My Mental Choices Are Completely Interfering with My School Romantic Comedy - Volume 1 Chapter 2.5:

Volume 1 Chapter 2.5:

“Oww… Tch!”

Waking up from pain—now that was a first.

“Huh…? The living room?”

Why the hell am I sleeping here? Last night… Oh, right. Chocolat started that whole ridiculous ‘Tickling Forty-Eight Techniques’ thing. I got carried away, ended up feeling way too good, and then passed out… Yeah, I remember that much, but why does my whole body feel like it’s been through a meat grinder?

“Kh…”

Ignoring the protests of my creaking muscles, I forced myself over to the table and reached for a book titled:

“Ten Ways to Get a Girl’s Smile! Become the Ultimate Lady-Killer King!”

This has to be the reason. I flipped to the page about the Tickling Forty-Eight Techniques, and at the very bottom, a warning stood out in bright red text.

⚠ WARNING! If you master these Forty-Eight Techniques, you will experience an indescribable level of pleasure. However, the greater the pleasure, the stronger the aftereffects that will come crashing down on you.

…The hell is this crap? That’s ridiculous. And to make it worse, right next to the warning was a winking moe character with a speech bubble.

“Life ain’t that easy, buddy!☆”

“‘Ain’t that easy,’ my ass!”

Irritated. Beyond irritated. I was going to call and file a complaint later. Just who the hell published this nonsense?

I flipped to the spine of the book.

‘UOG Publishing.’

“It was YOU!!”

On reflex, I hurled the book at the wall.

“Wait, what time is it—? Crap!”

I snapped my head toward the clock on the wall. Normally, I’d already be out the door by now. Damn it, I’ve never overslept before! No choice—I’d have to skip breakfast.

No time to wake up Chocolat either. She was probably still sleeping like a carefree idiot, so she could stay there for all I cared. Ignoring my body’s protests, I forced myself to get dressed.

Chocolat only hit me with, what—maybe a dozen of those moves? (At least, from what I could remember.) And this is how much pain I’m in? I shuddered at the thought of what a full course of those techniques would do to a person.

Luckily, the pain was already starting to fade—thankfully, it wasn’t permanent.

“Oh, right… there’s this thing.”

Sitting by the entrance was that backpack. A note, scribbled in a ridiculously round, childish handwriting, was stuck to it.

“With this, Furano-san will go BOOM! BOOOOM! Desu yo☆ —Chocolat”

…I don’t even know where to begin with this level of stupidity.

I thought about checking what was inside, but the bag was already bulging—so stuffed that it looked like opening it would cause an instant explosion.

Well, better than showing up empty-handed, I guess. Feeling its heavy weight press against my shoulder, I stepped out the door.

***

“No good… I got nothing.”

On my way to school, I rack my brain for some kind of funny material. But by the time I reach the classroom, I still haven’t thought of anything.

I open the door and glance around—my eyes land on Yukihira, standing by the window.

Now then, how should I go about this? As I approach, she suddenly spins around without warning.

“Oh, Amakusa-kun! Oha-Yogurt!”

…That was such a weird greeting I had no idea how to react.

What do I do? Do I call it out? Pretend it never happened?

Ordinarily, I’d do one or the other. But today, I have to make Yukihira laugh. Just pointing it out won’t be enough—I have to play along with the joke.

“C’mon, isn’t that getting a bit… moo-dated? …Moo.”

I try to make a pun, mixing “yogurt” and a cow’s moo.

For a second, Yukihira looks surprised. Then, she drops her expression and stares straight into my eyes.

“Yeah, no. That was weak.”

…She just completely shut me down.

“So, Amakusa-kun. You were trying to combine the dairy product ‘yogurt’ with the sound a cow makes, correct?”

“Could you not analyze it so calmly!?”

“And realizing it might be a bit unclear, you decided to say it twice, in what can only be described as a desperate attempt to save it.”

“You’re ruthless!”

“Furthermore, embarrassed by your own joke, you hesitated slightly before the second ‘moo.’ But you see, Amakusa-kun, a high school boy’s embarrassment has no place anywhere in this world.”

“C-Can you stop already!?”

“Alright, I’ll leave it at that. But seriously… ‘moo’…? (laughs) That’s all I can say.”

“Like your joke was any better!”

“Excuse you. Mine has been officially recognized by CoroCoro Comics as a legitimate greeting. You’ll even find it in the dictionary.”

