Chapter 23: The Idiot Drill Part 2

The entire student bodies of two high schools—Kita-Ahona and Ahona—were gathered on the grounds of Kita-Ahona High.

Having already finished events like soccer and softball, the students were covered in a refreshing sweat, their faces beaming with a sense of accomplishment.

An earsplitting announcement shattered the peaceful atmosphere of mutual praise for a hard-fought battle.

“To all you students of Kita High and Aho High! The moment you’ve been waiting for! The Student Council Exhibition Match is about to begin!”

A female student from Kita High, serving as the announcer, was projected onto a massive screen that hung like a banner from the school building.

A roar of “Wooooooooooah” erupted from the students of Kita-Ahona and Ahona High in response to the announcer. It was a savage cry you’d never expect from a girl.

“This is your announcer, Kanamori, a third-year from Kita High, broadcasting live from the control room!”

Don’t be fooled into thinking this exhibition match is some mere friendly competition! This is the perfect opportunity to settle the long-disputed question of ‘which school is superior and which is the real idiot.’ It’s kind of like the rivalry between Gunma and Tochigi prefectures.

Just before the end of the field day, the venue was experiencing its biggest thrill of the day.

From a distance, I watched the members of our Ahona High Student Council form a huddle, shouting, “Fight! Go!” to psych themselves up. The feeling of alienation was intense.

Even though I’m a member of the student council, I wasn’t allowed to participate. The reasons? ‘You might get hurt,’ ‘You’re a boy,’ and ‘You’re a prize.’ I will never forgive the field day planning committee for treating me like a prize.

Right now, I was being unceremoniously wrapped in ribbons and had been laid out on a long table designated for the prizes.

For the record, my neighbors were one kilogram of Matsusaka beef and a pair of tickets for a hot springs inn in Kusatsu.

“Let’s explain the rules!” the announcer’s voice boomed from the speakers. “In five minutes, we will release the hunters throughout the entire school! Student council members must evade capture inside the school building! The time limit is sixty minutes! The team with the most members remaining at the end will be the winner!”

“Isn’t this a total ripoff of that show Fugitives?! And besides, this isn’t even a ball game anymore!”

“Hey, you over there, Mr. Prize! No complaining! Take a good look at the hunters before you whine!”

“Who are you calling Mr. Prize?!”

Grumbling, I did as the announcer said and shifted my gaze to the hunters.

They were all wearing black suits and shades.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary—.

Then, a sense of wrongness hit me.

All the hunters had short hair.

“Wait, is this… are they all… guys?”

“Have you figured it out? That’s right! The hunters are all men! In other words, they’ve got balls! And this thoughtful design comes with a spare ball and a storage bag, too! Get it now? I’ll say it again. This is a ball game!”

Don’t give me that “Get it now?” crap! A field day that relies on testicles is just too disgusting!

But no matter what I said, it was already starting, so it was pointless. I’d have to do what I could.

“Because the field is Kita High’s campus, Kita High is at an advantage. In exchange, their only participant is the student council president, Toujou Saki! In contrast, Aho High will have all its student council members participating, led by President Saijo Tomomi!”

All its members? But I’m not participating. I’m the ‘prize.’

Still, Kita High had some nerve, participating with just one person. If she had the bad luck of getting cornered by hunters, it’d be game over right there.

“Annnnd! Release the hunters! The one to watch is Masaru from the track team! He’ll close in on the student council with his toned physique! Being chased by boys… what a dream-like event for the girls!”

The men in black suits swarmed into the school building all at once.

I wonder if the president and the others will be okay? Kaoru-senpai and Momoyama are athletic, so they’ll probably manage, but the president and Misaki-chan are, frankly, not very reliable when it comes to sports.

Especially Misaki-chan. She’s a true, bona fide shut-in otaku. She’ll probably run out of batteries after just ten meters.

Okay. Looks like I’ve got to step up.

“Ooooh! It looks like one hunter is late to the start! Huh? Wait? What’s with that hunter! He’s solid gold! There’s a hunter in a glittering gold spandex suit! And he has a jutting chin!”

Cheers rose from the crowd.

“It’s Shakure-sama!”

“Mr. Shakure~!”

“Show us your erection~!”

“Miss Shakure~!”

Fuhahahaha! I brought my Mr. Shakure costume just in case something like this happened!

If I just barged in wearing my school uniform, they wouldn’t recognize me as a contestant. I’d just get kicked out.

In that case, I’ll just disguise myself as a hunter! In my Mr. Shakure outfit, no one will know it’s me.

