I Hope You’re Still Alive When Tomorrow Comes - 20

Chapter 20: Strain

ーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー

Nanami was sitting on the ground. She must be feeling dizzy. She was on her knees, her face down with one hand pressing against her forehead. 

It was a sight I was all too familiar with, one that actually made me sick to my stomach. 

I noticed Hiwatari was about to move. However, I couldn’t allow him. I stood in front of him, blocking him. 

“Hiwatari. You see this?”

I spat out the words. 

You… You don’t have the right to come running to her. You’re not allowed to do that. After all…

“This is because you didn’t try to stop her.”

You really don’t know anything, huh? 

A chilling emotion rose in my chest, up to my neck. For some reason, I felt like laughing. 

The girl who had been practicing with Nanami squatted down beside her. She was flustered as she tried to comfort Nanami. I could see how Nanami had to muster everything in her to lift her head, seemingly trying to say something but Nanami could only offer a weak smile before she shook her head several times. 

“She must be saying something like “I’m okay”, but looking at how pale she was, that words didn’t sound convincing at all. 

“Hey… I think I should go call the teacher after all..”

“It’s okay. I’m fine. Really. I’m fine.”

As I was getting close to them, I could hear their conversation. Nanami was shaking her head desperately, trying to calm her worried friend. 

“Nanami.”

When I called her name, both of them turned to look at me at the same time. While Nanami’s face tensed up upon seeing me, her friend was sighing in relief. 

“Oh, Tsuchiya-kun. You know, Nanami was feeling dizzy earlier-“

“I get it. Nanami, let’s go to the infirmary.”

I said so with a deep, guttural voice while looking down. Nanami immediately lowered her head. 

“I-I’m fine.”

She replied in a small, muffled voice.

“I’m really okay. I just need to rest for a bit and then I’ll be fine-“

I grabbed Nanami’s arm, couldn’t even be bothered to wait for her to finish speaking. I didn’t hold my strength back. I tugged at her forcefully and immediately, her light body was pulled by me. She seemed to be staggering on her feet. I could see Nanami’s face frowned, like she was in pain because of how I pulled her, but I paid it no mind. 

“I told you already. Come on. Let’s go.”

I repeated gutturally while supporting her staggering feet. And then, Nanami finally gave up. Just like always. 

She nodded slightly and started walking as I pulled her long. Her steps were terribly unsteady. Suddenly, I could feel a chilling sense of satisfaction spreading from the depths of my chest. 

Look at her. 

I thought to myself. 

She can’t even walk on her own. She can’t do anything.

There was no one in the infirmary. I ignored the sign on the door that read,”The nurse is out. If you need assistance, please go to the staff room,” and entered without permission. 

I pulled Nanami to the bed at the back before I finally let her arm go. 

“Good. You can lie down here for now.”

Now that she didn’t have anyone to support her, her body fell onto the bed without any resistance, as if she was thrown on the bed. She laid on her backside, the bed creaked a little as the springs strained against her weight. 

“Do you understand now? Going to Yuzushima is impossible for you.”

I spat bitterly while looking down at Nanami. I recalled the expression on Hiwatari’s eyes from earlier. Those eyes of his as he told me the things Nanami had prepared for their trip. There was no hint of doubt in his eyes. In fact, his eyes seemed to say that I was the one in the wrong, though he never explicitly said that.

It made me nauseous. 

However, in the end… They were the ones that didn’t know anything. Both Hiwatari and Nanami. 

“Yuzushima…”

Nanami softly repeated my words. 

“…Kan-chan.” 

She slowly raised her head, looking up at me with expressionless eyes. 

“I knew it… Were you the one that told my mother about Yuzushima?”

Her voice was laced with accusation at me, leaving me feeling disheartened. I could feel the blood rushing to my head. 

“Yeah.”

I replied curtly and continued. 

“It’s your fault for lying in the first place. Stop acting cunning like this. You’ll get caught in the end anyway.”

“But…”

Nanami muttered, her voice sounded so despondent as she lowered her head again. 

“If I didn’t… You definitely wouldn’t let me go. Both you and Mom…”

“Well, of course.”

I sighed deeply at her childish banter, feeling exasperated. 

What is she talking about? I always knew she was foolish but how could she be this foolish?

“You’re not fit for it. We both know what would happen if you insist on going. That’s why we’d stop you. Both your mother and I. Look at you. You fainted just from kicking a ball for a bit. You really think you can go to Yuzushima with a body like that?”

“I didn’t faint.”

Interrupting my words, Nanami spoke stubbornly. She sat up, clenching her fists tightly on her knees. 

“I was just a little lightheaded. I didn’t faint or anything like before.”

“Huh? It’s the same. You’re feeling anemic, just like usual.”

“Mild. A mild case of anemic. I’m used to it. I’ll be fine.”

“Argh, cut it out. I don’t care about your version of ‘fine’. I know you’re not actually ‘fine’.”

Frustrated with how stubborn Nanami was, I spat out coldly. 

I was getting a headache from feeling irritated at her. 

Why is Nanami rebelling against me like this? She can’t do anything on her own. Even though she’s been living under my protection all this time. Just like now.

“Hey, do you get it now? You don’t even know the limits of your body. No matter how much you prepare for the trip, it’s useless. No matter how hard you try to plan for it on your own, no matter how hard you think, you won’t be able to do anything.”

Nanami remained bowed, listening to my words silently. Though I couldn’t see her expression, I could somehow see her biting her lips a bit. She was feeling frustrated. In fact, I could see the tension in her clenched fist. 

Eventually, she slightly moved her lips that she had bit.

“…I knew it. Kan-chan, you….”

Her strained voice reached my ears. 

“That’s what you thought of me, huh?”

ーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー

T/N: Another gentle reminder that this novel is about growing as a person and MC is young and stupid. Yeah, definitely young and stupid.