The Blonde Saint Only Makes Strange Noises In Front Of Me, What Should I Do? - Episode 40: A Piece Of Her True Feelings.
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- Episode 40: A Piece Of Her True Feelings.
Episode 40: A Piece Of Her True Feelings.
“Hey ….isn’t Sana’a little strange after all?”
On the way home, something really stuck out to me, so I asked Kazuharu and the others about it.
There is not much difference in the length of time I have known Sana and these guys. If I can sense something wrong, then they must be feeling it too.
“Well, there’s something a little ….strange or tricky about it, isn’t there?”
Kazuharu tilted his head with a difficult look on his face.
“What is it about a girl’s room that’s so empty? I’m not much of a hoarder myself, but I’m sure there should be a bit more life in there.”
“I’ve been to my girlfriend’s room when we were in junior high school, and it was much more messy than that.”
They both gave their opinions.
Yes, that’s right. There are too few things, and the room ….is so cramped and lifeless that there is really nothing to do but sleep. It’s more like a room that’s just been moved into. I’m not sure if that’s really a high school girl’s room.
Sana was using a character purse and had a girlish key ring on her bag. It wasn’t that she didn’t have anything.
Besides, if she was that much of a have-nothing kind of person, she wouldn’t have gotten the bamboos there. Even if it was there, it would just be a hindrance. …That is exactly why it should be the most unnecessary thing.
And yet, she wanted that bamboo tree. She wanted to buy that bamboo tree, which was nothing more than bamboo decorated with origami and strips of paper. That was another point of discomfort.
“…… Oh, by the way, what did she write on the strip of paper?”
I was curious and asked another question.
When I saw her tanzaku, I felt something strange. But I didn’t know what it was, and was dragged away by the uncomfortable feeling in Sana’s smile, so I just let it pass. I guess that was another point I shouldn’t have missed.
[TN: For those wondering what a Tanzaku is. (Click Tanzaku.)]
“Huh? I think she wrote the same thing as Kaoru, didn’t she? Something like, ‘May I always get along with everyone.’”
“Yes. I think it was something like that. …What about it?”
“Well… I guess?”
I wondered if that was the case. If that’s the case, then I wouldn’t have felt any discomfort. However, if the two of them didn’t question anything, then I must have been mistaken and they were really “getting along with everyone.”
Then we talked about the meeting, time, and spot for the fireworks display the day after tomorrow, and that was the last I heard of Sana.
However, even after I left them, I couldn’t get rid of the strips of paper.
(Hmmm, ….was it really, “Get along with everyone for a long time?”)
If it had been, I wouldn’t have fallen for it. And if I was praying to be friends with everyone, why was I muttering to myself?
‘If I were to disappear …..and we could never meet again, would guys still remember me’
She had said this. This was the only thing I didn’t mishear. This must have been her soliloquy that only I could hear, and I think this is the main point.
Then, I realized.
(“I hope everyone else could be friends for a long, long time”. ….That’s her wish right?)
The word “Everyone else” and the word “We all ” have completely different meanings. And if it was “Everyone else”, then it would be connected to the soliloquy of “even if I’m gone”, wouldn’t it?
This is a wish that is based on the premise that you are not there. It could mean that you are not there, and that you want the three of us to get along even though you are not there.
I was horrified. I could feel an unfathomable sense of unease and fear crawling over my skin.
The abnormally small room, the strip of paper that said “Everyone else” always get along, and my earlier soliloquy …. It’s all connected. That’s why Sana hasn’t been doing well lately.
(Could it be that… she’s going to disappear?)
My heart palpitated as I arrived at an answer I had never imagined. Even though it was July, I could feel my body getting cold.
If that girl is moving out, …I can understand why she would want such an unimportant piece of junk-like bamboo, and why there is no stuff in her room. The reason there is no stuff in the room is because the preparations for the move have already been completed.
And ….the somewhat lonely looking Sana that me and Asuka felt is no longer due to a misunderstanding or a girl’s day.
I immediately took out my phone from my pocket and called Sana. Each call felt unusually long.
‘Oh, Kaoru!?What’s wrong? Did you forget something?’
Sana answered on the third call. She didn’t make many phone calls, so she seemed surprised by the sudden call.
“Hey, Sana. What did you write on the strips of paper just now?”