“What if some kid actually believes that!?”

Yukihira was in peak form this morning.

***

After first period ends, I head straight for Yukihira’s desk.

“Yukihira.”

Today’s the deadline. I can’t afford to hesitate just because my opening act got wrecked.

“Ara? What’s up, Amakusa-kun?”

“I need you to take a look at something.”

Suddenly, Yukihira’s face turns red, and she starts fidgeting.

“W-Wait… not here… in broad daylight…?”

“IT’S NOT WHAT YOU’RE THINKING!!”

“Ara, too bad.”

With a completely straight face, she drops the act.

“So? What did you want to show me?”

“Well… a one-liner joke.”

Yukihira gives me a skeptical look. Not that I blame her—I don’t even know why I’m doing this.

“You know how I’m always the straight man? I figured I should try being the funny one for a change.”

I manage to spit out something that sounds like a decent excuse.

“I see. And that led to this morning’s catastrophe?”

“Could you not pour salt on my wounds?”

“Fine, then. Let’s see this legendary, history-making joke of yours.”

…Why is she raising the stakes on her own?

“Alright then. Ladies and gentlemen, presenting—Amakusa Kanade’s ‘Newborn Buddha Statue’!”

“THAT’S NOT EVEN POSSIBLE!!”

Damn it, I can’t let her take control.

“H-Here goes—‘The Seal That Discovered Geography While Crying’!”

Yukihira, still deadpan, starts clapping.

“Pachi pachi pachi.”

Why does this feel like she’s making fun of me?

No, focus. I spent all of first period crafting this. I get on all fours, arch my back, and—

“Ow ow ow! Ow ow… Ow! Oooow, Ouuh! …Ouuh, Okuha Mountain Range!”

“…………”

The silence is excruciating.

After a few seconds, Yukihira speaks with an almost robotic monotone.

“Amakusa-kun… just stick to being the straight man.”

…Yeah, I think so too.

“But Yukihira, I need honest feedback for future reference.”

“It was so bad you should just die.”

“THAT’S TOO HARSH!!”

…Mission, failed.

***

After the Second Period.

“Yukihira, take a look at this.”

Undeterred, I made my way over to Yukihira’s desk once again.

“You have quite the resilient spirit, don’t you?”

She looked at me with a hint of admiration. Well, of course—if I didn’t see this through, I’d be stuck dealing with this absolute choice for the rest of my life.

“So? What kind of mountain range joke are you going to show me this time?”

“Nah, after that disaster earlier, I’m not doing anything similar again.”

“Wait, are you serious? Amakusa-kun, thinking about something other than mountain ranges? Unbelievable.”

“Why am I suddenly being treated like some kind of mountain range fanatic?”

“But Amakusa-kun, just the other day, you were like, ‘Haa… haa… oh man, Yukihira… I… I just can’t be satisfied with a single mountain anymore! If it’s not a full-blown mountain range, I can’t get excited at all!’”

“WHAT KIND OF DEPRAVED FREAK DO YOU THINK I AM?!”

In the end, things just went back to the usual routine. I guess being the one dishing out the comebacks suits me better, but today is the only day I’ll be forcing myself to do this.

I’ll make her laugh—quickly—and end this once and for all!

“I’m thinking of giving the ‘Newborn Nio Statue’ a shot.”

“…Amakusa-kun, there’s a difference between courage and recklessness, you know.”

“You’re the one who suggested it in the first place!”

“Well, if you’ve decided to walk willingly to your own demise, it’s not my place to stop you.”

Tch… but I’ve spent the last fifty minutes thinking this through, and I’m sure this will work. I just have to believe in myself!

“Zugogogogogo! Zugogogogogo! Oi, I am Nio! Just now, I have been born! Zugogogogo! Zugogogogo!”

“…………”

Once again, the atmosphere was swallowed by an unbearable silence.

…What the hell was I thinking? Why did I ever believe this would work?

“Amakusa-kun, I think Nio statues are far more dignified when they stay silent.”

I braced myself for a brutal takedown, but Yukihira’s comment was surprisingly mild.

“And you, Amakusa-kun, would probably be better off staying silent as well. For the rest of your life.”

“Ah… right… um, sorry about that.”

…Mission failed.

***

After Third Period PE.

“Haa… haa… Yukihira… haa… look at… this…”

After sprinting all the way back to the classroom, my breathing was in complete shambles.

