My Memories Came Back, But I'm Not Telling My Childhood Friends

Chapter 8

“Sorry… for making you carry such a heavy girl like me…”

With a mysterious soft feeling pressing against my back and Rin glaring at me like she wanted to kill me, I ended up carrying Maya all the way to the nurse’s office.

“It’s not heavy at all, seriously.”

One girl’s weight is nothing.

But what bothered me more was how tightly she seemed to be clinging to me, like she was putting extra strength into it on purpose.

She was injured, so maybe she was just tensing up weirdly, but it honestly felt like she was hugging me. Plus her face was so close that every step I took, her long hair kept brushing and tickling my cheek.

It was the same back at karaoke… Her sense of personal space is still totally broken, just like when we were kids.

“Hey, you. You’re not getting turned on by Maya, are you…?”

“I’m not.”

The second that thought crossed my mind, Rin glared at me again.

I swear I don’t have any dirty feelings. I’m just confused by how close she’s being.

“I can’t believe anything you say.”

“Believe it or don’t, whatever you want.”

“Then I don’t believe you.”

“Fine.”

“I-I’m totally fine, so don’t worry about me…”

Maya tried to calm down the argument between me and Rin.

Why is she protecting me? What the heck has she been thinking this whole time?

“Maya… I told you not to let your guard down around this guy because he’s a delinquent, remember?”

“Rin-chan. Reita-kun is my childhood friend.”

“Look, the Reita you used to know doesn’t exist anymore.”

“But Reita-kun is still Reita-kun.”

“No way, he’s clearly a completely different person from that old Reita.”

“Do you really think so?”

“That’s why— Haah… Forget it.”

Rin let out a tired sigh.

“You better not get any weird ideas just because Maya’s letting her guard down around you!”

She must have given up on convincing Maya, because now she turned her attack straight at me.

I wouldn’t do anything like that even if she didn’t warn me.

Whether I have my memories or not, I’ve never looked at my childhood friends that way.

And I’m sure that won’t change in the future either.

“Still… Reita-kun, you’re really strong. You’re carrying me so easily.”

Maya forced the subject to change, probably trying to fix the awkward mood.

“You probably just have useless brute strength from all the fighting you do.”

“I don’t fight that much.”

“Saying ‘that much’ still means you do fight. Delinquents are seriously the worst.”

In the end the mood just got worse again. By the way, I didn’t deny it. It’s true that I’m pretty much done for.

“Reita-kun. Fighting is bad, it’s dangerous.”

“I don’t go looking for fights myself. I only buy the ones that get sold to me.”

I don’t fight because I want to. I just give a little threat to shut up the guys who won’t stop running their mouths if I ignore them.

“Even so, it’s not okay. If you get badly hurt again, I… I—”

Maya’s words suddenly cut off there.

At the same time, a warm feeling slowly spread across my shoulder.

“Uh… what… why…?”

It was Maya’s tears.

“Hey, Reita, you made her cry again.”

“Wait, is this my fault right now…?”

“It’s totally your fault.”

It felt a bit unfair, but if you trace it back, it really was my fault, so I couldn’t say anything.

“Sorry for crying all of a sudden. I just got a little emotional, that’s all. Don’t worry about it…”

Maya wiped her tears while still on my back.

“Anyway, just don’t do anything dangerous. Even if you don’t have your memories, I still think of you as my precious childhood friend.”

“…”

Her gentle words, wrapping around me softly, made my chest sting.

…Why has she been so kind to me this whole time?

Get mad at me more. Hate me more. Fear me more.

I’m the bastard who hurt you…

“Maya’s right. Hurry up and become a decent human being already. You’ll regret it if your memories ever come back.”

Even though Rin clearly couldn’t forgive me, she was still looking at me with worried eyes.

What the hell is going on, seriously…

Stop it. You’re gonna make me want to go back. Back to the way things used to be.

But that’s no good.

What they’re looking for is “the old me.” And that guy doesn’t exist anywhere in this world anymore.

