I Came Back from the Dead, Quit Being a Holy Hero, and Just Wanna Shake My Hips in a Harem - Chapter 27: Lily’s Dirty, Underhanded Trap—Sprung!

Chapter 27: Lily’s Dirty, Underhanded Trap—Sprung!

The underground sewers of the trade city, Granule.

I—Haruya Arden—aka the mysterious gas mask man, aka The Man Who’ll Absolutely Destroy the Goddess Armor, Mark II, was sprinting through the tunnels.

Only the faint glow of the maintenance lamps lit my path.

Running full tilt in the dark? That’s a skill I’d picked up in my previous life from Filio—the pro scout and succubus herself.

If she happened to be at the church tonight, sneaking in would’ve been way harder.

But I’d already planned for that.

As my “mysterious gentleman” persona, I’d left a little gift right outside her room.

“Hm? What’s this?”

She opened the box… and her expression shifted from surprise, to confusion, to blushing, to a sly, giggling smirk.

Inside was the latest in magic-tech luxury: the Cum-Cum XXX—a top-selling automatic massager.

Officially, it’s for “muscle relaxation,” but… press it against a certain spot, and you’ll be cumming in no time.

A truly marvelous invention.

It had even become a hot topic among the nobility—a premium product in short supply.

I’d shelled out a small fortune to get my hands on this overpriced, sold-out gem.

“Ehehe… ♥”

Whether she knew it was from me or not (and honestly, she probably guessed), Filio smiled like a maiden receiving a bouquet of flowers.

Thanks to that, she wouldn’t be leaving the inn tonight.

And that was exactly the point.

“T-Tonight I was… um… thinking of having a nice long talk… with the birds…”

While saying that, Filio kept sneaking quick, impatient glances toward her room.

Fuhahahaha! You lewd little thing!

A succubus to the core!

Go ahead—cum-cum to your heart’s content!!

…And if you feel like sharing your thoughts later, I’d be more than happy to hear them!

With her out of the picture, sneaking in tonight would be much easier.

Still, I wasn’t about to get cocky—there could be other traps waiting.

So I stuck to the underground route.

See, when I raided the People-People Faith hideout, I got my hands on a full underground map.

And right beneath the Grand Goddess Church’s section… I spotted an empty, unlabeled space.

Most likely, it was a prayer chamber.

Priests need faith power to perform holy arts.

They can recover it by offering prayers to higher deities or by doing good deeds,

But the most efficient method is to pray in a space completely cut off from the outside world.

It’s also the perfect place to study spells without distraction.

“Should be… around here…”

I tapped along the wall until—bingo—a hidden passage.

Pushing the heavy door open slowly, a rush of pure, crisp air hit my face.

“Sacred energy… Jackpot.”

Probably an emergency exit.

Knew it had to be here.

“Well, makes sense—Granule does have a red-light district. Guess they need a sealed-off space underground.”

Beyond here, it should connect straight to the prayer chamber—and from there, obviously, a direct route into the Grand Goddess Church itself.

I’d already noticed the existence of this prayer chamber during a previous break-in.

And no, I didn’t use it back then.

I had my reasons.

I walked down the corridor, the air as pure and sharp as if I were standing on a mountaintop, until it opened into a wide space.

A large hall, lit by magical candelabras, with a prayer altar and a magic circle etched into the floor.

And in the middle of it—

<WARNING. WARNING—Intruder, leave immediately.>

The voice was flat, mechanical.

Standing there was a golem, about two meters tall.

Its entire body was a chalky white, like it had been carved from stalactites.

Unlike wild golems, its form was smooth and well-shaped—clearly maintained by church priests.

A magically engineered, artificial golem.

“Well… figures. Gotta have intruder countermeasures.”

<WARNING. WARNING—Leave immediately. Leave immediately.>

“Sorry to bother you while you’re doing your job, but… I can’t exactly back out now.”

<WARNING. WARNING—Alert level increasing.>

The moment my hand touched my sword, the golem’s body gave a heavy whirring sound.

<Intruder shows intent to engage. Eliminating target.>

I hadn’t planned on making a big scene, but… oh well.

