Vol 3 CHAPTER 33: Soliloquy, Recollection ⑦ 【Saho Kotobuki POV】【Volume 3: Soliloquy, Recollection【Saho Kotobuki POV】】

And so the first term ended, and summer vacation began. As for me, I’d made it this far without any special progress since then.

Ichinose-senpai’s secretiveness was the same as ever, and I still couldn’t bring myself to push him about it.

On top of that, maybe he was busy with entrance exam prep, because even when we were spending time together, he was showing a tired expression more and more often. Our dates were pretty much just walks around town, but he seemed to avoid anything that took effort—like shopping—and generally preferred places where he could just sit still, like a movie theater or a nearby park.

It’s not like I’m dissatisfied with that, but—

“Is Satoru-senpai… hiding something from me?”

Lately, there was this feeling that his attitude was a little distant, or like he was on guard—like there was one line he absolutely wouldn’t let me cross. Maybe it was just my imagination, but once I started thinking that, the uneasiness wouldn’t go away until it was resolved.

And speaking of uneasiness, there was one more—

“Why is it that we always… always do that?”

The moment I said it, my face went red.

Like I’d just turned into a girl doing something really, really bad.

Honestly, it’s not something I like.

Because it doesn’t feel good at all.

I’ve heard you gradually get used to this kind of thing, but so far, there’s no sign of that. It’s just the same unchanging sense of wrongness. The pain, well… it’s eased compared to the first time, but sometimes, there are moments that are genuinely scary.

—I even catch myself thinking… maybe that scary vibe is Satoru-senpai’s true nature…

Men are wolves, so be careful.

It’s a famous line, but are all men like that during it?

I want to ask someone, but there’s no one I can talk to.

There’s no way I could ever tell my parents, and it’s hard to talk to friends, too. Even if I did, I can already see them saying, “Stop it. That kind of relationship isn’t okay.” I understand that myself. The way I’m dating Satoru-senpai right now is really unhealthy.

Even so, I decided I would walk forward with Satoru-senpai.

If I don’t, I can’t face Kudo-kun’s feelings—the feelings I trampled on. I have to stay with him. So I have to accept what he wants as much as I can, and if his feelings ever settle down someday… then all I can do is beg him to consider me, too.

“Yeah… I guess this is what they call a slump. And I can’t just throw everything away because things aren’t going well for a bit.”

That’s what I told myself as I stood up.

And then, trying to change my mood, I looked at that hanging on the wall of my room—and my cheeks loosened without thinking.

A yukata.

A fine, pale blue-green one, made from high-quality fabric. It was one my older cousin used to wear, and she’d handed it down to me—I even had it tailored.

When I imagined myself going to a summer festival in it, my mood lifted so much.

—Ah, I can’t wait.

After all, this summer was my first summer as a second-year with a boyfriend.

I had a feeling it would be a special summer I’d never forget.

Humming happily, I held the yukata up to myself and did a little bounce-step.

──

──

But in the end. My summer memories turned into the usual—just going back and forth between the neighborhood park and a hotel.

If anything, Satoru-senpai’s demands escalated, and he even started asking for things I couldn’t possibly say out loud.

—At this rate, I’m basically like… like some kind of woman who does that!

Thinking that made me hate myself. What am I even thinking? I felt ashamed.

As for the demands that went too far, I’ve somehow managed to keep refusing them.

──

──

“Wha…! N-no… yes, yes. Um… good luck with studying.”

Around midday on August 31, in my room.

I hung up after a call from Satoru-senpai and just sat there, stunned.

We’d been supposed to go to the summer festival together today, but he canceled at the last second.

This was the one day—the only day—when I’d been selfish and told him this was the one thing I wouldn’t compromise on.

And for him to dismiss it—

“That’s so cruel… how could he…”

The complaint finally spilled out.

A miserable feeling filled my chest. And I thought—

—What am I, to Satoru-senpai?

I hear words like “I like you” and “I love you” come out of his mouth, but even that just feels empty.

—Does he not love me?

That question wouldn’t leave my head.

I collapsed right there, and the tears I’d been holding back all summer finally spilled.

Watching the droplets spot the floor, drip… drip…, I clenched my teeth.

This isn’t okay.

If I break here, then what was all that endurance for? I can’t lose to something like this.

“Because I…!”

But even those forced-cheer words wouldn’t come out properly.

Silence passed.

Even the cicadas’ chorus—usually so loud it’s unbearable—didn’t reach me.

