Vol 2 Chapter 10 – Reincarnators Run the Gamut

Kitazawa Ryuji was a shut-in at thirty-eight, and in the end, he was stabbed to death with a kitchen knife by his mother.

He knew he was a piece of trash, but even so, when he watched TV and saw other shut-ins like him beating up their parents, or stealing their money and living it up—he felt relieved.

At least I’m better than that, he’d thought.

So he kept dodging his parents’ “Get a job” nagging with lazy half-measures, living as a shut-in for years—never wasting money, but never producing anything either.

It’s not like he wanted to become this from the start.

It’s just that in Japan—where well-educated people are in chronic oversupply—he botched the starting dash.

Elementary school, middle school, high school… as he drifted along on inertia, he never really pushed himself.

Naturally, his grades scraped the bottom, but he never had to repeat a year, and it didn’t get in the way of moving on.

But even back then, he couldn’t picture himself working.

He hated studying for entrance exams and refused the university route, but what awaited him after that was a job market that was far too brutal.

Sure, there was the gap between his lukewarm student life and reality, but more than that, because he’d never been able to imagine himself working in the first place, he didn’t have the drive to fight tooth and nail to get hired.

And so, like he was sliding down a slope, he settled into a life of shutting himself away at home.

The “starting dash” he’d failed was getting good grades during school, getting into a good university, and finding a good place to work.

Student life is basically a dress rehearsal for the rest of your life, and you’re supposed to use that time to prepare for all sorts of things—he only realized that after he’d already spent ten years as a shut-in.

Still, blaming only him would be cruel.

Because nobody ever taught him.

His parents, his teachers, his friends—everyone told him, “Work hard at studying,” but nobody ever told him specifically why he should work hard, or what he was supposed to be working hard for.

Of course, he’d heard abstract lines like “for your future” so many times his ears practically grew calluses—but nobody ever explained what studying would actually do for that future, or how it would help.

Telling him to “figure it out yourself” while he was still soaking in the lukewarm bath of student life was just too harsh—and besides, that’s the atmosphere the whole country lives in, so how was he supposed to notice?

Most people get baptized in society’s harshness and still choose the path of employment, ending up in black companies, but plenty of people—like him—ended up choosing the path of becoming shut-ins instead.

The real problem was that his parents weren’t exactly well-off, so even though he didn’t waste money, he was still unquestionably a burden on the household.

The place he was standing was basically a castle built on sand—one little trigger, and it could collapse at any moment.

And then that trigger came: his father was laid off, and his mother stabbed him to death with a kitchen knife, bringing down the curtain with a forced family suicide.

After all that, he was reincarnated into another world.

From the perspective of Earth’s god, he was neither poison nor medicine—but in the sense that it didn’t matter whether he existed or not, he was the ideal kind of human resource.

Well, Japan has so many people like that it’s honestly absurd, so he was just one person among the masses.

Anyway, when he reincarnated, he was guided by Earth’s god—a beautiful goddess, ranked at the very top among Earth’s gods, maybe because she cared about appearances.

Maybe doing individual interviews was too much of a hassle, because as a “bonus,” he was sent the standard Three-Piece Isekai Reincarnation Starter Pack.

1: Boost his physical ability and rejuvenate him to around twenty.

2: Boost his aptitude for magic so he can use any kind of magic.

3: Language bonus. He can translate any language into Japanese and speak and write it.

He received that basic set, and on top of it, he could gain one cheat ability of his choosing.

It wasn’t a menu selection, and it wasn’t picked at random by Earth’s god—he could get the cheat he personally wanted. That was huge.

Of course, Earth’s god had limits—or rather, since she was processing everything casually “as a god,” massive cheats were impossible. Truly rule-breaking cheats were off the table.

For example, even if he wished, “I want a cheat that combines every cheat imaginable into one,” he’d be rejected with a single word: 《Impossible》.