“Amakusa-kun, the way you left out certain words just now makes your sentence sound disturbingly perverted.”

“That’s… quite the coincidence… because what I’m about to do… is based on a pervert.”

“I see, so you’re just going to show me your true self. That might actually be funnier than forcing yourself to do a routine.”

I held back the urge to retort and focused on calming my breathing. Now was the time to concentrate on my act.

“Here goes—’A Call From a Pervert.'”

This one… this one has to work!

“H-hey, onee-chan, what color panties are you wearing right now? Huh? You’re embarrassed? C’mon, it’s not like it’s gonna kill you or anything. Huh? You’re saying I should answer first before asking others? Gufufu… isn’t it obvious? I’m not wearing any! Because I’m a pervert, duh!”

“…………”

For the third time, the room was swallowed by a suffocating silence.

“Amakusa-kun, before we even get to whether it’s funny or not… that was just disgusting.”

“…I’m sorry.”

“And, well, it wasn’t funny either.”

“…I’m sorry.”

“Also, where was the punchline?”

“…I’m sorry.”

“So, to sum it up?”

“…I’m sorry.”

…Mission failed.

From then on, I kept crashing and burning after fourth period, during lunch, after fifth period, after sixth period… and before I knew it, the final homeroom of the day had ended without a single success.

This is bad. Really bad!

Suppressing my growing panic, I called out to Yukihira as she was packing up to leave.

“Yukihira, wait a sec!”

“Sorry, Amakusa-kun, but I’ve got somewhere to be after this. Later.”

“Huh?”

Before I could say anything else, Yukihira grabbed her bag and strode out of the room without hesitation.

“Oi, hey, wait—!”

In the end, it all turned into the usual routine. It seems that playing the straight man really suits me best, but doing something out of the ordinary like this will be for today only.

I’ll make her laugh, and end this once and for all!

“Actually, I was thinking of doing the ‘Newborn Nio Statue’ bit.”

“…Amakusa-kun, courage and recklessness are two different things.”

“No, you were the one who suggested this in the first place.”

“Well, if you wish to walk into your own demise, I have no right to stop you.”

Ugh… But for the past fifty minutes, I have wracked my brain over this, and I’m certain it’ll work. Believe in yourself!

“Zugogogogogo, zugogogogo. Ossu, I am a Nio statue. I have just been born. Zugogogogo, zugogogogogo.”

“…………”

The atmosphere was once again filled with an unbearable awkwardness.

…Me, why did I ever think this was going to work?

“Amakusa-kun, I think Nio statues are much more dignified when they stay silent.”

I braced myself for a full-on ridicule, but Yukihira’s comment was surprisingly mild.

“And I think you should stay silent too. Forever.”

“Ah… yes… um, sorry.”

…Mission, failed.

After third period P.E.

“Hah… hah… Yukihira… hah… look at my…”

I had sprinted all the way back to the classroom, completely out of breath.

“Amakusa-kun, you left out a word, and now it just sounds disturbingly perverted.”

“That’s… quite the coincidence… because what I’m about to do… is also based on a pervert.”

“I see, so you’re just showing your true self. That might actually be funnier than trying to do a bit.”

I held back my urge to snap back and focused on catching my breath. I had to concentrate on the act.

“Here goes—’A Call from a Pervert’!”

This one… this one should work!

“Uh, onee-chan, what color panties are you wearing right now? Eh? You’re embarrassed? C’mon, it’s not like it’s gonna disappear or anything. Huh? You’re telling me to say mine first before I ask? Gufufu… obviously, I’m not wearing any! ‘Cause I’m a pervert, after all!”

“…………”

Once again, the atmosphere was wrapped in unbearable awkwardness.

“Amakusa-kun, before we even talk about whether this is funny or not… it’s just gross.”

“…I’m sorry.”

“And also, it’s not funny.”

“…I’m sorry.”

“And where’s the punchline?”

“…I’m sorry.”

“So to summarize?”

“…I’m sorry.”

…Mission, failed.

After that, I continued to crash and burn after fourth period, lunch break, fifth period, and even after sixth period. No progress whatsoever. Before I knew it, homeroom had ended.

This is bad. This is really bad!

Suppressing my rising panic, I called out to Yukihira as she was packing up to leave.

“Yukihira, wait a sec.”

