When I Picked Up A Stunningly Gorgeous Downer-Type Beauty In Front Of The Entrance. - Chapter 17: To seek comfort from her without saying anything.

To seek comfort from her without saying anything.

Time stood still. No, maybe it was just my breath that stopped.

Suddenly, it felt like I teleported from the balcony of my house to the top of a mountain, feeling the thinness of the air. The sudden change in air pressure gave me a sensation as if my heart was swelling up like a bag of potato chips, about to burst.

Wait, what…?

I thought I made a sound, but no words came out.

I couldn’t even understand why I was so flustered.

The world in front of me flickered with light, and as if to say I couldn’t stand without support, I tightly gripped the railing of the balcony. The rough, uneven texture felt similar to my current state of mind.

“By the way, I left a voicemail, but you haven’t played it yet, huh? To ignore your little sister’s voice… What’s going on—”

I felt like she was saying something, but I couldn’t understand, as if there was noise interfering.

All I could grasp was that my sister’s voice was light, as if she didn’t say anything significant.

And that’s true. I don’t think it’s something particularly surprising.

Hmm. Alright. I’ll think about it.

That’s all I replied with. I’ll figure out what to do later, once I’m back in my room. It’s not something to take too seriously.

Because, originally, that possibility existed.

The reason I stayed behind alone was because the timing of the business trip was in the middle of my third year of middle school, just before graduation.

So, so, so… what?

Uh-oh. It’s bad. It’s as if an important thread in my brain snapped, and my thoughts died.

“Well, that’s it then. Think about it. Adieu~”

Wait.

I tried to say something, but the call ended before I could.

Beep, beep.

The phone hung up, the speaker informing me, and the home screen flashed back.

Why did she have to end with a Hawaiian phrase?

I muttered something inconsequential and slumped down as if collapsing.

The business trip got extended.

That’s fine.

Living with my family in Hokkaido.

Leaving the familiar town is a bit sad, but being able to live with my family again is a good thing. It’s just a one-year experience of living alone, after all.

――I’m going to be separated from Sajou-san.

This isn’t good. It’s really not good.

A darkness settles in my chest. It’s like soil mixed into clear water, turning it into mud, thick and heavy.

She’s just a neighbour.

A woman I spent maybe a month with, nothing more. We’re not lovers. I don’t even know if we’re friends.

Yet, why does she stir up my emotions like this?

“…Ahhh.”

I messily run my fingers through my hair.

Honestly, regardless of the nature of our relationship, it’s the first time I’ve become so involved with someone else.

Maybe there’s anxiety there.

A woman like a stray cat in the rain.

If I look away, she’ll melt into the darkness of the alley and disappear. I worry for her, fragile and fleeting as she is.

No matter how close we become, we’re still strangers.

To treat her so coldly… the past month since we started interacting has been too intense, too close.

But is there any point in worrying?

To be so cold-hearted, the first month after we started getting close was incredibly intense, and the distance between us was too close.

Feeling the weight of my body as if gravity had multiplied, I stand up.

I open the window and return to the living room.

“…A woman?”

As soon as I return, the first words after a brief silence are like tiny thorns.

She quirks her lips, holding a long-bodied cat plushie that seemingly appeared out of nowhere.

“No, my sister.”

She was indeed a woman, but affirming it felt uncomfortable.

Perhaps it’s because it felt like I was being asked about more than just biological gender, but about our relationship and emotional state.

“I see.”

I say indifferently, and the plushie’s neck tightens in response.

Even though it’s just a stuffed animal and its expression shouldn’t change, it looks like it’s struggling. Please stop.

Watching her in that state somehow makes me feel… not lonely, but affectionate.

I have started to miss her.

I don’t understand my own feelings.

But maybe my body does, as without intending to, I find myself moving toward Sajou-san, who’s sitting in the beanbag chair.

“Rihito?”

She calls my name, and I kneel down.

With a puzzled expression, I lean my head onto her knees.

“Uu…”

Groaning, I rub my head against Sajou-san’s thigh.

The rational part of my mind is sweating nervously, thinking, ‘Isn’t this sexual harassment?’ But right now, I’m acting purely on the throbbing emotions inside me. It feels like a puppy seeking affection. It’s like observing someone else’s business.

“What are you…?”

Sajou-san starts to say something above me, but it seems like she stops midway, closing her mouth.

I can guess what she was going to say. And I understand why she stopped.

It’s probably because I don’t pry into Sajou-san’s circumstances.

Even though she’s okay with it herself, she might have thought it would be unfair to violate that.

Regardless of the past or future, just being together feels comfortable.

Accepting a certain kind of stagnation.

I don’t want to disrupt that.

The feeling of embracing must surely be equal.

So, I couldn’t consult with her.

That’s because it’s unfair to only talk about my situation without asking about hers.

…Perhaps because I’m holding feelings that are exactly opposite to hers, even though they seem similar.

Ah, maybe this kind of thinking is what’s binding us together like chains and causing stagnation.

Thinking that being in a deadlock is good, what a masochistic thought. It’s depressing where my thoughts lead me.

In the end, I can’t say anything and can only depend on her.

I laugh at myself inwardly. It’s a strange story.

Being able to depend on someone, yet unable to reveal what’s inside my heart.

While allowing physical closeness, I don’t delve into or allow the other person’s circumstances.

It’s terribly twisted, with a discomfort like standing on a lake with thin ice on its surface.

If either of us tries to end it, the ice will break without any ado, and this relationship will come to an end.

I sniffed. There was a sweet smell.

“Your smell.. Sajou-san…”

As I said that, a sharp pain shot through my elbow to my temple. Ouch.