Even so, Kitazawa Ryuji read light novels all the time and was into games and anime, so the best choice popped into his head immediately.

“Remove my growth cap so I can grow infinitely!”

《Acknowledged》

And just like that, he obtained a cheat that let him grow without limit.

◇◆◇

He regretted it after only one week in the other world.

Thinking about it, it was obvious, but while a cheat that lets you grow infinitely sounds great, it doesn’t actually speed up his personal growth rate.

Human growth caps only matter after someone’s spent decades pushing themselves to the limit.

Even with the Three-Piece Starter Pack, all it did was boost him to the point where, if he worked his ass off, maybe someday he could become the strongest human alive? That was the level of enhancement—it didn’t mean he didn’t have to work.

With magic too, it wasn’t like he could use every spell from day one. It just meant he had the aptitude to eventually use every spell if he worked hard and learned them.

Nobody ever told him he wouldn’t have to work.

And sadly, for someone who’d spent decades as a shut-in, the simple act of “working hard” was extremely difficult.

To put it bluntly, he’d been motivated—thinking, I’ll get serious now that I’m in another world—but in only one week, he realized the reality of the cheat he’d chosen, and he fell into despair.

Several months later.

Thanks to the starter pack, he was putting up above-average results as an adventurer, but without any real drive, he spent his days in bland, ordinary routine.

Rejuvenated into a twenty-year-old body and overflowing with pent-up energy, his original plan had been to tour brothels and get involved with all kinds of women—but unfortunately, true to the Japanese temperament, he couldn’t work up the nerve to step inside one.

He had money.

He’d even earned a bit of fame, since he did decent work as an adventurer.

But when it came down to it, he chickened out and couldn’t enter.

And so, in both his past life and this one, he was still a virgin.

He thought, If only a friend would drag me along by force, but as a former shut-in, he had terrible social skills, so he was always solo.

Even the receptionist at the Adventurers’ Guild would twitch and grimace when he came up to the counter.

He was supposed to have the language bonus, yet conversations still didn’t function properly—and dealing with him was exhausting.

It was around then that Yunix became a Fan Sage and issued a summons to the cheat reincarnators.

Most cheat reincarnators ignored it, but he had circumstances that made it impossible to ignore.

Yunix himself wasn’t told, but for those who answered the summons and defeated their competitor—meaning Emilio—there was a bonus prize: one more cheat ability.

(This is it!)

To him, after failing his first cheat, it sounded like salvation.

He already had infinite growth—so if he could just get a cheat that accelerated growth, he thought he’d be invincible.

So he set out for the imperial capital of the Alcian Empire, and during the journey, he gained a companion.

Nanba Yosuke.

He too was a cheat reincarnator, and since he was headed to the imperial capital as well, they ended up traveling together.

“Yeah, I don’t think it’s really necessary, but, you know—just in case. Just in case. If they summon you, you should answer, right? As a former Japanese guy.”

Nanba Yosuke spoke lightly to Kitazawa Ryuji, but contrary to his words, he was desperate.

It should’ve been obvious from the fact he answered the summons at all, but he too was someone who’d failed with his first cheat.

The cheat he received was an all-purpose tool.

He’d wanted it to be an ultra-powered version of a ten-in-one knife—something that could transform into any tool—but in reality, the cheat’s performance was barely more than a slightly improved ten-in-one knife.

Sure, it transformed into lots of tools.

Not just a knife, but a kitchen knife, a lighter, an alarm clock—really, all sorts of things.

But it wouldn’t transform into weapons or armor.

(Then what the hell is the point?!)

He screamed internally, but it was too late.

Clutching an all-purpose tool that could mostly do things you could probably replace with basic magic, he spent his days scraping by as an adventurer, earning pocket change.

If there was one way he differed from Kitazawa Ryuji, it was that he didn’t hesitate to use brothels.

Well, thanks to that, he ended up pouring most of his adventurer income into prostitutes—and since he didn’t choose his partners, he caught a disease. He’d also gotten himself blacklisted by most brothels and banned from entering.