“Amakusa-kun, sorry, but I have somewhere to be after this, so I’ll be leaving now.”

“Huh?”

Before I could say anything more, Yukihira grabbed her bag and briskly walked out of the room.

“Hey, hey, wait a sec—”

I reached out to stop her, but my hand froze in place.

Would Yukihira even laugh at the jokes I have in mind right now…? No, definitely not.

But what do I do…?

Feeling completely lost, I lowered my gaze. That’s when I noticed the backpack hanging off the side of my desk. Right. I had completely forgotten—but I still had this!

I slung the backpack over my shoulder and hurried after Yukihira, leaving the classroom.

She didn’t head towards the staircase leading down to the front entrance, instead walking in the opposite direction down the hallway. So, she’s going somewhere in the school?

I weaved through the students heading in the opposite direction and continued following Yukihira.

She stopped somewhere between Class 7 and Class 8, then started glancing around nervously. I quickly ducked behind a wall to avoid being seen.

At this time of day, most students are either heading home or going to club activities, so no one else seemed to be paying attention to her.

Then, Yukihira quickly walked up the stairs. After waiting for a brief moment, I followed.

The layout of each floor was the same, so after reaching the next floor, I found myself standing between the third-year Class 7 and Class 8 rooms. I looked around the hallway, but Yukihira was nowhere to be seen.

Did she enter one of the classrooms? But she’s not in any clubs, and I don’t think she knows any upperclassmen…

“The only other possibility would be…”

I shifted my gaze upward.

There was a staircase leading to the rooftop. But the rooftop was supposed to be off-limits due to safety concerns. A red cone and black-and-yellow striped bar blocked access to the staircase.

“Hm? What’s this?”

In the dust that had accumulated on the steps, I spotted distinct shoe prints. And not just one set—multiple.

But it seemed unlikely that multiple people would frequently trespass here.

Which meant…

One person had been using this staircase multiple times.

Given the current situation, there was only one person who could be responsible—Yukihira.

I stepped over the bar and climbed the stairs.

The iron door leading to the rooftop was old and rusted. A large sign was posted on it, reading “Entry Prohibited.”

I reached for the doorknob. It rattled, but the door didn’t budge.

Did Yukihira lock it from the inside?

“Nngh…!”

I twisted the knob forcefully, but the door didn’t move an inch.

Damn… should I just wait for Yukihira to come out? No, I don’t have time for that—

[Choose: ① “Fwahahahaha! O forbidden and unyielding gate to the demon realm! Submit to my will and unseal thyself!” ② “Ooooh, there there, little door-chan, be a good girl and let me through, okay~?” ]

…What the hell is this?

I have to actually say this out loud? These embarrassing lines?

Well, I don’t have much of a choice.

Just in case, I checked my surroundings. No one was around… Good.

“Fwahahahaha! O forbidden and unyielding gate to the demon realm! Submit to my will and unseal thyself!”

After my dramatic proclamation, silence filled the air.

“…This is so cringe.”

Somehow, the fact that no one was around to hear it made it even more embarrassing. My face reddened slightly as I reached for the doorknob.

Click.

“It didn’t open?!”

This thing was just messing with me at this point. Damn you, stupid choices—I’ll break through this no matter what!

I gripped the knob once more, preparing to force it open—

“Huh?”

The doorknob suddenly fell off with a clatter.

Was this… the result of my chosen action? Or was it just from old age?

Well, whatever the reason, the path was now clear.

I pushed open the door and stepped onto the rooftop.

“Whoa.”

I couldn’t help but let out a voice of awe.

The view was breathtaking. Not only did the vast schoolyard stretch endlessly below, but thanks to the elevated location, I could see the entire town spread out beneath me. It was almost like standing at an observation deck.

“Wait, that’s not important right now. Where’s Yukihira?”

Given the sheer size of the school building, the rooftop was equally expansive. However, since there were no obstacles blocking the view, spotting Yukihira was easy.

But something was off.

She was on all fours, her head hanging low. In simple terms, she was in a perfect orz position.

“Oi, Yukihira!”

I called out from a distance, but there was no response.

“Yukihira!”

I moved a bit closer and called out more firmly, but she still didn’t react.

“Why… why am I like this…?”

Even when I got right next to her, she remained oblivious to my presence, muttering to herself in a hushed voice.

