[Sad News] Living Together with the Unattainable Beauty—Her Overwhelming Affection Is Way Too Calculated - 48-49

Chapter 48: Days Without Fujigaya-san

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“Sorry, Miyazuka-kun. I have an overnight shoot tomorrow. Could you just eat something for dinner on your own?”

A few days after that bombshell message from my parents, Fujigaya-san said that apologetically as she watched me slurp miso soup at the table. Since we’d started living together, this was the first time she’d have to stay out overnight for work.

“Yeah, got it. Don’t worry about it. Good luck with the job.”

I answered, trying to sound as calm as possible. To be honest, I felt a small measure of relief at the news. Ever since the culture festival, running into her had been awkward and painful.

If she wasn’t here even for one night, maybe I could be freed—just a little—from this heavy feeling. I thought I’d spend the evening alone, playing games to my heart’s content.

At that time I didn’t yet realize how devastating the fact of her being gone from this house would be.

That afternoon after school, I trudged home by myself. I opened the front door. Normally, a bright voice like the sun saying “Welcome home!” and the delicious smell of dinner being prepared would greet me. But today, the only thing that greeted me was a cold, utterly silent air.

“…I’m home.”

I muttered it to no one in particular. My faint voice vanished emptily into the hollow room.

I turned on the living-room light. The room was neatly tidy. But something was decisively missing. Warmth — an invisible something that couldn’t be seen.

What should I do about dinner?

I opened the fridge. Aside from the prepared side dishes she left, there wasn’t much. In the end I went to the nearby convenience store and bought an extra-large cup of ramen and an American hotdog.

Alone at the living-room table, I waited for the electric kettle to boil. I turned on the TV; a prime-time variety show blared comedians making a racket at top volume. Normally, Fujigaya-san would be beside me saying, “Oh, that comedian is funny!” or “That actress is cute!” and enjoying it together with me. 

But today there was no one. The TV’s raucous laughter sounded painfully loud. Three minutes later I opened the lid and silently slurped the bland cup ramen alone.

It tasted awful. No — it had no flavor. The warm home-cooked meals she always made weren’t just tasty. They were full of her gentleness and warmth. I only realized that now.

After dinner I went to my room and started a game to try to distract myself. But I couldn’t concentrate at all. I found myself listening without meaning to. The soft flop of her slippers walking the hallway, the whoosh of the hair dryer in the bathroom, her cheerful humming drifting faintly from the next room… Those ordinary everyday sounds — none of them were there today.

It was quiet. So quiet I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t know this apartment could feel so wide and empty. How fully her presence had filled this space…How vividly she had colored my grey everyday life… I realized this only after she was gone.

My hands stopped on the controller. I heaved myself up and reached for a light novel. But the words wouldn’t sink in. In the end I just flopped onto the bed and stared at the ceiling.

Lonely. It felt like a huge empty hole had opened in my chest. What was this helpless feeling? Fujigaya-san was not here. That was all — and yet… It was as if the color had been wiped from the world. It was as if the existence of sound itself had been erased.

I was startled by how large a presence she had held inside me and by the immense sense of loss. I was simply crushed in this quiet room, all alone.

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Chapter 49: The True Nature of This Loneliness

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Nights without Fujigaya-san were hard to fall asleep. I kept turning over for no reason, repeatedly switching my phone screen on and off in the dark. There was no message from her.

Of course there wasn’t—she was staying overnight for work. She wouldn’t have time to care about someone like me. But somewhere in my heart I still found myself hoping for even a single “good night.” I hated my own selfish expectations.

The next morning, the sterile alarm on my phone forced my heavy eyelids open. Normally, Fujigaya-san’s gentle, slightly sweet voice—“Miyazuka-kun, it’s morning already!”—would pull me from sleep to reality.

I hauled my heavy body upright and headed for the kitchen. Of course nobody was there. There was no warm, toasty smell of breakfast. I took one slice of bread from the shelf, tossed it into the toaster, and poured milk into a glass from the fridge. That was my breakfast.

I walked to school alone. The ordinary route we always walked together—where she would say cheerfully, “Look, look—those cakes at that shop look so good!” or “The sky is beautiful today”—was the same path, but today I just walked in silence, crunching the asphalt beneath my feet. The road felt interminably long.

Even after I arrived at school, my heart remained heavy as lead. Her seat in the classroom was empty. I knew it, and yet I kept looking at it again and again. The empty desk and chair looked unbearably lonely, and my chest tightened.

I was absentminded through class, staring blankly out the window. What was Fujigaya-san doing right now? Was the shoot going smoothly? Was she eating properly? Was she tired? Those thoughts crowded my head.

And then I realized clearly. The true identity of the overwhelming loneliness that had been ruling my heart since last night.

Her presence had somehow become the center of my daily life. Her waking me in the morning… Her making a tasty breakfast… Going to school together… Seeing her sunny smile in the classroom. Being greeted with a warm “welcome home” when I returned… Eating the warm dinners she cooked… Watching TV together in the living room, playing games, laughing at silly things… Her laugh… Her scent… Her presence itself…

All of that had become my “normal.” And only now, without her, did I understand how vividly that “normal” had colored my gray everyday life. Without her, life was “boring.” A world without her felt “lonely.” That was an unquestionable, absolute truth.

I might have been dependent on her, but I didn’t care about that anymore. I understood one thing clearly. I couldn’t do without her.

After school I trudged home alone. The thought of returning to that cold, empty apartment made me miserable. And I thought to myself. 

In less than two months, this “everyday life without Fujigaya-san” will become my real “everyday.” 

Just imagining that made my legs go weak. I couldn’t bear it. I absolutely couldn’t bear it. I had discovered the true face of this loneliness. It was the fear of losing her. The despair at the light being extinguished from my world. Burdened by that unbearably large lump of feeling, there was nothing for me to do but walk the deserted dusk street, holding back tears.

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