That was exactly why he couldn’t miss this chance.

No matter what, he had to get a new cheat—this time, he’d aim for a rosy life at last.

(An archmage. If I become an archmage with a cheat, I can cure my disease—and live the good life.)

Maybe he felt uneasy alone, because when he spotted Kitazawa Ryuji on the road—someone who looked unmistakably Japanese—he called out to him and asked to travel together, but he was desperate too.

And so, the two men with disappointing cheats entered the imperial capital.

◇◇◇

After we enjoyed our trip with Yumeba-san to the fullest and then reported back to the Emperor in the imperial capital, he greeted us exactly as I expected—collapsed in an orz pose.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“I never could have predicted such a mechanism was hidden within an unknown magic ship… not even with these eyes of mine, Emilio’s.”

“…But didn’t you say you’d analyzed the mechanism?”

“It was unknown technology. I could analyze it, but I had no way of knowing what role it served until it was actually used.”

“…I see.”

The Emperor went pale and clutched his head.

Man, being Emperor is rough.

“Ah. And we brought the telepathy device you requested.”

“…Well done.”

The Emperor accepted the telepathy device from me, but his expression didn’t brighten in the slightest.

“That trip was so much fun♪”

“Yeah.”

Yumeba-san was there with us for the report, but apparently even Yumeba-san herself had forgotten that she was supposed to be the responsible party—the one who’d received the full power of attorney.

To the point she cared more about reminiscing about the trip than reporting to the Emperor.

“Now if I can just analyze the smartphone and build in a telepathy function…”

“Is it hard?”

“Super hard.”

Maybe trying to skip feature phones and jump straight to analyzing smartphones was too much. It was so complicated I wanted to throw the phone at a wall.

I can repair appliances and hardware, sure, but software analysis is completely outside my specialty.

Telling me to understand how a smartphone works on the spot is nothing but an impossible demand.

I tried zooming in the Earth-side version of my map-magic world map and peeking into smartphone stores, but anyone could tell that just looking from above was like trying to put out a fire with a teacup.

Besides, those fishermen hardly ever go to smartphone stores.

Oh—by the way, those fishermen caused quite a stir when they “returned” after being missing, but we confiscated the translation bracelets that could’ve served as evidence, and their testimony was vague, so nobody believed their “other world” story, of course.

Well, that’s why we took the bracelets back before sending them home.

So, chatting with Yumeba-san like usual, we walked down the palace corridor when…

“Found you, Discarded Prince!”

Out of nowhere, two men stepped in front of us and blocked the way.

One had black hair and black eyes, wearing plain, unfashionable clothes—so unremarkable that “unremarkable” was his defining feature. The other had brown hair, piercings in his ears, and looked like some sleazy player.

The brown-haired one was the one who spoke to me, while the black-haired one stared at him anxiously.

They were obviously suspicious, and I was honestly impressed they’d even managed to get into the palace, but…

“Hogyeh!”

“Gahh!”

Maybe Yumeba-san didn’t like me being called “Discarded Prince,” because she immediately went to crush them.

The two men got beaten to a pulp and were dragged away somewhere by guards who rushed over.

“What was that?”

“No clue.”

Without understanding anything, the weird incident ended without us ever understanding it.

◇◆◇

“Do you two… actually have any motivation at all?”

““…S-sorry.””

Kitazawa Ryuji and Nanba Yosuke successfully reunited with Yunix in the imperial capital, but they challenged Emilio with no plan, got instantly crushed by the Yumeba standing nearby, and were thrown into a cell by the guards—only to be retrieved by Yunix.

“To begin with, why go straight at them? That Yumeba is a member of a monstrous clan that could be called the strongest in the Alcian Empire without exaggeration.”

“Uh… well, we’re about A-rank adventurers in terms of ability, so we figured maybe we could handle it…”

“Yumeba is, without question, S-rank or higher if you convert her to adventurer ranks.”

