Virgin Knight Who Is the Frontier Lord in the Gender Switched World - Chapter 77

I had no intention of killing.

I simply wanted… a rose.

To wither just one bloom in that beautiful rose garden—

No.

Such excuses won’t hold up anywhere.

It is clear to me and to everyone else.

Most importantly, I too understand that the presence or absence of malicious intent does not matter.

I killed Lord Robert.

That fact alone lies stark before me.

—

“This was a trivial act of vengeance.”

In a room, all alone, I mutter to myself while covering my face.

It was vengeance.

A terribly trivial act of vengeance.

I wanted to wither a rose and feel a slight sense of satisfaction.

What do I, what do we, stand to gain by killing Lord Robert?

He was our sole protector.

He reached out and helped me when I was unrewarded.

The only protector.

There was no motive to kill him.

That’s why I am still not suspected.

We were never suspected.

Because there was no reason to kill Lord Robert.

There was absolutely no motive for me, for us, to kill him.

Indeed, losing our protector, Lord Robert, and facing hardship was not uncommon over these five years.

Yet, the noble reason he gave me this current job was strong enough to prevent ruin.

But.

—

“Sir Faust von Polydoro,”

I utter the name.

The Knight of Wrath.

The beautiful beast.

Once called the ugliest knight throughout Anhalt, now acclaimed as the most beautiful man in Virendorf.

His fame and achievements are at their peak in both Anhalt and Virendorf.

It seemed his name would resound even in the Sacred Empire of Gusten eventually.

A natural evaluation of his past accomplishments.

Despite being a minor lord with only about 300 subjects, he shockingly became the advisor to the Second Princess Valiere.

In the subsequent “Virendorf Campaign,” he won a duel against the Reckenber Knights’ commander, overturning the overwhelmingly unfavorable battle situation through his own valor alone.

In Princess Valiere’s first battle, known as “Caroline’s Rebellion,” he defeated the rebel Caroline and achieved a kill score of over 50.

For his honor, he even defied the orders of Queen Liesenlotte, taking in the young child of a defeated traitor.

In the peace negotiations with Virendorf, he faced and defeated 99 knights who sought duels, establishing peace.

During the peace negotiations, he captivated the heart of Queen Katarina, known as the Cold-Blooded Queen, in the “Rose Bud” incident.

With this, he completed his 100th kill and established peace.

At the official reporting of these events, he instigated the “Gesh Incident,” convincing the lords of Anhalt to prepare a new system against the nomadic horse-riding tribes of the east.

For all these achievements, his engagement to the Second Princess Valiere was decided.

He is insanely honored.

In just two years, he achieved an insane amount of honor and results.

In both military and political aspects.

Even his controversial actions as a feudal knight eventually became subjects of praise.

It was terrifying.

To me, he seemed a man for whom the word “impossible” did not exist.

—

“Sir Faust von Polydoro,”

I call the name again.

Just uttering his name filled me with dread.

The Polydoro lord, takes over the investigation of the assassination of King Consort Robert from the Wesperman family.

When I learned of this, a chill ran down my spine.

It was okay to die.

It was okay for me to die.

No matter the torture, no matter the suffering, even if all the pains of the world were condensed into my ordeal, it was to be expected.

It was justified.

But that was no longer enough.

Just being miserably killed wasn’t enough.

I had done something unforgivable.

—

“Why?”

Lord Robert is dead.

As if in lamentation, I grieve.

Truly, truly, I had no intention to kill.

I was severely reprimanded.

My plea infuriated Lord Robert, and he struck my face.

But that didn’t matter.

Why did I bring such a small vial of poison to that place?

I didn’t need it anymore.

I should have disposed of it sooner.

Why did the devil stab my heart?

Why did I even think to wither the rose?

I was supposed to have given everything, all of it, to Lord Robert.

We truly had no complaints.

But being “content” led me to desire more.

That’s why Lord Robert was furious.

Even when he struck me, I fully understood the reason.

Lord Robert was someone who would explain everything about his fury.

—

“Ah!!”

No one is around.

Because no one is around, I can cry out like a child.

I should die.

Death would free me from this suffering.

For these five years,

 I have endured those whispers.

Murder, I did not consider it a sin.

Theft, I thought it natural.

We were not satisfied.

We lived on that excuse.

Until I met him, Lord Robert.

“Oh…”

Covering my face, I longed to thrust my fingers into my eyeballs, to gouge them out and enclose everything within darkness.

I wanted to insert a knife into my throat, to stop my own heartbeat.

But I couldn’t do it.

I’ll say it again and again, I’m no longer afraid of dying horribly.

I should die! I deserve to be killed gruesomely!

But the fact that I killed Lord Robert must be hidden forever.

I had been waiting for a chance to die.

Eventually, I intended to atone for my sins.

Though likely, no matter what I did, atonement was impossible.

After handing over all responsibilities of my life, I planned to enter the forest and be devoured alive by wolves or bears.

I had considered my own execution.

However, I also believed that everyone else deserved to be saved.

The burden of sin should fall on me alone, no one else is to blame.

But the conclusion is that my death alone would not be enough.

Undoubtedly, many would die.

Her Majesty Queen Liesenlotte and everyone mourning Lord Robert would unleash their vengeance on everyone connected to me.