“That was horrible… What happened the other day was just… horrible. Why did I say something so cruel to the MC girl? Just because she made fun of my small chest…? But at that moment, with everyone listening, I got so nervous that my mind just went blank… Ugh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I knew I was never cut out for the school broadcast…”

An intense sense of self-loathing.

“Why… why do I always end up like this…? Especially when it comes to Amakusa-kun… I always say the worst things… Ahh, he definitely thinks I’m a total weirdo by now… Maybe I should hold these solo reflection meetings more than once a week…”

…Was this really Yukihira?

“But but, Amakusa-kun is at fault too, right? He normally acts decent, but then out of nowhere, he says pervy stuff like ‘let me touch your boobs’ or starts stripping all of a sudden! Even today, he was acting even weirder than usual… I just want to have a normal conversation with him… Wait, why am I even thinking about Amakusa-kun so much…?”

“Oi, Yukihira.”

I lightly poked her shoulder.

“See, even now, I’m hearing Amakusa-kun’s voice even though he’s not really here…”

“Nah, I’m actually here.”

“Haha… Wow, I must really be losing it today.”

“I’m telling you, I’m here.”

I waved my hand back and forth in front of her face.

“…Huh?”

Finally, she lifted her head.

“Yo.”

Our eyes met.

“…………”

“Uh, Yukihi—”

“Kyaaaaaaaaaaaah!”

Letting out a scream as if the world were ending, Yukihira fell back onto her butt and scooted away at an incredible speed.

“Oi, hey…”

“Wh-wh-wh-why is A-A-Amakusa-kun here…?!”

“I was looking for you, so I followed you… Was that bad?”

“B-b-bad…? No, that’s not the issue here! Y-you… you didn’t… see, did you?”

“See what…? You mean that whole thing where you were on all fours muttering to yourself?”

Poof!

With a mysterious sound effect, Yukihira’s face turned as red as a boiled octopus. And then—she collapsed.

“Oi, Yukihira! You okay?!”

Panicking, I rushed over and shook her lightly.

“Uu… uuuh…”

Thank god, she wasn’t completely unconscious. Feeling slightly guilty, I picked her up and lightly patted her cheeks to bring her back.

After a few repetitions of this, her eyelids fluttered open slightly.

“Oh, good. You alright, Yukihira?”

“E… eh? Eh? Amakusa-kun? Me? Eh? Eh? ………………!!”

Realizing that she was being held in my arms, Yukihira’s body started trembling violently.

“U… uuh…”

“U? What’s wrong? What are you trying to say—huh?”

“UHYAAAAAAAH!”

A fierce impact struck me right on the chin, and my consciousness was sent flying.

***

“…Nn?”

I slowly come to my senses.

“Ara, you finally woke up?”

I see Yukihira standing over me, arms crossed, looking down at me.

“Yukihira… huh? Why am I here?”

Oh, right. I was chasing Yukihira up to the rooftop because I had to make her laugh…

“Wait, what happened after that?”

I feel like I saw something utterly shocking, but my memory is hazy, as if my mind is shrouded in mist.

“What the… ow! What is this? It hurts!”

I absentmindedly touch the back of my head—only to find a massive, absurdly large lump there.

“Ah, that? That’s the result of me repeatedly slamming the back of your head into the concrete.”

“WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?!”

“Sorry. I just wanted to test out something that Douraku-sensei taught me—the ‘pressure point that erases the last five minutes of memory’.”

“THAT WOMAN NEEDS TO QUIT TEACHING ALREADY!”

Now that I think about it, she did mention something like that yesterday. But to think she actually taught it to other people… No, wait, this isn’t even about pressure points! This is just brute force trauma!

“Amakusa-kun, actually, there were some… previous occupants on this rooftop.”

“Huh?”

“I’m sure you’ve heard the rumors, right? About Yamato-kun and Zara-kun from Class 5? The two of them were… indulging in some rather inappropriate activities here.”

“NO WAY!”

Even someone like me, who doesn’t care much for gossip, had heard about them. Two guys from Class 2-5 who were way too close.

Because they were both good-looking, some of the girls apparently got excited and hyped them up… but I never thought the rumors were true…

“Yes. The moment you witnessed them, you were so shocked that you foamed at the mouth and passed out. I judged that this could leave you with lifelong trauma, so I asked them to move elsewhere and then carried out an emergency remedy.”

“So that’s what happened… I guess… thanks?”

