Chapter 37 – The Wedding Crasher and the Auditor

【Esdeath’s POV】

The facility was falling apart and I was supposed to keep it together.

My office felt too small, the walls pressing in with every report that came through. Three monitors displayed different sectors, all showing elevated stress levels, containment fluctuations, and staff running around like headless chickens.

The cult blockade outside wasn’t helping.

Elizabeth had mobilized half of Astoria’s military to create some kind of religious perimeter around the entire region. Roads blocked, checkpoints everywhere, armed cultists demanding proof of faith from anyone trying to pass through.

Absolutely insane.

I rubbed my temples, feeling a headache building behind my eyes. Kai was suspended, trapped in his own neighborhood by fanatics who thought they were protecting him. The Warden was locked in emergency meetings with government officials. And I was stuck running damage control on a facility full of reality-warping nightmares.

My desk was covered in incident reports.

Loki’s cell showed normal readings but that meant nothing. She was probably behind this entire mess, manipulating events from the shadows.

Thalia’s sector had gone dark three hours ago, all monitoring equipment offline. Maintenance couldn’t get close enough to investigate without risking frostbite.

Everything was wrong.

The temperature in my office dropped as my frustration leaked into my powers. Frost crept across the windows in delicate patterns.

I took a breath, forcing control back into place.

Professional. Calm. Competent.

That was my reputation and I would maintain it even if this entire operation collapsed around me.

CRASH.

The ceiling exploded inward.

Chunks of concrete and rebar rained down, smashing into my desk and floor. Dust filled the air, choking and thick. Alarms started screaming, the emergency klaxons deafening in the enclosed space.

I threw up an ice barrier on instinct, the frozen wall catching debris before it could crush me.

A figure dropped through the hole, landing in a crouch that cracked the floor tiles.

He stood slowly, dramatically, like someone used to making entrances.

Thor.

The God of Thunder.

Wearing the most ridiculous outfit I had ever seen.

He had his usual armor, the red cape, the metal plates across his chest. But draped over all of it was a torn wedding veil, white lace hanging askew over his helmet. His beard was braided with what looked like flowers. He had lipstick smeared across one cheek.

He looked absolutely unhinged.

“WHERE IS MY HAMMER.”

His voice shook the walls, literally rattled the remaining ceiling tiles.

I stood up, ice forming around my fists.

“You just destroyed government property.”

“I CARE NOT FOR YOUR MORTAL STRUCTURES. LOKI SAID THE ICE WITCH HAS MJÖLNIR.”

Ice Witch. Lovely. I was getting a nickname.

Thor stepped forward, his boots crunching on broken concrete.

“She said I must seduce you to retrieve it. Hence the ceremonial garb.”

He gestured at the veil like it explained everything.

My brain tried to process what I was hearing and failed completely.

“Loki told you to seduce me.”

“AYE. She said you respond well to romantic gestures and elaborate courtship rituals.”

This was a prank. Obviously a prank. Loki had sent Thor here wearing wedding attire as part of some elaborate joke.

I dropped the temperature in the room twenty degrees.

“I don’t have your hammer. This is a trick.”

“LIES. The trickster does not lie to family. She misleads, she manipulates, but she does not lie.”

He slammed his fist into his palm, lightning crackling between his fingers.

“Return Mjölnir or face the wrath of Asgard.”

The monitors behind me exploded, glass shattering as electricity surged through the circuits.

I created ice spears, dozens of them, hovering in the air around me.

“Leave. Now.”

“I WILL NOT LEAVE WITHOUT MY WEAPON.”

He charged.

I sent the spears flying, each one aimed with lethal precision.

Thor swung his fist, lightning exploding outward in a shockwave that vaporized my ice before it could connect. Steam filled the room, hot and choking.

I created a wall of ice between us, thick and reinforced.

He punched through it like it was paper.

Shards exploded everywhere, glittering in the emergency lighting.

This was bad. Thunder gods had elemental advantage over ice manipulation. Every attack I threw would get countered by his lightning.

I needed to immobilize him, trap him in something he couldn’t just blast apart.

I channeled power into the floor, freezing the tiles beneath his feet.

Thor looked down, noticing too late.

The ice crept up his legs, encasing his boots, climbing toward his knees.

He roared, lightning erupting from his entire body.