““…………””

Hearing the fact Yunix told them, the color drained rapidly from their faces.

“S-rank?! That’s a genuine monster!”

“There’s no way we can win, even if we stood on our heads!”

“Th-That’s exactly why I’m asking! Why would you challenge a monster like that without a plan?!”

““…Just kinda?””

“…………”

No wonder Yunix held his head.

Even if they’d spent months as adventurers, the fact they’d spent years as shut-ins didn’t change, and there’s no way people like that would have a concept like “planning.”

Even their adventurer work had been pure improvisation, and without the starter pack, they would’ve died a hundred times over.

“For now, you two are starting from scratch. I’m going to train you hard, so don’t think you’ll have time to whine!”

““Ehh…””

“Your reply is ‘Yes.’”

““Okaaay.””

“Don’t drag it out!”

““…Yes.””

“…………”

Yunix’s hardships looked like they were going to continue for quite a while.

◇◇◇

“Welcome home♪”

When we returned to the House Saionji estate, Yukina-san greeted us with a smile—and, still smiling, held out her hand.

““…Here you go.””

“Thank you♪ I’ll enjoy it with Darling.”

We’d bought souvenirs, but among them, the fresh high-grade fish we’d intended to keep for ourselves got snatched away.

It was only possible to transport it because I have a dimensional storage item box, but it looks like she knows about that too.

“Survival of the fittest really is the truth, huh.”

“Yeah. No matter what the weak say, it’s nothing but a loser’s howl.”

Since we didn’t have the strength to oppose Yukina-san, we ended up having the good stuff taken from us like this.

Even though we’d returned to the imperial capital, nothing really changed.

Yumeba had gotten to enjoy traveling under the excuse of “work,” but now that we were back, she had to participate in the Imperial Guard’s training.

So I ended up being free almost immediately after coming home.

When Yumeba isn’t around, I basically have nothing to do.

Well, I can do things like training my magic, and more than anything, I have the daunting task of analyzing the smartphone.

That said, it’s not something I have to do right this second, and it’s not something I can finish overnight anyway.

For now, I’ll brew some tea, take a breather, and start by filling the loneliness of being separated from Yumeba-san.

So I slowly drank my tea and tried to reset my mood when…

Ring. Ring.

The telepathy device’s call tone obliterated my peace of mind.

If it were Yumeba-san calling, I’d welcome it, but the way the mindwaves came in was obviously different.

“…………Yeah?”

《It is I.》

When I reluctantly connected the call, the voice that came through was the Emperor’s.

“The telepathy number you have dialed is not in service. Please check the number and try again—”

《Oi. I never gave you a number.》

“My apologies. A minor technical error.”

I almost tried to play dead and pretend I wasn’t home, out of sheer reflex at being called by someone so annoying.

“So what do you need?”

《Mm. Since we finally obtained it, I wanted to test it. I wasn’t sure who to call, but… you were the easiest to call.》

“Yukina-san is at home right now, so why not try calling her?”

《…I’ll pass.》

For an Emperor, he’s a pretty big chicken.

He should learn a thing or two from me, living with her.

《By the way, Yunix brought some strange fellows into the castle—did you know?》

“Strange fellows?”

《A scrawny black-haired man, and a brown-haired flirt.》

“Ah… yeah. I met them earlier.”

So those guys were Yunix’s guests.

As far as I knew, Yumeba beat them up and the guards threw them in a cell—that’s about it.

《Lately that one truly seems out of his mind. The other day as well…》

And for some reason, I ended up stuck on a telepathy call for ages, listening to the Emperor complain.

Sure, I get that as Emperor he doesn’t have many people he can vent to—but why me of all people?

Since he’s the Emperor, I can’t exactly hang up on him, so I listened to his complaints with a grimace.

In the end, he even complained about the Empress, and I had to seriously wonder whether that was something I was allowed to hear.