Chapter 2 Toru Hasumi ①

A warm, gentle light was leaving me. But I can’t move my limbs, it’s as if they were tied to something.

As I moved my body frantically, I could feel it surely moving away from me, and tears of sadness spilled down my face.

“I hate this!”

I awaken to hear my own voice echoing in the emptiness of the room.

A disgusting sweat soaks my entire body, and I feel very sick. Apparently, I fell asleep last night while reading a book.

At any rate, I head for the bathroom to take a shower while unwinding my stiff body.

“That was a strange dream. Let’s get in the shower and shrug it off.”

For some reason, a dream that I haven’t had in a long time remained clearly inside my memory and formed some dark emotions within myself.

And just before I took off my clothes and turned on the hot water, I looked in the mirror and realized.

“I… was crying?”

I put my hand over my eyes and traced the tear marks flowing down my eyes, I then covered my head with hot water to wash it all away.

◆◆◆◆◆

I go to school with a scowl on my face at the unfavorable feelings I could feel from the people around me.

But I suppose it doesn’t matter to them whether I’m grumpy today or not.

Especially with summer vacation approaching, there were boys my own age slowly and increasingly beginning to talk to me. In fact, some of them have even started coming to school at the same time I do.

In the end, I don’t like boys at all. Even if they look cool on the outside, they don’t have what it takes to be attractive on the inside. They never care about my mood at all.

I put my earphones in my ears, which weren’t playing any sound, and walked to the shrine at a brisk pace.

I could feel the sweat soaking my body just by walking up the stairs. But it was much better than being exposed to the feelings of the others near me.

Besides, the shrine grounds were surrounded by many trees, so it was very chilly.

After a month that had passed by so pleasantly that I did not feel the gloom of the rainy season, summer was about to begin in full swing.

Under a clear blue sky that gave me a sense of hope, I began to read a book by myself.

I decided to leave the shrine after a while.

If I leave the shrine at a specific time, I will be able to catch him on his way to school.

When I arrived at school, I went to my seat, exchanging greetings with many people and being careful not to cause any unintentional favor or ill will.

There he was. His sleepy, somber face made me feel at ease. But I also think that since his original facial features didn’t look not bad, I should have cared a little bit more.

At the same time, though, I have a selfish feeling that I don’t want any more people to find him attractive.

“Good morning, Himuro-kun. Please accept my apologies for the lateness of our conversation yesterday.”

A smile leaked out naturally at the beginning of our conversation. And I’m even happier that he feels the same way as me.

“Hasumi-san, good morning. I’m perfectly fine as you can see. In the field of leisure time, I’m part of the finest group possible.”

He says this while posing like a bodybuilder for some reason.

“You sure exude an aura of something out of the ordinary today.”

His expressionless face and muscles that have no ridges at all are funny in a shrill sort of way.’

“I’ve been invincible doing this so far.”

“Then, let’s talk on how to pull you down from that seat.”

“I don’t want to hear about that. I’m not willing to relinquish my position.”

He poses for surrender almost instantly when I act mean to him.

It’s very unfair because that’s the only time he becomes expressive.

But when I laugh at that, he wonders about me not having a boyfriend all of a sudden. I could see the voice in his mind questioning why not.

I don’t know why, but it irritates me.

“………….”

“What’s up?”

“…It’s nothing.”

I can’t and don’t want to tell him anything, so I tell him so in a low voice.

“It doesn’t appear to be nothing.”

“It’s-nothing.”

My voice came out stronger than I thought it would, and I felt a bit of self-loathing at that.

However, I couldn’t bring my voice back after I let it go, so I turned away and escaped the conversation.

Maybe I offended him.

“Please accept my apologies if I have upset you in any way; See, there you go.”

When I was unable to look at him for fear that he might have disliked me, a gentle voice spoke to me. Then, he stepped closer to me, as if he was trying to ease my mind.

“Phew. Okay, I’ll let you off the hook.”

“Everything went right according to plan.”

“That’s not something you should say out loud.”

The irritation and anxiety I had felt earlier had dissipated, leaving me feeling as calm as always. He is as gentle as ever.

He’s not trying to earn a favorable impression from me. He genuinely cares about others and stands by them if he wishes so.

That’s how he is with his friends, and that’s why I can trust him.

I hear the chime of the first period ring as I feel comfortable enough to drive the depressing memories of the morning away.

◆◆◆◆◆

The end of the day, at the time for homeroom on the way home. I hear a voice that is unwanted to me.

“Hey, everyone! Today is everyone’s favorite day to exchange seats! You said you’d give it your all if you did it before test week, so make sure you give it your all!”

In an inverse proportion to the joyful voices around me, my feelings sank down. That is exactly what I had expected beforehand, yet those words cut my feelings to pieces.

In the midst of my own shaken and stunned mind, I hear his voice saying something from nearby.

“Too bad, I had such a good seat.”

Frankly, I didn’t have the luxury of replying to those words right now.

“Is everything okay?”

However, I managed to open my mouth, pretending that I was fine, not wanting to make him worry.

“It’ll be alright, don’t worry. I hope we can be close to each other again.”

“Oh, sure. Yeah.”

I guess my voice was not that clear at all. I could see his face look unusually upset.

No good, me. I’ve got to do my best.

I put all my attention on my face and gave him a fake smile that I’ve hardly ever given him.

“Really, I’m fine. It was just for a little while, but thanks.”

Perhaps if I continue to talk to him I’ll not be able to repair what I feel currently.