My Popular-as-Hell Best Friend Is Annoying, So I Want to Get Him a Girlfriend and Shut Him Up - Chapter 71 & 72 & 73

Chapter 71: Game Tournament

“Yukiya-san, thank you so much! I’ll treasure this cake!”

“Don’t treasure it—eat it.”

Tsuyu beams at me with gratitude.

I’m glad she likes the gift, but it’s perishable, so please don’t “treasure” it.

You’ll regret it in two weeks.

“Fufu, not bad, Yuki-kun. Raising Tsuyu’s opinion of you this much after just five meetings? You’re a worthy rival.”

Hisame-san, who was just bonding with the floor, stands up and says something bizarre.

Why does she think we’re competing for Tsuyu?

That’s never come up.

Didn’t she want me to marry Tsuyu?

Her sister complex is spiraling into incomprehensible territory.

It’s normal not to understand her, though.

“But I’m not backing down here. I won’t let my adorable Tsuyu go so easily.”

“Alright, I’ll concede defeat and gracefully withdraw.”

“…Fufu, that’s right. Men can’t back down here, can they? I knew it.”

No use—our conversation’s not connecting.

She’s in her own world, talking to someone else.

I glance at Uryu, but he just shakes his head in resignation.

As usual, there’s no escape route for me.

“Then we’ll have to fight with everything we’ve got! A game showdown for Tsuyu!!”

“Ugh…”

Hisame-san points dramatically, looking cool despite her absurd words, but I can’t help wanting to sigh.

“What game, by the way?”

“Batofami, obviously. Today, I’ll finally beat you, Yuki-kun.”

“Of course…”

Incredibly, she’s challenging me to a game she’s never won.

Poor Tsuyu, being bet like this.

For context, Batofami is short for Great Brawl! Battle Families, a crossover fighting game featuring protagonists and key characters from various franchises.

Up to four players can join, so last time I was here, I played against these siblings.

They were so weak it wasn’t even a contest.

At one point, they told me to play with just my index fingers, no controller grip, but I still crushed all three.

It must’ve been humiliating for Hisame-san, but I didn’t expect a rematch request.

“For this day, I’ve poured three months into Batofami. I’ve got strategies. Today, I’ll drag you down from your throne, Yuki-kun.”

“I see. So, a serious one-on-one match?”

“No way. It’s gotta be three-on-one for us to even stand a chance against you.”

“…”

Her pathetic declaration makes me want to clutch my head.

Her two minions—Uryu and Tsuyu—give me thumbs-ups in sync.

Wait, that’s the deal? “With everything we’ve got” means that?

Not one-on-one?

“Last time was a battle royale, so today’s a team match to show off the Aoyagi family bond.”

“Get ready, Yukiya.”

“I practiced a ton!”

Before I know it, Uryu’s moved next to Tsuyu, forming an Aoyagi family vs. me setup.

How are these people so confident when they’ve got the numbers advantage?

Don’t they have any shame?

“Alright, let’s prep. Uryu, help out.”

“Got it.”

Hisame-san glances at me before heading to the living room on the right side of the entrance.

Uryu follows, leaving me and Tsuyu behind.

“Hey, Tsuyu, you okay with Hisame-san saying whatever she wants?”

I take off my shoes at the entrance and talk to her.

I can ignore the betting stuff if I want, but it probably doesn’t feel great for her.

I’m a bit worried Hisame-san’s usual antics might be hurting her sister.

But Tsuyu tilts her head, like she doesn’t get my concern.

“Did she say something?”

Oh, maybe she didn’t even catch the betting thing.

No need to press it then—it’d just startle her.

…She’s not just okay with winning or losing, right? No way.

“Anyway, I’m excited for the match!”

Tsuyu smiles, lightly clenching her fists in front of her chest.

She’s plenty fired up.

“Oh, planning to beat me?”

“Of course, but honestly, winning or losing is secondary. Oh, don’t tell Onee-chan!”

“Really?”

“Yup. Onee-chan and Onii-chan don’t hang out with me like they used to, so practicing together for today was super fun. As long as we can have a blast today, that’s what makes me happiest.”

“I see.”

Just as Hisame-san pours love into Tsuyu, Tsuyu adores her sister and brother.

For her, just having this chance to play with them is pure joy.

That youngest-sibling mindset is pretty heartwarming, even to me.

“And it’s been happening more since you started coming over, Yukiya-san. I can’t thank you enough.”

