My Memories Came Back, But I'm Not Telling My Childhood Friends

Chapter 19

The next morning. After another long internal struggle, I managed to beat my sleepiness and get up.

But for some reason, I felt off.

I couldn’t pinpoint why, but a sigh kept slipping out without me realizing it.

I’d only decided to change two days ago, and I was already in this state… Was I really going to be okay?

Even with that worry weighing on me, I left the house early like yesterday.

As I walked alone down the usual route to school, feeling a bit lonely—

“Ah, Reita-kun!”

…Lucky or unlucky?

I ran into Maya-chan and the others again while they were on their way to school.

“Hey, today do you want to walk together part of the—?”

“Sorry, but I’m going alone today.”

I cut her off without even turning around as Maya-chan came running up.

“I… I see… Sorry…”

From behind me, I heard a voice that sounded like it was about to cry.

My chest ached. Honestly, I didn’t want to hear that voice at all, but the words from Ueno and Yokomizo yesterday kept flashing through my mind.

My position was way more fragile than I thought.

Just being seen with me could spread bad rumors and drag her down.

Especially Maya-chan—she stood out a lot in class.

People generally had a good impression of her, but I couldn’t forget that there were always some who got jealous of popular kids.

Getting close to me would just hand those people perfect material.

Right now I was the only one being treated like the bad guy, but before long they might start badmouthing Maya-chan too.

If that happened, it would be just like back then all over again.

It hurt, but right now I had to endure it.

Everything would be solved once I got myself back on track.
I felt bad for Maya-chan, but this way I wouldn’t have to worry about her forcing herself to be considerate either.

Keeping some distance right now was better for both of us.

◇ ◇ ◇

I stood there with my shoulders slumped after Reita-kun turned me down.

“Maya… maybe you should just give it up…? I keep saying it, but he’s not the guy we used to know anymore.”

Rin-chan looked at me with pity in her eyes.

I guess I really am being a bother…

Yesterday she kind of accepted it, but maybe she actually hated it deep down.

Of course she would…

When he said he “hated” me, it was probably because I kept barging in without reading the room.

I already knew that, but still…

“Uuu… Rin-chaaan…”

“There, there. Come here.”

I couldn’t hold it in anymore and threw myself into Rin-chan’s chest.

She gently wrapped me up in her arms.

It wasn’t exactly soft… but it was warm, and it calmed my heart a lot.

“What should I dooo…”

“What else? You just have to give up, don’t you?”

“But…”

“I get how you feel. But listen, Maya. Sometimes in life you have to compromise. Otherwise you’ll ruin your whole high school experience, you know?”

I knew that too. I knew everything, and that’s why I was like this.

“Anyway, what do you actually want, Maya? Just make up with him as childhood friends? Or do you want to become lovers?”
“Um… well…”
“Go on, I won’t get mad. Tell me.”

Rin-chan asked me gently.

She was usually against anything to do with Reita-kun, but she could see how desperate I was and wanted to hear me out.

“Um… if it’s possible, I’d like to become his girlfriend… I guess.”

I hesitated a little but told her my real feelings.
Well, if I was being completely honest, it wasn’t “if possible”—I wanted it really badly.

To me, Reita-kun was pretty much my entire seventeen years.

When we were kids we were together all the time, and even after we drifted apart I couldn’t stop thinking about him.

Honestly, I’d gotten pretty twisted up about it. I’d already stepped one foot into the territory of obsessive love, way beyond normal feelings.

When I thought about it calmly, I was already doing shady stuff like tailing him and taking secret photos.

And every night I’d fantasize about him—

…Yeah, I’d reached the point where I couldn’t hold it back anymore.

There was no way I could just give up and do nothing.

At the very least, I needed to let myself dream one last time or I wouldn’t be able to stop.

“…Then why don’t you just go for it and confess?”

“C-Confess…!?”

“You can’t let go of him because you’re still holding onto that tiny chance, right? So why not bet everything on one throw? At least then you won’t have to keep worrying uselessly.”

“Well…”

She might be right, but…

“But if I confess now, there’s a 99 percent chance he’ll turn me down.”

“So what? At least then the uncertainty will be gone.”

“You think so…?”

Confessing out of desperation would probably just make me even more obsessed.

I could already picture myself turning into a full-on stalker afterward.

Plus, since he still hadn’t gotten his memories back, I’d have the excuse that he rejected me because he didn’t remember, and the lingering feelings would stay.

I wanted to at least go through the proper stages so I could really let go when the time came…

“Besides, suddenly confessing feels like way too high a hurdle…”

“Then how about inviting him on a date?”

“A date…?”

“It’s a lower hurdle than confessing, and if he turns down even a date, you’ll know for sure there’s zero chance.”

“Hmm…”

But I could still blame that on his missing memories too.

Well… if I kept making excuses like that, we’d never get anywhere.

“Then… maybe I’ll try that.”

“Eh? You’re really gonna do it…?”

“Why do you sound so surprised?”

“I was only half joking…”