Someone Who Believes They Can Live Normally in a World Where Chastity Is Reversed (Did You Think You Could Live Normally in a World With a Male-To-Female Ratio of 1:5?) - Chapter 38: Tsundere OL Laughs

I had longed for a pure love like those in fairy tales. Looking back, since I was young, I always had high ideals when it came to romance.

I somehow believed that my destined partner would appear somewhere, somehow.

I imagined being loved by an ideal partner, alongside whom I would be my ideal self, laughing happily.

What a blissful future it would be.

That’s why I never neglected self-improvement.

I always maintained a high position in the school hierarchy, and I never considered myself weak in academics, sports, or communication skills. I think I managed quite well.

It wasn’t about seeking praise or getting carried away; for me, these efforts were simply natural.

I wanted to be ready whenever I found someone I liked. To be able to present the best version of myself to someone I liked.

That’s why, despite the world we live in, my expectations for the opposite sex became unreasonably high.

I never confessed to anyone. It’s true. There was no man who met my ideal standards.

Still, I continued to believe that someday, I would meet that someone.

High school life came to an end before I knew it. But it’s okay; if I entered university, surely I would meet him there.

University life began. Gradually, those around me started to get boyfriends. But the ideal man I envisioned never appeared.

I began to panic. I thought I might have set my ideals too high. So, in a rush at the end of my university life, I experienced some terrible things.

Memories of those times make me sick to my stomach—the worst experience.

And now.

Finally, I’ve met someone who feels like my destined partner.

“Shall we go to the after party?”

Is the woman I am now living up to the ideal self I once admired?

Is she laughing, just like the ideal me I once aspired to be?

—

“Um…”

Masato mumbled, looking down. His gestures and movements were endearing.

I couldn’t take it anymore. I remembered his interactions with that girl in front of the store.

The expressions he wore then, expressions I had never seen during our time together. Indescribable dark emotions surged within me, overflowing from my being.

I couldn’t wait any longer.

After all, it was impossible for such a great guy to be overlooked by women.

So, today, I’ll settle this.

I’ll carve my existence into Masato’s mind so deeply that he’ll never forget me. I know Masato is easily swayed.

With just one more push, he will tumble into my arms.

Imagining myself pinning Masato down—my body burned uncontrollably with desire.

The dark emotions were urging me to claim his body as my own.

Unable to wait any longer, I reached out toward Masato.

“Sorry.”

…?

It took me a few seconds to comprehend.

Why was there an apology now, of all times?

“Um, I can’t do that, you see, I can’t drink…”

Oh, I see.

If that’s the case, there’s no problem at all.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to drink. I don’t mind at all. Just being with Masato—”

“Hey!”

Masato untangled my hand from around his waist. He gently pushed away the hand I had been holding with my right hand and placed it back on my knee.

Masato created enough space for another person between us.

Huh?

“Sorry, but, um, today’s Seira-san is a bit scary.”

It was a clear rejection. Masato avoided eye contact with me, appearing somewhat fearful.

I felt my heart rapidly cooling down.

It was like having a bucket of ice-cold water poured over me from above.

“Sorry. I think I might be a bit drunk. I’ll go to the restroom.”

For a moment, I couldn’t speak.

I hurried to the restroom. The noise of the restaurant and the background music became inaudible.

After closing the restroom door firmly behind me.

The intense heat that had consumed me just moments ago suddenly disappeared, replaced by something boiling up inside.

“Ugh…!”

I vomited forcefully.

Emotions churned in my stomach.

Why?

Why did you say that?

Why are you distancing yourself from me?

[Sorry.]

I remembered Masato’s eyes.

They were rejecting me. Rejecting my very existence.

“Ugh… Kehe… Ugh…”

The nausea wouldn’t stop.

The fact that my beloved rejected me.

The self I intended to be loved.

And above all.

At that moment, I felt foolish and shallow for thinking that I hated the person I loved for just a moment. My cold body and heart allowed me to see myself so objectively that it was almost laughable.

“Haha… I’m worse than garbage.”

Ugly. So incredibly ugly.

My friends’ words were right.

Masato was kind to me because he was a store clerk. I had been foolishly delighted by his ordinary and superficial kindness.

I had become conceited, thinking he loved me.

How ridiculous it was.

I must have thought about it countless times. That Masato was not suited for me.

Yet, I clung desperately and shamefully.

And today, I exposed my miserable side to Masato.

There’s no redemption for me.

This woman is beyond help.

I came to a conclusion.

Let’s stop this.

Such a vulgar and despicable woman is not worth Masato’s time. If I were Masato’s classmate, I would use any means to eliminate this woman.

She’s that harmful and repulsive.

So let’s end it.

It was a dream-like story from the start. These past few months.

Let’s pretend it never happened.

Masato is kind, so I think he’ll still entertain me if I come here again.

But by doing so, my despicable self would once again become conceited

So, goodbye.

That’s for the best, for Masato’s sake.

Forget. Give up.

No more, Masato—

[Welcome back, miss. You’ve come again.]

[I know Seira-san is a kind person.]

[I actually quite like listening to stories about Seira-san.]

Tears streamed down my cheeks.

“No… No… Masato… Masato!”

After expelling all the dark emotions,

I wonder if the emotions flowing from my eyes after that were at least a little bit pure.