If they find out, they’ll definitely be disappointed.

Even if I tell them the truth, we’ll just end up carrying pointless sadness together…

“Hey Reita-kun, if it’s okay, next time—”

“…We’re here. Nurse’s office.”

I didn’t want to hear any more.

At least… I wanted a little more time to think.

—

Chapter 9

“—Tomorrow we’ll be middle schoolers, huh.”

From the observatory that overlooks the whole town. This was the spot we used to gather at all the time when we were kids.

The four of us childhood friends were chatting while watching the sunset sky, right before we started middle school tomorrow.

“I hope we end up in the same class…”
“It doesn’t matter if we’re not in the same class. We can just meet up during breaks.”
“Rin, you’re still not honest at all. You actually want to be together, don’t you?”
“Sh-shut up! Reita can just be all alone then!”
“Hehe, but Rin-chan, didn’t you pray at the shrine visit that you’d be in the same class as Reita-kun?”
“Wha—!? I didn’t! I didn’t do that…!”

—Back then, we were laughing from the bottom of our hearts.
I wished times like this could go on forever.

“Hey, do you think we’ll still be able to stay together even when we grow up?”
“…Who knows about that.”
“Shizuno-chan? What do you mean by…”
“When we become high schoolers, we’ll go to schools that match our grades. Then we might end up separated.”
“Ah…” “Y-yeah, true.” “I-is that how it works!?”

Shizuno’s words made me and Rin mutter a little sadly.
Only Maya looked surprised for some reason.

“Well, I think it’s not impossible if you all work hard enough.”
“Shizu, are you really going to some fancy high school?”
“That’s right. I have a goal, after all.”
“So we really are gonna get separated…?”
“Unfortunately, yes.”
“Then can’t you just match our level instead?”
“No way. You guys should work hard to catch up to me.”
“Hiiin… That’s impossible for me~…”

Maya realized she could never keep up and let out a big sigh.
Shizuno gently comforted her.

“Don’t make that face, Maya. Even if we go down different paths, we’ll still be childhood friends forever.”
“Shizuno-chan…”
“Besides, at least we’re all in the same middle school, so let’s make tons of memories there.”
“…! Yeah!”

It was such a warm space, wrapped in kindness.
There was definitely a bond there that wouldn’t break so easily.

But… our promise was never kept.

◇ ◇ ◇

I woke up and dragged my tired body to make breakfast.

Mornings are usually just me. Ever since Dad died in an accident, Mom started leaving for work really early.
Even on days off she often sleeps in until noon to rest her exhausted body, so we only really see each other at dinner.

Even then we barely talk, so silence has taken root in our house.

Both Mom and I have changed. We spend every day with dead-looking faces, like ghosts wandering around looking for a reason to live.

We’re slowly starting to recover, so it’s not that serious, but who knows when brightness will come back to the dinner table.

…Oh yeah, I forgot to tell Mom that my memories came back.

I suddenly remembered something important. It’s already been five whole days since then, and I completely forgot.
That probably shows how much distance there is between us.

Should I tell her… about the memories?

But… should I really say it?

I’m hesitating right now. Maybe it’d be better to just pretend these memories never existed.

Whether something that convenient is even possible or not, if I keep getting dragged around by my old memories, I might really lose sight of who I am now.

In fact, ever since I remembered, everything I do is full of contradictions.

I keep trying to stay unrelated to Maya and the others, yet I worry about them over every little thing and even end up sticking my nose in where it doesn’t belong.

It’s seriously disgusting. This half-assed, hypocritical version of myself makes me sick to my core.

I want to make it clear soon.
Which one is the real me? Which path am I going to walk?

…Still, rushing it too much isn’t good either.

I don’t have to find the answer right this second, and if I hurry too much it’ll just turn out half-assed again. It’s better to think it over slowly and carefully before deciding.

After all, the two directions are complete opposites. Once I choose, there’s no going back.

For now, since it’s a nice day off, maybe I’ll go on a little journey to find myself.