With this, I’m now one of the hunters!

After ten minutes of searching for prey, I finally found her. The pitiful first victim.

There she was, the girl with the twisted drill hair, Saki-senpai— wait, no!

It was the eternal shut-in bean sprout, Misaki-chan!

She was casually fiddling with her phone as she came down the stairs and walked down the hallway toward me.

A huge grin spread across my face as I broke into a run.

“Eh? Whaaaah!”

Misaki-chan shrieked when she noticed me. There was still a good ten meters between us. But against the eternal shut-in Misaki-chan, I could close that distance in no time.

“Whoa! Shin-chan-senpai! Wait, wait, wait! Why are you chasing me?! And what is with that outfit?!”

Misaki-chan took off at a full sprint, shouting a jab at my gold spandex suit.

“Aaaand! Aho High’s student council PR rep, Yamanaka, has been spotted by Mr. Shakure!” the announcer’s booming voice echoed through the school.

“Shin-chan-senpai, why are you chasing someone from the Ahona High side?! Go catch Drill-senpai!”

Misaki-chan yelled, glancing back as she ran.

“Hahahaha! Mr. Shakure is impartial! I will catch you and thoroughly enjoy the scent of your armpits! Hahahahaha!”

This is actually getting pretty fun!

I’ve always wanted to try this! Being a hunter from Fugitives*!*

Our student council still has three people left, so losing one eternal shut-in bean sprout is no big deal!

However, I just couldn’t seem to catch Misaki-chan. In fact, her back was getting smaller and smaller.

Wait, she’s fast! The eternal shut-in bean sprout is fast!

“Whoa! Yamanaka is fast, fast, fast! She’s opening up the distance in the blink of an eye! Or maybe Mr. Shakure is just slow! He’s slow! Terribly slow! Oh, he tripped! How precious!”

I had reached my physical limit. As I lay there after a spectacular fall, Misaki-chan started to run back toward me with a worried look on her face, but I would accept no pity. When I managed to stand up, holding back tears, she smiled and said, “You did a good job, senpai,” before leaving. How cheeky for an underclassman.

And here I thought Misaki-chan was just a scrawny indoor kid. It’s kind of frustrating.

Just as she turned a corner and vanished from sight, Misaki-chan rolled a small bottle into a blind spot of the security camera.

Clink.

I picked it up.

“This is…”

◆

I could hear the commotion from the crowd outside.

The announcer’s noisy voice, too. It seemed another one of Ahona High’s idiots had been caught. That made three.

Only one remained. My fated rival, the student council president, Saijo Tomomi.

The corners of my mouth turned up naturally.

Just a little longer. Just a little longer, and Shinichi-sama will be mine.

“Annnnd! The match is heading into its climax! We’re under the ten-minute mark! It’s time for the final spurt! We’re adding more hunters!”

Five more hunters entered the school building. I watched them from the window of the third-floor connecting corridor.

Fortunately, I had yet to encounter a single hunter.

Well, it’s only na-tu-ral that I wouldn’t.

This was a fixed game.

The hunters were all students from Kita-Ahona High—in other words, my dogs. My location was being fed to each hunter via GPS, and they were instructed not to come near me.

All the hunters were targeting only the Aho High student council. They would never even run into me. My loss was impossible from the very beginning.

It seemed Shinichi-sama had blended in with the hunters, but Shinichi-sama’s slowness is a world-shaking, first-class slowness!

There was no way I could be caught.

After confirming that all the hunters were inside the building, I started walking again.

Suddenly, I noticed a petite girl with a milk-tea-colored cowlick standing in my path.

“Found you, cheating drill-head.”

Saijo Tomomi smiled defiantly. She walked toward me, and the two student council presidents stood face to face.

It seemed she’d realized that the hunters and I were in cahoots. Was she planning on getting proof of my cheating with a voice recorder or something? But I’m not so foolish as to fall for that.

“I wonder what you could possibly mean?”

“You can drop the act. I’m not recording you. Besides, if I stick with you, your cheating will become obvious, won’t it? If a hunter passes you by to catch me… well.”

Tch. What a pain.

I guess my only option is to shake Saijo Tomomi.

The moment I thought that, I saw a man in a black suit appear from around the corner on the other side of Saijo Tomomi, far down the hall.

I desperately suppressed the smirk that threatened to surface. I had to be careful not to let it show on my face.

Saijo Tomomi is… good, she hasn’t noticed the hunter yet.

Given our positions, it wouldn’t be strange at all for the hunter to catch Saijo Tomomi first. After all, she’s closer to the hunter. It’s only natural to target the person who’s closer.