The ice shattered, chunks flying in every direction.

One piece caught my shoulder, spinning me around. Pain lanced through my arm, sharp and immediate.

I created distance, backing toward the wall.

Thor advanced, each step crackling with energy.

“I do not wish to harm you, Ice Witch. Surrender the hammer and I will leave peacefully.”

“I told you, I don’t have it.”

“THEN WHERE IS IT.”

“How should I know? Maybe ask your sister where she actually put it instead of believing her obvious lies.”

Thor paused, his expression shifting from rage to confusion.

“Sister.”

“Loki. Your trickster sister who is currently contained in this facility and probably orchestrated this entire situation.”

Understanding dawned in his eyes.

“She would not.”

“She absolutely would.”

His expression cycled through several emotions in rapid succession. Confusion, realization, fury, resignation.

“I am going to freeze her in Hel for a thousand years.”

“Get in line.”

The air pressure changed.

Magic saturated the room, old and powerful and terrifyingly ancient.

Reality rippled like water, distorting at the edges.

A figure materialized between Thor and me.

Odin.

The All-Father.

He looked exactly like the myths described. Old, weathered, one eye covered by a patch, the other burning with cosmic knowledge. His robes were simple but radiated authority that made my instincts scream submission.

He raised one hand.

Everything stopped.

Thor froze mid-step, suspended in time. My ice hung in the air, motionless. Even the dust particles stopped drifting.

Everything except me.

I tried to move, found I could, but barely. Like walking through molasses.

Odin turned to face me fully.

“Esdeath. Goddess of Ice. We need to talk.”

His voice was quiet, conversational, scarier than any shouting.

I kept my expression neutral.

“All-Father.”

“I received a complaint. Filed with the Council of Nine Realms. Regarding the unlawful imprisonment of a deity without proper representation.”

My stomach dropped.

“A complaint.”

Odin pulled a scroll from his robes, unrolling it with deliberate slowness.

“One Loki Laufeyson, currently detained in this facility, claims her rights as an Asgardian citizen have been violated. She was imprisoned without trial, without counsel, without even a formal hearing.”

He looked at me over the parchment, his single eye piercing.

“This is quite serious.”

I tried to find words, tried to form an argument.

Loki was detained because she was dangerous. Because she caused chaos. Because every pantheon agreed she needed to be contained somewhere.

“She’s a threat to—”

Odin held up one finger.

The gesture cut off my words like a physical force.

“The law is the law. Regardless of threat level, certain procedures must be followed.”

He waved his hand.

A desk materialized in the middle of my destroyed office. Ornate, wooden, covered in runes that glowed faintly.

Papers appeared on its surface, stacks and stacks of them, reaching higher than my head.

“You will complete the proper documentation. All forms must be filled out in triplicate. All procedures followed exactly.”

I stared at the mountain of paperwork.

“How many forms.”

“Ten thousand, give or take.”

He snapped his fingers.

Chains materialized around my wrists, glowing with the same runic light as the desk. They didn’t pull or restrain me physically, but I felt their weight in my magic.

I tried to summon ice.

Nothing happened.

“The Chains of Bureaucracy. They bind divine power until proper protocol is satisfied.”

Odin walked toward the hole in the ceiling, his robes not even getting dusty from the debris.

“Complete the forms. Sign them. File them properly. Only then will you be released.”

He paused, looking back.

“And Esdeath? Next time you imprison one of mine, call a lawyer first.”

He vanished, taking Thor with him.

Time resumed.

The dust finished settling. The alarms continued blaring. My office was destroyed.

And I was chained to a desk covered in paperwork that would take months to complete.

I pulled out the chair and sat down.

The top form was titled: FORM 1-A: INITIAL DECLARATION OF DIVINE DETENTION.

It had three hundred lines.

All requiring detailed explanations.

I picked up the pen that had appeared next to the papers.

Loki had done this. Somehow she’d filed a legitimate complaint with the Nine Realms Council, used actual divine law to trap me here.

While Kai was stuck in a religious blockade, while the facility spiraled into chaos, while everything fell apart.

I was stuck doing paperwork.

I filled out the first line, my handwriting tight and controlled.

The chains pulsed, acknowledging my compliance.

Nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine forms to go.

I hate Norse mythology.