My subordinates told me to go chase my dream—so all I could do now was move forward.

I’d prove that our connection hadn’t been a detour at all.

Drawing my sword, I gave it a few swings right there.

Cutting through wind, slicing through magic—like I could cleave space itself.

When I swung it wide, sacred energy spilled out, and the sound rang liiiing!—as if I’d just cut through the entire world.

Sorry, artificial spirit.

But I have to show the will of mankind.

I won’t snuff out your imitation life, but I’ll show you the Hero’s—my—true strength—

<Sacred energy detected… Classification: Saint. Please, proceed.>

The white golem’s mechanical hum slowly faded… and then stopped entirely.

And me? I also froze.

If I’d just… come here alone from the start…

…

…No! It wasn’t a waste! The whole journey up to this point wasn’t pointless!

Those guys managed to get out of the People-People Faith, so hey—let’s just roll with the “everything happens for a reason” vibe and head for the goal!

〇〇〇

The prayer chamber had a staircase leading to the upper floors.

Holding my breath, I silenced my footsteps and crept up.

Soon, I reached a small, plain-looking prayer room.

Probably the everyday-use version.

When they need to pray hard-core, they use the one downstairs—otherwise, this one works fine.

I was just about to slip out and head for my real target—the vault—when…

“—You slipped past the golem without making a sound. Impressive, as always.”

The familiar voice made my spine stiffen.

Stay calm. Right now, I’m the gas mask man. She won’t recognize me right away.

I spoke toward the figure standing in the shadows.

“Gahs-gas-gas. Looks like that golem was broken, gas you see.”

“I already checked to make sure you couldn’t use that excuse, Lord Haruya.”

“Gahs-gas-gas… Haruya? Never heard of him, gas.”

“You seem awfully confident you can equip the holy armor. Now that I think about it, you’ve always moved like someone who’s foreseen exactly how things will play out, haven’t you… Lord Haruya?”

“Ga… gahs-gas-gas…”

Crap. She’s talking to me like she already knows it’s me.

Here I am going “gas-gas” like an idiot.

…Well, okay, I am an idiot, but still.

I pulled off the gas mask, exhaled slowly, and said:

“Sorry, but I’m going to destroy that thing. Completely.”

“For your own sake… isn’t that right, Lord Haruya?”

“Yeah. I’ll take the scolding, the punishment, the prison time—all of it—afterward.”

Whether it was my tone or just that she’d known I was serious from the start, Lily’s voice didn’t waver.

“I thought as much. But I can’t let you pass.”

“…You know I’ve got the advantage in close combat, right?”

Back when we first met in my past life, she could beat me without breaking a sweat.

Even after I’d gotten stronger, she’d still spar with me countless times.

So I knew—if I really wanted to, I could disable her without hurting her. No problem.

“You can’t win against me, Lord Haruya.”

“…Pretty confident, aren’t you?”

“I’m confident because I know you can’t beat me.”

She didn’t move in the darkness.

No signs of casting holy magic, either.

A trap? If it’s something physical, I can deal with it in an instant—but I kept my guard up.

“Heh… You sure talk big. Want me to test that?”

“Yes. Please, do try.”

Lily stepped forward, just enough for her figure to catch the faint light.

That’s when I noticed—

And instantly crouched down in shock.

“N-No way… Impossible! T-This can’t be…! Is this a dream!?”

“No, it’s no dream.”

“T-That… that outfit…!”

“Do you still think you can win?”

I bit my lip. Saying “yes” would mean admitting defeat before the fight even began.

Each step she took forward, I took one back.

Like a cornered mouse trembling, I could only watch as she closed in, eyes like a hunter.

My back hit the wall, forcing me to hunch slightly.

Then, fully stepping out of the shadows, she appeared—

And I couldn’t stop myself from blurting out in half-horror, half-joy:

“N-No waaayyy!! T-That outfit is—!!”

“Yes. The oh-so-thin, totally see-through… baby doll nightgown, my Lord Haruya.”

There she stood—

Lily, in the most shamelessly seductive (and ridiculously skimpy) outfit imaginable.