And then it felt like I was the only person left in the world, this loneliness settling in.

In the deep shade cut by the harsh summer sun, it felt like only I was sinking into darkness.

As I sat there like that, I suddenly noticed a message had arrived on my phone screen.

Still dazed, I looked—and there it was—

“Today I ended up talking with the guys in class about inviting whoever we can and going to the summer festival. If you want, Kotofuki, do you wanna come?”

That was what it said.

It was Kudo-kun.

Clinging to it like it was a lifeline, I stared at the message.

For a while, I just sat there thinking in front of those words.

And then I blurted out an excuse I didn’t even know who I was saying it to: “If other people are there… it’s probably okay to see him… right…?” And I reached my hand toward the flick keyboard.

“Would it be okay if I came along?”

The moment I hit send, a whole chorus of cicadas suddenly rang out.

Vol 3 CHAPTER 34: Soliloquy, Recollection ⑧ 【Saho Kotobuki POV】【Volume 3: Soliloquy, Recollection【Saho Kotobuki POV】】

“Kudo-kun!”

When I arrived at the summer festival grounds and called out loudly, he turned around.

“Hey, Kotofuki. Sorry for being so sudden today—were you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay. I didn’t have any plans anyway. And thanks for inviting me.”

Just like always, he showed me that bright, easy smile.

Just from that alone, I don’t know how much lighter my heart felt.

But that feeling was snuffed out almost immediately.

“Then that’s good—huh? Where’s Ichinose-senpai?”

Even though I was supposed to endure it, I lowered my face.

Kudo-kun was looking at me with a puzzled expression. This is bad. At this rate, he’s going to ask, “Are you okay?” And if he does, I didn’t know what might come spilling out of my mouth right now.

So I forced a smile.

I quickly lifted my face and answered, “Ahaha, we’re doing separate things today.”

“Oh… then I guess it’s okay to say this—”

“Hm? Say what?”

“That yukata’s super cute. It looks really good on you.”

“…Huh?”

“Ah—don’t tell Ichinose-senpai, okay? If he finds out I was trying to sweet-talk Kotofuki, he’ll deck me.”

And then he wore this grin like he’d pulled one over on me.

I put on a show of being mad—“H-Hey!”—but honestly, I felt like I might cry.

Those were the words I wanted Satoru-senpai to say.

And yet, just being praised by Kudo-kun made me feel saved. I could honestly think, I’m glad I wore a yukata.

And so he wouldn’t notice my voice trembling, I quietly told him how grateful I was.

“But… thanks. I kind of… no, I’m really happy.”

“Yeah. Then let’s go.”

──

──

We walked through the night festival, enjoying the stalls.

But there weren’t many familiar faces around. The people who were apparently Kudo-kun’s classmates didn’t give off a vibe like they were excluding me or anything, but even so, somehow I ended up holding back.

Without even thinking about it, I was positioned right next to Kudo-kun.

“You said you were going to gather a lot of people, so I thought there’d be a bigger group… but it didn’t really come together, huh?”

“It’s the opposite, Kotofuki. Too many people showed up.”

“What do you mean?”

Kudo-kun explained what happened with a slightly exaggerated air.

And apparently, it turned out there were a ton of students from our school at the festival today.

“Huh… that’s kind of amazing.”

Then Kudo-kun gestured at his classmates nearby and told me they were basically a group of people who wanted to interact with me.

Hearing that made me happy, and somehow it also made me feel embarrassed.

And then I noticed a girl standing by a sausage stall waving me over.

After I told Kudo-kun a quick word, I walked over.

“Um… you’re Osawa-san, right?”

“Yeah, that’s me. I’m happy—so you knew my name.”

She smiled at me casually.

The way she smiled was all soft and droopy, and it was really cute.

“I want to try as many stalls as possible, so… will you eat half for me?”

“Ah, yeah! Sure!”

We bought a big sausage and ate it together.

Osawa-san chomped down in one bite and somehow, in an instant, the sausage was half its original length.

Going, “Whoa…,” I took the rest. When I bit in, the pork flavor spread through my mouth.

“So good!”

“Right? Yeah.”

Sadly, I couldn’t match Osawa-san’s boldness, but I kept taking small bites.

And then she asked me:

“So… were you okay?”

“Okay about what?”

“Like, Kudo’s idiot self—he wasn’t messing with you in some weird way, was he?”

