I Hope You’re Still Alive When Tomorrow Comes - 29

Chapter 29: The Day I Was Unable to Die

ーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー

“Actually.. On that day, I had no intention of getting off at the station.”

On that day. 

Kiho’s words immediately brought back the memories of that day. The vague scenery started to take on color. 

“To be honest, I was planning to pass my old high school’s nearest station. I wanted to go to some distant station, somewhere where I didn’t know anyone and then… I planned on jumping in front of a train there.”

I remembered Kiho was all alone sitting on the window-side seat. She kept her gaze down. Even when the train stopped, she showed no sign of moving.

“But then, Tsuchiya-kun spoke to me. I was really surprised. I was shaken. I was scared because I thought maybe Tsuchiya-kun knew what I intended to do. I felt like you could see right through me.”

In response to my voice, Kiho finally looked up. Only now did I realize how terribly tense her pale face had been, how her eyes were wide-open, staring at me in fear. 

“So… At that moment, I couldn’t say anything in return. The next thing I knew, Tsuchiya-kun had already pulled me off the train. I didn’t know what to do. I never imagined things would go like this. I was at a complete loss.”

Kiho’s eyes squinted, recalling the memory. She then smiled. It was a calm smile, albeit a little awkwardly. That smile looked out of place given our current situation. 

“For some reason, Tsuchiya-kun helped me in various ways. You even called the station staff for me before you left. Thanks to that, I couldn’t run away. The station staff were very kind. They were very worried about me. They even tried to call an ambulance for me, but I quickly stopped them.”

I remembered. The station staff from that day certainly looked very kind. 

“They tried to do all sorts of meddlesome things, like contacting my family and the school. I immediately stopped them desperately. In the end, I ended up saying, ‘I’m okay now. I will go to school.'”

“…So, did you go to school?”

“I did, because of you and that kind station staff.”

Kiho said. Her voice was laced with a hint of resentment. However, her expression remained calm. The smile was still on her face. 

“After that, the same depressing daily life continued on. Of course, nothing changed just because I didn’t die. I was still the same foolish, overly studious girl who, despite studying with all of my might, failed the entrance exam to the high school I wanted. Funny, right? Even though I was such a nerd… Even now, I’m still suffering from severe headaches on rainy days and severe menstrual cramps.”

A nerd.

The voice of the girl I overheard in the convenience store back then suddenly echoed in the back of my mind. Their laugh… Their mockery at Kiho for failing to get into her desired school… Saying how pitiful Kiho was… How try-hard Kiho was…

“And so, I thought about dying again. Several times again. I wanted to redo the suicide attempt that was interrupted on that day, but…”

Her previously flat tone seemed to waver a little at that point.

“But then…”

The corner of her mouth curled up into a faint smile. 

“Tsuchiya-kun’s face started to appear in my mind.”

Her voice was like that of a child on the verge of tears.

“I started to see Tsuchiya-kun’s face, along with Tsuchiya-kun’s voice from that day. I remembered then and when I did, my chest would feel very tight and painful. Eventually, I started wanting to see you again. Because of that, I couldn’t bring myself to die. Because of your fault, Tsuchiya-kun. And so…”

The awkward smile returned. 

“I decided to get back at you. I decided to stick close to you and… If you ever felt like you wanted to die, I would stop you no matter what. I would follow you anywhere and I would never, ever let you die. I wouldn’t stop until I made you want to keep on living.”

A revenge. 

Kiho said that stealing Hiwatari from Nanami and returning Nanami to me was her way of getting back at me. Because, if she did that… 

Tsuchiya-kun, you will want to keep on living, right?

“Hence why…”

Kiho had never said a single lie to me. Since the day she stood in front of me and declared to me that she would stop me from dying even at the cost of her life… Everything… All of Kiho’s words were true. 

“Even if I have to die… I will stop you. I will prevent Tsuchiya-kun from dying.”

Hence why, she was always ready to take action. Without any hesitation or doubt. She was ready to jump from there for my sake. 

Suddenly, shivers ran down my spine.

“…I-I won’t die.”

Feeling the strength leaving my body, I looked down at the ground and then… Mustering every strength I had left, I grabbed her arm. 

“I won’t die. Ever.”

In the first place, when I say “I want to die,” I never meant it literally. It was like a synonym for “it’s tough” or “I’m having a hard time.” I never seriously thought I wanted to die. Not even once.

Unlike her. 

She seriously wanted to die. 

The sea breeze blew, ruffling her hair from behind. Seeing that, I could feel my blood leaving my fingertips. I immediately tightened my grip on her hand. However, no matter how hard I held her, her slender arm felt too unsteady to my liking and by the time I realized it, I had put too much strength into my grip. Kiho winced slightly, letting out a weak cry.

“Ouch. It hurts, Tsuchiya-kun.”

“Well, it’s because you’re standing in that kind of place.”

However, my retort lacked any bite. My voice was a bit hoarse. I sounded pathetic. It was clear to see that I was feeling distraught.

“Good grief… Just how long are you going to stay there? Come back here already.”

‘Are you really not going to jump?”

“What do you mean by jump? I never wanted to die for real to begin with.”

So I said, but Kiho still looked skeptical. And so, I glared back at her and after a while, she was finally convinced. 

She grabbed the railing with both hands and lifted her body up. She swung one leg over and I reached out my hand. Kiho took my hand without any hesitation. She then placed her other foot on the railing and in an instant, Kiho’s body was completely off the ground. However, suddenly, a strong gust of wind blew against her. 

“Whoa-“

Out of reflex, Kiho tried to hold down her skirt, which had fluttered because of the wind. This action caused her to lose her balance. Her body lurched backward. Startled, I quickly pulled the arm I had been holding onto my side. I pulled her over to my forcefully. Kiho toppled toward me along with the momentum and since I didn’t have a proper hold on my feet, I became unable to support her. By the time I realized it, I also fell down to the ground along with her.

“I-I was so shocked…”

I could hear a muffled voice nearby. Looking down, I saw Kiho’s head was near my chin. Kiho, who had fallen onto me, slowly lifted her face. Our eyes met at a very close range. Suddenly, Kiho’s eyes widened in surprise. 

“Whoa-! Tsuchiya-kun, are you okay-“

I quickly pulled her arm as she tried to sit up. I pulled her head back into my chest. Then, without holding my strength back, I hugged her tightly.

ーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー