Chapter 42: Triggering a Landmine on Appointment Day

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Due to Alicia-san’s sudden demand, a day of rest was abruptly established.

Although I had been chosen for an escort mission by forced request, my master told me, “You’re free to spend it however you like. See you the day after tomorrow.” At first, I thought this was effectively a declaration of being fired for being useless, and I was so excited by the sadness that I trembled. But, well, she was probably just looking out for me in her own way.

In my master’s eyes, she probably still treats me like a brat.

Over the past five years, I had become fully capable of managing my own body, and aside from my weakened internal organs, I had no aftereffects. My old wounds ached, but I was living in a good environment then, so it wasn’t a problem. To Master, nineteen might have still seemed like a kid, but as a man, it was quite a sad feeling to hear.

『A masochistic virgin like you are hardly what I would call proper men, though?』

Wha-…!!

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……!

『Please do not get excited.』

Oh, you’ve started to understand me, Dark Marianne.

It’s lonely to comfort oneself in vain. I truly believe that SM is something that requires a partner. A masochist who accepts a blow filled with the love and hatred of a partner. Since I’m an “all-rounder,” I’m fine with just about anything as long as I’m on the receiving end, but I still know what tastes good to me.

A strike brimming with plenty of love and hatred… There’s no scale that exists in this world to measure how good that feels. That is why, Dark Marianne, when you attack me, I want you to put your love into it.

“Next, please.”

Ah, I’m being called.

I stood up and walked forward, and was guided to a room. I opened the door and stepped inside. There was a clean, white room and two women.

“It’s been two weeks, Finn-san. How is your body feeling?”

One of them was Sera-san, who served as my attending priestess. With blue hair and gentle eyes, and above all, despite being of noble birth, she was a saint—or rather, a holy woman—who poured her heart into treating commoners like me. I didn’t know the other woman. She must have been assigned here while I was away.

“Thanks to you, I’m doing fine. Though, some overprotective kin told me to rest. I thought it was a good opportunity, so I came to get checked out.”

“That is good. You see, Finn-san, you always come only after it’s too late…”

“…I do feel sorry about that.”

When she said that with a troubled expression, I felt troubled, too.

In a sense, she was my natural enemy. After all, for me to direct these ugly feelings toward such a kind person like her… Of course, it was not like it was okay for me to direct my delusions toward Marianne and the others either. It was just…. The three of them had become my companions for five years now. Having those delusions had become deeply ingrained in me. I couldn’t help it. 

That said, Sera-san was almost entirely unrelated to me. Our relationship was just her tirelessly shoving a staff into my rear to heal my body.  I still couldn’t forget the pale look on her face when I told her that red-black blood had come out of my rear and that I had vomited blood. When I saw that, I felt like the bad parts of me were emerging.

After all, you know, they say masochism and sadism can coexist. A little bit, like… heh, you know? There are times when it makes me shiver.

“Haah… May I ask, Finn-san? Your body does not belong only to you, so please take better care of it.”

“!!!!?!??!?”

The assistant priestess beside her opened her eyes with an incredible intensity. She looked back and forth between me and Sera-san, her mouth opening and closing in shock.

“That’s true… It’s different from before, isn’t it?”

“Yes. There are people who will be in trouble if you disappear, Finn-san, and besides…”

“…Besides?”

“…Because I would also be in trouble.”

So cute. I was weak against that kind of troubled smile. It was something that had been true for a long time, and whenever I was with Marianne and the others, I often thought so too. It was probably just because I was a masochist. I must have just loved women who made that face. Basically, it was a fetish of mine.

“How is everyone else’s condition?”

“They’re perfectly healthy. I’m probably the one who’s the weakest.”

“Oh, honestly… I shall tell Marianne-san about this, you know?”

“That would be a problem. I’d prefer she not know.”

Because, well, my organs being weak is…

I had an accident where Carla found out, but I didn’t want too many people to know. If they knew the shield-bearer’s body was falling apart, I’d be out of a job right then and there.

No one is going to take in a shield-bearer who has no education, no connections, and a weak body!

I had various options like being Marianne’s slave, Carla’s servant, or Astrea’s pet, but I truly didn’t want to choose a path like that right now.

I was still nineteen. I had a debt of gratitude to Master who had raised me. I wanted to throw myself into society for a little longer. As of then, I was a dog of the Adventurer’s Guild, but there was no doubt that I was a convenient Gold-ranked adventurer. Which meant I had a role. I wanted to stand on my own two feet until I was no longer of any use.

