My Memories Came Back, But I'm Not Telling My Childhood Friends

Chapter 14

When I got to the classroom, the first thing I did was clean up the total mess inside my desk.

Looking at it again, it was awful. Prints and papers were crammed in like a trash can, and it was so dirty you’d never believe only a little over two weeks had passed since the new semester started.

Just like the saying “A dirty room reflects a dirty heart,” it really showed what my mind used to be like.

While I sorted through the mess, I thought about what came next.

I’d decided to change, but I wasn’t quite sure what to do first.

Last night before bed I’d thought about a lot of things, but it all felt too vague and I couldn’t find any clear answer.

It wasn’t like just doing good deeds over and over would cut it. I wasn’t aiming to become some fake saint. Fixing up the surface wouldn’t mean I’d really changed. Only becoming someone who could hold his head high with real confidence would make it count.

…Still, starting with the outward stuff was important too.

Cleaning out my desk was part of that. Living a regular schedule, greeting people properly, actually paying attention in class… If I couldn’t even do these basic things, there was no way I could change for real.

For now, until I figured out a solid plan, I wanted to get these “normal” habits down.

…Just thinking about it already made me sigh.

I used to skip school or show up late at least once a week. Regular school life? Today alone, waking up early had taken a ton of internal fighting. And when was the last time I seriously greeted anyone? I couldn’t even remember what face I was supposed to make when saying “good morning.” Class had always just been a way to catch up on sleep I’d missed.

I guess I was even more rotten than I thought.

This was gonna be a long road…

After about five minutes, I finally finished organizing everything neatly.

“Hey Reita. After school today, wanna go hit on girls from other schools for the first time in a while?”

As usual, Ryosuke came in, plopped his butt on my now-clean desk, and started talking. Trash scattered across the surface I’d just tidied.

And right off the bat, an invitation to go chasing girls…

It felt like someone had dumped a bucket of cold water on me.

“Ryosuke, huh. Sorry, I’ll pass today.”

“What? You’ve been in a bad mood lately. Don’t tell me you got a girlfriend or something?”

“Who knows.”

I turned down his invitation with just a tiny bit of guilt.

If… I managed to go back to the old me, would I stop hanging around with Ryosuke?

Looking at his face, the thought suddenly crossed my mind.

If I was quitting the delinquent life, breaking ties with him was unavoidable.

We’d known each other for about four years. He wasn’t exactly a great friend, but we did click in some ways.

Plus, if it weren’t for this guy, I didn’t know where I’d be right now. I might’ve stopped coming to school and ended up dead in a ditch somewhere.

In that sense, even though he was a total jerk, I was grateful.

That’s exactly why it felt a little painful. It almost seemed like I was conveniently throwing him away.

Well… our relationship had always been nothing more than convenient playmates anyway, so maybe I didn’t need to feel that bad about it.

“Man, you really are acting weird lately, aren’t you?”

Ryosuke frowned, looking a bit suspicious of my change. I didn’t want to create more trouble, so I played dumb.

“You think so? I’m the same as always.”

“…Whatever. Just keep the next one open.”

Surprisingly, Ryosuke didn’t push it any further and headed to his own seat.

That was rare. Normally he’d definitely say something like “just ditch whatever you’ve got planned.”

I felt a slight sense of unease at how slightly different he was acting today, and waited for homeroom.

◇ ◇ ◇

First period class.

Just like I’d promised myself, I sat there taking the lesson seriously.

I gripped my mechanical pencil and wrote in my brand-new, still-blank notebook.

How long had it been since I last did something like this?

Usually I’d either be sleeping, reading manga on my phone, or—if I was in a slightly good mood—skimming the textbook just enough to scrape by on tests.

Because of that, even just focusing properly was seriously tiring. My back hurt, my neck hurt…

And the stares from the people around me were annoying as hell.

Eyes like “what’s up with that guy?” Super irritating.

Even the teacher kept glancing at me like he was on guard…

I’m not doing anything, okay.

The stress raining down on my whole body made me feel like my heart might break any second.

But I held on by looking at the backs of my childhood friends as they took the lesson.

This was for myself, and at the same time it was to live up to their expectations. So I couldn’t give up here.

Two seats diagonally in front of me, Maya was sometimes staring off into space while listening to class.

Was she thinking about something, or just spacing out? As always, I had no idea what was going on in her head.

But from how she acted this morning, I could at least tell she had some kind of feelings toward me. I had to keep trying so I wouldn’t make Maya wear that sad face again.

At the front seat by the window, Rin was twirling her pen while writing in her notebook with a bored look. She wasn’t great at studying, but you could see she was doing her best in her own way.

Rin seemed to have changed quite a bit. I remembered her as more of a cheerful, smiling type, but lately I hardly ever saw her laugh. Maybe it was because of me. If so, I felt sorry.

And two seats in front of me sat a black-haired girl listening to the teacher with perfect posture.

As expected, Shizuno was rock solid.

She hadn’t changed at all from the old days. She didn’t get swept along with the crowd, stayed more serious and model-like than anyone else. She was exactly the person I needed to learn from the most right now.

Probably not many students at Shirosaki Academy were taking classes this properly—

…Wait a minute.

Come to think of it, why was Shizuno going to the same high school as us?

A question I’d never paid attention to before suddenly popped into my head.

Out of the four of us, Shizuno was the smartest by far. Her grades were obviously outstanding.

So why was someone like her at a completely average high school?

Because I’d lost my memories, I hadn’t noticed how strange it was until now.

At first glance, she didn’t seem like she’d gotten tired of studying or anything. She always raised her hand first and solved problems perfectly at the board, and I remembered her taking first place in the year every test last year.

There was no way she’d say something cute like “I wanted to go to the same school as my childhood friends.”

As far as I knew, Shizuno was the type who always put her own duties first and aimed for the top. Unless there was a really good reason, she wouldn’t deliberately choose a school below her level.

Why exactly was Shizuno at Shirosaki?

Did Rin and Maya know the reason?

Well… there was no point thinking about it…

It wasn’t my business anyway, and since it was Shizuno, she probably had her own solid answer.

Before worrying about other people, I needed to get my own act together first…

With that thought, I started moving my pen again.

Still… my back really hurts…