“Right, you should praise me and pass it down for generations.”

“Then you need to come over more often.”

“No way. I don’t even want to come here.”

“But you do anyway, don’t you, Yukiya-san?”

“It’s a whim. I only show up on my terms.”

“Then I’ll visit your place. I feel bad always making you come.”

“Sure, navigate with a map and good luck.”

“Eh, you won’t give me your address?”

“I don’t exactly want you to come.”

“Muu. I’ll show up out of spite, you know!”

“I’ll wait without expecting anything.”

“Hey, you two, stop flirting and get over here!”

Hisame-san calls out at the perfect moment.

We’re not flirting, but denying it’s too much hassle, so I let it slide.

We head to the living room.

“Let’s have fun, Yukiya-san!”

“Yeah, in a different way from you.”

“Huh?”

Alright, time to crush these three again.

Chapter 72: It Wasn’t On Purpose

Batofami came out about 20 years ago and gets remade with every new console, but I’m hooked on the original.

Partly because it’s the classic, but mostly because we don’t have the remakes at my house.

The Aoyagi household has every Batofami game, and when I asked for the original, no one complained.

The Aoyagi siblings, who’ve played all versions, also prefer the original, so we naturally went with it.

Last time, I was so dominant it wasn’t even a contest.

Hisame-san and Uryu probably aren’t that bad.

They move well enough compared to high-level NPCs and could easily take first among friends.

But catching up to me in Batofami is no small feat.

I’ve been forged by countless battles against infuriatingly strong opponents.

Because of that, I lose way more in PvP than I’d like.

Even crushing these three today won’t budge my win rate much—frustrating, but true.

We start the game and sit on a sofa a bit away from the big TV screen.

Due to the wired controllers, we’re lined up from left: Hisame-san, Uryu, Tsuyu, and me.

“Stock match, two lives each. Items are allowed, but if Yuki-kun uses one, we win. If you accidentally grab an invincibility item, you jump off the stage.”

The rules Hisame-san lays out are downright vile, far from fair.

Even Princess Kaguya would flinch at this nonsense.

I want to ask if she’s that desperate to win, but she’d probably say, “Obviously,” without a hint of shame.

“Can I add two rules?”

“What?”

“Allow throwing items offstage and using recovery items at 0% damage.”

“That’s fine, but are you that desperate to win?”

Hisame-san hurls a massive boomerang with that line.

I’m tempted to retract my rules, but I stay cool.

I don’t know how tough this handicap is yet, so keeping the option to deny them items is smart.

If it feels unnecessary, I’ll mock them and drop it.

“Let’s pick characters!”

Hisame-san’s hyped, but I calmly pick the dinosaur character, switch its color to red, and wait.

Last time I chose this, they mocked its weak recovery, so I showed them how strong it is despite that.

“There it is, the red devil…”

Hisame-san grimaces, maybe recalling last time’s trauma.

“But thanks to you, our siblings united. We’ll show you the results!”

““Yeah!!””

What a lively sister and her minions.

In a game world, a team with this bond would clutch victory at the last second.

But sadly, this is reality.

I unleash everything I’ve honed, and even in a team match, I win without losing a single stock.

I started by knocking out Tsuyu, who’s not great at controls, and chased her offstage.

Using a mouse character, she struggled with recovery, making it easy to chip away her stocks.

Worse, she—probably not on purpose—kept stealing her teammates’ stocks to rejoin, making it a cakewalk for me to take down Hisame-san and Uryu.

It was a sad match that highlighted the pitfalls of team battles.

“Hey, Tsuyu, didn’t we say you’d support with lightning and items from the back!?”

“No way, Yukiya-san comes at me so fast!”

“We’re screwed the moment Nee-san and I let Yukiya slip through.”

“What’re you saying? If you’d held him off, even by getting pummeled, we’d have had time to use items!”

“Right, it’s all Onii-chan’s fault!”

“No way… like 70% of it’s Tsuyu’s fault…”

Watching their blame game, I wonder what “united” even means.

Poor Uryu, the lone guy, always getting ganged up on by the girls.

“Fine, that was just a warm-up. No one said it’d be decided in one match.”

“You’re so shameless, Hisame-san.”

“Right? That’s my charm.”

I meant it as sarcasm, but she takes it at face value, leaving me baffled.

I’m competitive, but I don’t think I can match her.

“Plan B. We’ll win this time.”

Hisame-san picks a gorilla character.

Following her lead, Uryu picks a gorilla too.

