I Came Back from the Dead, Quit Being a Holy Hero, and Just Wanna Shake My Hips in a Harem - Chapter 42: The Battle of Wits — Don’t Lose, Hero Haruya!

Volume 02: The Path of Fate

Chapter 42: The Battle of Wits — Don’t Lose, Hero Haruya!

~Previously on Shake My Hips~

After dying and coming back, I decided to dedicate my new life to the ultimate dream—a carefree harem full of hip-thrusting bliss.

But then I ran into my former companions.

After a whole lot of this and that (and a lot more of that),

I started thinking… maybe I actually wanted to be teammates again.

Oh, and thanks to our nightly “team-building activities,” the innkeeper finally kicked us out.

Inside our room at the adventurers’ inn—

We were all seated around a big table, the air weirdly serious.

Filio sat beside me, while Lily and Kokono faced us from across the table.

Spread out in front of us were the Adventurers’ Guild magazine from the trade city of Granule, plus a few extra info papers.

“Hmm… looks like every decent inn in town’s already full.” 

I muttered, flipping through the listings.

Since the fall of the Demon King Chronova, a new era of adventure and exploration had begun.

With high-ranking monsters still lurking in the shadows, adventurers were more fired up than ever—business was booming.

And Granule, being a major trade hub, had turned into the hottest destination around.

No wonder every place was booked solid.

“The innkeeper was kind enough to let us stay for a while, but she won’t want to lose paying guests. Our time here is limited.”

Lily said it so matter-of-factly—impressive, really, considering the actual reason we were being evicted was because of our very vocal… nightly exercises.

Not that not masturbating was even on the table for us anymore.

Then Filio spread her magazine open with a proud grin, clearly broadcasting, “Come, praise me! I did something productive!”

“Hehehe, look! I found a really good adventurers’ inn! It’s right by the big river, great view, close to the market too! I checked it out beforehand—it’s quiet and super nice!”

“Filio…” “Filio…” “Filio…”

“Uh—huh? Weird vibe? Did I say something strange?”

Filio tilted her head in confusion, but the inn she’d picked out?

Yeah, it was way too nice.

Prime real estate—used by guildmasters, merchant leaders, and their elite bodyguards.

Basically, a luxury resort for top-tier adventurers only.

“The rent alone would eat up most of our income…”

Filio blinked, then froze as the realization hit.

Well… she was born into nobility. Her sense of money management was about as realistic as a fairy tale.

Of course, asking her to cover everyone’s share was out of the question too.

If we wanted to stay on good terms as a party, we had to split costs fairly.

Nothing destroyed a team faster than money problems—okay, maybe sex scandals, but money was a close second.

“I’ve actually got a place in mind. Bit off the main road, but—”

“Rejected.”

“I didn’t even finish! It’s cheap, okay!?”

“It’s in the backstreets, isn’t it?”

Her voice was calm but deadly, and I instinctively looked away.

Bullseye.

Yeah… the backstreets.

The city’s proud red-light district.

Wall-to-wall with lewd shops, shady backroom deals, and “adult entertainment” for every taste imaginable.

Sure, the area was rough—but the inns were cheap and always had rooms open.

Perfect for adventurers who liked a little extra adventure after their quests.

I was still desperately trying to sell the idea when Lily turned smoothly toward Kokono instead, cutting me off with elegant precision.

“What do you think, Kokono?”

“I think anywhere’s fun as long as I’m with everyone~”

Kokono smiled softly—her usual warm, fluffy smile.

Ugh… uuugh… that’s cheating, damn it! You can’t just toss the question to Kokono like that!

“…Fine. Let’s look for another place.”

“That would probably be best. If things get desperate, we can always use the Grand Goddess Church.”

“…” “…” “…”

“…As a last resort, of course.”

Lily corrected quickly after realizing the heavy silence choking the room.

The Grand Goddess Church—yeah, sure, they’d done a lot for humanity. No denying that.

