My Childhood Friend Is Dangerously Sexy and Cute - 16

Chapter 16: A Certain Girl’s Monologue

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I had been the kind of child who would give things up to others ever since I was little. I had been the kind of person who couldn’t refuse a request. I had been the kind of person who constantly watched others’ expressions.

For example, the dessert at school lunch. Even though it was my favorite too, I ended up giving it to a boy who said he wanted it.

For example, being the anchor in a relay. I wanted to do it too, but I gave it up to someone slower than me who said they wanted it. Did that make me a bad child? Someone with no will of her own? I thought maybe it did. I had probably lost out on a lot because of that. But I didn’t regret it. I didn’t really think about changing the way I lived. Because if I just held back a little, if I tried a little harder, someone else would smile. And that made me unbelievably happy. More than my own happiness, I wanted others to be happy.

For that, I wanted to be able to act. I probably wanted to exist not for my own story, but for someone else’s story. I wanted someone to be the main heroine. I wanted someone to be the protagonist. I wished I could support someone like that. But maybe all of these feelings were born simply because of my own nature. Was I thinking this way just to justify myself?

Honestly, if you asked me that, I could only say I didn’t know anymore. If people could fully understand themselves, life wouldn’t be so hard. But at the very least, the me right now would probably continue living for someone else. That was what I had thought.

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One day, some time after I had entered high school. I heard a rumor. There was apparently a pair of childhood friends in the same grade who were extremely close. The girl’s name was Yuki Fujisaki-san, and the boy’s name was Hiro Asama-kun. The truth wasn’t certain, but many people said they weren’t just childhood friends, but actually a couple. I couldn’t help but be curious about the two of them.

Before I knew it, I had started searching for them with my eyes. Fujisaki-san was a very cute girl. With her beautiful silver hair that made you stare, her well-formed features, and her fair skin, she was so pretty it felt like just looking at her could make you happy.

On the other hand, Asama-kun, though it might sound rude, was an ordinary boy. Not especially handsome, and not particularly noticeable. But when the two of them walked together, talked together, they looked perfectly suited for each other.

Apparently, they didn’t care much about relationships with others. Their expressions softened mostly when they were talking to each other. Their natural smiles when they spoke together. Their happy conversations. Especially Fujisaki-san, maybe. It felt like she showed sides of herself to him that she didn’t show to anyone else.

Their world was probably complete with just the two of them. They likely didn’t want anyone else interfering. That was probably the beauty of their relationship. I was probably admiring them. That was why, even though I wanted to become friends with them, I kept myself to just watching from afar.

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At the start of the new term, I ended up in the same class as Fujisaki-san and the others. But lacking courage, and always worrying about what others thought, I figured I would probably just keep watching them.

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One day in April, on a day off. Fujisaki-san and her childhood friend came to the café where I worked part-time. I hadn’t expected that situation at all, and before I knew it, I ended up talking to them. I even blurted out something as bold as asking if I could talk to them in the classroom too.

Well, what was done was done. It was true that I wanted to get along with them, so I decided to actively try interacting with them. I thought that maybe, by doing so, I might find what I was looking for. At that moment, I might have started acting for my own sake.

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Not long after that, people who called themselves Fujisaki-san’s fan club appeared. Just like me, they were people who had disrupted the world of those two. At that time, I got to know a little about the kind of person Asama-kun was. I thought it was amazing how he could shout like that for his childhood friend, for the person he loved.

Well, if I were that childhood friend, I’d rather he didn’t shout like that though. But still, I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmingly envious of their relationship.

Could I still start over? Could I create a relationship like the one that person, like Fujisaki-san and Asama-kun have? Was it okay for me to dream like that?

The boy who was my childhood friend, whom I hadn’t even spoken to in so long. The person I loved. We used to play together almost every day. We used to run around under the blue sky together. We used to eat meals together. We used to study together. We were always together, to the point that classmates would tease us about it. But since high school, we ended up going to different schools and drifted apart completely.

Even so, I was still in love with that boy. I thought it was the kind of feeling that would eventually fade as I got caught up in busy high school life. But it seemed that wasn’t the case. My feelings didn’t disappear. They didn’t go away. This was surely influenced by Fujisaki-san and the others.

Because I ended up admiring them, I wanted something like that too. Was it okay for me to act for my own sake? Was it okay to put myself first? Was it okay to pursue my own happiness?

Results don’t always follow actions.

I didn’t know what choices I would end up making. I didn’t even know what was right. Maybe instead of chasing admiration, I would be happier just watching someone else smile, like I always had. But I decided to try, just a little. Because I had surely met Fujisaki-san and Asama-kun for that reason.

I might regret it, but I would do what I could do.

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