All I need to do is keep her attention focused on me.

In a slightly louder voice, I spoke to Saijo Tomomi.

“Shouldn’t you just give up already? I shall take Shinichi-sama as my husband and ensure his happiness.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Shin-chan is my future husband. That’s the greatest happiness he could ever wish for!”

What nonsense. There’s no way someone with a body like a little kid could possibly satisfy Shinichi-sama.

Saijo Tomomi’s words always irritate me.

This woman always so casually obtains the things I do not have. Always, always, always.

I have lived my life being placed next to the Ahona High student council president, Saijo Tomomi, being compared to her, and always feeling miserable.

But this time—just this once—I will never, ever give up Shinichi-sama!

I absolutely cannot lose to Saijo Tomomi!

Unaware of my resolve, Saijo Tomomi put a hand beside her mouth, as if sharing a secret.

“Besides… this is a little hard to say, but… a power tool can’t marry a person, you know?”

“As I’ve told you many times, I am not a drill!”

You can act so composed now, but it won’t last!

In a few seconds, you will be groveling before the drill you so mocked! Well, not that I am a drill!

“I won’t lose,” Saijo Tomomi stated, out of nowhere. “I won’t lose. Because I have faith.”

Almost! The hunter is almost upon Saijo Tomomi!

“Faith in what, I wonder? All of your allies have already been captured, you know?”

Now! This is the end, Saijo Tomomi!

“You ask what I have faith in?”

Saijo Tomomi gave a gentle smile.

“In Shin-chan!”

The hunter’s arm shot out and grabbed—

“Aaaaaahhh! A capture! A capture! A hunter has caught the final contestant!”

The announcer’s voice echoed.

The joyous cheers from Kita High and the despairing cries from Aho High roared at the same time.

“And with that, it’s game set! The one who survived to the very end and conquered this game is—”

Shinichi-sama took off his shades.

“Ahona High’s Saijo Tomomi!”

When Shinichi-sama let go of my arm, it fell limply to my side.

As if on cue, I collapsed to my knees.

“How… why…”

“We won,” the hunter in front of me—Shinichi-sama—said, his chin jutting out.

Shinichi-sama was wearing a slightly baggy black suit and sunglasses.

“Those shades and that black suit…”

“Oh, this? I borrowed it from one of the other hunters. He was happy to lend it to me after I used some sleeping pills that Misaki-chan just so happened to drop.”

“Would you really call that ‘lending’…?”

But the suit looked completely, utterly wrong on Shinichi-sama, which was ridiculously adorable.

I took out my phone and captured a photo of him.

“But isn’t this cheating? For a hunter to pick and choose their prey is a clear setup!”

“You’re one to talk,” Saijo Tomomi said, narrowing her eyes at me.

“You’re the one who said this was a battle between the Kita High student council and the Aho High student council. Shin-chan is the Aho High student council vice president. We only become the ‘Student Council’ when all five of us are together.”

Saijo Tomomi said it with a pure, beaming smile.

‘We only become the Student Council when all five of us are together,’ huh. The thing I don’t have—is it the ability to rely on my friends, perhaps?

“The ones who tried to sideline me by calling me a ‘prize’ just because I’m a slow runner were—”

“—Shin-chan, you be quiet!”

I lost. As the one who was actually cheating, I can’t criticize them any further.

But… there was one thing I couldn’t get over.

“Shinichi-sama, you were seriously trying to catch Misaki-san at the beginning, were you not? Saijo-san, how did you know that Shinichi-sama wouldn’t capture you?”

“That’s why,” Saijo-san said with a soft smile. “I told you I ‘had faith’ in Shin-chan, didn’t I? It’s not like I was certain or anything. But I knew, better than anyone, that Shin-chan cares deeply about our student council.”

I see…

Bonds.

The reason I lost was surely—

“Man, but that was a close one! I was debating it right up to the end! Whether or not I should grab the president from behind.”

“Huh?! Shin-chan, that’s not funny! If we had lost, you would have had to transfer schools!”

“Well, I didn’t know the president was the last one left. And seeing her back, looking all smug, kind of tickled my sadistic side.”

“I can’t believe you! I’m done trusting you, Shin-chan! I’m never trusting you again!”

Ah. Nope. This isn’t bonds.

It’s something other than bonds.

I lost because of something that isn’t bonds! Fine, whatever. It’s pointless trying to understand these people.

That much, I now understand very well.

This student council is connected by some strange, incomprehensible force! This is bad!