But their followers of Light (Tera)? Yeah… they were intense.

The kind of people who prayed so hard it made your soul itch.

Not bad people, exactly—just… exhausting.

Still, it was insane how every single inn in town was booked solid.

Regular inns? Way too expensive.

Ordinary rentals? Prices had skyrocketed.

And since we were out on quests most of the time, paying for fancy lodgings just felt dumb.

What we really needed was a proper base of operations—someplace big enough for training, weapon maintenance, and spell practice.

But buying and maintaining that kind of property? Yeah, that was a financial death sentence.

Just as we all sat there sinking into silent thought, Lily suddenly spoke up.

“…Then perhaps we should make use of a guild house.”

Kokono tilted her head curiously, her eyes lighting up.

“A guild house~?”

“When you build up enough achievements with the Adventurers’ Guild, you can receive various forms of support. One of them is access to a private guild house.”

“Oooh, sounds super convenient!”

“It does require maintenance fees, but they’re deducted—at a large discount—from your quest rewards. Some even come with training facilities or magic workshops… and they’re soundproof, too. If I recall correctly, the privilege starts at Platinum Rank.”

At that, Lily turned her gaze toward Filio.

“Yep! I’m Platinum Rank, so I should be able to rent one.”

“Were you never offered one before, Filio?”

“I wasn’t planning to stay in Granule, so I kinda forgot~”

To anyone else, that would’ve sounded like a completely normal exchange.

But I knew better.

So we’ve finally gotten to this topic, huh?

Lily had that perfectly calm ‘What a wonderful idea, don’t you think?’ expression—but come on.

There’s no way she hadn’t noticed the innkeeper’s polite little complaints.

Filio, Kokono, and I? Yeah, we were too blissfully dumb to catch the hints.

But Lily? Not a chance.

She was absolutely using this as the perfect setup to steer us toward a guild house.

Heh… so that’s how you want to play it, huh?

Fine, bring it on.

Let’s see whose brain reigns supreme in this Battle of Wits!

Bring it on, Lily Alshiana!

“I’m against it.”

“…May I ask why?”

Lily’s brows twitched ever so slightly before she composed herself again, flashing an innocent, oh-so-pure smile.

…Ah. Emotional control.

She was doing this on purpose.

Yep. 100% part of her master plan.

“It’s because it comes with responsibility and obligation.”

“…True. Renting a guild house means you’re expected to contribute regularly to the Adventurers’ Guild. I can understand why that might not appeal to you, Lord Haruya.”

“I just don’t think it suits us.”

“…How so?”

“Among us, Filio’s the only one at Platinum Rank. Sure, we’re capable, but we’re still a rookie party. With how busy adventurers are these days, those guild houses should go to the stronger, more accomplished groups. It’s better for the world that way.”

I said it with a straight face—while secretly flattering a bunch of random adventurers I’d never even met.

Filio looked thoughtful, nodding like I’d just made a good point.

Kokono, as usual, just beamed happily because conversation!

Only Lily wore a faintly displeased expression.

“…I see,” she murmured at last.

Fuhaha! So that’s how it is, huh?

You were trying to make our “official party debut” all flashy and dignified, weren’t you?

Or maybe… maybe you were plotting to seduce me in a private, luxurious guild house?!

Nice try, but it won’t work! For I am the once-Holy Hero, Haruya Arden!

The man who recklessly deflowers purity itself and laughs in the face of destiny!

Fuhaha! Also, I really don’t want to attract Goddess Flora’s divine radar, so no thank you!

Fuhahahahahaha!!

“Lord Haruya. Won’t you reconsider?”

And then—squish.

Something soft pressed against my crotch.

Lily had stretched her leg out under the table.

At some point, she’d slipped off her shoe, and now her bare foot was gently, teasingly stroking the most vulnerable part of my soul (and body).

“U-Ugh, ohhh…”

“What’s wrong, Lord Haruya?” 

