I Came Back from the Dead, Quit Being a Holy Hero, and Just Wanna Shake My Hips in a Harem - Chapter 29: The Bizarre Tale of Haruya

Chapter 29: The Bizarre Tale of Haruya

It was a perfectly clear day.

In the mountains, beside a secluded waterfall, I stood half-naked under the crashing water, training.

Unlike the crystal spring back at the farm, this place had nothing special—just raw, untouched nature.

But when you stand beneath freezing water that chills you to the bone, surrounded by mountains, it forces you to face yourself—whether you like it or not.

Hands pressed together, I began chanting:

“Boobs, squeeze-squeeze… Deep thrust, finish inside—squirt, squirt. Boobs, squeeze-squeeze… Deep thrust, finish inside—squirt, squirt.”

Lewd, utterly indecent words spilled from my mouth.

“Boobs, squeeze-squeeze… Deep thrust, finish inside—squirt, squirt.”

From the outside, I probably looked like nothing more than a deranged pervert.

But I had my reasons.

By dragging my dignity down into the gutter and filling my mouth with pure lust, I was hammering it into my head—into my body—and, yes, into my lower half—exactly what kind of man I truly was.

That moment with Lily…

The memory of her body against mine still refused to fade.

Yeah, I knew it had been just a fleeting moment of weakness.

But still… I wanted someone to hear me out.

So I snuck over and sat at the Pure Romance Faction’s table in the adventurers’ guild.

“—Haruya’s sneaking in again. Your seat’s not here, you know.”

“…Can I ask you something?”

“Bet it’s something stupid.”

“…So… is it possible—just maybe—that when someone who’s usually pushed around tells you, ‘It’s fine just the way you are,’ you kinda… sorta… feel like your hearts connected for a second? And then—even if it’s totally non-erotic—some little bit of skinship just makes you happy?”

“Haruya… you…”

“Stop! What’s with those eyes!? I’m a man destined to be the Harem King!!”

“Congratulations.”

“Congratulations.”

“Congratulations.”

“S-Stop itttttttt! The light—THE LIGHT’S FLOWING INTO MEEEEEEE!!”

It felt like all the sticky, greasy lust inside me was being purified away.

And that—more than anything—made me furious.

Harems losing to pure romance? No way.

Sure, to each their own… but for me, the harem is the pinnacle.

Irresponsible, deep-inside, finishing-in-everyone harem sex—that’s the path I seek!

“Boobs, squeeze-squeeze… Deep thrust, finish inside—squirt, squirt.”

I chanted under the pounding waterfall, raising my lust to the heavens.

Crank up the “I wanna have sex” meter—because losing focus is the road to ruin!

If my heart was starting to lean toward Lily, I had to remember what she once muttered in our past life:

“Yes… I suppose I would want my life partner to share the same level of faith as me.”

There’s a very real chance that, on her days off, she’d drag me into charity work…

And worse—absolutely forbid any nightlife!!

“Deep-throat… Deep-throat… Fellatio… Fellatio…”

Lewd, bottom-of-the-barrel words spilled from my mouth as I focused—sharpening my lust to a fine, dangerous point.

The worst part?

They’d clearly figured out I’m a hopeless virgin… and now think they can throw me off with the tiniest bit of physical contact.

Just this morning, for example—

“Good morning, Lord Haruya.”

“Ah… morning. Hey, uh…”

“Yes? What is it?”

“…Why are you holding my hand?”

Lily was gently squeezing my hand with her small, soft fingers—slide, like she was kneading dough.

“It’s just friendly contact between comrades. Is it unpleasant?”

“It’s not… unpleasant, exactly…”

“I’m glad. Holding hands with you puts me at ease, Lord Haruya.”

Then she gave me the sweetest, most serene smile.

The kind that makes it hard to breathe—let alone think.

And before I could even figure out how to respond—Filio suddenly wrapped herself around my free arm, mashing her huge, soft chest against me.

“Mornin’, Haruya!”

Her grin was bright and childlike, as if nothing about this was suspicious at all.

“Morning… Uh, don’t you think you’re a little close?”

“This is totally normal between comrades! You build strong bonds with your closest allies like this, right?”

Faced with that sunny smile—and, more importantly, a pair of giant, squishy distractions pressing into me—I couldn’t say a damn thing.

Lily on one side, Filio on the other.

Both so warm, so gentle…

Wrapped in their softness, surrounded by their light—

I could feel myself slowly drowning in it.

“Filio, please don’t take Lord Haruya away from me.”

“Fufufu, Lily, you’re such a lonely girl. Just like that time when—”

“Ah—d-don’t bring that up! It’s embarrassing!”

Ahaha~ Ufufu~ Ahhh… I can feel the breeze of youth blowing here.

