The Reason Why The Cool Beauty Who Repeatedly Ignores Messages Replies Only To Me. ~The Lonely Beauty Wants To Know The Lonely Me〜 - Chapter 4
Episode 4: Yukine Saeki’s Feelings (Saeki’s Side)
I’ve always been ignoring things that don’t interest me—.
Since long ago, I’ve unintentionally attracted attention from those around me.
Others would flatter me with terms like “beauty” or “pretty girl,” but I had no interest in my own appearance, let alone in others.
I didn’t become beautiful because I wanted to.
I didn’t want to be liked by someone or be acknowledged by anyone.
I just wanted to focus on things that interested me.
Yet, I’m constantly surrounded by people to the point of annoyance.
I realized that if I didn’t show interest in others, their interest in me would fade.
From that day on, I decided to cherish only the things that interested me and shut out everything else.
I avoided conversations with others in my daily life and repeatedly ignored messages on chat apps.
…I just don’t want to talk to anyone anymore.
Reading books is the only thing that gives meaning to my life.
Books are the only thing I can be interested in, now and in the future…
And then, one day, a few days after starting school.
When I glanced towards the window, I saw a boy who, like me, only seemed interested in reading books and showed no interest in anything else.
Other boys were enjoying their youth in groups.
But he chose to be alone, just like me, without reaching out to anyone.
I found myself watching him, and he was always sitting by the window, immersed in a book without talking to anyone except occasionally chatting with a classmate named Michifuji.
He must be fed up with interacting with others, just like me.
It’s obvious.
I felt a sense of sympathy towards him.
His name is Kotoku Okami.
Some classmates called him “Lone Wolf.”
I gradually began to notice him about a month after starting school.
Due to my physical condition, I was watching the PE class, and I overheard a conversation among the girls who were also watching.
“Hey, Yuuka, which boy in our class would you date if you had to choose?”
Yuuka, the girl with artificial twin tails, pondered, “Hmm”.
“If I had to date someone? Hmm, maybe Suzuki from the tennis club.”
“Oh, really? Suzuki looks good only on the outside, but he’s probably terrible at, you know, sex.”
The girls engaged in trivial romantic gossip.
I wish they would participate in PE class right now rather than having such unproductive conversations.
As I watched them with disdain, the girl called Yuuka muttered, “But
“Suprisingly, ‘Okami’ wouldn’t be so bad.”
The moment that name was mentioned, my ears twitched.
Okami—referring to the boy by the window.
“Eh? Okami? He’s just average-looking and always buried in books. Total introvert, right?”
“Isn’t that a good thing? Our class is full of rowdy idiots anyway.”
“Let’s drop it, let’s drop it. I heard he’s into Michifuji, so he’s definitely a lolicon.”
“Seriously? Ugh, never mind then.”
Loli, con…?
I glanced at Michifuji-san, who was participating in the PE class.
She had a childish figure and voice.
She was a mascot-like figure with many friends, both boys and girls, in the class.
I had seen her talking to him often… but still, is that the kind of relationship they have?
Does he… like Michifuji-san…?
For some reason, ever since I heard that, it’s been bothering me.
I don’t know why it bothers me.
Days passed with this unsettling feeling until one day, out of the blue, I received a message on my smartphone from Michifuji-san.
“Michifuji-san: Wanna practice dance for P.E. after school?”
I’m not interested in her… but I agreed to it.
I don’t know why.
I should’ve just ignored it…
“Maybe it’s because of Kotoku Okami…”
After school.
I had dance practice with Michifuji, I planned to ask her about Kotoku Okami.
“Phew. Thanks for hanging out today, Saeki-chan.”
“……”
In the end, I couldn’t bring myself to ask…
I didn’t even know how to steer the conversation in that direction.
It was a moment of realizing my own powerlessness.
I had been deluding myself into thinking that reading books alone could enrich my life.
I thought books would give me knowledge and experience, making me capable of anything…
“I can’t even ask such a simple thing…”
Although I felt disheartened inside, but I didn’t let it show on my face.
✳︎✳︎
And then, today—.
During lunch break, seeing Michifuji-san and Okami-kun talking made me feel sick, so I left the classroom and headed to the library.
My heart felt so heavy that I couldn’t hear the noise around me, but at that moment, I received a message on my smartphone.
When I glanced at the notification screen, my eyes widened.
“Okami: Sorry to bother you out of the blue, Saeki. It’s Okami, a classmate. It seems you frequently read and ignore messages, but if you don’t want to reply or anything, wouldn’t it be better to make another account?”
I hesitated, not knowing how to reply, and ultimately sent:
“Saeki: I was planning to delete it anyway, even without you telling me.”
After sending it, I regretted not being straightforward and simply thanking him.
I quickly created a new account and sent another message, trying to explain myself, but there was no reply.
As I waited for a reply in the library, Machibari-san, carrying a stack of notebooks, entered.
“So, you were here after all.”
Machibari-san looked like she knew and placed the notebooks down.
“Saeki-san, can you give me your notes for Modern Japanese? If you don’t, you’ll end up getting lectured with Okami.”
Fortunate. That word flashed in my mind.
✳︎✳︎
After finishing the clean-up activities after school and returning home, I messaged him on Lime.
I tried saying “Good work,” and he replied with the same.
…It’s not like I’m happy or anything. It’s not some special feeling.
I just wanted to know.
Is he like me?
“Just… that’s all…”
That’s what it should be… but what is this feeling?