I mean, yeah, I definitely want to erase that memory, but was this lump really a fair price to pay for it?

“…Good. Looks like it worked.”

“Huh? Did you say something?”

“…Nothing. Sorry, I might’ve overdone it a little.”

For just a brief moment, Yukihira had an expression I’d never seen before—one tinged with sorrow. But in the next instant, she was back to her usual self.

“So? Why exactly did you chase me all the way up here? Don’t tell me you still want to continue what we started this afternoon?”

Right. I need to set aside the memory issue for now. Time is running out.

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“But why me? If you just want to throw out some jokes, couldn’t you do that with someone else?”

If I outright said that I wanted to make her laugh, she’d just put her guard up.

“Well, I mean, I know I always throw out quips at you, but honestly, I think you’re amazing. The stuff you come up with is seriously impressive. That’s why I want you to judge my comedy.”

“H-Heh… Not bad. If you’re that enamored with my skills, I suppose I could cooperate with you.”

…Wait. Could it be that Yukihira is weak to compliments? That slightly flustered expression… she actually looks like a normal girl for once.

“—As if! Not a chance!”

“What is your deal?!”

In a split second, her face turned completely expressionless again. I don’t get it… I really don’t get this girl.

“Well, now that we’ve wrapped up the opening act, let’s move on to the main event—showtime.”

Showtime, huh… Well, I already know my limits. I reach for the backpack that had been tossed onto the concrete floor and unzip it.

“Whoa!”

Stuffed to the brim, the backpack bursts open halfway through, spilling its contents everywhere.

Yeah, I did pack it pretty full… Alright, time to pick out something useful from the mess.

I glance down at the items that slid toward my feet. Wait, what’s this…? A manga?

I pick it up and realize it’s a recently adapted gag manga.

Yeah, sure, it’s funny—I read it myself. But telling Yukihira to just sit down and read it to laugh… feels a bit forced.

“Ah, I actually own the entire series.”

…Completely useless. There’s no way she’ll laugh at jokes she already knows.

“By the way, Yukihira, which scene did you find the funniest?”

If I can’t use the manga itself, I can at least use this chance to probe her sense of humor.

“The part where the heroine’s father gets slashed while protecting her.”

“THAT’S THE ONLY SAD SCENE IN THE WHOLE SERIES!”

“Her face, drenched in tears, was just so ridiculously funny.”

“YOU MONSTER!”

“…Just kidding. I actually bawled my eyes out.”

“…That sounds fake as hell.”

“It’s true. My tears overflowed and nearly drowned my entire room.”

“EVEN ELEMENTARY SCHOOLERS DON’T TELL LIES THAT OBVIOUS!”

Damn it… Once again, I’ve fallen right into Yukihira’s pace. I need to move on. Quickly.

I shift my gaze to the next item.

“This is…”

A warai-bukuro(Laughter Bag), huh? The kind that, when you press it, just keeps laughing endlessly.

Well, they say laughter is contagious. Might be worth a try.” I pick it up and press it right in front of Yukihira.

“Ahyahya-hyahya-hyahya!”

Yep. That’s exactly what you’d expect from a warai-bukuro. If I want this to work, I need to keep it going.

“Wahah! Wahah! Wahah!”

…Huh? This one’s a bit different. So there are multiple laugh variations?

“Fu, hahahahaha—geh! …Gehon! Geh, gehon!”

“Oi, if you messed up, re-record it properly!”

“Gegyara! Gegyalalala! Gegyalalala!”

“That’s not even human anymore!”

“Fufu… Is that all, boy?”

“No, that’s not it! Sure, you’re laughing, but that’s not what a warai-bukuro is supposed to sound like!”

“Pfft… Kukuku… That Kondo-san… I can’t believe it… Kondo-san, of all people, got a pet…!”

“Who the hell is Kondo-san!? That’s just an inside joke!”

“Warota.”

“Shut up!”

“Sometimes, I wonder… Is it really okay to laugh this much…?”

“It’s fine! You’re a warai-bukuro! That’s literally your job!”

“I… I can’t laugh anymore.”

“Hang in thereee!!”

“A warai-bukuro that can’t laugh… is just a bag.”

“…Yeah, that’s true.”

I give up and slam the now-silent bag onto the ground. Glancing at Yukihira, I see that her expression remains cool and composed—not even a chuckle.

“If anything, Kanade-kun, your face when you’re tsukkomi-ing was the funniest part.”

