My Memories Came Back, But I'm Not Telling My Childhood Friends - Chapter 4

Chapter 4

“――Reita-kun!”

“What?”

“Let’s kiss!”

“Huh…?”

Back when we were kids, Maa-chan was the one among our childhood friends whose sense of personal space was completely broken.

“Hey, Maa-chan. Kisses are something you do with someone you like.”

“But I like you, Reita-kun?”

“Not that kind of like.”

“Then what kind?”

“Dunno. I don’t get it either.”

“What’s that supposed to mean―”

Even though it was when we were little, she kept saying stuff like she wanted to kiss, take baths together, or sleep while hugging…

She kept doing things that made me worry about her future. And even after we started elementary school, she didn’t change at all.

“Reita-kun! Let’s hold hands on the way home?”

Her requests had gotten a little milder, but Maa-chan still had that weirdly off sense of distance. Maybe it was my fault for just going along with it, but she was so innocent that I couldn’t bring myself to say anything harsh…

“That’s why I’m telling you, stuff like that is for people you like―”

“I like you. Here, hold my hand.”

“…”

I always ended up getting swept along by her energy.

And then we became middle schoolers―

When I lost my memories, the one who cried the hardest was Maa-chan. She didn’t care that her pretty face was all messed up with tears; she just sobbed her heart out. She really must have cared about me a lot.

…And yet, I pushed her away really hard.

‘Don’t come near me anymore. I hate you.’

I ended up throwing the cruelest words at her, the kind she least wanted to hear.

No matter how much I didn’t want to drag her into the bad rumors, I didn’t have to go as far as saying I hated her. Even if I had no memories, that’s no excuse. I hurt her deeply.

After that, we stopped seeing each other completely.

◇ ◇ ◇

“On a certain daaay♪ In the forest♪ With the kitty caaat～――”

Just like I promised, I came to karaoke and was watching Maa-chan sing with a fuzzy feeling in my chest.

Singing in front of everyone, Maa-chan looked way more grown-up than before. She used to be pretty shy, so seeing her stand there so confidently made me realize she had become an adult without me noticing.

Four years had passed since then… It felt both short and long. We had both changed completely.

But the song she picked was “Kitty in the Forest.” She still couldn’t read the room at all… Seeing that part of her hadn’t changed actually made me feel a tiny bit relieved.

“Hue♪ Maa-chan is so cuuute～!”

By the way, the guys were loving it. Her soft, fluffy vibe while she sang with all her heart was super adorable, and even I couldn’t help staring a little.

So this is what they mean by “cuteness is justice,” huh. I couldn’t tell if she was doing it on purpose or if it was just natural… That was so like Maa-chan.

“――Phew. I was so nervous.”

After she finished singing, Maa-chan sat down and let out a little mutter that wasn’t really aimed at anyone.

By some coincidence, she was sitting right next to me.

I tried my best not to make eye contact, but that just made the air between us even more awkward. I wonder what Maa-chan thinks of me now…

Is she still angry about what happened back then? Or has she already forgotten since it was so long ago?

Either way, she definitely doesn’t think well of me.

Now that I’ve gotten my memories back, I understand it clearly. There’s no way she could be okay after her childhood friend, who she was so close with, said something like that to her. If I were in her shoes, I’d probably stay in bed for half a year.

“Maa-chan, you’re really good at singing!”

“Ah, thank you…”

Yamada, sitting two seats away from me, leaned in so close their shoulders almost touched and started chatting her up in a super friendly way. Maa-chan gave an awkward, forced smile like she was uncomfortable.

…Seriously, why did I even come here?

Was it because the new class had just started and he wanted to get to know people? Or did he just join on a whim? Because of the four-year gap, I couldn’t really read what Maa-chan was thinking.

“Hey hey, Maa-chan, you don’t have a boyfriend, right? What kind of guy is your type?”

“Eh? Um… maybe someone cool?”

“Eh, then that’s me! Just kidding, gyahaha!”

“Ahaha…”

And just like that, Yamada kept trying to hit on Maa-chan.

…Hmm. The mood isn’t bad, but his pickup lines are pretty second-rate. If it were me, I’d start by focusing on her instead of bragging about myself―

Wait, what the hell am I thinking? I didn’t come here for stupid stuff like that.

I came so no weird guys would stick to Maa-chan. This isn’t even atonement anymore; it’s just way too much meddling. But since I’m already here, it’d be a waste not to do it.

“Hey― Okabe. Got a minute?”

Right when Yamada looked like he was about to start touching her, I quickly grabbed my terminal and called out to Maa-chan.

She looked pretty surprised at first, but then smiled and asked, “What’s up?”

“Can you show me how to use this?”

I actually already knew, but I had no idea what else to say to her, so I had no choice.

“Ah, sure. Um… you do it like this here―”

Maa-chan leaned her body toward me to teach me how to use the terminal.

A soft, sweet girl scent brushed my nose, and at the same time I felt something soft press against my left arm.

…The distance was way too close for no reason.

Her chest was literally touching me. It was the kind of closeness that made me remember the old days without meaning to. Her guard is way too loose. Is she really okay like this…?

Actually, I was confused because she was acting totally normal around me. Honestly, I thought she’d show more of a rejection reaction…

Well, that’s probably just because Maa-chan is nice to everyone.

Even if she’s angry inside, she never shows it. She’s the type who would forgive you anyway.

That’s exactly why I can’t misunderstand. The fact that I hurt Maa-chan is definitely still inside her heart. I can’t take advantage of her kindness and think I’ve been forgiven.

“――Something like that. Did you get it?”

Then, the moment Maa-chan looked up at me, our eyes suddenly met.

My face was clearly reflected in her big round eyes. For a second, it felt like time stopped and both our bodies froze. …But right after, it got awkward and we both looked away almost at the same time.

So she’s still a little conscious of me too, huh…

It felt strange.

We had made eye contact a few times before, but every time I only felt guilt. Just the regret of making her cry. That was all.

But now that I’ve remembered everything, other feelings are bubbling up too. What quietly spreads in my chest is a helpless nostalgia for the time we can never go back to.

The time I spent with my childhood friends was irreplaceable to me. Sitting next to Maa-chan like this made that feeling swell up even more. But we can never return to those days.

Right now, we have no relationship at all. Everything is just the past that disappeared along with my memories.

That’s how it should be…

So what the hell am I even doing here…

Feeling like I was about to lose myself again just like back then, I decided to just sing for now.