I can guess their strategy, so I stick to hit-and-run, keeping my distance.

They probably want to use the gorilla’s grab for a mutual KO, but knowing that, I’m not getting close.

Even if they grab me, escaping’s not that hard.

In the end, they drowned in their own strategy, and I won even easier than before.

A breezy two-win streak.

“Tsuyu! Why didn’t you pick a gorilla!?”

“They’re not cute! Mice are way better.”

“I’m not great with gorillas either. That’s why I went down faster this time.”

“So it’s all Uryu’s fault.”

“Onii-chan’s fault.”

“Wait, this pattern again…?”

The post-match reflection turns into another Uryu roast.

Their “bond” is pretty warped, but sadly, this is their norm.

I can kinda see why Uryu doesn’t have a girlfriend.

“No choice. If you’re gonna toy with us this much, we have to use our sealed trump card.”

Hisame-san’s dropping dramatic lines again.

Her frustration’s cute, but I’d never say that out loud.

The Aoyagi team’s trump card uses the same characters as the first match.

Are they going back to basics, or is there something from round one they didn’t use?

I’m slightly excited for the unpredictable twist.

The random stage loads, and as the countdown starts—the trump card’s signal comes.

“Tsuyu! Do it!”

“Yes!”

At Hisame-san’s shout, Tsuyu responds energetically, then—unbelievably—puts her controller on the table, turns to me with a grin, and…

“Yukiya-san, excuse me!!”

“Nyoah!?”

She launches a tickle attack at my sides.

A weird yelp escapes as the ticklish sensation hits.

I nearly drop my controller, but that’d let Hisame-san and Uryu wreck me.

No way—is this their trump card?

This dirty off-screen tactic?

“Hisame-san!? Th-This is too unfair, isn’t it!?”

“The world says victory is all that matters.”

I totally agree, but not here.

I shift right to escape Tsuyu while playing, but she sticks to me, relentless.

Unable to focus, my dinosaur gets KO’d by Uryu’s attack.

“Hell yeah! One stock left!”

“Good job, Tsuyu!”

The sister and brother, letting their little sister do the dirty work, show no shame.

Even with this ridiculous tactic, they’ll gloat if they win.

I can’t let that happen—I have to fight back.

Using the invincibility window after respawning, I set my controller down and tickle Tsuyu’s sides.

“Eek!?”

She lets out a high-pitched squeal, freezing as if she didn’t expect retaliation.

It’s my policy to give as good as I get.

“I-I won’t lose!”

She flinches at first but fights back, resuming her attack.

It’s a bizarre scene, both of us tickling each other.

That’s when I realize how close we are.

“Crap!?”

My dinosaur’s invincibility runs out.

This is bad—I’ll lose like before if I don’t stop Tsuyu.

I focus on the screen, using my right thumb for the stick and index finger for jumps to evade.

My left hand keeps attacking Tsuyu.

To win, she has to stop.

“Y-Yukiya-san!?”

Too focused on the screen, I’m slow to react to Tsuyu’s panicked voice.

Her attacks have stopped, but I don’t know why.

No time to think—I keep tickling.

“Yukiya-san, that’s not my side! Your coordinates are off to the right!!”

“Oh…”

Her words make me notice the different sensation in my left hand.

I was so into the game I was tickling blindly, but I’ve apparently moved to a delicate area.

“It’s fine, Tsuyu. It’s not that soft. Underwear’s amazing.”

“What are you talking about!?”

“Just saying, I won’t stop unless you do.”

“I already stopped! I-I stopped, so please…!”

“Alright.”

Hearing her surrender, I return my left hand to the controller.

With Tsuyu slumping next to me, no longer attacking, I manage a comeback against Hisame-san and Uryu.

It was a parade of cheating, but it was the best match so far—in terms of stocks.

“Congrats, Yukiya-kun. It’s frustrating, but if we can’t win even with our trump card, we have to admit defeat.”

“Thank you. I’m honored.”

Hisame-san stands, smiling broadly and praising me.

I stand and give a slight bow.

Looks like she’s finally acknowledged my Batofami skills.

Good, good—now I can go home with peace of mind.

“But that’s that, and this is this.”

For some reason, a dark aura, fierce enough to make the king of beasts flee barefoot, starts leaking from Hisame-san’s smile.

“Why is our Tsuyu-chan in this state? Care to explain?”

“Fumi…” Tsuyu lets out a cute sound, her face flushed.

