The Virgin Hero Who Fought in the Dungeon for 20 Years Returned to the Surface Only to Find the Population of the World Has Dropped Drastically, with a Male-to-Female Ratio of 1:1000 - 32

Chapter 32: Winter is Hot Pot Season

ーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー

“Well, now that the three of us are together, it’s time for that thing! Yay! The 34th annual ‘Who Had the Worst Luck with Men?’ competition!”

Kyouka Kuonji declared as she popped open a can of beer. Rion, with a detached look, took a sip of her grape sour drink and replied.

“No, we’re not doing that.”

“Oh, Rion. Could you clear off the table? I’m bringing the hot pot over.”

Haruka Shimomura, who was friends with both Rion and Kyouka and formed an adventuring party with them, had invited them over to her room for a hot pot party.

“Ugh, you guys are such party poopers. When girls are drinking together, of course we need to share who has had the worst luck with men, right?”

“Sorry, but that sort of local tradition isn’t something we Tokyoites really get.”

“Wait, wait, wait. I’m from Tokyo too! It’s just that I lived in Kansai for about ten years, so my accent got all messed up!”

“That explains why everything you say sounds so phony.”

“Who’s the phony?!”

“Come on, Kyouka. Don’t get agitated in a small space like this.”

Haruka’s room was quite modest. Right next to the bed, she had placed a table to eat and that space doubled as the party area for them. The room could barely fit them, especially with the table on. The room actually felt a bit tight when everyone sat down around the table. 

“Still, though. We’re all aware of each other’s financial situation, but Haruka, don’t you think you should move to a better place? Even though your income from being an adventurer isn’t great and your main income actually comes from a part-time job, this isn’t a place for an 18-year-old girl to live.”

Just like what Kyouka said, Haruka’s apartment was rather old. Though it was fairly close to the station, the apartment was really dull. The neighborhood seemed like something from a Showa-era song, giving off a shabby vibe with an odd, lived-in atmosphere. Rion, who was chewing on some dried squid, nodded along with Kyouka’s suggestion. 

“I agree with Kyouka on this. Hey, Haruka, could you reconsider the room share? If the two of us pitch in, I think we could afford to get a place a little better than this.”

“Geez, both of you are so rude. I like it here, so it’s fine. Besides, this place suits me just fine for now. I’ll move somewhere even better after I raise my rank a bit more. Don’t worry about it.”

“Well, yeah. I agree that for a 1LDK, the rent in this place is not bad. I get it. Life isn’t all about swimming in luxury. I totally get it.”

“Tch. Young Miss, you live in a fancy place with an auto-luck building that your parents paid for. You have no say in this.”

“Eeeeh? It’s fine, isn’t it? Buuu!”

“Alright, alright. You two, cut it out. Besides, I really do like this place. I really do.”

“Fine. Then, let’s hear some funny stories while we wait for the hot pot to boil!”

“This girl is already on her second can…”

“Geez~ Kyouka, you’re so impatient. I wanted to wait until that person to get here before we do a toast, but well… It seems that person will be late. Let’s toast for now.”

“Cheers!”

The three girls clinked their cups together and smiled happily.

“Ahh, this feels good. The heat from working and the warmth in this room makes the alcohol spread nicely throughout my body.”

Kyouka said with a wide smile with a beer foam sticking to her lips. 

“Mmh. It’s delicious.”

“Hm… Yeah. It’s been a while since I last drank alcohol. Alcohol really tastes the best when you drink it with everyone, huh?”

“Ahahaha~ I know, right? We’re best friends for life after all! If by some miracle I ever meet someone, I’ll be sure to introduce him to you!”

“No, that’s not going to happen.”

“Rion… Shhh!”

“You know… I was stood up again!”

“Huh? Why are you talking about that out of the blue?”

“This girl…. She just wanted to complain about her life from the start, didn’t she?”

“I got tricked again on a dating app! It was so cruel! I actually waited at Shibuya Station for hours! I was all dolled up too! Ahh! Why do people always treat me so cruelly like this?!”

“Eugh. So that was you at Hachiko’s statue back then, Kyouka?”

“Rion, you saw me? What a crazy coincidence!”

“Kyouka, you’re still using that app? Didn’t I already warn you about that app? I told you to stop because it’s either full of scammers or AIs. Why would you charge headfirst with that app?”

“But, but, but! We totally hit it off, you know?! We texted every morning and night, we professed love to each other and and…! We had so much in common! Of course, I was sure this must be the one! I was like, this must be fate!”

