing.

And today again, he listens to me with a smile. I’m happy! I don’t feel lonely at all.

I haven’t contacted my boyfriend at all. This is probably the first time.

Even when we fought, I’d spam him with messages on my own, and I’d call him over and over.

Because if I don’t do it, how is he supposed to get a chance to apologize? But then usually… I get dumped after that.

Haha! Past me was so stupid.

But that doesn’t mean I’ve started hating my boyfriend. If he apologizes, I’ll forgive him and keep dating him, but I’m just not contacting him because right now, I’m not lonely even without him.

He saved me from loneliness.

Ahh, math is finally over. I’m tired… and at times like this, I go talk to him. Does he give off negative ions or something? Talking to him is soothing. Like that “one bottle when you’re tired!” kind of thing.

Okay, where is he…? Ah, there he is!

He’s talking to someone.

Ugh, someone got to him first. Figures.

Something I realized after I started talking to him is that he’s actually pretty popular. Even though he’s not the flashy type, people gather around him during breaks. Are they all captivated by his conversation skills… or maybe his vibe?

What are they talking about? I’m curious. Does he talk about Papipu with people besides me? Or is it about a girl he likes or something? No—what is that. I don’t want him getting a girlfriend. Like, ever.

Ah, but it’s not like I like him or anything. I have a boyfriend. Don’t get the wrong idea. I just want to stay friends with you.

After a while, I looked over at him again, and he was copying notes. He probably borrowed someone’s notes.

Huh. So he asks favors too. Well, yeah—of course he would.

He’s not some perfect human. He probably sleeps in class sometimes, and he might forget to ask what’s on the test.

Yeah, but I’ve only ever been the one asking.

I mean, nobody’s ever asked me, either.

Well, whatever. I sleep in class a lot anyway.

If it’s some other favor, he’ll come to me first, right? He can ask me anytime. If it’s you, I’ll be happy to get asked.

From that day on, maybe he started asking people for favors more, because I kept seeing him asking all kinds of people for stuff.

People besides me.

What is that? Is he trying to get back at me? I thought we were close, but is he saying I’m not even good enough to be asked?

Well, whatever. I won’t ask him for anything anymore, and even if he asks me, I won’t do it for him.

And even after days passed, he still didn’t seem like he was going to ask me for anything. What is this? He’s fickle beyond belief. You were the one who came up to me acting like you wanted to be close, and now you won’t rely on me when it matters?

Fine. Even if you ask now, I’m not doing it.

But… come to think of it, has anyone in class ever asked me for favors? Huh? Maybe… no?

Then, by chance, I saw him thanking someone with a smile.

What is that smile? I don’t think I’ve ever seen him smile like that.

What—so he gives that kind of smile to people who aren’t me?

Come to think of it… have I ever said thank you to him? Or to anyone—my boyfriend, other guy friends? Maybe… I haven’t.

That night, for the first time, I reflected on my own behavior. No matter how much I looked back, I realized I hadn’t even said “th-thanks” once, and that nobody had ever asked me for favors.

Haha… what is that. This isn’t just about him—if anything, the reason nobody relies on me is because I never thank anyone.

For the first time, I thought I was pathetic.

I’m such a terrible girl.