I apologized to Masato and left the store after paying only the money.

Masato looked puzzled and tried to stop me, but it doesn’t matter.

We’ll never meet again.

My face was so swollen from crying, it must have looked very dirty now.

Well, it suits my current situation anyway.

Without any destination in mind, I found myself in a park on the opposite side of the station.

The dark park path was illuminated only by streetlights.

“…In the end, I just returned to those days.”

These past few months were just a dream.

From now on, it’s just going to be another colorless life.

Ah, what should I say to Miki-san?

Should I tell my classmates that you were right?

Everything is ridiculous.

The idea that I could be even a little happy.

The thought that I might be loved.

I’m not loved. A woman like me.

Jealous and arrogant, thinking too highly of herself even though she’s just a customer.

There’s no reason to be loved.

With vacant eyes, I looked at the photo folder on my smartphone.

The nostalgic photos from my school days.

I remembered the days when I believed that someday a wonderful person would appear and worked hard for it.

I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Aren’t I foolish?”

Can I stay serious?

This is the end. Of the woman who longed for fairy tales but ended up being ridiculous. I returned to the home screen and opened social media.

There, at the top of the contacts, was a pinned name.

<Masato>

…There’s no point in keeping it.

I’ll block it. That way, Masato won’t be harmed anymore.

Tap to block, and the screen comes up asking, “Block this contact?”

Yeah. This is the best solution.

If Masato can be happy, then that’s enough.

Yet…

Why are my hands shaking?

“Hah…”

Somewhere in my heart, I haven’t given up.

A woman so foolish and miserable to the core.

At that moment…

Drops of water fell on the screen. Looking up, they were coming from the dark, stagnant night sky.

It’s raining. When I realized it, the sound of rain grew louder in my ears.

The continuous sound of rain kept going. Come to think of it, I don’t have an umbrella.

I was walking in the middle of a bridge in a poorly-roofed park. Looking sideways, rain pours mercilessly into the pond.

But maybe, this is just fine. After all, there’s no value in living.

If I jump into this large, moderately deep pond now, no one will notice.

I might as well just die.

Just thinking about it, I can’t muster the courage, and it’s laughable. Just seeking attention. That’s all I am.

The rain gets stronger. My suit and hair were already drenched, but I don’t care much.

I noticed my smartphone vibrating in my pocket.

…Who could it be? Maybe Miki-san?

It’s possible she became suspicious since I’m not in the shop. I didn’t even feel like answering the phone. The ringtone is just annoying.

“Seira-san!”

A voice echoed in this place, A voice that shouldn’t even be here, and I instinctively turned around.

My breath caught for a moment.

“M-Ma… sato?”

There, just like me, drenched in rain, stood Masato. His cute perm, ruined in this situation, made me think I was going crazy too.

Masato slowly approached. I couldn’t keep up.Even though I shouldn’t have caught up, tears welled up in my eyes before anything else.

My vision blurred.

“I’m sorry, Seira-san.”

“W-why…”

“Because I did something terrible. I want to apologize.”

Masato’s kindness and the unbelievable situation overlapped. Emotions surged all at once.

“No! No, no, it’s not you, Masato! I’m the terrible one! I’m the ugly one who should be apologizing!”

I drowned in selfishness, doing stalker-like things. I directed this overflowing passion towards Masato today.

Thinking I wanted to be loved.

“I won’t be involved anymore! It’s not good for you to be near someone like me!!!”

I decided.

Because that’s what’s best for Masato’s happiness.

So…

“So please, don’t be kind to me anymore!”

My wailing echoed in the park amidst the rain.

After a moment…

“Seira-san, you’re a tsundere.”

The words thrown at me finally, I couldn’t understand them.

“What are you… saying…”

“I know. This might not be good. I’ve recently come to understand that I shouldn’t be doing this kind of thing.”

“Then—!”

“But, I can’t help it.”

Slowly, Masato lifted his face.

And directly, he looked into my eyes. His usual gentle, warm smile.

“I can’t bring myself to dislike you, Seira-san.”

Ah.

That’s right.

I was saved by this smile.

Not wanting him to see my face, soaked with rain and tears, I hugged Masato tightly.

“You idiot… you’re such an idiot!!!”

“…Yes. I’m an idiot.”

“You really are an idiot… you should just leave someone like me alone…!”

The rain washed over my heart. The dark, ugly emotions flowed away with the rain and tears.

I held onto Masato’s back tightly.

“Can we go back to the shop…?”

“Yes, I’ll wait for you.”

“Will you go on another date with me?”

“That pasta we had last time was delicious, wasn’t it?”

“I might get jealous again, you know?”

“Just a little bit, please.”

Masato stroked my drenched hair. It felt strange.

But it made me happy.

For the first time, I felt like my life had been rewarded. I gently moved my face away and looked at the face of my beloved.

I couldn’t express my honest feelings.

Or rather, I still didn’t deserve him.

To me, still stained, Masato was too dazzling.

…But. Can I gradually approach him?

Can I make an effort to stand beside a wonderful person like before?

If so, maybe I should try again.

…So, for now. Without expressing my true feelings.

I’ll just pretend a little.

“Idiot. I don’t really like Masato.”

I felt like I could laugh from the bottom of my heart for the first time in a long time.