…She’s got an interesting way of enjoying things.

“T-Tch, next! On to the next one!”

But every item Chocolat prepared was somehow even more useless than the last.

《Jungle Tribe’s Secret Joke Collection: Regelo Clan’s Mogologululegerorappa》

“You didn’t even bother translating the subtitle!!”

…And of course, it’s another UOG Publishing book. Just go out of business already.

《Rakugo: 20 Showa-era Masters》

“A cassette tape!? How the hell am I supposed to play this on a rooftop!?”

《I Can Still Laugh!—Ten People Who Lost Their Smiles and How They Escaped Rock Bottom》

“This is a heavy read! I doubt there’s a single funny thing in it!”

Then, a folded slip of paper catches my eye. Picking it up, I see Chocolat’s handwriting.

《Kanade-san, I came up with something amazing for you. Here’s my gag statue idea:

‘The delinquent pompadour version of Ninomiya Kinjirou’》

“I don’t want this!! Not even a little bit!!”

I crumple the note and slam it to the ground with all my might.

“Alright… next…”

Damn it… I’m running out of energy. If I feel drained, of course Yukihira would lose interest. She still looks as expressionless as ever, but I can tell—she’s bored. She even checks her watch.

“Oh, it’s later than I thought. Kanade-kun, I have horseback riding lessons, so I’ll be taking my leave now.”

Crap. That’s obviously a lie, but her mind is already set on leaving. We’re not close enough for me to walk her home, and if she exits the school gates, chasing after her just to make her laugh would be weird.

Besides, if she’s already thinking about going home, there’s no way I can get her to laugh genuinely. In other words… this is my last chance.

But what do I do? I can’t make this work on my own, and Chocolat’s props are useless. Damn it, this is seriously bad…

And then, as if answering my desperation—

[Choose: ① Classic jokes are timeless—the king’s road is the ultimate path to laughter. ② The age of surreal humor is upon us—a unique, offbeat sense of humor will shape the future.]

What the hell…? Classic or surreal? Is this about picking the style Yukihira will laugh at?

Normally, her jokes lean towards surreal humor… but that doesn’t mean that’s what she finds funny.

Screw it, thinking won’t help. No time to waste—① it is!

The moment I make my choice, the options vanish from my mind. But nothing special happens. Meanwhile, Yukihira is already heading toward the exit.

“Yukihira!”

My sudden shout makes her turn back.

I have no plan. No idea what to do next.

But if I don’t stop her now… it’s over.

“Wait a sec—huh?”

Something squishes beneath my foot.

“Ow!?”

I slip and crash head-first into the concrete.

“Oooooooow!!”

A sharp pain shoots through my head—an extra impact right on top of my growing bump.

“Guh… what the hell…? A… banana peel?”

I sit up and confirm the culprit. Did this fall out when I scattered everything earlier?

No… no way. This is way too cliché…

“Pff… kukuku…”

Wait—

“Yukihira?”

Something’s off about her.

“I-In this day and age… A banana peel gag… kukuku…”

No way.

“No way, no way, no way—”

“AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!”

Yukihira bursts out laughing.

“AHAHAHA! K-Kanade-kun, you… a banana peel, in the 21st century!? This is like something straight out of an old Showa-era comedy skit! Pfft—kukukukukuku!”

I’m too stunned to react.

A… banana peel? That’s what did it!?

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!”

Just then—

Bzzzt.

My phone vibrates. A new message.

At this timing… no way.

The sender: ‘God’

Subject: ‘Mission Complete’

Quickly, I open the message.

《Congratulations. Please look forward to your next mission.》

…Wait. Seriously? That counts?

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!”

I mean, sure… if this doesn’t count as genuine laughter, then nothing does.

“Ku… kufufu… No more… My stomach… My stomach hurts!”

Her laughter won’t stop. Eventually, she drops to all fours, trembling.

Yukihira Furano… Not only was her personality weird—her sense of humor was completely out of sync with normal people, too.

Her laughter dies down momentarily, but the second it flares up again, she flops onto the ground, lying on her back and howling.

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!”

She kicks her legs, tears welling in the corners of her eyes. Her usually composed, elegant face is completely ruined—there’s nothing graceful about her right now.

And yet…

Watching her clutch her stomach and laugh with all her heart, I couldn’t help but think—

This is the most beautiful I’ve ever seen her.