It sounded like she’d been worried Kudo-kun was making moves on me.

When I denied it—“That’s not happening”—she let out a breath and went, “Okay… good.”

“That idiot’s been acting weird, and the whole class has been talking about it—”

And just like that, I listened as Osawa-san told me about Kudo-kun.

Apparently he’d become this super energetic, refreshingly upbeat guy lately.

“Isn’t that… a good thing?”

“There’s a limit.”

According to her—like he was practically shouting “Life is fun!”—he’d been coming to school bright-eyed, participating seriously in class, and then going all-in on making connections with this pushy vibe of “We’re friends, right?!”—or so it seemed.

“Ahaha… that’s…”

“Honestly, it’s creepy. And even during summer vacation, it sounds like he’s been sneaking around doing stuff. So in class people are saying, ‘After getting dumped by Kotofuki-san, the idiot finally snapped.’”

“Ah…”

“Oh, sorry. I do know about you and him. I don’t know the exact details of what happened, though.

…Wait, huh? I’d heard it got resolved peacefully, so… did I say something bad?”

“N-no! I’m fine.”

I hurriedly pulled myself together. I shouldn’t act weird here.

“So yeah, I was thinking maybe Kudo’s turned into a clingy stalker who won’t leave Kotofuki-san alone.”

“T-that’s not—”

“Okay, so you’re fine? Good. I was seriously worried you might be having trouble.”

“Ah, so that’s why you talked to me… thank you!”

I smiled and said that.

If she’d been worried, that was something I really appreciated. But Osawa-san, hearing me accept it so simply, went, “Ah… yeah…” and got a little awkward.

Then she bowed her head and said, “Sorry!”

“To be honest… that’s not the only reason.”

“What do you mean?”

“Look over there.”

I turned my gaze in the direction she pointed.

There was a group of four—two guys and two girls? No, a group of four with three girls in cute yukata, and Kudo-kun surrounded by them.

They were laughing loudly, having a great time.

“One of them is seriously in love with Kudo, and I… well, I was assigned Kotofuki-san, to assist… and that’s the actual story here.”

“Ah… I see.”

I was so shocked my voice came out hoarse.

What Osawa-san did wasn’t shocking to me. It’s normal. I didn’t feel unpleasant about it at all. And yet, I wobbled like I’d just taken some huge hit.

It wasn’t something I’d ever considered… no, that’s not it.

It was something I’d been trying not to think about.

—Kudo-kun is going to end up liking some girl, someone who isn’t me.

Having that forced on me again made me understand.

I’ve already broken up with Kudo-kun. We’re not lovers.

He’s a wonderful guy. That’s exactly why there are plenty of girls who would find him appealing. And even if he returned those feelings, there wouldn’t be anything wrong with that.

So why does my chest hurt this much?

I don’t have the right to be thinking like this.

And yet, I can’t stop.

If I’d made a different choice back then… then the one who’d be planted next to him right now, never leaving his side—shouldn’t that have been me…?

“Kudoooo! Get over here for a sec!”

Hearing Osawa-san suddenly shout like that, I snapped back to myself.

“Osawa-san?”

When I looked over at her in confusion, she muttered, “I did my duty as a classmate,” and wore a fearless little grin.

And then Kudo-kun came over with, “Huh? What is it?”

“Kotofuki-san says she’s hungry, so go buy like three servings.”

“Hey—there’s no way that isn’t your opinion.”

“Shut up and hurry up. Quit yapping and move.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ve been entrusted with the mission.”

And just like that, Kudo-kun headed off toward the rows of stalls.

Watching him go, I asked her:

“Um… why?”

“Mmm… I don’t really know all the details, but—”

She gave that soft, droopy grin again as she said it.

“If you’ve got stuff you haven’t said yet, I think it’s better to say it all—until you’re satisfied. No matter who’s talking to who, if you’re being honest and laying it out, that’s not something anyone gets to blame you for.”

I stared at her, eyes wide.

It seemed she’d taken one look at my expression and decided to give me a chance to connect with Kudo-kun.

And she said, “If you’ve got some complicated talk you want to have, I can be considerate and make space. So, what do you want to do?”

I told her, “Thank you,” just once.

Kudo-kun’s friends really were amazing people.

From far away, I heard Kudo-kun shout as he turned back toward us:

“Kotofuki! I’m buying yakisoba, so help me out and eat some!”

“Ah—yeah! I want some! The red pickled ginger part!!”