It would be more than just the annihilation of my clan.

It’s not enough just for our small family to be wiped out.

—

“Ah! Ah! Aaaaah!”

Cries like those of a baby.

I wanted to die.

Truly, I wanted to die.

If by doing so, the world would close off, I would have done it right then.

But even if I die, the world continues.

The cruel world would afflict everyone connected to me.

Death was not permitted.

An unexplained death was not allowed.

Like Michael, who begged to accompany Lord Robert in death.

Perhaps, if Lord Robert had left a suicide note when he passed—what am I saying?

I couldn’t even write the characters of this country.

No, I couldn’t write the characters of any country.

If I had such education, I wouldn’t have lived the way I did before Lord Robert saved me.

—

“Ha ha.”

A dry laugh escaped me.

Cursed by the gods forever.

What had we done?

We just wanted to be happy.

What did I do?

I killed Lord Robert.

Not out of malice, but trapped by a petty desire to wither a single rose.

I, we are about to be given more hatred than anything Lord Robert had provided.

The people saved by Lord Robert, everyone who cherished him, their love…

Will turn into blades of hatred against me and everyone connected to me.

It was clear that it wasn’t just me who would be targeted.

Her Majesty Queen Liesenlotte.

She would erase everything as if it never existed.

She would slaughter us all.

The very existence of us would be displeasing to her.

We, who betrayed all the kindness of Lord Robert, are foolish beings.

Even if I sacrifice my life, our lives, begging for mercy would only be met with disgust.

I realized again.

If it weren’t us, it wouldn’t have come to this.

We are—We were born weak.

—

“Ha ha.”

And yet, Lord Robert saved us.

And I killed him.

A small evil demanded a great retribution.

—I can’t sleep.

Ever since hearing that Sir Faust von Polydoro would lead the investigation into the assassination, I’ve hardly slept.

My body temperature fluctuates between hypothermia and fever, sometimes I feel like vomiting.

The boundary between hallucination and reality is no longer clear.

Is there a cure for this illness?

None.

A way to eradicate the source of the illness.

There was no way to kill Sir Faust von Polydoro, no way to make him disappear.

Poison doesn’t work.

It’s a well-known fact.

Superhumans, loved by the gods, were hardly affected by poisons.

The talents bestowed by the gods and training from an early age made them resistant to all poisons of this world.

Firstly, how would I even administer the poison?

I had no means to do so.

Should my clan join together and kill him?

Even more impossible.

Everyone had some skill; there were even those with military experience.

Even if I boasted so, everyone would just laugh it off.

To kill the strongest superhuman in both Anhalt and Virendorf, even surrounding him with dozens would be impossible.

If we incited the wrath of that Knight of Wrath, a one-sided massacre would be our end.

After all, no one in my family would follow through.

No one but me had a reason to attack Sir Faust von Polydoro.

No one knew.

No one knew that I had killed Lord Robert.

There was no symptomatic treatment.

—

“…Pray.”

A ridiculous method popped into my mind.

Praying to a god I don’t believe in, merely pretending to believe superficially?

Ah, perhaps there is a god.

But our god was never there.

We have not received any blessings.

We were only forced into the baptism ritual, genuinely believing that our god does not exist.

But, suppose, just suppose.

If there was a god.

If there was an entity that blessed us.

“Lord Robert”

He was the only one.

And I, I killed the being who had bestowed that blessing upon me.

Despair has enveloped me for these past five years.

If this door.

If Lord Polydoro were to knock on this room’s door.

What would I do?

Beg for my own death, shamelessly plead for my family’s mercy?

Or would I stab my own throat with a knife, shutting myself off in my own world as an act of final defiance?

Or attempt to flee the capital with my family as a last struggle?

I don’t know anything.

I didn’t know anything.

――That moment.

A knock on the door.

“Without even lighting a candle, what are you doing?”

The door opened.

It wasn’t Lord Polydoro who appeared.

It was just a woman.

“Candles made from animal fat are too smoky, unbearable. I don’t need the light.”

I answered calmly.

The one who opened the door was not the towering figure of 200cm and 130kg, but just a woman.

Ultimately, Lord Polydoro is nothing more than a monster of imagination.

His deeds might illuminate his path, but he wouldn’t understand the darkness in people’s hearts.

Right, he couldn’t possibly understand.

The motive for my killing Lord Robert is beyond human comprehension.

It’s all just unnecessary worries.

“But, from the room, it sounded like groaning――”

“It’s late at night. Go to sleep.”

Go to sleep.

I murmur as if to convince myself.

Lord Polydoro’s investigation won’t last long.

After that, the investigation into Lord Robert’s assassination will also come to an end.

All that’s left is to live with the secret until hell.

Just to endure the impulses towards death that surge in moments.

That’s all, just that.

If I can get through this, the rest is just my own life to suffer through, just that.

“I understand. Good night.”

“Ah, good night.”

The door closes.

It’s over.

This story is finished.

All that’s left is to sleep in bed.

The darkness of the human heart.

To embrace that darkness, let’s just sleep.

Unnoticed by anyone, by anyone.

This darkness, always walking only the bright paths, Lord Polydoro, who has never tasted the pain we bear, will never understand.

I will sleep.

Waiting only for the day when I never wake up again.

Just to sleep.