I asked, not answering Sana’s question.
‘Huh? What, out of the blue. I just showed you.’
“Just read it out.”
‘Let’s see, …. “I hope we all could be friends for a long, long time”, okay?’
“Ehh…?”
That’s funny. If that’s the case, then I didn’t feel any discomfort earlier.
“Really?”
‘It’s true. If you’re so suspicious, I’ll show you.’
After saying that, Sana switched to movie call mode and showed Tanzaku
When I looked into the screen, there was a strip of paper that read, “I hope we all could be friends for a long, long time.” The color of the paper was the same as before, and there was no sign that the words had been rewritten.
I wondered if I had misread it.
‘What’s wrong?’
Sana asked, deactivating the movie call mode.
“Oh …. sorry, I was wrong.”
If that was in fact the case, then I have to apologize honestly.
‘What the hell is this? What the hell is wrong with you? You called me out of the blue and ….startled me.’
“No, I thought you wrote ‘I hope everyone else could be friends for a long, long time’, on the strip of paper. I was worried that if that was the case, you would be the only one who would leave.”
‘…You idiot. That’s not possible.’
Sana giggled on the other end of the phone.
‘Why would I be going anywhere? I’m the grandson of the director of this school. I’ve been here since I was a kid, why would I go anywhere now?’
“That’s right. ….No, I’m sorry. I’m just feeling a little anxious right now.”
I’m embarrassed. It was a little unsettling that she was so upset over the difference between “Everyone else” and “We all”. She had a good point, there was no reason to change schools.
‘Oh, and …Kaoru-kun and the others would be in trouble if I were gone, wouldn’t they have no playmates? So, I’ll stay.’
Sana says in an angry tone for some reason to hide her embarrassment.
I think she probably has a sulky look on her face now. When I thought about it, for some reason I started to smile.
“Huh, huh? Oh, it’s natural. We’ve been spending all our time together for the past two months. You won’t be able to play various games, you won’t be able to get help with your studies, and you’ll have to stay at ….of course.”
That’s not it. Even so, this mouth is uttering such an insignificant thing without permission. The reason why I’m troubled by Sana’s disappearance is not that.
That’s why I want to tell her my true feelings, at least a little ……It can be a way to confirm Sana’s feelings. I want to tell her how I feel, even just a little, and see how she reacts. That way, I can confirm how I should handle myself – whether I should stay friends or go further than that.
I’m on the phone right now, and I don’t have the courage to ask her everything. So, let’s at least take a peek at …..and see if we can get a glimpse of her true feelings.
With that in mind, I took a deep breath and let out a part of my own feelings.
“And ……, I’ll miss you when you’re not here.”
That’s all I could squeeze out in a muffled voice. This was all I could do at the moment.
‘…..!’
On the other end of the phone, I heard Sana choke on her words. I remained silent for a while, listening only to the small breaths coming from the slightly noisy speaker, waiting for her reply.
“How about Sana…?”
I couldn’t wait for her answer, so I asked her again.
I know it’s not fair. But I wanted to know the answer. Depending on the answer, I would change the way I acted after that. I will properly assess my relationship with Sana.
‘I…’
Finally, I was relieved to hear her voice coming back from the speakers. My heart was palpitating in a different way than before. I wanted to know where she was going with her words, so much so that I prayed to God that if I could fast-forward my life, I could fast-forward it in just 30 seconds.
‘….Yes. I’d be lonely without you too, Kaoru-kun.’
Sana said this to me in a warm voice.
That was enough to make me overflow with feelings of love for her. She was feeling the same as I was. That alone made me happy.
And all the things that had come to my mind earlier had been unfounded fears. I was filled with a sense of relief that I was able to confirm that once again.
I think that exchange of words was enough for both of us. There was no need for any more phone calls. All that was left was to tell her how I felt face to face…..
“Well, ……, I’ll see you at the fireworks the day after tomorrow.”
‘Yeah, I’m looking forward to it since it’s the first time I’m going to see fireworks with my …… friends.’
I denied Sana’s words in my mind.
I’m sure that during the fireworks, it won’t be “fireworks with friends” anymore. I’m sure she’s not aware of my decision yet, but ….just now, I’m convinced.
We’re not supposed to be friends. The day after tomorrow, at the fireworks, I’ll tell her how I feel.