Huh? You’re asking if I’m just a burden to my companions?

…………

Phew… Do I have to show you? A virgin masochistic adult man’s… Earnest crying…!

“…Th-They don’t know…?”

“…There are some things that are better left unknown.”

“Hawa, awawawa…”

The priestess whose name I didn’t even know was turning pale. If I were told that I should at least share the status of my body, that would certainly be a fair point. I couldn’t refute that at all. Even so, I wanted to be useful.

Because I am a member of Dawn.

“…Finn-san, you are now one of our Gold-ranked adventurers. I have also heard of your connection to that Starry Sky. I understand the circumstances. That you cannot simply make your information public. However—”

“Sera-san.”

“Tsk… I, I am sorry.”

“No… I don’t want to blame you, Sera-san. But this is entirely my responsibility.”

I stopped there.

I knew she was worried about me. Sera-san was truly a saintly, good person. The fact that she had been doing this for years, even while disliking that she had to relentlessly shove a staff into my rear, was proof enough of how wonderful a person she was. Most people would have hated it.

But, you know, we are who we are.

I intended to keep going like this as long as I was healing. And wait, could I even have been cured then?

…If it was found out, I would consult Master. Until it was found out, staying as I was was probably fine. I hadn’t died yet, had I?

Sera-san looked down for a while with a pained expression before switching to a serious look.

“…Excuse me. Now then, shall we continue the examination?”

“Yeah. I’ll leave it to you.”

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I had discovered something unbelievable. It had been one week since I was assigned to the honorable duty of assisting the Saint. Just when I thought a friendly man had arrived, the content of their conversation was something that could not be described merely as shocking.

“Um… Seraphine-sama.”

“Is something the matter?”

“The man from earlier… um… what is your relationship with him?”

“With Finn-san…? We have been together for two years.”

─As I thought, it’s like that…

Saint Seraphine-sama. Ranked sixth among the Saint, holding the title of Saint of Rewinding Heavens, she was the world’s greatest healing magic user. Her power was so immense that it was said she could heal anyone as long as they were not dead, and many visited the royal capital specifically for her treatment. Great nobles from neighboring countries and merchants who traveled the world often came to see her as well, and she was a woman truly worthy of the name Holy Woman in both name and reality.

She discarded her personal life and prioritized her way of being a Saint. That figure of hers was something we nuns had aspired to and a target of our respect. I had never seen her speaking so familiarly with anyone… until now.

Even with only a week of working together, I could tell. Even though Seraphine-sama was compassionate to every patient she met, she only had spoken with an unfiltered heart when talking to that man. It wasn’t just simple compassion or empathy. There was a familiarity to it, just like that of close friends.

As she touched the medical chart of the man called Finn with her finger, Seraphine-sama continued.

“He is someone who is very reckless. As a result of repeating his recklessness for the sake of others, his body is wounded to the point where he must rest, yet even then, he continues to push himself.”

Those were not the eyes of someone merely looking at a patient. It wasn’t just compassion, and it wasn’t just empathy. It was as if… she was holding deep affection for him.

“All I can do is not get in his way… To support Finn-san’s body… That is all.”

“…Is that truly enough for you?”

If one is not terribly slow on the uptake, one would notice it from their earlier conversation as well.

—Your body does not belong only to you.

There was only one reason why she would warn a man using words like that.

“Yes, it is fine. Because I am a Saint.”

And yet… Despite that, this person was restraining herself. Swallowing the feelings hidden in her heart, as well as the mystery she held within her body…

“…If there is anything I can do for you, please tell me.”

“Thank you. But it is fine. Because this is the path I have chosen.”

How pure and how heart-wrenching a person she was. Wasn’t this person, in the literal sense, a true Saint?

I wiped away the tears that had welled up in my eyes and held them back. I was not the one who wanted to cry. There was a person here who was saving people while suppressing her own feelings more than anyone else. There was only one thing I could do. I would support her and pray that one day, she would be rewarded.

That was all.

However, if by any chance this person were to show tears… I would never be able to forgive that man. At that time…

…No, that is not right. I should investigate before anything happens. This person must not be allowed to be unhappy. The goddess who smiles equally upon everyone does not exist in this world. For this person is the one who holds the compassion of the goddess…

Finn Debyura…

As a Special Duty Holy Knight, I shall be the one to judge you.

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