Hisame-san’s furious, glaring at her sister’s condition.

Uryu quietly slips off the sofa, distancing himself.

You probably won’t listen, but let me say it: this was totally an act of God.

Chapter 73: Something That Bothered Me

After that, on Hisame-san’s orders, ten pieces of the 99% cacao chocolate I bought were stuffed into my mouth at once.

The cacao’s bitterness nearly shattered my sanity, and I struggled to endure it.

The Aoyagi siblings seemed to thoroughly enjoy my suffering.

Every visit to the Aoyagi house ends with some unbearable twist like this, making me swear never to return.

Sadly, I’ve never kept that vow.

“Next time, we’ll win at Batofami. Wash your neck and wait.”

“Yukiya-saan, come back soon! We’re always waiting!”

I leave the Aoyagi house to Hisame-san’s lingering obsession with the game and Tsuyu’s cheerful wave, as if that earlier incident never happened.

Man, Hisame-san still hasn’t given up?

If she’d switch games, I’d be on the same level as everyone else.

She’s even more competitive than me.

“Good work, Yukiya. Thanks for coming today.”

“I’m seriously exhausted, you jerk.”

Under the still-blue sky, I walk with Uryu.

I told him he didn’t need to tag along, but he insisted on walking me to the station.

It feels like I’m being treated like a girl, which pisses me off.

“Nee-san and Tsuyu were really looking forward to hanging out with you.”

“Ugh, how did it come to this?”

“Well, you got close with Tsuyu, didn’t you? Behind my back.”

“No way, I was just lecturing her.”

The first time I came to Uryu’s house, he left me in the living room to change into loungewear.

That’s when Tsuyu, just back from school, ran into me.

She asked, “Who are you?” so I lectured her, saying, “You should introduce yourself first,” and went on about manners.

That’s all it was—I had no intention of getting close.

“That was fun for Tsuyu. You’ve got a ton of random knowledge.”

“Don’t call it random. There’s nothing useless in what makes me me.”

“Whatever. Tsuyu took a liking to you, told Nee-san about you, and Nee-san wanted to meet you. That’s how we got here.”

“Sigh, all from one chat? Isn’t Tsuyu a bit too easy?”

“Nah, she’s super picky about my friends.”

“Really?”

When I ask, Uryu nods, looking worn out.

“With Nee-san always doing her own thing and fighting with Dad, I often hold back to keep the peace. That’s made Tsuyu kinda overprotective of me.”

“…What do you mean?”

“I try to follow Dad’s expectations, so Tsuyu worries I’m not living my own life or having fun. She used to constantly ask stuff like, ‘Do you have friends?’ or ‘Is there someone you like?’”

“…I can’t picture that.”

I know Tsuyu adores Uryu, but hearing it’s twisted into overprotectiveness is surprising.

Worrying about her brother carrying their dad’s expectations in place of their sister makes sense, though.

“So last year, I brought some classmates and basketball teammates home, but Tsuyu chewed me out afterward. ‘Are you really close with them?’ ‘Are you hiding something by bringing so many?’ ‘They’re looking at me weird.’ She’s a handful, but it’s because she cares. The first two were spot-on.”

“What, you don’t think those guys are your friends?”

“I see them as friends, but not best friends.”

“No clue what that means, but none of them passed Tsuyu’s test?”

“Pretty much. But since you started coming, she hasn’t been as harsh.”

“…So I passed Tsuyu’s test?”

“She wouldn’t be that attached otherwise.”

“Attached, huh…”

Mulling over Uryu’s words, I decide to ask about something that’s been nagging me.

It’d be embarrassing if I’m overthinking, but I want to know how Uryu sees it.

“Maybe Tsuyu sees you like a second big brother.”

—But Uryu’s added comment makes my question unnecessary.

Big brother… huh.

I’m an only child, so I don’t get that vibe, but now that he mentions it, that might be how she sees me.

I let out a relieved sigh.

“What’s with the sigh?”

“Just glad I’m not stealing the future of a naive all-girls-school kid.”

“Hah, what’re you talking about?”

“Shut up, just talking to myself.”

We reach the station, and I part ways with Uryu, heading to the gate.

Thinking it over, I shouldn’t take the words of that dense idiot Uryu at face value.

But he wouldn’t be so careless about his sister’s feelings.

So I didn’t need to ask.

I almost embarrassed myself with my overconfidence.

—Whether Tsuyu likes me or not.

It’s already settled: it’s like sibling love.