What’s wrong!? Don’t play dumb!

Don’t sit there all calm and priestly while secretly trying to dominate me with your holy foot techniques under the table!

“I—I don’t really see what there is to reconsider…”

“If we lived in the guild house, I believe we’d be able to… do more things.”

That smile of hers practically sparkled with hidden meaning.

“More things” definitely meant those kinds of things.

Ughhh… the stimulation was just right—she was teasing me with perfect precision.

I was already rock-hard, yet somehow it didn’t even hurt.

That contrast between her serene, graceful smile and her soft, relentless foot pressing against my crotch was just… too much.

Wait—no! Snap out of it, me!

I can’t lose to such dirty tactics!

I’m a former Hero, damn it! A man of justice and willpower!

“I-I don’t think we really need to… expand our options… yeah…”

“Are you sure about that?”

Lily’s foot moved again—expertly, cruelly—her toes brushing, pressing, and massaging just the right spots.

Fuoohhh!? I do want to expand right now!!

I could close my legs and push her away—but if I were capable of that, I wouldn’t still be a virgin!!

“What’s the matter, Haruya?”

Filio leaned forward, peering at me with genuine concern.

And that was the worst possible timing—because one of her blouse buttons had come undone.

As she tilted closer, soft, pale skin came into view… along with a teasing glimpse of lacy fabric beneath.

It was that cruel kind of angle—half-hidden, half-visible—the kind that fried every last neuron in my brain.

“What’s the matter, I wonder~? Lord Haruya?”

Lily and Filio exchanged sly, knowing smiles.

…Wait, what!?

Those two weren’t supposed to be working together!

Don’t tell me she realized I was getting foot-teased under the table and immediately formed some kind of Perv Alliance!?

“Haruya, are you really okay?”

Filio undid another button on her blouse.

Ah—ah, no—her boobs! Those big, soft, perfectly shaped boobs were right there—half out, half in—dancing on the razor’s edge of visibility!

Breasts shouldn’t just be shown so easily! True art lies in the glimpse!

Filio Val Eedelshade… had she ascended into the sacred realm of erotic enlightenment!?

“T-That’s, uh…”

Had they both leveled up their pervert stats while I was still stuck in virgin tutorial mode!?

Impossible! Unbelievable! Outrageous!

I’m supposed to be Haruya Arden—the future King of Harems!

“What’s wrong… hmm~♥?”

“Hmm~♥?”

No, no, no! I can’t lose this!

This was a Battle of Wisdom and Willpower!

I had to endure this lewd tag-team assault with every ounce of my heroic resolve!

Lily’s divine foot kept pressing gently under the table.

Filio’s cleavage kept bouncing temptingly in my peripheral vision.

And somehow, miraculously, I was still hanging on—by a single thread of sanity.

Then my eyes met Kokono’s.

She didn’t understand what was going on, but she could definitely feel the naughty tension in the air—her cheeks instantly turned bright red.

That innocent, flustered reaction snapped me back to my senses.

Heh… rookie mistake, Lily.

You forgot one crucial thing—

The pure and wholesome Kokono Jukai sometimes fights on my side!

“U-Um, uh… chu? ♥”

Kokono, completely oblivious to the chaos level in the room, puckered her lips and sent me a tiny, innocent air kiss.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

C-Cute—too cute—way too cute!!

Seeing something that pure and adorable while being teased like this—

It just made everything feel ten times naughtier!

Like I was committing some divine-class sin of pleasure right in front of the goddess herself!

No no no no no—this is bad!!

If this keeps up, I’ll blurt something out purely on instinct!

Control yourself, Haruya! Bite your tongue! Seal your lips!

YES—mouth closed, airtight, perfect—

…And then I realized.

[Maybe we should go ask about renting a guild house.] (written note)

The words were written neatly on the paper in front of me.

MY RIGHT HAAAAAAAAANDDDDDDDDDDDDDD⁉⁉⁉