Nice… this kind of peaceful, slow-paced daily life… Yeah, I could get used to this…

“By the way, Filio, what shall we do about the next quest?”

“I’ve got a super-special red-envelope quest lined up!”

“My, my… that sounds like quite the ordeal.”

“Don’t worry—if we have our bond, we can overcome any challenge!”

……

…………

“Boobs, squeeze-squeeze… Deep thrust, finish inside—squirt, squirt.”

And with that, I dove headfirst into a frenzy of indecent fantasies about both of them—pouring pure, unfiltered lust back into my soul.

At that moment, one very important part of me strained hard against the waterfall’s pounding, refusing to be beaten down.

“—! It’s back! I’M BACK, BABYYYYY‼‼‼”

I could feel my fading lust clicking perfectly back into place—like it had never left.

Fu… fufufu… FUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Youth’s breeze? Screw that! The only breeze I want is the wind of debauchery—the sweet, filthy wind of sexual spring!

“I have no need for the gentle breeze of a wholesome life! What I seek is pure, unadulterated lewdness—one thing, and one thing only! That alone is the truth! That alone is the one and only absolute answer!!”

Farewell, me—the one who once sought a gentle, wholesome daily life!

…That said, maybe… just maybe… holding hands with the girls once in a while and going on a fun little shopping trip wouldn’t be so bad.

Purely, of course, as foreplay.

Preparatory work.

Strictly the warm-up before the main event.

So when that time comes—please and thank you, future me.

As for that red-envelope quest—yeah, I cooled my head about it right then and there.

Lily had let the whole Holy Armor incident slide.

And Filio had said, “I’ll be sure to get my reward. You’re an important comrade, so you’d better work hard.”

I could tell they’d both changed… enough that even I noticed.

And I realized—I never wanted us to lose sight of each other again.

“…Well then… I guess I’ll do my best, within reason.”

That was my answer.

Still, I needed to hammer back in exactly who I truly was—

An irresponsible harem man to the core! That’s it, and I’ll beat myself up for being an irresponsible harem man.

“Boobs, squeeze-squeeze… Deep thrust, finish inside—squirt, squirt.”

…Which is about when someone reported a “suspicious pervert chanting under the waterfall,” and my training session came to an abrupt end.

And so, I returned to the trade city of Granule.

The cobblestone streets bustled not just with adventurers, but also with a steady stream of horse-drawn wagons.

Granule had always been a stopover town… but lately, it had become more alive and overflowing with energy than ever before.

“…Looks like the days of adventure aren’t ending anytime soon.”

My comrades are just like they were in our past life—yet I can still feel the change in them.

What lies ahead? More adventures? More hardships?

Or… harem sex? Harem sex? Please let it be harem sex. I’m begging you.

Oh, and about the Holy Armor Flora—

Guess what, guess what, guess what—

“The Holy Armor? The candidate’s holy energy in Granule was below the standard level, so it’s been moved to another town.”

—according to Lily!

YEEEEEESSSS! My shoulders feel so light!

Sorry to the other candidates, but this is the BEST news—no need to deal with that thing!

Fuhaha! Looks like even fate has its dere moments for me!

Stay dere forever, fate! That’s your role in my life—shamelessly sucking up to me!

If you wanna shake your ass in front of me, I might even throw you a little attention now and then, fate!

Lily did mention, “It might be able to regenerate from even a fragment,” but thank the gods nothing troublesome came of it!

Regenerate? From a piece? That’s pure horror movie nightmare fuel!

Well, not my problem anymore!

Humming a happy little tune, I strutted my way home in the best mood ever.

That annoying piece of crap armor is probably gonna get passed around like unwanted baggage.

It’s not like there are many candidates worthy of its approval anyway—and the damn thing acts so high and mighty about it.

Pfft. I hope it gets passed around so much it ends up shoved in some storage room, gathering dust.

A cursed armor that demands purity far beyond reason—

And even if you throw it away, it always comes back.

One day… it might just show up in your town—

…Or not. Heh-heh-heh.

Still grinning to myself, I made my way back to the adventurers’ inn.

This bright, weightless feeling… it reminded me of that time in my past life when I dumped the armor into the sea.

I thought I was finally free—

Only for it to return the next day, sitting on my bed in pristine condition…

…

Speaking of which…

Back under the church, I almost drew the Holy Sword, didn’t I…?

And that golem labeled me a saint, didn’t it…?

N-No, no, no—it’s fine. Totally fine. I’m way, way outside that armor’s detection range…

Shaking off the creeping dark clouds in my head, I swung open my room door—

And there, on my bed—

My eyes went wide.

The world turned pitch black.

In that suffocating darkness… my scream echoed—