Chapter 11 – Don’t Throw Me Away…!

《Side: Yuzuki Iroha》

My memories of elementary school felt warm… but like a treasure located somewhere far away.

My father was kind and always showed me a smile.
My mother was scary sometimes, but she was gentle only to me.
And Grandma was always by my side too.

Those days we played in the garden, those times when laughter echoed… I thought they would last forever.

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“Iroha, it’s almost summer vacation!”

“Yeah! Ren-kun, let’s go to the pool together next time!”

My childhood friend, Ren-kun, was always by my side.
When I was with him, I felt like everything would be okay, no matter how scary things got.

“Let’s be together forever and ever, okay?”

I squeezed his hand tightly with my small hand.
That promise felt just like magic.

But, from that day on, the world changed completely.

My father died in a traffic accident.
Somewhere unknown to me, without me knowing, Father never came home again.

On the day of the funeral, Mother kept crying the whole time.
From that day on, Mother changed like she was a different person.
Morning, noon, and night, she wandered around the house… and eventually, she stopped saying anything.

One day, perhaps reaching her limit, she simply left the house.

“Mom… where did you go?”

No one answered me…

“Am I… all alone?”

It’s sad… it’s lonely… someone… be with me…

Anxious thoughts overflowed, and my tears wouldn’t stop.

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After that, it was just Grandma and me living together.
Grandma would just cry whenever she thought of Father, and she had no energy to pay attention to me.

“Grandma… I’m going to school, okay?”
“…I’m sorry, Iroha.”

Her voice was always trembling.

Between the loneliness and the sadness, I felt myself becoming smaller and smaller.

I couldn’t ask my family for help… In those painful days, only Ren-kun was my light.

“It’s okay, Iroha. Because I’ll be by your side forever… I will absolutely never abandon you.”

He always told me that with a smile.

Those words wrapped around me like a warm blanket.

But my heart was still full of anxiety.

Even when I wasn’t doing anything… even when I was at school… for some reason, tears would suddenly overflow.

“It’s okay, Iroha. I’m with you.”

Every time that happened, he would say that and hug me.
When I heard Ren-kun’s voice, the fear softened just a little.

However, I couldn’t open my heart to anyone but him.
Because I felt like even Grandmother wasn’t looking at me anymore.

“Don’t throw me away…!”

That was the only scream within my heart.

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When I was in the first year of middle school, I was clingy to Ren-kun.
If he wasn’t there, I couldn’t do anything, and I wavered between joy and sorrow at his every word.
But that was the only salvation for me.

“Hey, Ren-kun. Can I… stay by your side forever?”

He always answered with a smile.

“Of course. Let’s be together forever.”
“Thank you… Ren-ku… Ren!”
“You finally dropped the honorifics, huh.”

I was saved by those words so many times.

But I knew that such dependence was sometimes heavy… and that I was burdening him.

Ren-kun smiled and said “It’s okay,” but I was always helpless against my anxiety.

“Maybe it would be better if someone like me just disappeared.”

Such thoughts crossed my mind, and my tears wouldn’t stop.

When I became a second-year and third-year student, I settled down little by little, but deep down in my heart, I still felt like I was going to break.

I tried not to show it to anyone else.
But I showed everything to Ren-kun.

That fact was somehow happy… and terribly ugly.

“Iroha, it’s okay.”

Even so, he squeezed my hand tightly.

Taking advantage of those words, I deepened my dependence again.

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And then, there is a memory I don’t even want to recall… of the one time I crossed paths with Ren.

I thought that because Ren said he would stay with me forever, we were in a romantic relationship. But Ren didn’t think so.

He was just worried about me as a childhood friend.

And so, I was the only one who misunderstood, and I broke down.

“R-Ren, are you going to throw me away too…? No, I don’t want that! P-Please, don’t throw me away…! I… I only have Ren left…! Please… tell me I’m your girlfriend… if you don’t, I… I really…”

Gentle Ren hugged me as I broke down… and he made me his girlfriend.

“I absolutely won’t make you sad… trust me.”

Just as that girl said, maybe I took advantage of his kindness. Maybe I did something sly.

But I have no meaning in life other than Ren.

That’s why… I don’t care what number I am… I absolutely don’t want to be thrown away.

No… maybe this is the last bit of conscience inside me.
Out of guilt, I want him to have the romance he likes. I’m fine with being a mistress…

Fine with my feelings that he accepted by force.

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“It really brings back memories…”
“But I’m glad. Glad that you’ve become even a little bit like how you used to be, Iroha.”

I really couldn’t bear to watch Iroha back then. That’s why, as her childhood friend, I helped her with everything I had.

…As a result, things turned out this way, but I don’t regret my own actions.

“I… will do my best.”
“At what?”
“To become the kind of person… that Ren can be proud of.”

Turning toward me with eyes red and swollen from crying, she bloomed a smile.

“But, I don’t mind what number I am… I just want you not to throw me away… I said that… and I really think so. …I’m just scared, unbearably scared of being thrown away after all.”
“…I won’t throw you away.”

I absolutely won’t do something like that… because that’s our promise.
She lifted her face, which had been looking down, toward me again.

“…If I’m not thrown away, I don’t care what number I am… but, I want to be Ren’s number one! So, please watch me, okay!”

Nostalgic… I remembered her innocent self from elementary school.

It was because she showed me a smile like this and called out to me that we became close friends.

“Yeah, I’ll be watching you forever.”

And so, I felt like we got just a little closer to those days… the days when we could play without thinking about anything.