“Let me see your phone history for a sec.”

“Ah, hey—”

“I want to see it too.”

“……”

“What is this? It’s a bot.”

“No way, this has to be a bo—”

“No! It’s not a bot! This is my darling boyfriend! A real, living man!”

“Wow, I always thought you were dumb, but this is just—”

“I can’t even defend you on this one.”

“No, no, no! You know what, I didn’t even mind if he was a machine! No, wait! I actually waited 20 whole hours, thinking we were gonna have a passionate night together and you know who showed up?! THE COPS!!!”

“Ahahaha! No way! Kyouka, you’ve given me the best laugh of my life. I’m truly thankful, Kyouka.”

“…You sure you should be acting all smug? Rion, aren’t you just as messed up as me?”

“Thump! Thump! Are you an idiot? I’d never make the same mistake as you, Kyouka.”

“You think I didn’t notice? There was this time when you kept obsessively checking your phone. Then, out of nowhere, you turned super depressed.”

“Oh, yeah. Now that you mention it, Rion, you were really down at the end of last month.”

“Spit it out! Hm? C’mon, spill it and set yourself free!”

“You know, I also had an SNS-related incident…”

“Hush, Haruka. Stay quiet. Now, Rion. Everyone makes mistakes. And in a world like this, where men are practically an endangered species, getting tricked while looking for love is just part of life.”

“…At the end of last month, I was chatting with a guy on SNS, and everything was going smoothly… We were planning to meet up and…”

“And? Did you end up waiting for naught like I did?”

“No. He did show up at our meeting spot.”

“Tch.”

“Kyouka, don’t click your tongue. It’s rude.”

“So? What happened next?”

“Well. I had sent my photo in advance, but his was just an anime picture. So, I wasn’t exactly… Expecting too much… I really didn’t expect too much, but…”

“But you were, huh?”

“Kyouka, why do you look so ecstatic right now?”

“So, how was he? Did he look like something out of your nightmare?”

“He looked like a scrawny old guy who had been raised by kappas until the age of three.”

“Bwahahahaha!”

“Kyo-Kyouka! Pfft…!”

“Ugh… Laugh all you want. He was terrible at keeping up with the conversation and I was suffering the whole time. I put in so much effort, got all dressed up, only for a guy in his late 50s with a shiny bald spot that looked like the incarnation of God of Poverty to show up. 

“Nyaahahaha! Oh no, stop it! Rion, are you trying to kill me with laughter?!”

“But the real shock was… As we kept talking, at some point, I caught myself thinking, ‘Maybe even this kappa’s dick wouldn’t be that bad?~♡’”

“—!! —!!”

“Kyouka, you’re laughing way too much! And you’re being way too loud!”

“But the tragedy didn’t end there. After we talked for a while, that kappa started trying to recruit me into the ‘Flying Sanuki Udon Monster Cult’.”

“W-what the hell?! What even is the ‘Flying Sanuki Udon Monster Cult’?! I’ve never heard of that before! Wow, my stomach hurts from laughing!”

“Fuh… Go ahead and laugh. Laugh at my lonely, love-starved self.”

“That’s enough, Rion. You don’t have to be so hard on yourself, okay?”

“Ohhh, don’t think you’re getting away unscathed, Haruka! If you thought you could leave this gathering without a scratch, you’re dead wrong! I know! I know you’ve been hiding something from us!”

“Ahh, is it the international love scam?”

“Wait, Rion, you knew?!”

“Ahaha…”

“Well, Haruka’s face gives everything away. Kyouka just didn’t notice because you’re so oblivious to everything.”

“U-Umm, how about if we stop talking about this? Also, the hot pot is going to overboil!”

“It’s fine. I’ve only put tofu so far, knowing this would happen. Anyway! Rion! What was this international love scam that got Haruka?”

“It’s pretty standard. She was talking with a very dedicated scammer online. Then, they hit her with the classic ‘I don’t have money to come to Japan,’ ‘My family is sick,’ and other sob stories to milk her for cash.”

“But, but, but! He really seemed like he was struggling!”

“Ugh, how pathetic. So, how much did they take from you?”

“Thirty thousand yen…”

“Alright. Let’s drink to our heart’s content tonight!”

“Agreed….”

“What?! Why?! Thirty thousand yen is a lot of money!”

“Hey, Rion. If you think about all the effort involved in talking with Haruka, don’t you think the scammer was the one in the red?”

“Well, Haruka seemed to be really devastated about it, so let’s not say that to her face.”

ーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー